Disaster Zone
by Eets
Summary: It's hard enough being a witch growing up in a war zone. It's even harder when you're Steffi Hartmann, Hogwart's biggest Disaster Zone, and you've caught the attention of Hogwarts most Serial Lothario, Sirius Black... SBxOC, LxJ
1. Chapter 1

Hogwarts is really an atrociously small school. Why are there not more magical children in Britain? Why don't _other_ countries ship theirs over so _our_ school isn't so goddamn tiny?

Everyone knows absolutely everyone. It is - as Lydia Hartmann, my mother/idol/mentor/constant-test-of-my-patience-and-sanity, would say – like living in a fishbowl. Everyone's got a rep – whether it's for being smart, slaggy, mean, funny, you've _definitely_ got a reputation.

Unfortunately for me – mine is Walking Disaster Zone.

Steffi Hartmann! Everything she touches turns to shit!

I just… have a habit of mucking up. If you pass me a goblet of pumpkin juice, I _will_ spill it. If you tell me about a surprise party, I _will_ end up saying something obscenely obvious to the surprisee. One summer Lana asked me to look after her pet rabbit and, of course, it managed to escape it's cage and run away to the wilderness (OK so Wiltshire is not exactly a _wilderness_ but still, far enough away for me to not be able to find/Accio it).

And Lana's only response when I guiltily admitted my massive failure in the role of Best Friend Ever? "Of _course_ Cotton got Hartmann'd, what was I thinking?"

It had _better_ not be a school-wide phenomenon to refer to messing up as 'Hartmann-ing'.

To be fair though, I have royally Hartmann'd the pre-school packing process. I mean, exactly how does one lose their wand? Abysmally small Hogwarts may get one witch smaller if I don't fix this little blip.

I know I'm a 7th Year now and should have been taking full advantage of my legal magic but I live alone with my Muggle mum, I just don't have much need for it over the summer.

 _Ah,_ that is how one loses their wand - having a mother who is nuttier than a Holyhead Harpies fan at the Quidditch World Cup.

"You know, sweetheart, I am aware that I'm a 'Muggle' but I feel if any Muggle is going to develop powers, it would be me."

"Mum, there _are_ Muggle who develop powers – they get a Hogwarts letter aged 11 and come to the castle. Did that happen to you? No, I know it didn't!"

Psh, gimme my wand, you madwoman! At least I know I am not to blame for my Disaster Zone nature – it is _definitely_ genetic. I may have got my magic from my dad but my generally scatty disposition is definitely from the maternal side of my family.

I suppose if dad had been around longer, he may have had a calming effect on my temperament but I guess we'll never know. He died when I was three. Sad, but I was so young I don't remember him at all. I'm still not sure if that makes it better or worse.

T-minus one hour until departure for King's Cross – Disaster Count: 5.

Remus Lupin, one of my very best friends, will be Apparating me to the station at 10.15.

We are definitely a case of opposites attracting because he is so far from a Disaster Zone, even I have trouble messing his plans up. Also, he can't escape me because he only lives a fifteen minute walk away. Oh the joys of forced-friendship!

He loves me really though, in a despairing sort of manner. He befriended me, blissfully unaware of my status (First Year mistakes – back in those youthful days when we were innocent and reputation free!), purely because of the fact that it turned out we lived so close to one another. He had gone to the Muggle primary school where my aunt taught.

So he knew of my family and I knew his. We bonded and then he realized what a mess I am and I refused to let him back-out of our blossoming friendship and he was stuck with me.

Ha. Best way to earn a mate (only way, really, if you're anything like me).

Of course, the prat turned up today with two of his prat best mates in tow.

"Aw, come on, Lupin! Couldn't you at least have brought Pete?"

Sirius Black and James Potter glare at me – mock offence to match my mock insults. What a merry mocking bunch of mockers.

I mean, I'm not a True Mocker because I really would rather my Herbology-Partner-In-Crime-And-Failure was here. But he lives up near Manchester, so he'll travel with his brother and meet us at the train station. Sigh.

"Now, Hartmann, you haven't seen us lovable scamps for months and _that_ is how you greet us?"

"Expect nothing less from a Bunny-Killer, Prongs."

Lana! She would tell James Potter (and so by default Sirius Black) anything in an attempt to get into his boxers. What a numpty. A disloyal numpty. I'm appealing to have her Gryffindor House-ship revoked. She can piss off to Hufflepuff.

At the sight of my pouting, Remus decides it's time to get a move on before I do something rash like hex Black until he's blue. And then make a stupid pun about it. Which is actually a great idea, in fact I might just-

"Bye, Lydia!" Remus yells directly into my face. Jeez! If you leant just an inch either side, that could have been far more effective/less damaging to my precious eardrums.

And of course, this face-yell has the immensely undesirable side-effect of bringing my mother trotting out to the hallway to hug Remus farewell (um, hello, beloved only child right here?).

"Tata, Remus, dear – have a wonderful year and stay safe!" Remus placates her duly and smiles – teacher's pet and parent's pet, the little smarmy pants.

Finally, dear mother turns her affections to where they _should_ be AKA on me, all the time please!

"Ooh, what will I do without you, Steffi?"

"Whatever it is you've been doing the past six years, mum."

"I've crocheted enough blankets to keep the whole of your school year toasty, love."

"Well, considering the shambolically small number of students we have, that's not saying a lot."

"Not going to miss that attitude, Nelly Nay-Sayer!"

"I love you and I will miss you a lot. Please take up knitting and knit me jumpers because Scotland is too cold to bear."

"Done and done. Have all the fun in the world – it's your last year, enjoy it!"

And of course, she wouldn't be Lydia Hartmann if she didn't humiliate me completely before my final year has even begun…

"Although, it looks like you already have been judging from this welcome party of handsome young men!"

Sirius Black is crowing with delight at my embarrassment and the train journey hasn't even started yet. Bloody brilliant.

"I've changed my mind! I won't miss you but I want jumpers anyway! Remus, Disapparate me away from this hellhole!"

Things You Don't Want to Be Confronted with Whilst Gasping, Panting, and Feeling Heavily Nauseous in an Alleyway Next to King's Cross Station:

\- These words from a gleeful James Potter: "Did your mum just basically call you a massive slag?"

\- Looking around to see only three trunks on the pavement. This is only going to increase the nausea

\- Crying, "Did _neither_ of you morons pick up my trunk?" only to have Sirius Black laugh in your (retching) face and tell _you_ to go back and get it

\- Having to explain that you cannot Apparate because "Look at me, I'm dying from Sidelong!"

\- Being left alone with Potter and Black while dear, kind, sweet Remus Lupin, your savior, returns to your home to fetch your trunk

I bet my mum accosts him too and makes this torture even longer than the five minute nightmare it should be.

Potter and Black are absolutely fine, very bearable. If I got partnered with them in class, I wouldn't consider suicide as an option (NB: I do not feel like this about the whole year. There are definitely people amongst the frighteningly small number who have me contemplating Unforgivables, for use on myself or them, I'm not fussy).

I'm friends with Potter and Black, much as I'm friends with all the Gryffs in my year. I don't know if I've emphasized enough, just how small Hogwarts is, but you do know everyone and generally everyone gets along in their Houses. People tend to have two or three close, best friends and then their wider group is simply the rest of their Housemates in the year.

Ilana Diggory is my very best friend; I didn't even have to trick her into it, she is as bad as me although not in terms of Disasters. Marlene McKinnon, my other dorm mate, is also a very beloved friend. Lucky her.

Remus and Peter are my two chummiest male mates and so I know Potter and Black pretty well. We get along; I think they respect my knack for getting into trouble (even if they don't realize that it's largely unintentional).

But we're not as close as I am with the other two 'Marauders' and sometimes this pair gets right on my nerves. I mean, I do share a dorm with Lily Evans so I'm sure I can't have gone _un_ influenced by her hissed rants about their immaturity and arrogance. Which in small doses is fine by me, but boy, are these two the very definition of _extremes_. Bleedin' bipolar, the pair of them.

Thankfully, Remus appears a moment later along with my trunk whilst the jokes-about-Steffi count is only at 7. (Note to self- send apology note to mum and thank her for not kidnapping my favorite Marauder.)

"Come on, you rag-tag bunch, let's get going." Thank you, Remus for whipping us into shape! You are the only true responsible soul among us. My solution if he hadn't turned up soon was not firm-but-gentle words – it was reverting back to the Black-and-Blue idea.

No wonder Dumbledore made him Prefect – he is (bar a few minor marauding concessions) the very image of perfect Prefect. Not as perfect as his counter-part, Lily, but then again… who is?

Wait.

"Lupes," Everyone stops in their tracks to look at me. "Where's the badge? Head Boy Remus Lupin, right?"

Sirius is off again, cracking up at what exactly I am not entirely sure. Probably just me, my everything – maybe I just trod in dog shit.

I check my shoes for traces of turds but there's nothing. The heels of these boots are only a few long walks through the Grounds away from coming off though. Note to self – _grovel_ to mum and ask her to send me money for a new pair.

James Potter waving his arms around like a bleeding moron distracts me from my Poo-Boot-Begging thoughts.

What _is_ that he's waving?

Holy hell. " _You?!"_

"I told you everyone would react like that!" James is pouting at Sirius, who must have assured him otherwise (a blatant lie – I thought Potter was supposed to be some kind of prodigy).

Remus chuckles and shrugs at me. He doesn't look too put-out and I don't blame him. Being Head Boy or Girl looks like an absolute task. Being a Prefect must be bad enough, let alone being in-charge of all the Prefects.

"Aw, sorry to hear about your misfortune, James. My condolences." I pull a face at the mere thought of 'responsibility' – can you imagine the havoc someone as accident-prone as me would wreak if I ever even got a smidge of the stuff?

Sirius barks a laugh, "My sentiments exactly. What am I going to do with myself with two of my best friends off, taken in by the Bad Side?"

"Well, technically it's the Good Side-"

"See, Prong's is a changed man already. Whatever happened to sticking it to the Man?"

"- Steffi seems to be of your mindset. Maybe she's your new Partner in Crime?"

Sirius snorts rather derisively and so I smack him on the arm. "Mate, I don't have a death wish. Imagine pulling a prank with her… It'd probably end with half the school burnt down and me in St Mungo's."

Even Remus laughs at this and so slaps are doled out accordingly.

"She's vicious too," James complains, rubbing his arm. "Not a good quality to see in a pranking pal."

By this point we're on the Platform and I can rush off to safer, although not saner, friends.

"Well, I guess I won't see you two on the train. Enjoy Nerd Carriage! And working with Lily Evans for a whole year – I know you get along famously."

James punches the air in delight; his madness, I am beginning to realize, is an exponentially growing thing. He and Lily bicker constantly – this year is going to be one massive arse ache for him.

But Sirius is grinning too, so is Remus. "It's your chance, Prongs!"

My look of confusion is evident it seems and Remus explains their reactions to me.

"James fancies the hell out of her."

"Evans?!"

James' grin turns to a glare, "Got something to say about her, Hartmann?"

"No, jeez, Potter! We're mates, she's OK. But I thought you two fought all the time?"

"Sexual tension, that's just how it manifests between us."

"Does _she_ know that?"

Sirius laughs again at my razor sharp wit – that'll teach him to stick his nose up at my Partner-In-Crime-Potential.

"I thought she'd be too straight-laced for you, Potter."

James smirks at me, "She's not as uptight as she'd like everyone to believe…"

Slapping ensues again but this time one of those oh-my-god-you-have-gossip-tell-me-immediately kind of slaps. You know the one.

James just twinkles his stupid eyes at me and grins mischievously.

"I'm off to find my real friends who share juicy gossip with me and don't mock my disastrous nature – which I'll have you know is a genetic affliction!"

" _Everyone_ laughs at you, Disaster Zone."

"Piss off, Black, everyone laughs at your girly hair but I don't go rubbing your face in that, do I?"

 _Perhaps_ harsher than intended but we all know what Black can be like. His 'jokes' are always on the cusp of hurtful insults but if you get upset, he just says you can't take a joke. So I don't feel guilty at all for any hair-related low blows….

(OK, maybe I do a teensy bit but there's no good admitting you're wrong. Ever. Great life philosophy from me: Never admit you're wrong).

Oops, he is sulking now – baby.

"Look, just don't act like such a ponce around her and you might get somewhere, yeah? You go all over-the-top and annoying around Lily. Just… act like you would around us and she might not murder you before Christmas. Which is really the best you can hope for I think."

Anyway, time to make my exit. I have offended/advised/been mocked enough here. Time to find better, less-crybaby friends.

Although saying that, Lana may not take this Potter-Evans news too well. Hm. I really need to stop hanging out with these boys – they push my disaster count way up.

Climbing on-board the Hogwarts Express, Disaster Count: 8.

* * *

"Hartmann, please do not put another Bertie Bott's anywhere near your mouth, or I'll puke."

"Black, this is a time-honored tradition. And also it's more likely _she'll_ puke. It's happened before."

"You know, Diggory, I thought you two were _ladies_ before this train journey."

Unfortunately this statement makes me laugh and therefore choke on the hundreds of Beans in my mouth. Sirius Black has some uses, I suppose, and does some kind of fancy Charm that frees the Bean- blockage from my windpipe. By transporting it into a disgusting splat on the floor.

Whoops. Let's just Disappear that evidence of my unladylike behavior.

"So, you insult my hair and I save your life? If you could please refer to me as 'my King and Savior, the Ever Gracious and Superior Sirius' from now on, I think that would only be fair."

"Nah, you ruined my Bertie Bott's Back To School Bonanza."

"For the love of Godric, tell me you made that name up on the spot."

I just grin, in what I hope is an infuriating manner. Sirius snuck onto the train with me and joined mine and Lana's compartment seeing as he is a Billy No Mates whose friends have all inexplicably become Goody Two Shoes.

(I mean, _I'm_ hoping this means way less detentions for me. James and Remus know I can't truly be blamed for 90% of the scrapes and fiascos that really just tend to happen around me, as opposed to being caused _by_ me. Alice Prewett, our last Head Girl, did not appreciate this. And Lucius Malfoy, the Head Boy in our 5th Year, definitely did not. In fact, he pegged things on me that I had nothing to do with. I should be known as Steffi 'The Disaster Zone/Scapegoat' Hartmann from now on. Psh.)

Anyway, Marlene is off with her piece-of-ass AKA Caradoc Dearborn, the impossibly lovely Hufflepuff Quiditch Captain. Sigh sigh. I would ask why the Caradocs of this world never go for me but that is pretty self-explanatory really (NB: my Disaster Count has already jumped to 12 simply in the hour we've been on the train).

Petey has gone in search of the Prewett Twins (Alice's much cooler cousins) with the intention of recruiting them to our compartment. But knowing Pete he's just been distracted by a game of Exploding Snap in their, no doubt more exciting carriage. Sigh.

So I'm stuck with Black, whose presence is severely inhibiting mine and Lana's ability to gossip and properly catch up. Although, to be fair to the lad, he isn't being to sulky about the hair jibe – just lording it over me. Probably forever. He'll probably get it engraved on my tombstone:

 _Stefanie Maria Hartmann  
1960-2130  
Wife, Mother, Daughter, Disaster Zone and Mocker of Sirius Black's Godly Locks_

What a legacy. And the worst part is that the 'Mother/Wife' part is really by far the most unlikely bit.

Aha! A bright spot in the gloom of this lonesome train journey! My most favorite 3rd Year (now 4th Year! Oh, how time flies, they grow up so fast!) who shall remain nameless because I do not know his name!But he always brings the most blessed, welcome scrolls of parchment to him.

I'll call him Thyke, Ty for short – my very own God of Good Fortune.

"Hello, Ty!" Loud enthusiastic greetings should not be met with such trepidation. Tut tut, Ty, someone needs to brush up on their Post.

"My name's not…" Exasperated sigh once he recognizes who he's talking too. No use, that's what they all think when they see me – quit while you're ahead. "Message from Slughorn."

I know, Ty, I know. Perhaps you are not as bright as you seem; I preferred him before he used words. 4th Year has sullied him. Shoo.

Lana is already smirking at me. "Slug Club back in session, Nerd?"

I know jealousy when I see it. Just because Professor Vector's attempts at the 'Vec Gang' got deemed creepy and caused parent complaints because it consisted of three (female, attractive) students and was held in a broom cupboard.

Sirius actually is staring at the note in my hand with some contempt. Or maybe it's my hand that is subject to the death glare. The Hand of a Mocker. Stupid hand probably deserves all the glares it gets – the very hand that cannot seem to control my wand and is responsible for many of my Disasters.

Anyway, he can switch that gaze to Lana now because I am outta here. I'll try to pick up Marley, Doc and Pete on the way and send them back here to save Lana such a cruel fate. Not everyone is as used to death glares as I am. Lana creates relatively few Disasters (or public ones at least. Private-Usually-Romantic Disasters are more her forte. Probably why Vector picked her for his Crew).

Unluckily for her I see no one on my way to my personal Oasis.

I mean, Slug Club is embarrassing and awkward. But the food is always amazing and Slughorn _loves_ me. Literally, no other teacher in this school regards me with anything other than complete despair (and maybe slight admiration that I've made it so far without actually causing any fatalities? We've got a year to go yet!) so Sluggers makes a welcome change to that _attitude_.

And this SC was the best yet. Not only did he offer us mini-Beef-Wellingtons but Darla Philimore was there! Apparently she is going to Hogsmeade on business and Sluggers wanted to introduce his brightest and best (ME).

(Also, Hogsmeade on business? They are totally opening a Philimore's there!)

I don't have very grand hopes or dreams for the future. When one is as Disastrous as me, one tends not to. But I do want to work for Philimore's – maybe in Development, maybe Marketing? They're the Wizarding world's biggest pharmaceutical company – a job there would set me and mum up comfortably for life. I wouldn't be rich, but I'd have enough for me and her. That's all that matters. Aunty Carol can't be expected to support mum forever now Dad's inheritance has run out.

So being introduced to Darla was a complete coup! Such a success, I am considering knocking a disaster off of my count! (We're on 15 after the Tea-All-Over-Antonin-Dolohov's-Robes incident and the multiple Eating-Canapes-So-Quickly-You-Spray-Your-Fellow-Guests-With-Crumbs-And-Saliva incidents).

She gave me her _business card_.

PRAISE BE TO SLUGGERS. Thank you for being the only fool in the castle not to notice my complete ineptitude at _life_ and selling the hell out of my abilities to the person who may be able to give me my ideal job!

I would kiss him if he wasn't so fat and old and moustache-y.

So by the time I get back to the compartment, we're pulling into the station and I am too on Cloud 9 to notice any weirdness (which, as Lana will tell me later, there was a lot of). And we waltz into the Great Hall, by which I mean – I waltz and every other sane bugger walks in like normal people. And I listen to Dumbledore's speech (I _ignore_ Dumbledore's speech and dream about more food, preferably more Beef Wellington). I nearly cry when my prayers are answered in the form of beefy-pastry goodness and I say, "You know, I don't think anything could ruin my good mood!"

And the Ty, the Little Shit (that's his new name) comes over with a piece of parchment. And being the happy, trusting soul I am I smile at him, blissfully unaware that he is handing me a Scroll of Doom.

Things Which Are Guaranteed To Ruin Your Happy Beef-Fueled Mood:

\- Post-Beef summons to Dumbledore's office

"Surely he can't expel me for not listening to his boring speech?"

"It wasn't boring, Steffi, I thought it was-"

"Shut up, Evans. Steffi, if you're out of here can I have your bed because you know mine is right by that goddamned drafty window."

"Yes, my most sympathetic and beloved friend, you can. But, Lana, only if you promise to wear all black in mourning for your lost friend for the rest of the year."

"Sweet, we've got a deal. Although now I'm actually sort of hoping you do get expelled because you really do have the prime bed in the dorm."

Terrible best mate, she is. Maybe I'll start hanging out with Evans and get bored out of my brain but not so vehemently ill-wished? Ooh, and find out about her un-straight-laced activities with James Potter….

Operation: Become BFFs with Lily is now a-go-go.

If I don't get expelled that is.

* * *

OK, so _not_ expelled then… In fact, almost the opposite of expelled. Inpelled. And a nice step forward in finding out about Lily Evans Potter-Related secrets.

(I mean, really, if my genetic disposition wasn't so strongly inclined to finding Disasters I would just go to James as my source seeing as we're just as close and boys love to boast about that stuff).

I'm going to put my very devious plan into action immediately. As I said, I am very good at tricking people into friendship. Lily and I are already friends; I just need to sneak my way into BFF-status. Shouldn't be hard now thanks to Dumbledore – maybe that's why he has committed this seemingly inexplicable act of insanity? He'll probably invite me over for updates on the Potter-Evans gossip. After all, he made them the Head Team together – he is definitely so in on this.

BFF mode engage: wrap Lily in massive bear hug upon entering dorm and squeak, "So, have you heard?"

Lily returns the hug warily – why don't people trust my enthusiasm? She is probably wondering if Disastrousness is contagious. Fair point, she always was a wise one.

"Heard what, Stef?"

"That I'm your Gryffindor Prefect replacement! And yours too, Em, seeing as you turned it down in the first place."

I know I said I didn't want to be a Prefect and now I'm grinning like a loon and it all seems _very_ hypocritical of me. But I mostly just thought that because it was such a crazy prospect – me, being given any form of responsibility or power! But then, Dumbledore is a barmy one.

Hogwarts is going to go to ruins.

And for some reason, I find the utter chaos that my Prefect-ship is going to cause absolutely hilarious.

"Yeah," Em is looking as though she can see my madness and my visions of Hogwarts burning. She sounds wary too; also a wise one. "I thought it would be too much, what with doing seven NEWTs and all."

"Yes, yes," I am not really listening, Emmeline. I am figuring out how to seek out my fellow Disaster Zones in the younger years – my protégés – and figure out how to protect them from the Establishment. I will use my power for good (and also for chaos). "Yep, way too much. Sure."

Lana looks like she is about to wet herself she is so eager to say something – I am glad she's become the Supportive Best Friend I always wished for. Shame I have already replaced her with Lily Evans.

Oh well. This is what comes of befriending a Disaster Zone, Lana. They are far too well-versed in the arts of Friendship-Sneakery and can replace you in a second.

Anyway, no time for my much-deserved congratulations from Lana. I need to go tell Remus; this is going to be _hilarious_.

And so, in a flash, I'm gone. Sprinting up to the boys' dorm, a positive whirlwind of Prefectliness.

"Sirius," Amazing entrance, even if I do say so myself. Absolutely _burst_ through that door. "I hate to be the one to break it to you – but it's never going to happen."

…

OK, maybe my acting is just too good. Maybe I should give up my Prefect badge and drop out of Hogwarts to pursue my (evidently well-deserved) Oscar. Sirius looks stricken by my announcement. Ha, he looks so guilty, what does he think I'm talking about?

"I, too, have joined the Good/Bad Side and can no longer be your Partner in Pranking. Again, may I suggest all black clothing to properly express your mourning?"

He's laughing now. And saying mean things about my pranking ability.

"Let's weigh it up though, how much damage I would have caused as a prankster versus how much I will cause as a Prefect? I think it's pretty even."

Now they're all laughing because, let's be honest, it is pretty hilarious. Something as simple as doing the rounds will probably end up with me lost somewhere in the depths of this castle.

"And me dragged along with you, no doubt!" Poor Remus, he really did fuck up by becoming my best pal. I offer him a consolatory hug.

"I will try not to get you killed, Lupin. Potter, I make no guarantees."

A pillow lobbed at my face is the reward for my callous attitude to James' well-being. I'm sure there would be a lot more lobbing of bed linens if he knew of my dastardly plot to find out all about his and Lily's alleged canoodling.

"I bid you adieu – Lana wants to throw a party in my Prefectly honour. Ciao!"

This has been a good, successful day? Dana Philimore's business card and Prefect-ship? Am I becoming less of a Disaster Zone?

Most likely not, thanks to my cursed genes, but we can dream.

* * *

OK, now I'm in a quandary. Lana has _trumped_ Lily's-Potential-Canoodling-With-James-Potter gossip (not that I'm going to give up on finding out what that is).

So, it emerged that what she was _dying_ to tell me was not enthusiastic congratulations on my newly required responsibility – I don't know why I ever thought that, she is a truly Terrible Best Mate. Yes, it was evident when I was dragged from the doorway of the dorm and into our bathroom as soon as I reached the top of the stairs that this was, in fact, not a party in my honor.

But I am not one to turn my nose up at a good bit of gossip and this was indeed most excellent and _bizarre_ news.

"Sirius Black _kissed_ me. On the train. While you were gone. And then Pete came in – he didn't see anything- but when he left, Sirius just pretended it had never happened! So I did too, was that the right thing to do? Oy, why am I asking you?"

Like I said, Romantic-Quandaries are more Lana's thing.

But also !

"I have too many questions right now… How did this happen, what was the lead up to _that_? Did you _like_ it? What about your –and I quote- 'undying, burning passion for James Potter'?"

"We were talking and then he lunged. Of course I enjoyed it a bit, he is by far the hottest guy at school. But no, I don't want anything with him because of James."

I appreciate her succinctness. She has learnt to deal with me after six years of Best Friendship, as terrible as she may sometimes be.

I demand a full retelling of this event. I push for a reconstruction but my impression of Lana makes her laugh too much, ruining the accuracy of the piece. Psh, her lack of commitment to good gossiping is just pushing Lily way ahead in this Mate Contest. (Friendship is _definitely_ a competition, and I'm in it to win it).

"There was an awkward silence for about five minutes after you went and your inane and constant babbling was no longer there-"

"Good to know what you miss most about me."

"Proving the whole babbling point here. So then Sirius starts talking about _you_ saying that you always surprise him with just how stupid and accident prone you are. And I told him that he obviously didn't spend enough time with you then, because I fail to be shocked by anything that happens to you."

"Wonderful comprehension there, Lana; _happens to me_ , not happens because I ever want weird or stupid things to happen! I am a passive bystander."

"And then he lunged at my face and, yeah, we kissed and then we broke apart and Pete walks in."

"Merlin. That was it. Those few sentences were the prelude to Black snogging you?"

What an oddball – and he has the nerve to call me strange. I mean, he likes the ladies sure enough. Always has a Hogsmeade date and a fair few girls panting after him but he doesn't tend to date amongst our immediate group. Lana is very pretty though and funny.

"Maybe he wants to spend time with _you_ is what he got from that…. conversation."

"I don't know. I don't want to date him and he has been ignoring me since. In fact, I'm pretty sure we both had looks of instant regret on our faces when Peter walked in."

Wow. We've been at school for three hours and I am exhausted and overwhelmed by bizarreness. We may be small but we are all completely insane. Perhaps that's the reason for the tiny year groups – any larger and the insanity wouldn't be controllable.

Hm.

Mysteries I will Solve This Year:

\- How Lily Evans gave James Potter the impression that she's 'not uptight'

\- Why Dumbledore appointed me Prefect?

\- Does Sirius Black fancy my best friend?

\- Will the bottomless pit that is my stomach ever be satisfied? (I could honestly do with some cake right now. I was too nervous about the Dumbledore meeting to have more than one slice at dinner).

End of School Day 1, Disaster Count: 21.

* * *

AN: It has been a million years since I wrote new fanfiction - this has basically happened because I am very bored at work and needed a distraction but I think it's worthy of sharing with you all!

Please give a gal an ego-boost and leave a review, it would mean the world.

Elle xoxo


	2. Chapter 2

I am seventeen years old, I should have figured out by now that Life Isn't Fair. Everyone is always saying it but it has never hit home harder than today.

I mean, what cruel God is looking over me? Who out there has it in for me?

Who was in a previous life that made me suffer through a post-breakfast encounter with Jane Fenwick and Maria MacMillan? Was I _Grindelwald_?

I am a very carnivorous girl, as proved by the raptures that humble beef is able to send me into. So naturally I was delighted to see the breakfast table spread with bacon, sausages, black pudding – all a gal could wish for. Plus, I had a free first thing so even more time to stuff my gob.

I am a woman of simple pleasures.

However, once I was finished luxuriating in the joys of breakfast (AKA when an irate House Elf demanded I leave so they could clear up. Rude) disaster struck.

Of course.

No disasters had occurred until that point, in fact, I had been having a positively _lovely_ day. Lana was cowering in fear of another Sirius-Snog-Attack and I was greatly enjoying that; many a pointed remark was uttered, around mouthfuls of bacon. I found out Lily was doing Astronomy too – perfect for some late night BFF chats (she is so lucky I have decided to become her best pal, she will have so much fun once she realizes we are best friends forever).

And then as I strolled down the corridor in a pleasant dream about just how many jokes I could make about Sirius and Lana before one of them murdered me, I walk right into Fenwick.

Drat. Disaster Count: 1, and counting.

"Watch where you're going, Hartmann."

' _Watch where you're going, Hartmann'_ – of course, I only imitate her posh, girly, dumb voice in my head because I do not wish to die with so many years left ahead of me. Also Lana does not actually look that good in black, so mourning me would be doubly sad for her. (See I am an Ace and Considerate Best Mate. Why are people not queuing up?)

"Merlin, she made Prefect?!" MacMillan is not so much pointing at my chest but forcefully jabbing at my badge. Ow.

This prompts a long rant about Dumbledore's less-than-sound state of mind, my various ineptitudes and general House prejudice about why, for the third year running, neither the Head Boy or Girl is Ravenclaw.

I just keep my gob shut throughout all of this – which is unlike me I know, but it's generally how these all too frequent encounters go down. I'm just not exactly sure _why_ Fenwick and MacMillan specifically hate me so much.

(Well, I do. In one of our very first Transfiguration classes, McG was using a demonstrative toad which she asked me – very foolishly – to clear away, put the rogue amphibian back in its box. Of course, I gripped it too tightly or something and it pooped all over Fenwick's desk then leapt from my hand and dangerously close to her gaping mouth. But that was six years ago!).

There is a posse of Ravenclaw girls in our year that is terribly bitchy – no guessing prizes for the ringleaders of the crew. They're the ones who make up/spread ridiculous rumors, who judge your outfits (we're at school for crying out loud, what does it matter?) and generally give the female population a bad name. Be nice to your fellow ladies, we have it hard enough as it…

"Anyway, I bet this slut's glad even if everyone else is living in fear. Prefect rounds are a perfect opportunity to get accost Lupin…"

Ah, yes, the perpetual rumor spread by Fenwick that I am madly (and nymphomanically) in love with Remus and that he is disgusted by my advances. Literally no one believes it but they insist on trying – you get points for effort, ladies.

"Yep, and I've already scouted out the Prefects' Bathroom. Plenty of room in that tub for nefarious activities and the sides are so high, he won't have a chance to clamber out and escape."

OK, so I don't always keep my gob shut. I just wait for an opportune moment, strike and then run; survival tactics from Steffi Hartmann.

Away from the wretched hags at last! At least I have time to enjoy few minutes of sanctuary in the Common Room before Herbology. Although no Peter this year – sob sob. (Thanks to an almost Hartmann-Level-Disaster he switched mid-way through 6th Year to Runes). What am I going to do without him? I managed to scrape enough to get into the NEWT class but I mean just think about all the potential Disaster in a Greenhouse, working with living plants…. My Disaster Count tends to triple in a Herbology sesh.

Luckily for me, Kettleburn is a terribly absentminded man and I can usually clear up messes before he has a chance to notice and murder me in vengeance of his maltreated plants. Also, his first week of lessons just tend to be lectures on safety, respecting nature and being at one with our beautiful Earth.

I always completely ignore this and use it as a chance to write Marley. (Which I suppose may contribute to a few of my disasters. Ignoring safety lectures is probably not a wise move for someone of my disposition).

Marley is wonderfully clever at Charms and has enchanted a three pieces of parchment so myself, herself and Lana's-self can communicate subtly, no matter what class we're in.

If I tap it and say, " _Communicare Marlene"_ then whatever I write on the parchment sort of looks as if it gets absorbed and will appear on her sheet. She can then respond. If we do, " _Communicare_ " then the writing goes on to everyone's parchment. It is really incredibly nifty.

So while Kettleburn blathers on about dragonhide gloves and first-aid kits, I turn my attention to more worthwhile pursuits.

 _So, I got Fenwick'd this morning._

 **Ouch. Already? Where are you, Herbo?**

 _Yep. Safety talks, big yawn. How would you feel about Charming Fenwick so all her hair falls out and when it grows back it's like properly old lady grey and only grows into a perm-like style?_

 **There is no charm for that, you madwoman. What were you and Lana chatting about in the bathroom last night? I fell asleep before she could catch me up.**

 _Ooh, big gossip. Black kissed her on the train yesterday and is now ignoring it completely. She thinks he regrets it, but I don't know._

 **Wow, major. Yeah, Lana is hot. What about James, though?**

 _Yeah, she's not interested in Sirius. But… I need to tell her something that she's not going to like and you know how Lana can be._

 **Queen of the Sulk.**

 _Yeah. James madly fancies Lily._

 **Oof. Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. I think I heard Gideon teasing him about that in 5** **th** **Year a lot.**

 _5_ _th_ _Year? I thought his asking-her-out thing was a long-running joke, not serious. Damn._

 **Well, you can relish the task of telling Lana. I don't envy you.**

 _Some sympathy, please. Gideon evidently knows about the Lily-James situation then? A good first lead…_

 **Uh oh, are you going into detective-mode? What about? How have you suddenly become the Gossip Queen of Hogwarts?**

 _Ooh, I like that better than Walking Disaster Zone. Basically, James made some comment about Lily not being as straight-laced as we think, which lead me to wonder…._

 **Indeed. Very intriguing – let me know of your findings. We have Quidditch Try-outs on Saturday, so Gideon will probably celebrating that evening. He'll definitely be back on the team.**

 _You are a Godsend, Marley. You have officially been promoted to Very Best Friend in the World until I manage to trap Lily._

 **Thanks, I think.**

 _Anyway, I will see you at lunch for more plotting and scheming. You have proved most useful, Ms. McKinnon._

 **Very ominous, see you then, DZ.**

 _Piss off._

Immediate demotion back to General Miscellaneous Best Friend.

* * *

You know, I'm really not sure where I stand with Ty at the moment. I _thought_ that yesterday had been a rollercoaster – from the highs of a Slug Club scroll to the lows of a Dumbledore Doom Scroll. But really it wasn't a Doom Scroll at all, was it? So Ty _is_ still my God of Good Fortune.

Perhaps I should apologize for my earlier indiscretion, labelling him 'Little Shit'. I mean, not that he knows about that but still.

* * *

This is all very unfair. One of my Terrible Best Mates is dating Dashing-Dearborn, one of the two hottest guys at school. And the other hottest guy just snogged my other Terrible Mate. All I have is rumors that I am forcing myself upon my non-Terrible Best Mate and that I once did unspeakable things with a Centaur in the Forest (I don't even know how the logistics of it worked out, to be honest. A crap rumor to start with because everyone knows how athletically challenged I am – I would never have been able to achieve the contortions reported).

Hm.

Stefanie Hartmann's To-Do List:

\- Write that apology note to mum and try to get Boot Money/Jumpers

\- Do good detective work specifically with G. Prewett on Saturday evening

\- Apologize to Ty, my Angel of Good Karma

\- Tell Lana about James' crush

\- Find myself a boyfriend?

I don't know that there is a single man out there who could cope with the amount of Disaster I would bring into his life.

T-minus 10 minutes until Lunch, Disaster Count: 7.

* * *

Things One Can Do In Lieu Of Listening to McG Blathering On and On and On:

\- Attempt to pick the Hogwarts crest off of your robes because you are officially In - Mourning (due to the lack of nice lunch options. No one likes sausage casserole, not even me) and it's colors are distracting from your somber attire  
\- Transfigure your equally as distracting tie into lipstick, attach a note saying 'Pucker Up' to it and throw it at your Terrible Best Mate  
\- Die of humiliation when you _miss_ and hit the other object of this Mockery, Sirius Black  
\- Pretend it wasn't you by quickly looking away, while internally cursing yourself for not using magic to ensure you hit target  
\- Frantically mouth apology/explanations at Black who did not fall for your amazingly smooth innocently-looking-away trick

 **Did you want… something, Hartmann?**

 _Noooo. Not intended for you, sorry to disappoint._

 **Shall I pass it on to Moony?**

 _You don't listen to Jane Fenwick's bullshit, do you?! Also, do you really think I want to kiss a man in lipstick, no! Hand it to Lana. Not that_ I _wanna kiss her but…_

 **Oh Jesus, no.**

 _Something to tell?_

 **Piss off, Stefanie.**

 _That's very rude. Please stop being an impolite little bugger and pass on my message?_

 _Hey, don't ignore these notes!_

 _I'll keep throwing them._

 _That lipstick was not for you. You wouldn't suit a fuchsia shade. More of an oxblood red, I reckon._

Drat. A) That was very embarrassing indeed, B) Now Sirius is in a mood with me, which isn't clarifying the whole Lana situation. Is he embarrassed I know because he likes her or because he doesn't? Also, C) that lipstick is actually my tie and I want to Transfigure it back before McGonagall sees me and strips me of Prefect-ship before I can even help any of my protégé DZs.

Thankfully, Sirius has lobbed the lipstick (sans note) back to me. Or rather _at me_ , quite viciously too. He has better aim than me, unfortunately, and it ricochets from my forehead to the desk.

Of course, the noise interrupts whatever deadly dull speech McG is making and she glares at me in a way that _would_ chill the bones of any other person but I am very immune to it by now.

"Sorry!"

She does not look impressed by my heartfelt word. She is eyeing my badge suspiciously! No! Not the badge, please don't take my power away from me before I've put Fenwick in detention!

Minevra is merciful. She just continues back with her tirade against handing in incomplete homework.

 _Bloody Black._

My last note to him, psh. He reads it this time though and grins back at me, laughing at my misfortunes once again.

Like I said, bipolar. Grouching at me one minute, mocking me the next. Jeez Louise.

* * *

 _Dearest Darling Mother,_

 _I apologize sincerely for saying I would not miss you – I do, already! No one else here appreciates my singing The Crystals loudly and badly in the shower. They certainly don't turn it into a duet from outside the bathroom door like you do. Sigh._

 _Also, I am very grateful that you did not kidnap Remus when he came to get my trunk after certain fools left it abandoned on our doorstep. You are truly the most wonderful mother._

 _And I'm not too bad of a daughter either – guess who has been made Prefect! Yes, I know, Hogwarts will be a ruin before the term is out._

 _Just wanted to check in on the jumper-progress, how is that coming along? Because Scotland is pretty nippy even in September – just imagine the horrors December will bring for your incredible, Prefectly, eternally grateful daughter._

 _Also, also, also. You know my ankle boots, the black ones? Which I adore and have worn incessantly and more than gotten my money's worth from? Well, they are looking a little well-worn and I sense that their decrepitude could cause serious injury to my body through trips, stumbles and other such falling. Could you possibly buy me a new pair and send them? There are no good shoe shops in Hogsmeade, really._

 _Eternal love from your -shoeless daughter,_

 _Stef._

Well, at least I've completed one item off the list. Probably time to face up to the worst one, seeing as Lana and I are both just here, lounging around the dorm before dinner.

It won't be too bad. (That doesn't even sound convincing in my own head). Lana won't take the news well, but she _might_ not hex me into the Hospital Wing, seeing as this really isn't my fault. I won't tell her about the Transfiguration Disaster (Total Disaster Count thus far: 13, but this will undoubtedly push it up). I could always present Sirius as a James alternative?

This won't be too bad.

* * *

It was very bad. Very bad, indeed, of course. How could I ever think it would be anything else?

I mean, I've known Lana for going-on seven years now and I know what she is like… A very pretty girl who simply cannot hold on to a guy. But who has the misfortune to fall in love pretty hard.

Ilana Diggory's Top 3 Romantic Quandaries:

\- Donald Greengrass: she liked him for 3 months (by which I mean _obsessed_ over him) in 3rd Year, they dated for six months (during which she _obsessed_ over him) and he chucked her just before breakfast the day after her birthday. We spent the summer In Mourning. Which was very warm; black clothes seriously absorb the heat.  
\- Frank Longbottom: very different guy to Don, much quieter and kinder. They dated for four months in 4th Year, he chucked her too.  
\- Benjy Fenwick: YES THE BROTHER OF A BONAFIDE MONSTER. Started dating at the end of 5th Year, over the summer and then he chucked her before the Yule Ball of 6th Year.

Basically, Lana is a bit too much too handle. Or rather, a bit too much for immature school boys to handle. She is a loud, confident girl and she totally overpowers most guys. She needs someone who can fight back to her sass and spirit.

Her over-the-top passion and loudness and craziness is why she's my ideal best mate but unfortunately, no boys have really appreciated these qualities yet.

They'd rather go for bland Evans. Who, honestly, is a lovely girl, a nice friend to have – kind, smart and sweet. But where's her spark? What makes her stand out to James Potter? Maybe I will find out when we're best buddies.

Although, I'm not sure how much Lana approves of that plan. It might have to stay on the down-low; I can consult Marley on its progress and probably Dumbledore too, seeing as he is evidently so invested in the progress of James and Lily's relationship.

There is a frosty tension in our dorm now, although only Lana and I know why. I gesture between Lily and Lans with a serious of jerky nods and grimaces – Marley, the wonderful human she is, understands what I'm trying to convey. Emmeline Vance offers me a Calming Drought, thinking I'm having a panic attack.

Merlin.

Anyhow, Lana has reacted to the news of Potter's snub with just as much passion as she'd poured into her crush with him. So she is refusing to go down to dinner and is properly In Mourning. She's pulled the drapes around her bed and is wailing sorrowfully into her pillow.

Yes, it's incredibly over-the-top, but I know Lana and I know it's also genuine. So, once again proving my worth as Definitive Best Mate of All Time, I skip dinner too in favor of curling up next to her and alternately hugging her/threatening the life of Potter/trying to stop my tummy from rumbling too loudly.

Eventually she cries herself to sleep – from what I have picked up over the years, crying your heart out over a boy is incredibly exhausting. Lana always sleeps for hours after. Maybe I should get a crush just for cases of insomnia?

Dinner is over and my stomach seriously sounds like it is attempting to digest itself in a futile attempt to get some nutrition from somewhere. So I head up to Remus, who always has a plentiful stash of chocolate in his room.

Petey and James at least look glad to see me, but Sirius seems to have reverted back to being in a huff with me. Does he not realize that the object of his affections is now free of her love for his best mate? He could go in for the kill, if he wanted. Although I feel like telling him that right now might result in the boys' dorm becoming a crime scene which I know Remus would not thank me for, even if I had just been brutally murdered.

I explain (bits) of my dilemma, editing out the proper reason for Lana's distress. To be honest, people who know her don't really expect a valid reason for her emotional extremity. I end with a heart-wrenching plea for sustenance which, really, could be submitted for consideration for that Oscar, along with my other fine pieces of work.

Except I am not getting the reaction I want. Where are you taking me, Lupin? I know the chocolate is back in your room! What do you mean if I go for a walk it'll 'curb my hunger'? You know me and my utterly insatiable stomach! I have no control over the organ, it demands what it wants and I cannot help it!

Oh.

Oh my.

You crafty jackrabbit!

This is it. I always knew I would recognize it when it happened. My Life just Changed Forever. This is better than love or boys.

You can access the Kitchens.

Cue angels fluttering down from Heaven, blowing trumpets and scattering stars around me as I drift in wonderment through Heaven, my own personal Nirvana.

I can access this _whenever_ I want. By tickling a pear. In a painting. I adore this absolutely insane madhouse of a school.

How could Remus have kept this from me? What a secretive little so-and-so! I mean some secret-keeping is necessary (you know, such as my now covert mission to befriend Lily) and I don't begrudge Remus that, but the Kitchens? Really?

Look, I know he's a werewolf. I've been his best friend for six years and those idiots call him _Moony_ , in _public_. Jeez. I mean, I couldn't give less of a crap. Remus Lupin is still the nicest person I've ever met. And I get why he's never told me, it is _big deal_ even if I don't act like it. Werewolves have very shitty lives, unfortunately.

So I just play dumb.

After berating him from keeping this marvelous discovery from his Truest Friend and eating approximately five servings of lasagna, I properly fill Lupes in on what happened (excluding the Sirius/Lana kiss because that is still too weird and also if I told Remus then Sirius would _know_ I told Remus and there really is no predicting that boy's reaction to anything).

"Yes, unfortunately for Lana, James does like Lily a lot. I agree, I'm not sure exactly what it is – but have you ever seen them talking? I don't know, there is some sort of connection."

I shrug. I've only ever seen them fighting and despite what James said, I do not think that is a manifestation of sexual tension. But what do I know about that?

Evidently Moony is not going to be of much help in my Lily-James explorations so I try a different mission. Detective Hartmann, reporting for duty.

"What about Sirius, he seemed like he was in some emotional distress – is that about a girl?" I say it sort of jokingly – key to being a Top Detective is to always play it cool. I mean, I already know it was about a girl – this girl! Because I've been mocking his hair and weird romantic tendencies.

Remus murmurs, "Who knows? He's always in some kind of emotional distress. Fair enough, I suppose."

Hmm. My Detective Senses are noticing that Remus did not return my jokey tone of voice. Could he have been referring to Sirius Black's troublesome home-life as the source of his other distresses? (I am a pro at this uncovering mysteries shit). I don't really know what went down there but I know Sirius has been living with James' family down in Devon for the past couple of years.

Another mystery to add to my list? It is intriguing, though not as pressing as my other issues at hand. Maybe I'll incorporate it into my Finding-Out-His-Feelings-About-Lana plan.

So many mysteries and so little time.

Before we leave, I ask the House Elves for some chocolate. They only have slabs of the stuff but I take a selection of the different varieties and wrap it up in foil.

No, really, Ty, it was no trouble at all!

I am an incredible human being.

Stefanie Hartmann's To-Do List:

\- Write that apology note to mum and try to get Boot Money/Jumpers. DONE.

\- Do good detective work specifically with G. Prewett on Saturday evening. INCOMPLETE.

\- Apologize to Ty, my Angel of Good Karma. DONE.

\- Tell Lana about James' crush. DONE.

\- Find myself a boyfriend? NO NEED. The Kitchens satisfy me more than any man ever could.

Ka-boom. I'm a _machine_.

Disaster Count: 17.

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A/N: Hope you're enjoying - let me know!

xoxo Elle


	3. Chapter 3

So it has been three days since, what Lana has dubbed, the Greatest Betrayal of All Time was discovered and she is still very much In Mourning (although her grief has subsided enough for her to attend meals).

It's Friday and I have potentially the biggest weekend of my life coming up (when you read what I have planned you will realize just how boring and uneventful my life has been). Tomorrow, I will be confronting/interrogating/terrorizing Gideon Prewett for information he may have concerning the Evans-Potter case. Then Sunday is the first Prefects meeting of the year. Gulp.

Lana was supposed to help me prepare for these terrifying events in her role as Best Friend. Huh, so much for that - the betrayed has become the betrayer.

At least Marley can help me with the Prewett Process and Remus will be there during the meeting. With James at the helm, it shouldn't be too serious, right? Also, it will be a prime time to observe the pair in action. A Top Detective never pauses in her toil to discover the Truth.

 _Marlene,_

 _I write imploring you to please wrack your brain for any clues as to what Gideon Prewett may know about the relationship between one Ms. Evans and Mr. Potter. For example, the taunts he threw at Mr. Potter concerning Ms. Evans?  
Your help is of the Utmost Importance to my case and the pursuit of Truth._

 _Yours most seriously,  
Detective Hartmann._

 **Every day I ask myself why I am still friends with you.**

 _That is incredibly rude. Also it is because your life would be boring and uneventful without my constant dilemmas and nose for a good bit of goss._

 **If you say so. To be honest, I really can't remember – it was just some sort of jibe about how James cared what Lily thought, or how much he wanted to be snogging Lily and the occasional impression of a lovesick grin whenever Lily was around. It died down in 6** **th** **Year a bit though.**

 _Intriguing_ _ **.**_ _I'll just have to interrogate him under the guise of casual conversation._

 **Well, duh. You weren't going to shine a light in his eyes and handcuff him to a sofa in the middle of the Common Room, were you?**

 _Godric no, can you imagine the field day Fenwick would have with that? The rumor mill would self-implode with excitement._

Seeing as Marlene is being supremely unhelpful, I am forced to concentrate on my studies. Or Remus' at least. I do like DADA but I just have a very short attention span so it's lucky Moons sits right next to me and that he is an angel who lets me copy his notes once I've finished being abused by my other, more terrible friends.

Oh well, Potions next. Not even being in class with the Slytherins could dampen my enthusiasm for the class. I am just far too blessed and talented (which really is a wonderful thing because Potions would otherwise be a complete minefield for such a DZ).

* * *

I'll tell ya, Sluggers mightily tested my patience today. Of course, his love for me shone through eventually but even so – he gave me a scare.

"I am not quite sure that last year's pairings were particularly effective," He's eyeing Potter and Black who nearly killed us all several times with terrifying concoctions. And also the shadier Slytherins in our class who I (as a Top Detective) suspect of pocketing ingredients, like Doxy eggs. "So I will be assigning you partners for the year – one Gryffindor, with one Slytherin."

Oh yuck, yuck – I'm not ashamed to admit that I am wholeheartedly into the whole House rivalry situation. It's pretty tribal in this school and I'm certain I'm in the best of the tribes.

However, Sluggers is moving through the class – deliberately leaving me until last. Hmmm, who is he going to pair me with? I hope it's not creepy Snape – he went all weird about Lily a few years ago. But Slughorn loves him too, so he might think of it as a treat for his two little pets to be together.

It seems he does think that but unluckily for Lily, she's also one of his pets so looks like it'll be an uncomfortable year for her.

(I sneak a Top Detective look at James who does indeed look discomfited by the pairing).

"Ah, it seems we have more Lions than Snakes in this class," Sluggers looks genially at me so I smile tentatively back.

Oh right. Sirius, he's gesturing towards – we must be a few Slytherin short of his plan working. Ah no complaints here – much better bipolar Black than one of his scarier relatives. He looks pleased too (he hasn't been sulky for a while, so he's either over the whole Transfiguration incident or we're due a moody spell soon).

As we start to work, Black grins at me in a very infuriating way that indicates Mocking is about to commence.

"Hear the latest rumor?"

Judging from the grin, it is to do with me. "Another Fenwick special?"

"You're not dim… _baby._ "

Excuse me? I shoot him a very sharp look and smack away the hand that was going towards my waist. I know this isn't serious on his part, but why is Fenwick spreading a rumor about me and Sirius? Definitely no one will believe that – hottest and most mischievous guy in Hogwarts with a Disastrous Prefect?

"Apparently, she saw our exchange in Transfig and got the wrong impression."

"Psh, you nearly gave me brain damage _hurling_ that lipstick at my head. How could that have been interpreted as romance? She is just an awful hag."

"You do seem to be the subject of her vitriol fairly often."

"It's those darn Disaster-Attracting-Genes I was telling you about."

Sirius chuckles and starts pitching in with the work. Silence is much preferable to Mocking.

I briefly contemplate him as a source of Evans-Potter info but decide I am too fond of this sudden taciturnity and simply accept the peace and quiet.

* * *

It seems I'm getting quite a lot of peace and quiet at the moment… It appears as though Emmeline Vance is not talking to me. The reason for this freeze-out, I cannot fathom. We get along just fine – sure, she thinks I'm a bit of a weirdo, but really she's not all that wrong.

When I got back to the dorm at the end of the day, I just planned to shuck off my robes, ditch my bag and go straight to the Hall where Lily, Marley and Lana already were. I was surprised to see Em still in the room and looking a bit down in the dumps.

I'm not the most comforting of people – I never know what to say. But it just so happened that this week I had had a lot of practice with Mourners.

But when I asked what was up, she snapped at me. Meek, mild Emmeline Vance positively _snapped_ at me – an innocent bystander, helper of the depressed.

"Ugh, I don't want your fake sympathy, you phony!"

I may be a lot of things (Disaster Zone and weirdo included in that) but I am really not a fake person. If I was going to fake my personality, wouldn't I fake it with less of a tendency towards embarrassing situations?

I take back what I said about Em being wise.

Oh well, just another mystery to add to my ever-growing list.

List of Mysteries that Detective Hartmann will Eventually Solve:

\- The Evans-Potter case

\- The Black-Diggory event

\- Sirius Black's deep, dark past

\- Emmeline Vance Enigmatic Freeze-Out

All in a day's work, really.

* * *

Gideon Prewett is a goldmine. A wonderful, friendly, lovely little goldmine that has helped the Pursuit of Truth immensely. Well done, Gid, you've done _society_ proud.

Things Detective Hartmann learnt from Gideon Prewett on the evening of the 6th September 1977:

\- James did properly like Lily in 5th Year but was too immature to express it in any other way than things that seemed like a massive silly prank.

\- Things cooled off in 6th Year because she dated Harry McCormick and also something to do with Snape, but Gideon was unsure on specifics there.

\- James is always going on about a 'spark' between him and Lily.

Some excellent stuff there; a solid lead on a dispute to do with Snape and the mention of this 'spark' could directly link to whatever occurred to make Potter see a less uptight side to Lily.

And I found this all out through the timeless classic of merely pretending I knew more than I did:

Detective Stefanie Hartmann: (gesturing towards James) What about him then? He must be chuffed to be Head Boy alongside Evans, eh?  
Gideon 'Goldmine' Prewett: Tell me about it! It'll be 5th Year all over again, I reckon.  
Hartmann: He was crazy about her – I don't reckon she knew he was serious though.  
Prewett: Yeah, I guess that might have been part of the issue. He really liked her though – until she started dating that McCormick.  
Hartmann: Oh yeah! I forgot about that! (playing it cool again, smooth cover up) Yeah, I mean, obviously Potter's crush would have died down then.  
Prewett: There was some palaver with Snape too, if I recall?  
Hartmann: Yeah, I think so.  
Prewett: (jokingly) I guess the _sparks_ will be flying again between Evans and Potter this year!  
Hartmann: ( _not at all_ forced or fake) Haha, totally! Oh, those sparks.  
Prewett: Doesn't he just _drone_ on about it all the time? (Imitating Potter pretty well, actually) Me and Evans, we just have this… there's a spark between us and she _knows_ it!  
Hartmann: That was a good impression.  
Prewett: Thanks. I do a pretty spot on Kettleburn too.  
Hartmann: (very poor and embarrassing impression of Kettleburn) Allow the nature around you to embrace you – lean into the love of Mother Earth.  
Prewett: Um… OK, that was….  
Hartmann: (laughing) Terrible.  
Prewett: (laughing also) Yeah, pretty bad. But at least your diagrams are always amazing – Kettles actually set mine on fire once.  
Hartmann: Haha! Yes, I remember and then it -  
Prewett: Spread to your sleeve and set you on fire too. I know, honestly, not a day goes by I don't cringe about that. I'm so sorry, it was all the fault of my awful artwork.  
Hartmann: Oh no, that was probably the least embarrassing thing to happen to me all day.  
Prewett: You are something special, aren't you?

Now, upon reflecting on this interrogation I am seeing something that my Top Detective Sense failed to pick up on at the time.

 _I_ was interrogating Gideon and _Gideon_ was flirting with me.

That is flirtation right there!

!

I can be a little oblivious but even I recognize that (even if I didn't at the time). Wow. The plot thickens.

(Also that Kettleburn impression definitely gets added to my Disaster Count bringing Saturday's total up to: 6. Which is pretty good going actually).

I will tell Lana of this baffling development (not about the Evans-Potter case) and hopefully this will snap her out of her deep depression…

"HOGSMEADE. TWO WEEKS. ASK."

Well, she doesn't seem to be mourning any more but she is also not _making sense_. Of course, now I will have the full weight of Lana's enthusiasm behind mine and Gideon's (as of yet, nonexistent) relationship. (The weight of Lana's enthusiasm, by the way, is roughly comparable to that of five fully-grown elephants).

"Ask Gideon to go to Hogsmeade – there's a trip in two weeks!"

Oof. Is that a good idea? Dates themselves tend to be bad enough whenever I'm one of the parties involved and everyone knows that asking someone out on the date in the first place is actually the hardest part.

"I could write you a script."

"No!"

"True – romantic advice from me is probably not the best of advice." I hate to agree but…

"Well, Lana, I can't talk, I've never even had a boyfriend."

"We need Marley! Where is she? Ugh, _Communicare._ "

Good Evening, Ms. McKinnon. It is your beautiful best friends here. Are you off tonguing Dearborn? That's very selfish of you because Stef has a ROMANTIC DILEMMA and we need your help because we are both idiots.

 **Hello, beautiful idiots. No, I'm in the Library – already, I know. But I got nothing done today helping Potter with the Try-Outs.**

Ugh, Steffi, we're friends with a NERD.

 **I want to know about the RD, tell me all.**

Gid Prewett has a massive boner for Stef – she should totally ask him out right?

 **Yes! Hogsmeade in 2 weeks! Ah that is so cute!**

Oh, hold up. She's too lazy to get her own parchment so the next para will be from Stef, prep yourself for insane rambling… NOW  
Hi, Marley! You are a Library Loser and I am sorry to inform you that I will have to break off our friendship because I have some street cred to retain.

 **You are a Prefect, Stef. Shut up.**

Anyway, I don't even know if I like Gideon, do I really want to ask him out?

 **You don't have to be in love with the guy to go to Hogsmeade with him, jeez.**

And how will you know if you like him or not, if you don't hang out with him?

 **Ace point from Lana – grow a pair and ask him, Stef.**

I'm getting new frien-

Nope. Can't use my own parchment to abuse me, Steffi.

Disaster Count: 7.

Being forced to ask out Gideon Prewett _definitely_ counts as a Disaster.

Friends are rubbish, I'm giving up friends.

Hm.

* * *

A/N: Get me being all speedy with the updates. Reviews are adored and very much encouraged

xoxox Elle


	4. Chapter 4

Day One of Giving Up Friends: on the bright side, I have gained myself several new friends by branching out from my former, terrible crew. The not-so-bright-side, I have also achieved a new Disaster Count record high for this year (25). Including some _major_ mess-ups, truly spectacular Disasters were had today.

* * *

I started the day in a very jaunty style, positively turning my nose up at any attempt from the Terrible Friends to interact with me (by the way, they really didn't try that hard, I was a little offended by how _hilarious_ they seemed to find it that I had given them up. Psh).

I breakfasted instead with my delightful, far-less-likely-to-bully-me-into-dating pals – Remus and Peter.

I mean, they also found my renouncement of friendship hilarious. But my friendship pool is really not _that_ wide, so I let it slide this time.

Of course, the danger of eating with Petey and Remus is being sucked into some sort of scheme – as a Walking Disaster Zone, it really is difficult to resist the lure of a prank sometimes. (Although I am more often than not excluded from any plans because of obvious reasons).

Peter's grand idea this morning involved filling the House Common Rooms with their actual mascots – where he planned to source a hundred live badgers, eagles and snakes from I don't know. But I definitely banned myself from that one; Steffi plus live snakes equals the Hospital Wing. That's one bit of Arithmancy I _can_ do.

However, Sirius and James were very into Pete's plan when they joined us. Which is probably just further proof of how dangerous/loony/stupid it is. Luckily, they were shortly distracted by something infinitely more interesting – Mocking poor Steffi Hartmann.

"So, remind me again, Harts, why you're here? Not that we don't enjoy a beautiful lady joining us for breakfast but…"

"No 'buts', James Potter! You should be very grateful for my company, no matter its cause! Also, my other friends are rubbish."

"She has a list of mysteries she needs to solve," Remus helpfully interjects, knowing full well that James and Sirius are both large parts of the aforementioned puzzles (Remus doesn't know about my minor delving-into-Sirius'-past one; that's just a little hobby on the side of all my other investigations. A little light relief).

So I present them my (slightly edited) list of Mysteries:

\- Why Dumbledore appointed me Prefect

\- Why Emmeline Vance is totally freezing me out

\- Why my friends are so terrible

\- How can I find new, better, more supportive ones

And of course, being the utter Disaster Zone I am and being so friendly and trusting, I _didn't_ think to edit why I was so mad at Lana and Marley.

"Gideon has _crush_ on you?" The sound of James Potter crowing in delight at your quandaries is a sound that gets very boring, very quickly.

"No! I just think he might have flirted with me a little bit the other night…"

"I bet you flirted back too, Hartmann, I heard you've got several guys on the go…"

"Shut _up_ , Black."

"Half the Marauders, I heard. In fact, this breakfast probably isn't helping your reputation, Steffi."

"I expect better from you, Remus."

" _Why_?"

"Oh, I cannot _wait_ to rip the shit out of Gideon for this at practice!"

"James Potter, I _swear…._ "

Anyway, you get the drift. Why is finding reliable friends, who don't mock you incessantly, so darn difficult?

Now I am going to _have_ to talk to Gideon – I almost feel the boys are in cahoots with Lana and Marley. Between them they have ensured that a diabolically awkward conversation will occur between us. Ugh, ugh, uuughhh.

It's OK – I have Herbology with him last thing today. I will just casually and coolly mention to him how I may have relayed our conversation to the Marauders and now they believe he likes me. I don't have to mention that it was specifically _me_ that first mentioned the idea of Gideon fancying me. Nope.

The only major flaw in that plan is the part where I, Stefanie Hartmann, have to be cool and casual.

So, you know, that was the first Major Disaster of the day – accidentally divulging a serious secret to James Potter and Sirius Black.

I spent most of Transfiguration formulating a strategy to make my diabolical conversation with Gideon a little smoother. I mean, I appreciate that McG is trying to help me become an Expert at Transfiguring cakes into chicks but all this class is doing is making me really crave cake.

(It would definitely be weird to eat the cakes at the end of the class though, right? After they'd spent some time being tiny chickens with internal organs? What if you ate the cake that someone like me had been using and they hadn't Transfigured it right and there was still like a tiny chick lung in the cake? How gross is that, I _hate_ Transfig.)

Steffi Hartmann's Foolproof Guide to Damage Control Conversations with Boys who Fancy You:

 _Step One:  
_ Mental Preparation is key. Ideally you would hope to have a free period beforehand, allowing you to properly get into The Zone. However, it is important not to fixate on the boy himself but rather the _issue_ at hand. Boys are distracting and scary, the issue of how dumb your friends are is far less intimidating.

 _Step Two:  
_ The Proper Script is also vital. Why not write out how you want the conversation to play out? This will give you a clear idea of what to say and should ensure no awkward silences or stumbling over words. However, be sure not to rely on the script too much in case the Fancier doesn't follow your ideal path. You don't want to lose your all-important cool casualness!

 _Step Three_ :  
Eat a good lunch. Nothing is more embarrassing than a rumbling stomach during a Damage Control Conversation. If the rumors are true and there are indeed roast beef sandwiches with horseradish sauce then do not feel ashamed of taking as many as you darn well please. _You_ have a Damage Control Conversation coming up, others at the table do _not._

 _Step Four:  
_ Do not involve Terrible Friends in this plan, nor should you tell them about it afterwards. Terrible Friends do not deserve good gossip. Be fierce and demanding of your mates, your Friendship is a prize to be won! It should be cherished. Psh.

See? Far more productive than Chicken-Liver-Cakes.

Oh, bugger it. McG has seen the lack of chick on my desk – quick, I'll just….

Bloody hell.

A feather encrusted cupcake with chick legs is the least appealing thing I've ever seen. Enough to put you off your roast beef sandwiches, that is. Ugh, and apparently enough to get you a detention with McGonagall on Wednesday evening.

I am racking up those disasters today.

* * *

But none of these Disasters compare with what happened in my free period before lunch. I mean, just the cast involved should give you some indication:

Jane Fenwick, Maria MacMillan and a surprise special guest…

I suppose I was all riled up when they came up to me. The prospect of talking to Gideon, plus a detention from McG, then a horrible DADA lesson where I was partnered with _Fabian_ Prewett making the whole situation impossible to ignore.

So Fenwick and MacMillan just really picked the wrong day to provoke me.

I was being a studious, angelic Prefect as I often am – it's not my fault that I attract trouble like a magnet – and I was in the Transfiguration section of the Library, trying to prevent my impending Death by McGonagall by doing some good learning. When suddenly I saw two Trolls standing at the end of my desk.

"Surprised to see you in here, Hartmann. I thought you spent all your frees trying to lure various Marauders into empty classrooms."

Hilarious, truly such wit – may I suggest that the stand-up comedy circuit might benefit from your _immense talent_ , Miss Fenwick?

"And I mean, really, it's pathetic the way you were throwing yourself at Sirius in Transfiguration."

They thought that was bad? At least they didn't see the cake fiasco.

"Well, I'd say it was more a case of _him_ throwing _objects_ painfully at _my_ head, but there you go."

Jane Fenwick looks incensed that I have dared to talk to her and her crony without immediately fleeing the scene. I suppose my usual tactic of silence has the advantage of them getting bored pretty quickly but as I said, I was feeling riled up.

"Everyone thinks you're such a _loser_ , desperately hanging out with them when clearly none of them want you around."

Excuse me, did she not see the uproarious laughter coming from our table this morning? I point this out to her.

"They were laughing _at_ you."

OK, fair point but it was in a friendly way.

"Actually, we were laughing at your stupid rumors and how dumb anyone would have to be to believe them. In fact, I believe it was Sirius himself who was wondering just how lonely you'd have to be to spend all your time making up crap about other people that no one else cares about."

Wow. OK, Steffi, that was impressive/harsh. But you know, she's got to hear the truth at some point. …She does look like I just physically slapped her and - OH MERLIN she is getting her _wand_ out, am I about to be in a real life fight?

In the LIBRARY?

"Don't talk to me like that, Hartmann! Don't blame _me_ for what you do – it's not my fault everyone hears about it!"

"Yes, it is and I don't do anything! You make it all up!"

Oh Lord, now _I've_ stood up and I'm clutching my wand in my pocket and completely failing to think of any spells ever. Like literally, seven years of magical education and I can't even remember how to cast a Jelly Legs Jinx.

So when Fenwick raises her wand to me, I do the only thing that, for some reason I can remember.

A Bubble-Head Charm.

 _Seriously._

Jane Fenwick now has a spaceman helmet of Bubble around her outraged face, in the middle of the Transfiguration section of the Library. If this wasn't so weird, so utterly bizarre, it would be hilarious.

But what is actually weird, is that MacMillan has hit the ground too. Now, I may not be the brightest, but even I know that wasn't a result of my Charm.

Nope, it was the person standing behind the pair, wand out. The person who obviously overheard our exchange and came to help me out.

Narcissa Black.

Yes, _that_ Narcissa Black – the ice-queen-beautiful, Slytherin Prefect, engaged to Lucius Malfoy, Sirius Black's cousin Narcissa Black.

I don't really know what to do but Fenwick is yelling through her Bubble Head and so I Stun her ( _what_ has come over me) and wave at Narcissa.

Who looks, obviously and rightly, bemused by my actions but picks her way over the two unconscious bodies between us and sits at my table. I sit back down too.

"Thanks, Narcissa."

"No problem, Stefanie," her voice embodies the way that she is the antithesis of me: she sounds cultured, in control and very, very cool. I can't imagine Narcissa ever being ruffled by anything.

"Um, I don't usually attack people in the Library. Not that I attack them anywhere else in Castle either. But, I mean. And also I would have used something better than Bubble Head but my mind really went blank."

To my immense surprise, she laughs – a kind, friendly laugh. I mean, Narcissa Black doesn't look like the sort of person who _laughs_. Her face is so smooth and perfect that it is a bit odd to see lines of laughter on it.

"I heard them baiting you and you gave a pretty good fight. Two on one isn't exactly fair though, is it? I thought I'd even it up a bit."

"Well, thank you very much, Narcissa. I appreciate it.

She looks at me very contemplatively and I suddenly worry again about learning Occlumency.

"Most people, my friends, call me Cissy."

 _My friends?_ Is she offering me friendship? I suppose you don't just knock out two bitches in the Library without becoming friends.

"Well, in that case, most people call me Steffi."

Cissy laughs again at this, "Not Disaster Zone?"

"No! Well, some people do. Your cousin in particular…"

Narcissa's smile falters a bit at this. Oops, living up to my name, as ever. Although, while I would count Stunning Fenwick in the Library as an unequivocal Disaster, encountering Narcissa Black is surprisingly not.

"Sorry, I suppose you two aren't particularly close?"

I retrospectively swear I didn't mean to start investigating into Black's life but some things you just can't turn off and being a Top Detective is one of those things.

Cissy shrugged, "When we were younger, us four cousins got on well. But we haven't really spoken all that much since we started Hogwarts. Especially not now he's… Well, he's not really a Black anymore."

Interesting tid-bit. I probe that statement a little more in a friendly-but-detectively manner. And Cissy explains about the Family Tree room at Sirius' old home, Grimmauld Place. And then she tells me that when he left, his mother burnt his name off of the Tree along with the names of anyone in the family who helped him.

I think about my mum, the most loving woman in the world, and I can't imagine how any mother could treat her child the way Mrs. Black did.

Hm, I am reconsidering the whole investigate-Sirius'-past idea. It seems very sad and very personal (duh, Disaster Zone).

So I distract both myself and Narcissa from the topic by telling her all about the rumors that Jane Fenwick has spread about me over the years.

Completely False and Unjust Rumors about Stefanie Hartmann, spread by Jane Fenwick:

\- That I didn't go to a normal Muggle Primary School but spent the first 11 years of my life in a child-asylum

\- That my mother was a dancer in a club in Berlin and that's where I get my slaggishness from

\- That in 3rd Year I was pregnant with Martin Blishwick's child

\- That I was a slow, mute child who only learnt to speak English at eight

\- That I am the reason Remus spends so much time in the Hospital Wing (violent attempts to make him date me)

\- That I was the one who was sick behind the Greenhouses, ruining her Snargaluff Pod plant

That is not even anywhere near a comprehensive list.

Cissy is laughing _again_ , she really is a very cheery girl. "You know, I always believed the one about you not speaking until you were eight… And the pregnancy one!"

I nudge her hard – she is joking around with me! We are really friends!

"The reason I hate her so much," disdainful glance to Fenwick's still passed-out form. "She spread a rumor that my cousin, Charlotte Dolohov, had cheated on Yaxley. It got her into a lot of trouble, even though obviously anything Fenwick says is a load of crap."

I had heard that one; Yaxley and Dolohov were engaged even though she was only in 6th Year. It happens really young with Purebloods – they are like, arranged marriages to keep the bloodlines pure and stuff. Very odd. I mean, Narcissa is engaged too. I've never even had one boyfriend!

"Isn't that Diggory girl usually around to back you up? You need better cronies, Steffi!"

Ain't that the truth, Cissy! I tell her about my Giving Up Friends plan, including the Gideon-Dilemma and how her cousin worsened the situation.

Throughout my whole story, Narcissa is laughing but I can't begrudge her because, really, I doubt she gets many giggles in the Slytherin Common Room.

"Please dissuade Pettigrew from that plan – I _hat_ _hate_ snakes, can't stand them! I know, ironic, but they just freak me out."

"Narcissa, Cissy," I don't know why I'm asking her for advice, considering we've been friends all of twenty minutes, but she just seems like she would be pretty wise. She seems older – maybe it's the whole engaged-at-18 thing. "Do you think I should go to Hogsmeade with Gideon?"

She doesn't seem surprised that I am asking her opinion; she just considers my question for a while before giving me a (as suspected) helpful response.

"I think that I agree with your friends, insofar as you don't have to be crazy about someone to go to Hogsmeade with them. Sometimes it's nice just to have a date, something to do and someone new to talk to. And often there is the potential that you could grow to be crazy about them. But it seems to me that you have _no_ romantic feelings for this guy. And you have always struck me as a really independent girl – there's no use having a boyfriend, just for the sake of it. And, although you are currently giving them up, you do have lots of friends to spend your Hogsmeade weekend with."

See! She is wiser than Evans and Vance combined. Narcissa is amazing – _just_ the kind of friend I was hoping for! I don't know what the best part of this is – a) that Cissy has 'always thought of me' – someone as cool as Narcissa knows me and thought of me in a positive way? Or b) that she totally hit the nail on the head re: Gideon.

I am not going to ask him out and if he asks me out… well, I don't think he will after our undoubtedly diabolical conversation later this afternoon.

By this point, roast beef sandwiches are positively calling my name so Cissy and I say goodbye.

"Seeing as you won't be too busy with Prewett, we should grab a coffee in Hogsmeade!" Friendship is mine! And I didn't even have to trick her!

"Definitely."

And with our blossoming friendship…. Well, blossoming, Cissy and I renervate the two Trolls as we walk off – leaving the pair very groggy, very confused and still Bubble-Headed.

Disaster Count: 15  
New Friend Count: 1!

* * *

Roast Beef Sandwich Count: 4, and counting.

"Hello, Harts, are you still giving up on us, your beloved amigos?"

"I do not care for that mocking tone, Ms. McKinnon. It shows me that you have _not_ learnt from this lesson."

"Is that your _fifth_ sandwich? I am impressed, Stef."

"Thanks, Lana. I've actually had a very dramatic day but I want to wait to tell my _real_ friends about what happened."

Oh-ho I am an ICE QUEEN. Just a half hour conversation with Cissy and I am radiating the chill vibes.

Marley and Lana laugh, taking seats either side of me. They really don't understand this whole being-given-up concept, are they?

But I'm more concerned with the angry, blonde, very-talented-at-DADA witch opposite me; Em is still regarding me as if I had brutally murdered her hamster and then laughed in her face. I really can't face another duel today; I barely escaped the last one alive…

As ever, my wonderful mother saves the day and prevents me from being murdered/having to break my resolve and talk to Lana and Marley.

"Bye, guys! See you later, when I will also _not_ be telling you about my very eventful day. I've a note from someone who actually loves and appreciates me!"

Although there is no parcel attached so she has obviously ignored my boot-plea. Hmph.

"Oh, wait a moment, Stef," Ah, my beloved Best Friend, Lily Evans.

"Ah, Lily! Of course, I always have time for you, being un-given-up as you are."

She looks slightly bemused but then again, we have only been Best Friends for a week so she is probably unused to my ways. Oh well, not to worry - we have a lifetime of friendship ahead of us!

"Um, OK. I just wanted to check that you know you have rounds with Potter tomorrow evening. You seemed a bit spaced out in the meeting yesterday."

At this, my traitorous ex-friends snicker – knowing I was in a Gideon-Prewett-Induced-Panic. Ha! Little do they know, my panics are over thanks to my new friend.

"Sorry to stick you with him, but I really could not put up with being alone with him for so long. Excruciating, just the thought of it…"

Intriguing, Lily gives no signs of reciprocating James' feelings. Lana has obviously also noticed this, from the way in which she is glaring daggers and swords and all manner of pointy objects at Lily.

"Yeah, no problem. We start at 8.30, right?"

"Yes, although knowing Potter he'll be in detention until 9."

"Haha, tell me about it!"

A very smooth and not-at-all obvious cover up of the fact that I totally already have a detention. I am a truly awful Prefect. Dumbledore is definitely just using me for my Detective skills, the old gossip.

But it's time to face the music. Herbology, argghhh. At least these fools (and the mystery of Emmeline's anger) have distracted me from overthinking.

They also distracted me from formulating a script, so I haven't even followed my own guide. (Apart from the sandwiches part, of course).

Eh. Here goes…

* * *

Of course, it was this conversation that pushed my Disaster Count up to the record-breaking 25.

I mean, this could actually have been the biggest Disaster of my entire career (yes, when you are as much of a DZ as me, you can consider it a career).

Remember this, I entered the Greenhouse:

\- Full of roast beef and content

\- Knowing I was not going to go on a date with Gideon

\- Determined to control the damage caused by Potter and Black

\- Cool and casual

I _left_ the Greenhouse at the end of Herbology:

\- Full of roast beef and discontent

\- Having agreed to go on a date with Gideon

\- Caused even more damage than Potter and Black combined

\- Very un-cool and un-casual

Here is a _brief_ run-through of just how on Earth such a complete and utter fuck-up could occur:

"Hey, Gideon, you haven't seen Potter or Black today, have you?"

"Nope, why do you ask?"

"I may or may not have been joking around and, y'know, our conversation from yesterday came up. And now they have this absurd notion that you fancy me!"

Cue hysterical and very forced fake laughter from me and a very awkward silence from Gideon.

Cool and casual? Very much _not_.

"Well, they're smarter than we give them credit for…"

WHAT. ABORT MISSION. CHANGE SUBJECT.

"What? Plants? No, I've _always_ though plants were pretty smart, what with all the carbon dioxide and oxygen and…."

Inane, completely inane and weird and strange. _Why_ would you fancy that? He must also be very damaged, mentally.

Two mental nutters shouldn't date. I need a stable force in my life, to _survive_.

"Well, I meant Potter and Black. But you're right about the plants too."

"I don't know that they're all that smart. I mean, I'm pretty sure they're wrong about the whole thing - it's not like you would want to go to Hogsmeade with a psycho who chats utter nonsense about plants and oxygen."

"Actually, I'd like that very much!"

Cue massive grin from Gideon and awkward silence from me.

Cue hysterical laughter from me again as I realize just what I've done and for some reason cackling is suddenly my natural reflex to express complete and utter horror.

I just asked out Gideon Prewett and he said yes.

Who _does_ that?

"Nooooo." I sort of mumble. How do I change this? "Well, I heard Mary McDonald likes plants so… that's an option for you…"

Cue laughter from Gideon but this is a sane chuckle. He thinks I am joking!

"Potter's a real stickler so I'll have early morning practice but we could go around 10, maybe grab some lunch?"

Banging my face into this plant pot is looking like a really good idea right now. I could ask Pomfrey not to Heal my nose and then maybe Gideon wouldn't want to date a disfigured weirdo.

"Oh, please do _not_ tell Potter about this…"

"We could double-date with him and Evans."

Well, now that could actually be a silver-lining for this Detective.

Except Lily hates James and will not date him! No silver linings, I could never be that lucky…

"I'm going to talk to Kettleburn now because…"

Because I'm afraid if I stay here, I could end up _proposing_ at the rate I'm going.

"Because of plants. I should tell him too, how good the plants are."

SO CASUAL. SO VERY CASUAL.

I manage to spend the remainder of the lesson listening to Kettles babble on about the wonderment of Nature and how I should really go on a nature retreat in Yorkshire where the moorlands are _breathtaking._

Psh, forget the retreat – I may have to move permanently to the moorlands, where there are no boys, no terrible friends and lots of plants. Lovely non-talking, un-dateable, non-mocking plants.

Steffi Hartmann survival tactics in action once again: _run_ before Gideon has a chance to confirm our….. date.

Ugh!

I am going to have to break my resolve and get Lana and Marley's help on this. Although I already know what they'll do – laugh for a million hours and then say, well, we wanted you to go on a date with him anyway.

You know who I actually need to talk to – Narcissa! I can't exactly go to her Common Room though… Or even up to her table at dinner.

Ah!

 _Hello Cissy,_

 _Unfortunately, the Prewett-Problem has become even more problematic. I tried to talk to him today in Herbology, as we discussed, and whilst trying to laugh at the idea of him fancying me… Well, he thought I asked him out and he said yes._

 _What do I do?_

 _Is it acceptable to break it off? And if so, how do I go about doing that (bearing in mind I am a total DZ)?_

 _I hope your day has been more successful._

 _Love,_

 _Stef._

 _P.S. I just saw Fenwick; she glared at me but then scurried off like a mouse! Hahahahahahahaha._

Perfect, I can rely on Cissy to help me out here, I reckon. I'll still talk to Lans and Marley though – on a day as crazy as this, you need friends no matter how terrible they are.

I'll also seek the wisdom of Remus – once he's away from Potter and Black. No _way_ are they hearing about this Hartmann horror.

At the very least, writing Narcissa reminded me of the note from my mum. Please, mum, give me some comfort in these trying times.

 _Dearest Stef,_

 _Well, I doubt anyone can harmonize as well as I can to Da Doo Ron Ron. Once you're finished at Hogwarts, I suggest we start a girl band ourselves._

 _Kidnapping Remus is always a tempting option – imagine having a child who didn't nearly cause house fires every time she tried to cook (yes, I know you only attempt to cook because I actually_ do _cause house fires)._

 _Sweetie, I am so proud and also concerned for your Headmaster's sanity. I'm not going to say you'll do a great job but I know you will try your hardest and hopefully have some fun!_

 _The boots, along with some of Aunt Carol's biscuits, are at the Post Office in Hogsmeade – I was worried this owl couldn't carry it all. I hope the biscuits don't go off, they are in a tin._

 _I'm afraid to say that knitting is awfully complex. I would blame my short attention span – but old ladies are the most forgetful demographic and knitting is their activity. I don't know how I manage it._

 _I hope you, Remus, Lana and all your other friends are very well!_

 _Tell me all about your lessons, your mishaps and tell me if you meet a nice boy!_

 _All my love,_

 _Mum._

Boots and biscuits! Oh, that will at least make Hogsmeade slightly bearable. Boots and biscuits, boots and biscuits…. My new mantra of hope. My happy place.

I shan't reply to mum right now until this Gideon thing has panned out and I can decide if it is acceptable for mothers to know. (I like that she separated 'boys' and 'mishaps' as if they aren't one and the same in my case).

* * *

Back in the dorm, waiting for Marley to arrive so I can tell the Gruesome Twosome together seeing as I've decided to be generous to them and include them in my dismal life again. Hopefully the news of my new best friend will kick them into gear a little; I ought to be treasured. They can't make the situation any _worse_ though, it is pretty much as bad as it gets already.

So that is the story of how my Disaster Count hit the dizzying heights of 25 today.

And of course, it is always just as one stops counting one's Disasters that another one should strike…

After a million hours of laughing, Marley finally shrieks, "So you _are_ going on a date with Gideon!"

"I tried not to!"

"I honestly cannot believe you – you're so-" I never do get to find out what Lana thinks I am (although it was undoubtedly something very unpleasant) because she is interrupted by Emmeline Vance.

It seems Em has progressed beyond snapping now, although I remain as oblivious to the cause of this as ever.

She is full-on yelling now – finger pointed at me, on her feet, shouting.

"For fuck's sake! You are _unbelievable_! Can you not just stick with messing one boy around? You're not even that pretty, how is this even happening? It's disgusting what you're doing to them – grow up, Hartmann!"

And then, in the blink of a very furious eye, she's gone.

"OK… so does anyone know what _that_ was about?" Lana is wide-eyed, as is Marley and as am I.

Lily shrugs apologetically, which I take to mean 'yes, dear Best Friend, I know but I do not approve of her unwarranted anger for such an innocent and sweet human such as yourself'. Or something along those lines.

Detective Hartmann's List of Mysteries:

\- TOP PRIORITY: FIND OUT WHY EM VANCE HATES ME

\- Potter-Evans blah blah

\- Black-Diggory blah blah

\- Prefect? Why?

\- Is Gideon Prewett _brain damaged_?

\- Is it acceptable to drop out of school and form a girl band with your mum in the Yorkshire moors?

Disaster Count: 26.

* * *

A/N: You know the drill. Let me know if you're finding it good/bad/anything :))))

xoxo Elle


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Because I am kind and benevolent and I had a very productive writing day (AKA a very _un_ productive work day) this one of TWO updates. ENJOY! xoxo

* * *

 _Oh, Steffi!_

 _You really do live up to the name, don't you? Oh you poor thing!_

 _Don't fret – I know plenty of people who have been roped into dates they don't want to go on so I am an expert in this field. It is totally acceptable to break it off, but maybe wait a week? That way you aren't being too abrupt and he has another week to get over it and find a new date if he wants (if he can get over losing you!)._

 _How about we meet in a free sometime soon and I can walk you through how to go about this without you accidentally asking to meet his parents, or something!_

 _Good luck surviving until I see you next.  
Cissy  
P.S. Yes, I saw her at dinner and she looked a delightful mixture of furious and terrified. Not an attractive facial expression for anyone, let alone Fenwick._

It seems my taste in friends has gotten better as I've gotten older. Cissy is a gem! I mean, even she can't help but mock me but I suppose I just have to accept that my mocking is now inevitable. I really do deserve it after such a shocker.

I still can't believe he thought I was asking him out. Jeez.

I mean, really, how deluded do you have to be to think a girl is asking you out when really she is questioning your sanity?

I wonder if Narcissa would dump him _for_ me? I am not living up to my Gryffindor name right now. Don't really care – I think I would rather dishonor my House than talk to Gideon Prewett ever again.

Ooh. Wait, I've got another note and there is a parcel attached! Hey, that brightens up the day somewhat.

It's… A Devil's Snare.

IT'S A DEVIL'S SNARE. Who is trying to kill me? The worst thing is it could literally be so many people – Fenwick, MacMillan, Vance, Black, Prewett, McGonagall, Ty if he found out I called him a Little Shit.

I never knew I had so many enemies. Wow.

Oh wait, the note… this should clear things up unless it's just out-and-out hate mail which is quite likely.

 _Dear Miss. Hartmann,_

 _After our enlightening conversation yesterday, I was encouraged to hear what a budding Herbologist you are._

 _As a special project, to gain an extra credit (a Merit on top of your NEWT grade), I give you this Devil's Snare to care for. The plant requires a keen Herbologist's eye in order to thrive safely._

 _Best of luck and my office is always open for a chat about botany!_

 _Prof. Kettleburn_

He is _waving_ at me and grinning. Like a _lunatic_. My whole Herbology Greenhouse is filled with IDIOTS. Boys who think they are being asked out when they are not, professors who think you are passionate about their subject when you are actually just trying to escape the most embarrassing conversation of your _life_.

I am a dead woman walking. Why would he give me, of all people, this dangerous, deadly plant?

I can't keep this in my dorm, Em will accuse me of attempted murder! (With her attitude right now, it does seem a rather tempting option).

I need to ask Professor Maniac if I can keep it in a Greenhouse – maybe number 6, seeing as it almost never takes classes. Not that Prof Maniac seems to have much regard for student safety…

Oh and of course, when I go up to the teacher's table to ask him, he takes this for my eagerness and passion for his subject and is positively delighted by my 'enthusiasm' about his project. His project of _Death_ and _Doom_.

McG, on the other hand, laughs in my face and remarks, "You gave _Hartmann_ a Devil's Snare? Well, as long as she's still alive on Wednesday evening to complete my detention".

A cruel woman, that McGonagall – although evidently much smarter than my psychopath of a Herbology professor.

So, all told, by the time I get to Potions I am in a pretty foul mood. Woe betide Sirius Black, should he try anything fresh.

End of Breakfast, Disaster Count: 3.

* * *

Unluckily for me, Black is not in the taciturn mood of last lesson. He seems as amped up as I am depressed.

"So, has Prewett reserved a spot at Madame Puddifoot's for you two yet?"

Silence. That is the best way to treat him, just freeze him out.

"Hello, Earth to Hartmann?"

Does this fool have no regard for his life? I could lead him right out to Greenhouse Six: Home of the Death Bringer and have this nonsense end once and for all.

"Oi, don't _ignore_ me, Hartmann."

Oh, I will ignore you, Black. You and your stupid hair and your stupid Mocking and your bipolarity.

"Hey, what's wrong, Stef?"

Oh man, who am I to pout? This kid got burnt out of his own family. He has made a soft-touch out of me.

"Oh, it's nothing, Sirius. Sorry I'm being a grumpy cow, it's not because of you. For once."

"I was thinking, I don't _remember_ chucking any lipsticks at her head lately."

OK, that warrants a slight chuckle. But Mr. Black does not look satisfied with that. In fact, he has a horrible glint in his eye that I usually associate with plotting…

"OK, so maybe I'm not at fault here but something is obviously up. Tell me, please, _please_ Stefanie?"

Ah, that glint is _determination_ – pure pigheaded determination. I don't really want to talk to Sirius about my problems – he's already mocked me enough. I mean, he made that Puddifoot joke without even knowing that I _am_ going to Hogsmeade (well, for now) with Gideon. Anyway, I already have a member of the Black clan to confide in.

"Stefanie! Come on, Hartmann, I am so bored. Distract me from… whatever it is we're supposed to be doing."

For once in my life, I don't feel much like doing Potions either. But I'm not sure that I fancy chatting to Sirius either. I can't tell him about Gideon, I still don't think tapping him for James/Lily info is very wise and I'm not sure how keen he'd be on me being friends with his (ex?) cousin.

Lucky for him I have so many dilemmas that there are countless others to pick from.

"We might as well talk now, or we could never have the chance."

Sirius pauses to absorb this. "That sounds promisingly distracting."

"Incorrect, you should have said: oh no, Steffi, whatever could be wrong! I hope this is not a serious, life-threatening situation – I would miss you terribly, should you be snatched away from this world so young!"

"Yes, yes, all of that. What's occurring?"

"Professor Kettleburn wants me dead. And before you laugh, I think his murder plot actually extends to the wider student body too."

Regardless of my warning, Sirius does laugh. His horrible bark of a laugh which always causes the whole class to turn and look at us. Including Cissy who shoots me the smallest of smiles, which I return.

I elaborate to Sirius, explaining the Devil's Snare issue and my impending death by plant. Or, the other likely scenario, me doing something incredibly stupid and causing the death of countless other students.

"So, stay the Hell away from Greenhouse Six is what I gather from that. Hey, wait but why did Kettleburn think you were such a Herbology nut anyway?"

I shake my head – _so_ not going into that nightmare again. "Did you ever take a class with that maniac?"

"He did once try to insist that Butober pus was edible and delicious."

"Let me guess, Peter tried it?"

Sirius grins. Why isn't he being an arsehole? Usually by this point he would have done one of his intended-as-a-joke-but-actually-incredibly-mean things. Maybe I ought to grab this situation, because Lord knows, it's not likely to come around again soon.

"Hey, do you like Lana?"

I am being a scaredy-cat-disgrace-to-my-House again and not looking at him because I would prefer to be _Avada_ 'd without seeing the hatred in his eyes as he does it. Although it seems I'm not dead just yet. Let's sneak a quick peek… Oh, he's looking at me in a sort of amused way.

I swear! I will never be able to predict this oddball. He is weirder than me – there I said it!

"What? I was just wondering, obviously I know you kissed her. I just wanted to know…"

He is chuckling at me. What is wrong with this kid? I don't know if the messed-up family fully accounts for it all…

"I dunno, to be honest. I really don't."

"What? You just kiss random girls for no reason?"

"Disappointed I've never kissed you?"

"Psh, I wouldn't give Jane Fenwick the satisfaction."

He's laughing again. Good for him – I'm still no clearer on the situation.

"So you don't _like_ her?"

"Hartmann, why do you care?"

"Because she's my best friend, I want to know when guys like her so I can tease her and/or help set her up with a boyfriend!"

Sirius gazes at me contemplatively and is probably about to make some wisecrack or another when Slughorn calls time on the lesson.

(Luckily for Black, I _have_ been working on our Solution and, even with only my absentminded attention, it's more than passable).

"Cheer up, Hartmann, perhaps one day I'll rain down kisses on you too."

I respond with an obscene hand gesture that, not only would my mother be proud of but that she taught me before packing me off to Hogwarts aged 11. Sirius just chuckles, very used to being on the receiving end of that particular obscenity. He looks absolutely pleased with himself – I've no idea why this has been so hilarious to him.

Well, if anything can wipe the smile off of his face, it's having Transfiguration next. I would walk with him, seeing as I've just spotted Peter too but Sirius is haring off (eager? For Transfig?). So I just walk with Petey, talking his ear off about my Harbinger of Death Devil's Snare.

Peter is a much kinder person than Sirius (although that's not exactly saying much) and once again reaffirms my wonderful choice in friends. His suggestion is lunch with him and Remus in the Kitchens – as much cake as I can eat. I point out that I won't be much in the mood for cake if we're doing the chick exercise again.

As we approach the classroom, Sirius beckons Peter from where he is leant against the wall. Why rush to class, only to stand outside the classroom and wait to be the last student to walk in?

I flip him another hand gesture and walk through the doorway.

Or I would – I _would_ walk through the doorway if a few hundred tubes of lipstick hadn't poured down from the ceiling to smack into my head and clatter loudly onto the tiles, mixing nicely with the sound of Sirius Bloody Black howling with laughter.

 _Rain down._ He just rained kisses down on me. Such a _clever_ boy – pity he's met his match.

A sweep of my wand and the lipstick tubes fly up from the ground and attack Sirius' forehead with military precision. Ha, see how _he_ likes is!

"You madwoman, call them off! OW!"

"No, Black. You _arse_ , what is wrong with you? You know I'm in a terrible mood and, what? You felt like multiplying it by a million?"

Honestly, I am _so_ annoyed at him right now. What a _dick_. This is why I am not friends with him. You open up to him the tiniest little bit – treat him as if he has even a speck of emotional maturity and he throws it back in your face by humiliating you in front of your whole class and making you even more upset than you already are.

I know I didn't tell him the serious reasons why I was sad, but he knew that I was. How can he have enough sensitivity to see I am feeling down but not enough to realize that hurling lipstick at my head is _not_ a good idea?

I stomp into the classroom and throw my bag down with a crash. Ugh.

McG is staring at the doorway, "I'll assume from your entrance that the racket outside had something to do with you, Ms. Hartmann?"

"No, it had _everything_ to do with that idiot Black. I was just an innocent victim."

This statement is marred slightly by Sirius walking in, rubbing his head where there is a big red mark. But I am pleased to note that the smug expression on his face has been replaced with a very sulky one.

If I'm going to be in a foul mood, then he has to be too.

"Black, stay behind after class."

His scowl deepens. Ha.

* * *

Thank Godric for lunch with Pete and Remus. It was the only thing getting me through that torturous hour; I, as ever, didn't listen to a word McGonagall said. But, unusually, I didn't spend it making pointless lists. I was just silently fuming and contemplating whether or not to pay attention on the off-chance I would find out how to turn Sirius Black into an _actual_ turd so he could live up to his name as Human Piece of Shit.

By the way, he oh-so-maturely barged into me at the end of class as he walked up to McG to get rightfully told-off. Ugh.

Lovely Remus and Peter waited for me outside the classroom and we walked together to the Kitchens in silence.

"Look, I'm not mad at any of you. But I am mad at him and I don't want you to defend him."

"You think we'd be mad enough to try that with you, Stef?" Peter laughs, glad the tension's broken.

I smirk, probably not; as Sirius has learnt, my capacity for revenge can be great when I remember spells other than the Bubble Head Charm.

"How's the Mystery solving going, Detective?" Remus asks round a mouthful of BLT. Seriously, why don't I eat here every mealtime? My mood has improved heaps just from these sandwiches and the prospect of carrot cake.

"Ugh, the list just keeps growing. Latest? Find out why Sirius Black is such a prick – oh wait, I couldn't give two craps."

Remus and Peter exchange a smile – I like them because they are aware how obnoxious their best mates can be and let me bitch about them every now and then.

But I know it probably does make them feel a little uncomfortable. So I move onto bitching about other people, naturally.

Although it isn't just ranting for the sake of it – Remus may actually be able to help me with the Em-Enigma. They are both nerds, the pair of them; they spend endless hours in the Library, holed up over some heinously boring Charms textbook or another.

"I've no idea, Stef," Remus muses. "Emmeline always seems rather fond of you, in a sort of 'I don't understand her, but she's nice enough' way."

"Nice enough? Psh, thanks Remus!"

"I was quoting what Emmeline thought!"

"Yeah, yeah… But that is what I thought – what could I have done in this short time we've been back to upset her so much?"

"Perhaps she is secretly best friends with Jane Fenwick and your Library attack has upset her?"

"Hilarious suggestion, Pete, but if that were the case, we would've fallen out long ago…"

I told them about certain parts of the Library incident. I _would_ have told them about Narcissa, but after Black's idiocy this morning I really don't want to provoke him further.

"Could you talk to her, maybe, Remus?" A flash of inspiration from me. They are like two peas in a pod – if she's going to tell anyone, it would either be Lily or Remus and in both scenarios she would tell them over a study session. But Remus is more likely to pass on the info – after all Lily and I are still in the early stages of BFF-hood.

Remus nods, finishing his sandwich and hopping off the counter. "Time for DADA?"

"Hopefully I'll be partnered with Black and I can make cursing him bald look like an accident."

"Harts, stop being so mean! Don't hurt his feelings."

I splutter indignant retorts to the ludicrousness of Peter's words all the way to DADA where I am actually partnered with Lily. Which is wonderful as we cement our friendship by bitching about Potter and Black! Two birds, one stone.

* * *

Well, after an invigorating Defense session with Evans, I am rather looking forward to Prefect rounds with Potter. On her end, I really can detect nothing but irritation. I am determined to figure out how James has managed to convince himself that she'll one day willingly become Mrs. Potter.

In any case, she is wrong about some things because Potter turns up in the Common Room at 8.30 on the dot. I try to remember that I am only enraged by his idiot best mate and not him so I start off civilly, by explaining my Danger Zone Protection Plan.

"I don't know if you remember how Lucius Malfoy was Head Boy in 5th Year?"

"Of course I do! He was hell-bent on catching us in the midst of a prank, 5th Year was a Marauding nightmare."

"Not that it stopped you – I copped the blame for most of your illicit activities." I am pleased to note that this does not come out in an accusatory tone, rather a wry one.

James grins, "Yeah, that's when we finally understood why Moons and Wormy had been hanging out with you so long. You took the rap with no snitching and, to be fair, a lot of the punishments were for messes you'd made too."

I shrug, that is fair enough. Most people let my mishaps slide, knowing of my genetic disposition, but Malfoy tried to get me for every last one.

"Anyway, the cruelty of his regime has stayed with me and I intend to make sure it never happens again – I am forming the Danger Zone Protection League. And I invite you to be the first member."

"The what now?"

"To stop others like me – my fellow Danger Zones, who find themselves often in trouble through barely any fault of their own – from being unjustly punished by the Establishment."

James is laughing hard at this but nodding appreciatively. I grin; definite new member to the DZPL here.

"Incredible. Yes, I am so in – can I be the co-captain?"

"Well, I am actually Head _Ranger_. So you can be Deputy Ranger."

"I'll take it."

We spend most of the rest of the patrol, outlining our plans for the DZPL and I am pleased to see how jokingly-seriously Potter takes it all. He can be a good laugh; he has always been my third favorite Marauder (and now by quite some way).

Eventually, he can't help but bring up Black. Honestly, those two are worse than even Hogwarts longest-running couples – so protective and co-dependent.

"Look," The Defense of Sirius Black has been going on for ten minutes now and I am getting exasperated. All that goodwill I was feeling towards James is disappearing rapidly… He is danger of a DZPL demotion. "He knew how upset I was this morning and then he still went ahead and did that. He made me look like an idiot in front of everyone."

"Steffi… I think he was trying to _cheer you up_. The idiot is so emotionally stunted that a silly trick seemed like the only way to do it. Merlin knows, I've fallen for that one many times. In fact, you'd think Sirius would have learnt from me – don't express your feelings to girls through pranks."

That last bit is so clearly a reference to Lily and I've been waiting for an opportunity to tackle that question all evening but first…

"Black doesn't have feelings for me – seriously, why does everyone listen to Fenwick?"

"Well, I meant the feeling of wanting you to not be sad and mopey but, hey, Sirius doesn't pull pranks for just any girl!"

We both laugh.

"Speaking of Fenwick, did you duff her up in the Library today?"

I just smirk knowingly at that. Hahaha, let my infamy spread throughout the school!

"Anyway, at least I have Lily in my dorm to bitch about stupid tricky Marauders."

Back to the matter at hand please, Mr. Potter.

And, success! The talk of Lily does make him look rather somber and contemplative, is he about to spill all?

"You've gotten quite friendly with Evans, haven't you?"

HE NOTICED! My plan is working – Operation: BFFs with Lily is officially a success.

I keep this excitement internal and externally simply nod calmly.

"Your advice at the station was pretty useful; we haven't gotten on too badly at all in our meetings."

What advice? Oh, the 'be yourself' thing – I didn't realize he was paying attention to that thoughtless cliché. I think I just wanted to get away from them by that point…

"Look, Hartmann, could you do me a massive favor?"

Oh-ho, I like favors! I mean, not because I like doing good for other people. Nah - but because you can lord them over people forever!

"Could you try to figure out why Lily acts as if she doesn't like me _at all?_ I know she does, but as soon as we make any progress as friends, she immediately goes back to calling me a 'toerag'. I mean, have I even been involved with one prank so far this year?"

"Admittedly, no but we are only a week and a half into term…"

This is so intriguing – Double Agent Detective Hartmann. I mean, I am basically doing real detective work here. A legitimate excuse to snoop around…

"OK, but I need some background info first. Why _are_ you so convinced she likes you?"

Oh, I am so, so good at this.

And James explains how whenever the two of them are alone, she is a completely different person. She is friendly and polite, she laughs at his jokes and is even jokey back. He says she has a great sense of humor – very sarcastic and dry. I can believe that – but only because of the dry way I have heard her insulting him.

He also mentions, "And there was something in 5th Year that made me think…."

Unfortunately he doesn't go into more details but this is a great start. Well done, nice work, Detective!

"And in return, I can get Sirius to properly apologize to you."

Not exactly a fair exchange, in my opinion, but little does James know, I've already gotten prized info from him. I will also unashamedly use this favor to bribe a hundred more favors out of him so I simply shrug my acquiescence as we climb back into the Common Room.

Detective Hartmann, time to become _Special Agent_ Hartmann – let the games begin!


	6. Chapter 6

Hello, little friend, my little Devil's Snare. How are you this bright fine morning? Oh yes, I agree – it _is_ colder out than it looks, but who are we to turn our noses up at sunshine in Scotland, no matter how bitter the breeze?

Look, I know that talking to _yourself_ is a sign of madness, but what about talking to a murderous, most-probable-cause-of-your-own-death plant?

A Merit would be nice but, really, asking me to risk my life to get it seems a little extreme, to tell you the truth.

Yet, here I am, constructing a shelter for my Killer Class Project. Gotta keep this baby shaded at all times. A _Devil's Snare_ is who turns their nose up at sunshine in Scotland, obviously. I am about as good at DIY as I am at most things – AKA not good at all, very bad and prone to injuring myself. But I've cobbled _something_ together.

"Stef! Hey, there!"

Oh, Merlin, no. Please go away, please let Gideon be talking to a different Stef. Maybe one who is tending to her Hippogriff just over there (we Stef's have an affinity for life-threatening beings).

Except there is no other Stef at Hogwarts (thankfully for the general safety of the school und unsurprisingly due to the ridiculous smallness of the school) and so, of course, Gideon is making a beeline for little ol' me. Sigh.

Did he not get the memo? I don't need a boyfriend – the Kitchens exist! A magical place where Elves wait on me hand and foot with meaty delicacies and cake-y treats.

I wonder how quickly Cissy could get here to defend me. She and I need some nifty Charmed parchment for these sorts of situations. Lana and Marley would be of absolutely no help right now.

"Hi, Gideon…"

"Whoa, is that Devil's Snare?"

"Yes, maybe you should stay at least a million feet away?"

Very subtle, nice one. But, honestly, I am starting to wonder if this boy is a little dim-witted; perhaps he was the victim of a Quidditch accident? He is a Beater, after all – a Bludger to the head isn't that unlikely.

"Did you _know_ it was a Devil's Snare when you planted it?"

OK, so he has a few brain cells – enough to know that accidentally cultivating a dangerous plant is something I would be very likely to do.

"Kettles gave it to me as a special project-slash-thinly-veiled-murder-attempt."

Gideon, do not grin at me like that please. That was not flirting, that was merely my own brand of witty humor that every lucky pupil at Hogwarts is treated to. Nobody say I'm not a generous soul.

"Oh, cool. I never knew you were so keen on Herbology."

"I am a woman of much mystery," More like a woman of SOLVING much mystery. Special Agents don't have time for romance, jeez.

"Well, I can't wait to find out more when we go to Hogsmeade!" Drat. Double drat.

"OK."

What is wrong with me? There is no need to be _rude –_ although how else this dunce is going to get the message I don't know. See? This is why I need Cissy.

Gideon looks a little taken aback but tries again. Very valiantly. "I heard about Black's trick outside Trasnfiguration – that guy is a classic!"

A classic? Gideon Prewett is a moron! How could he have heard about Black's idiocy and not my apoplectic rage? Ughhhh.

I think he has managed to insinuate from my glower that I do not share his utterly stupid opinion of Sirius Black and his japes. If he hadn't just acted so foolishly, I may have cut Gideon some slack here and stopped fixing him with my best death glare. But unfortunately for him – he is an obtuse Flobberworm.

"Well, I guess I'll see you around?"

"I would have thought so."

"If you'd like, you could come and watch Quidditch practice this evening?"

MERLIN.

"Maybe… Oh no, wait! I have detention with McGonagall!"

Probably shouldn't have said that in such a relieved tone but, oh well!

Gideon nods and smiles, which I suppose I technically return because I'm still grinning about avoiding practice. This really is absurd – I need to end this before I hurt his feelings/end up engaged to him. Unfortunately, both are equally likely when it comes to me and big disaster of a mouth.

It's not that I don't want a boyfriend and, to be quite honest, I can't fully say why dating Gideon seems like such a terrible idea to me. I think that I would happily date _someone_ , but they would have to be the right someone.

I suppose I feel like Gideon just doesn't know me very well – which is unfair of me, really. To say that and then not give him the chance to get to know me any better. But it's something…. Deeper than that. He doesn't _understand_ me; even if he knew me, spent hours of time with me, I still don't think we'd ever be on the same wavelength.

Some people _get_ you (Lana, Remus), and others just don't. I feel like Gideon would just never _get_ me. And unfortunately, nor would a lot of boys.

At least I've got my Devil's Snare! Maybe I could become a crazy plant lady in the future.

Godric.

That is such a bleak idea.

Disaster Count: 2.

* * *

You may think that it would be unwise for someone as uncoordinated and ungraceful as me to make up a dance…. And you would be right.

That's not going to stop me though (Of course not! I hear you cry).

This special little number is my 'Ty Tango' – my dance of pure joy when I see my lucky young pal come heading towards me. I see that scroll, Ty my boy, and I see that trademark lavender bow!

The Slug Club is now in session!

Ty did not seem impressed by my dance – he really is quite ungrateful I am realizing.

"Um, Hartmann, I have a scroll for you. Can you take it or do I need to get Pomfrey?"

I am going to take that as genuine concern, and not sarcasm.

"Thanks, Ty. That was actually a dance in your honor – you know you are the only person to consistently give me good news and not disastrous horribleness."

Little scamp just nods and goes to walk off. But, hey, what's this? He's turning back.

"I don't know why you call me 'Ty', but you seem to think we're mates, right?"

"We _are_ mates!"

"And you're 7th Year?"

"Oi, I have friends in my own year too – I was just rewarding your kindliness! But I can revoke-"

"No, no! I, uh… wanted your advice."

IT'S HAPPENING! I've been mentally mentoring Ty for so long and now he actually wants my help and friendship! I am a Friend Magnet, baby. News of my brilliance and generosity has obviously been spreading.

Ah, tiny little Ty needs my help – his big sister, Steffi, always there to listen and advise. I'll probably have a flock of 4th Years soon once everyone sees Ty so cleverly solve whatever fix he's in and they ask 'Hey, Ty, how'd you do that?'

'With the help of my all-time BFF, Stef Hartmann!'

I'll have my own flock of 4th Year mentees _and_ my protégé DZs! I am a wonderful, truly wonderful, Prefect.

"You see, I like a girl. I didn't know how to tell her even though I was pretty sure she liked me too. But then _she_ gave me this… sign."

"Oh, that's great, Ty! Girls usually always wait for the guy to make the first move, so if she did that then she must really like you!"

"That's what I thought, but when I went up to her and said thanks – she acted as if she didn't know what I was talking about!"

What? Who is this gal? I'll show her what for – treating my little pal in such a callous manner!

"I mean, Stef, if a girl sends you a load of chocolate – that definitely means she likes you, right?"

Oh.

Ohhhh.

Bugger.

Hm, maybe anonymous packages aren't the best idea. They leave a little too much room for interpretation I realize, retrospectively.

"Ah… well. How do you know it was her who sent it?" You _don't_ , Ty. How have you never heard the one about what happens when you assume….

"Who else could it be? Why is she pretending she doesn't know what I'm talking about?"

Oh that poor girl. Poor Ty. Poor me!

I need to fix this. How? Write him a note, pretending to be this girl? Explain…. Nope, way too weird.

Come clean? Ha, as if. Remember the Stef Hartmann motto: Never Admit You're Wrong.

Merlin, Ty, why come to _me_ for advice? Even if he somehow didn't know I was a Walking Disaster Zone – he definitely already thought I was odd. Poor kid, I must be the only 7th Year he knows and he thought that age automatically affords you wisdom. Nah, all age teaches you is that ages does _not_ necessarily make you wiser.

Except… maybe it could? I might just have an idea.

"Why not just… ask her to Hogsmeade next weekend?"

Yes, I know how spectacularly badly that advice went for me, but here I think it could work.

"Forget about the chocolate – maybe she is embarrassed about making the first move? Like I said, it is a little unusual, although it's cool in my opinion. If you just ask her out, no reference to anything else then you'll seem in charge and maybe that is what she wants, now she's given you this hint?"

Ty considers this and nods thoughtfully – my little man!

"Yeah, I'll try it. Thanks, Stef! I'll… I'll let you know how it goes!"

Ahhhhh, my tiny little pumpkin is growing up and asking my advice and dating girls!

New Friend Count: 2 – that's right, Ty; it's official, buddy!

* * *

You know those things that you just love _and_ hate simultaneously?

I have a lot of those things. Lana, for example. Also, Potions, lemons, ½ of the Marauder boys, McGonagall, books by Charles Dickens.

I also have this very particular sentiment about Wednesday afternoons at Hogwarts, which are devoted to Physical Exercise. There is a variety of activities set up and you sign yourself up to whichever one you want; it's all mixed between years to encourage 'mingling' but people tend not to.

There are flying activities in the Stadium and the Grounds behind it (usually the most popular), swimming in the Lake in the spring, Leviates which is sort of like Pilates but it involves training your core strength by hanging off of various floating objects too and running.

I always go for the running team, along with Lana. Marley picks the flying to be with Doc, of course. Remus swims, when possible and if not, he runs too. Potter and Black do Leviates (a lot of Quidditch players don't bother with the flying as they do enough already); Evans also does Leviates which is, I suspect, a large part of the reason Potter does too.

The reason for my mixed feelings towards sports afternoon is really quite simple.

Why I Hate It:

\- Physical exercise and effort

\- High risk of injury

Why I Love It:

\- No learning

\- Chance to gossip with Lana (as if we don't have enough of those already)

So many people do running, it's easy just to lag behind at the back and put in very little effort. We usually do a circuit around the Grounds (so you can laugh at all the people doing other activities) and sometimes the route dips into the Forest, but just the Dell.

The Dell is a very pleasant part of the otherwise terrifying Forest. (I have always been petrified of the place; I just shudder to think of all the horrors that could befall me in that place. Another reason why Fenwick's Centaur-Love-Affair rumor was highly unlikely).

I have broken a lot of school rules in my time but usually inadvertently. The Forbidden Forest one, Lana and I break on purpose. If our route heads that way, we take a quick break in the Dell, with its fresh green patches of grass and pretty clusters of bluebells. I suppose technically it might _not_ be breaking any rules as Madame Bourne actually lead us there. But I wouldn't like to argue that case to Dumbledore.

And it is here that we get our very best gossiping done…

Topics for discussion at the Dingly Dell – 10th September, 1977:

\- Emmeline Vance and her sudden dislike for, you know, _sanity_

\- Sirius Black and his odd habit of 'randomly' kissing girls

\- Update on Lana's Potter-related feelings  
NB: conceal all Potter-Evans-related plotting from Lans

We race through the first topic – I mean, there's not a lot to say. Her behavior has been totally inexplicable. Since her yelling at me, Em hasn't said a word to me and our dorm (between that and Lana's continual resentment of Lily) is frostier than the North Pole.

"She is bonkers – the stress of studying that hard finally got to her."

"Ha, very funny, Lana. I may cause damage to others as a byproduct of some of my Disasters but I'm not malicious and I've not done anything towards Emmeline."

"I think it speaks for how un-malicious you are that you care so much about fixing things between you. It's not really going to affect your life to let that one friendship fail. It happens, you know? And she's not your best mate so…"

"I just want to know why it's failed though! And then I can leave it alone…"

"No, then you will want to fix it! You are insatiable, Steffi."

Lana sounds exasperated by my determination. I mean, I know Emmeline and I were never best friends. But she was someone I quite liked to partner with in DADA, for example – we had a respect for one another, I feel. We both knew we were hardly the Twins at St. Clare's but we never pretended that we were – unlike a lot of people would do. We were companionably content to be _friends_. I always thought that honesty between us was the key to our relationship – and now she's calling me 'phony'?

Ugh, I suppose Lana is right – I just have to let this play out. It seems like one of those situations where the harder you force the issue, the worse you make it.

On to an equally frustrating topic (seriously, I feel like I'm pissing everyone off right now): Sirius Black.

"Anyway, before he tried to kill me with cosmetics, I had an… odd conversation with Black about you, Lans."

She grins at me – Lana thought the lipstick thing was hilarious but knows I will murder her if she says it aloud. So she conveys her approval of the trick through smug little smirks and mischievous grins. Which are so unbearable it's almost worse than her just outright saying she thought it was funny.

"Oh, yeah – did he profess his love for me?"

"Actually, no."

She flips me off.

"Seriously, he didn't! He said he didn't know why he did it, it was just random."

"What the hell. No one kisses someone 'randomly'."

"That's what I thought."

"What a strange boy. I mean, I don't doubt that he doesn't like me – honestly, total regret for both of us as soon as we stopped. Intriguing thought, right? Detective Steffi Hartmann is definitely staying on this case, yeah?"

Oh, you can bet your bottom dollar she is, Lana. This mystery really is getting more interesting – I think Lans is right that Sirius was telling the truth about not liking her, but he is definitely lying about it being random.

Detective Hartmann's List of Mysteries:

\- The Emmeline Vance Enigmatic Freeze Out

\- For Deputy Ranger Potter: Lily Evans Faux-Frostiness

\- Potter-Evans 5th Year Sparks

\- Sirius Black Surprise Snog

\- Gideon Prewett Potential Head Injury

\- Dumbledore's Decision to give a DZ Responsibility

This list is not getting any smaller. You could see this as the sign of a failed Detective, but anyone with half a brain knows that actually this _proves_ my Top Detective Skills – I have _detected_ many more mysteries as I've gone along.

Time to segue into Lana's feelings about James now; I'll feel a lot less uncomfortable about investigating/helping him and Evans if I know Lana is over him. She _seems_ like she is – this has been one of her fastest bounce-backs ever. But in my capacity as Amazing Friend, I have to make sure.

"So, James Potter – thoughts, feelings, comments?"

Lana shrugs and looks at the Dell floor, kicking a few leaves around. My Detective skills can see that she is evidently not _completely_ over him.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I knew it wasn't really going to happen anyway – he _has_ always liked Lily, even if it seemed like a joke. Even if it _is_ a joke to her… But, no, I'm actually OK."

That didn't even sound that much like a lie. And it is very unusual that Lana would ever cover up her feelings – she is very much an open book.

"How come? I mean, no offence, but you don't usually recover from heartbreak this quickly…"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe I'm getting more mature finally?"

Now _that_ sounded like a lie. Why would Lana lie about _why_ she was over James?

Think, Detective, think!

…..

….

She likes someone new. Lana has a crush on someone else now! It's the only explanation – that she's poured all the emotion that would be grief for her impossible love for James, into fancying someone new.

"Who's the new fella, Ilana Diggory?"

Aha! Her face is a picture; she covered it up quick but for a moment there was the guilt of being caught in a lie. Classic.

(I really am astounding myself with just how good at this I am. I mean, I'm not one to boast but, come on!)

"What? Stef, what do you mean?"

That faux-innocence won't wash with me. "You know I am a Special Agent now – I've been promoted, I'm _that_ good at this."

OK, so that eye-roll and exasperated huff was definitely genuine. "There is no new guy."

Sure and I'm the heir of Godric Gryffindor. This is definitely going in my case files; if Lana is going to be stubborn about this, well, I can get my information elsewhere….

Detective Hartmann's List of Mysteries:

\- The Emmeline Vance Enigmatic Freeze Out

\- For Deputy Ranger Potter: Lily Evans Faux-Frostiness

\- Potter-Evans 5th Year Sparks

\- Sirius Black Surprise Snog

\- Gideon Prewett Potential Head Injury

\- Dumbledore's Decision to give a DZ Responsibility

\- Lana's Latest Loverboy

Disaster Count: 6  
Mystery Count: 7  
New Friend Count: 2

* * *

The act of getting a detention is very much a disaster. However, once actually _in_ detention, there is generally very little which can go wrong. That is unless you are in detention with your Transfiguration assailant and current nemesis.

Which, of course, I am.

"I trust you two can clean trophies for one evening without attacking each other?"

Psh, I can't speak on behalf of that madman, McG, but I happen to be a perfectly civil and non-violent girl.

When I point this out, Sirius snorts derisively but doesn't retort – leading me to believe that his beloved husband Potter has spoken to him already.

"If I see a single injury on either of you, it will be detention for the rest of the month. Anyway, this cleaning will of course be wand-free, so unless you feel like resorting to fisticuffs..."

As McGonagall turns away I glare at Black and smash my fist into my palm in a (sort of) joking way; he can't help but bite back a laugh. I am far too comically talented – I just can't stop the jokes, even when I'm supposed to be mad at someone; it is truly a curse.

"Ah, here is Mr. Filch. He will accompany you to the Trophy Room and let you go at 9.30pm."

Oh Godric, this is going to be a long two hours.

Disaster Count: 7.

* * *

"You know what the Trophy Room is _really_ famous for…"

"No more kissing jokes, I swear to God. Sirius, I will murder you; a month's worth of detentions is a small price to pay…"

"I think you _might_ get in a little more trouble than that for murder?"

"Really? Because Kettleburn seems to be getting away scot-free with his blatant attempt on my life!"

Sirius goes to continue to back-and-forth but pauses. Instead he grabs a rag from the bucket of supplies Filch left us with and starts on a nearby silver cup, suddenly avoiding my eye.

"You know, I am sorry for the lipstick thing. As stupid as it sounds, I was actually trying to be nice and make you laugh."

Goddamn it, I almost wish I didn't know even a tiny bit about Sirius' background; it's making me go way too easy on him. Now every time he looks a tiny bit downcast, I think of his stupid scorched Family Tree.

"Potter suggested as much yesterday. You are an absolute, complete idiot Sirius – but a well-meaning one. Next time, stick with a knock-knock joke, yeah?"

He snickers and finally meets my eye to smile. "Or I could just leave the jokes to you – you seem to have more of a knack for it."

Ha, told you I was talented.

"Are you reconsidering my worth as a Partner-In-Crime?"

Sirius regards me with mock-contemplation, "Perhaps you do have some untapped potential. After all, heard you got Jane Fenwick pretty good."

I can't help but laugh aloud at that. I'd almost forgotten that my infamy as Library Dueler must be spreading throughout the school (one rumor Fenwick _doesn't_ want).

"That was one of my finer moments, I have to say."

We lapse into a bit of a silence after this, just working on the trophies. Obviously, I know what I'm doing with Muggle cleaning. However, I suppose Sirius usually does this punishment with James – neither of them being used to Muggle life. His technique is terrible. It emerges that he often has to do his detentions again, his cleaning is so ineffectual. Boys and Purebloods – bloody useless!

I give him a few tips and tricks which make a massive difference.

"Ah, this is going to _vastly_ reduce the amount of dets I have here, thanks Hartmann! I thought you were Half-Blood though?"

"Yeah, but it's my dad who was magical. He died when I was little so I've just grown up with one, Muggle parent."

Sirius looks surprised by this, although I didn't think it was much of a secret that my dad wasn't alive. "Sorry, I never realized."

I shrug; as I said, I was so young when it happened I don't feel sad about losing him in specific. It's more of a general grief for my lack of father figure… and hurting when I see how sad my mum can get.

I don't like talking about it though and I know that Sirius of all people will understand that, so I change the subject abruptly.

"Did James tell you about his plan that he's roped me into?"

Sirius chuckles, going along with the sudden shift in conversation as I knew he would, "Yep, I heard you were the latest recruit in the valiant struggle to win Evans' heart. If she has one, that is."

We compare our notes on the pair for a while – I explain that she seems genuinely fairly hostile towards him and Sirius reporting what James sees when they're alone. I briefly mention 5th Year but Sirius doesn't pick up the bait. Darn.

What is far more interesting is when I bring up the Em-Enigma.

I didn't expect this to yield any results at all; I was just trying to be nice to Sirius, treat him like any other of my friends instead of a bipolar maniac who could easily go back to abuse-by-way-of-lipsticks tomorrow.

"Wanna know the real reason I was annoyed yesterday?"

Sirius looks over at me from his side of the room and the massive cabinet of medals he is tackling. "Only if you _want_ to talk about it."

It's a little bit amusing seeing him actually trying to be nice to me. I suppose James must have had some pretty strong words with him, for fear of losing me as Lily-Ally.

I don't massively care either way about going over the Emmeline saga again – I have mostly resigned myself to letting it go but it is frustrating. I decided to tell Sirius, as I say, just as a general conversation topic really.

So I tell him about her weird little dig at me in the dorm and then her full-blown explosion about boys and not even being pretty.

"Come on, I know I'm no supermodel but… That was mean! Emmeline Vance is not a mean person, why is she suddenly being horrible to me?"

Sirius is frowning, more interested in my story than I had thought he would be. "What a bitch. None of that is true, by the way."

I'm sure he's just talking about me being manipulative – he means _that's_ nottrue _._

"So, what were you talking about when she went mad? You didn't say. That must be something to do with it, right?

Darn, hadn't counted on Black having some Top Detective skills of his own.

"Ugh, basically Gideon Prewett is an idiot who has his wires crossed and thinks I'm going on a date with him to Hogsmeade."

Sirius doesn't laugh at me, credit where it's due (although he doesn't exactly know the real story). "But you're not?"

"No, don't tell him I'm not though."

"Steffi, have you _told_ him you're not going on a date with him?"

"I will soon!"

Sirius sighs at me and shakes his head; I'm sure he is about to berate me further for stringing along his fellow Beater but I cut him off.

"Back to the topic – what does Prewett have to do with Emmeline hating my guts and calling me ugly?"

"You're not-" Exasperation - it's a common thing to feel when around me. "So she got angry about you messing around several boys, obviously one of whom is Prewett and…"

He trails off, pondering my dilemma. I am glad to have another good Detective on the team but he seriously had better not spill the beans to Gideon before I can come clean myself.

"Oh! Emmeline fancies Lupin!"

Hm, well, she could – that isn't outside the realm of possibility but what has that got to do with me? OH. Oh my God.

Emmeline _isn't_ wise, I was right after all.

"Emmeline listens to bloody Fenwick."

"I think so, Stef. I think _she_ thinks you had a thing going with Remus, then messed around with me and _then_ she heard with her own ears that you were going out with Gideon."

"Oh Godric, literally none of that is true!"

Sirius does laugh at me now and I will take that credit back – it is not due, not due at all! Instead of credit, he gets a slap on the arm.

"Hey, McGonagall said no fisticuffs!"

"Actually, she _proposed_ fisticuffs as an alternative to magical fighting. Sirius, how do I fix this? I feel like Em will get angry if I bring up her liking Remus. She is a very private person and she's never ever hinted at having a crush on him, so she can't be comfortable talking about it. She'd be mortified, I reckon."

And… well, obviously I've never directly discussed this with Remus but I have noticed – he has never had a girlfriend. I think it's because of his condition. To divulge such a secret must be hard enough as it is – I mean, he's never even told _me_. To tell it to someone and then have to hope they still feel romantically for you after – that is a _really_ big leap of faith and I don't know that it's one a seventeen year old could make.

Unfortunately a _lot_ of people are anti-werewolf, and even those who are sympathetic (as Emmeline probably is) – could they _love_ a werewolf?

I know Sirius knows about Remus. But should I let him know that _I_ know?

"Also, a part of me wonders…" I break off. This could be a catastrophic idea – but for some reason I feel compelled to share with him.

"Wonders what?"

"Maybe it's best if Emmeline thinks that's the reason she can't date him. Because she believes I'm involved with Remus."

Sirius looks at me guardedly – not angrily though. Not yet, anyway. "What do you mean, Hartmann?"

"I don't think Remus would date her if she did tell him she liked him. Not because he doesn't like her but… He doesn't date so maybe it is better he never knows about her feelings."

"You think we should let Emmeline continue to believe you are an obstacle between her and Remus, so he never knows that she likes him at all. Why on Earth do you think we should stop him knowing that a girl likes him?"

He still doesn't sound angry – more like he is playing Devil's advocate. Does he want me to come straight out and admit that I know? I've never said the words aloud before: Remus Lupin is a werewolf. I worry that they might sound a lot more serious then, than they do in my head.

"I think we should do that because Remus probably likes her back. But he still wouldn't, couldn't date her. So why force him to be the one to make that decision and have to say no to her? This way we avoid a lot more heartache for him and avoid him having to… find a reason to tell Em no."

He almost looks… worried. Why? He must have realized that I know now – worried doesn't seem like a rational reaction to this.

"Stefanie, do you-"

"Look, don't tell him I know. I don't want him to worry – if he hasn't told me himself, he clearly doesn't feel comfortable telling me. I understand."

Sirius had been pacing as we spoke; at this, he strode across the room and stopped about a centimeter away from me. He is a lot taller than me and the way he towered over me had exactly the intimidating effect that I'm sure was desired.

"How?"

It barely even sounds like a question, just a tense statement spoken through clenched teeth.

"Because I have known him for seven years, he is one of my very best friends and I may be a Disaster Zone but I am not stupid. I figured it out."

"When?"

"3rd Year."

Sirius visibly relaxes at this; I've known for four years and never breathed a word or dropped so much as a hint.

"Honestly, don't tell him I know – he would freak out."

"You're not bothered by it?"

"Are you, Sirius?"

He is looking at me appraisingly again. I personally don't feel any particular pride in not being bothered by Remus' condition; it should just be the basic human instinct not to find it… disgusting, which _is_ what many people (idiots) think.

"You're right about not letting him know Emmeline likes him. But you should patch things up with Vance – it's not fair for you to take the flack for something that's not your fault. In fact, you're doing a good thing for Moony; you definitely deserve better than bitterness from Vance."

He is impressed by me. I really don't see it as such a big deal, but I am pleased nonetheless.

"What should I tell her though?"

"Explain the Gideon Prewett situation – also sort that out completely and let him know you're not dating him. Tell her you and Remus aren't an item _because_ he doesn't date."

"Ah, and that way she knows that he doesn't date _and_ it leaves the idea that I could be interested in him therefore putting her off admitting feelings. But admitting the truth about Gideon and you should get me off the hook as she'll see I never messed him around."

"Precisely."

"Thanks, Mr. Black, life-coach extraordinaire."

He grins at me dashingly and all traces of our nemesis-ness are gone. For now. As I say, there is no predicting him – it could be World War III again tomorrow morning.

But I suppose I'll just have to wait and see.

Disaster Count: 7  
Mystery Count: 7  
New Friend Count: 3…?

* * *

A/N: In return for two chapters, reviews would be absolutely adored!

Also the beauty of this fic is that, unlike any others I've ever done, I basically don't plan this one. I have vague ideas of stuff that I wanna write about but I just plan on a chapter to chapter basis. So if you have things that you don't like, do like or want to see in the future - you can suggest them and I may just write 'em.

Basically, I want to hear from you all!

Hope you enjoyed.

Elle xo


	7. Chapter 7

I tell you, making so many new friends is hungry work! I have woken up this morning with an _appetite_ – please, oh please let there be bacon sandwiches for brekkie.

My Hunger has woken me far earlier than any of the other girls but luckily I know four boys who are always as starving as me; no doubt the Marauders will be up and about too. All I can do is pray that Sirius Black hasn't suddenly had an attack of the grumps and for some reason decided he hates me again. I also really hope that, regardless of his mood, he kept his word about not telling Moony…

Could it be…?

Could I, Stefanie Hartmann, have a real Guardian Angel?

Because there are indeed bacon sandwiches on the breakfast table, Sirius greeted me with a friendly wave _as did Remus_. What a home run, indeed! (Although seventeen years of disastrousness have taught me that this day could yet go south. There are really no Disaster-free days for me).

"Morning, you little delinquent Prefect!" James Potter is cheery as ever – that bloke is _such_ a morning person that it almost offends me.

"Look who's talking – King of the Delinquents himself, our very own Head Boy."

"Excuse me, Stef, on what basis are you awarding him that title? King of the Delinquents is a much sought after prize!"

"Pete, you can be the Archbishop of Misdemeanors?"

He nods, satisfied and allows me to reach over and grab the juice pitcher. Sirius finally finishes the mouthful of bacon that was preventing him from verbally greeting me before.

"Good morning, Steffi! Hungry are we?" The hypocritical little sod is gesturing at the stack of sandwiches on my plate – he was the one that just took a solid five minutes to chew his obscene mouthful of food!

I point this out and add, "Anyway, glad to see you haven't reverted back to sulking at me, pouty pants."

Sirius looks mock-offended, "Why would I do that? What have you done…?"

"I haven't done anything! I don't have to, to get in _your_ bad books – you are bordering on bipolar, I reckon."

The mock-offence has turned into real offence at this but James is laughing, "You know what, pal? Dr. Hartmann just diagnosed you there – spot on, Steffi!"

The other two nod their agreement as well, "She does have a point."

Sirius is outraged, full-on indignant spluttering going on from him. I smile sweetly back at his insulted expression.

"I… Well! You know, _actually_ I… No! I am not even- "

Ahahaha, I don' think I've ever seen Sirius Black lost for words. The four of us are convulsed with laughter at the sight.

"Fuck off, the lot of you!"

His snappiness obviously just makes us laugh even harder as poor Sirius proves our point. My words have made him huffy again but it's a knowing sort of sulk- he is laughing at himself as well.

"I can't believe you call me bipolar behind my back."

"Bipolar Black, it's a well-established nickname," I joke. He nicks a retaliatory sandwich off my plate. Fool. "Carry on like that and I'll have it changed to Bipolar Bastard Black."

He smirks at me and crams _my_ sandwich into his stupid gob.

Of course, I _would_ have taught him what happens when you steal from Stef Hartmann – Library Duelist Extraordinaire – but at that moment, my dorm mates joined us at the table. Obviously, Emmeline had been in bed by the time I returned to the dorm last night, so I hadn't had a chance to talk to her yet. Which, being the disgrace to Gryffindor House that I am, I was quite pleased about. But we have DADA theory class first, where I sit at the desk next to Em. So it's gotta happen soon, I guess. Oh man.

Why didn't I get Sorted into Hufflepuff? I think the Hat is broken – I am a cowardly, food-lover. That screams Huffle and not Gryff, doesn't it? Next time I go and see Dumbledore (probably to fill him in on my mission to set-up Lily and James) I'll also mention the brokenness of that stupid Hat.

Yes, yes, Sirius I can see you oh-so-subtly jerking your head in Emmeline's direction. Oh, come on, try and be a little secretive about it – _everyone_ is staring at you as if you need immediate admittance to St. Mungo's which… well, probably isn't that far off the truth.

"Sirius," I try to mutter a quiet warning which he evidently does not understand, from the way he continues the head-jerking but now with added eye-widening. Jeez Louise.

Time for brute force – a swift kick to the shins should do it.

"OW." Now he really looks crazy, yelling to himself and glaring at me. Luckily, I presume the boys are as used to Sirius' madness as the girls are to mine and everyone seems to be getting on with breakfast.

 _I know! I am going to do it before DADA_ , I mouth to him. He furrows his brows in a you'd-better-Hartmann sort of manner. I give him my best smile of sweetness and innocence which, rudely, he does not look impressed by.

But I ignore him for the rest of the meal, keeping my Top Detective eyes on Emmeline instead. The second she finishes her French toast, I shoot a triumphant look at Black before hopping off the bench and walking over to her.

"Em, I'm going off to DADA now – walk with me? I feel like we should talk, I need to explain…"

She fixes me with a look that doesn't exactly scream 'Why, of course, Steffi – I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this and, in fact, I've almost forgiven you already'. Which is what I was hoping for but, in retrospect, does seem a little ambitious.

Bleh. I hate confrontation.

Things I Could be Doing Instead of Having an Intense Conversation with Emmeline Vance:

\- Eating more bacon

\- Murdering Sirius Black for stealing aforementioned bacon

\- Learning to tap-dance

\- Finding Ty for an update on his love life

\- Avoiding Gideon Prewett

\- Chatting with my bestie Dumbledore about stupid Hats and playing Cupid

But unfortunately, here I am with a hostile sort-of-friend, having to defend myself against complete _libel_. Honestly, I so regret not doing more than a Bubble-Head on Fenwick – who knows when my next chance to curse that bitch will be?

"Emmeline, I'm not entirely sure why you are upset with me – we've always gotten along well, I thought. My only idea was that… maybe you've been paying a bit too much attention to that poisonous cow, Fenwick? Her rumors are bullshit and I would _hate_ to think that they would change your perception of me. You _know_ me, Em, I'm not some sort of…slut!"

Em sighs, looking slightly-less-hostile-but-not-exactly-friendly, "The Gideon thing wasn't a rumor I heard from Fenwick."

"No, that was a classic Hartmann-Disaster – basically he has his wires crossed about our actually-non-existent Hogsmeade date. I'm going to tell him today that I never intended to give him the wrong impression but… From henceforth, let the 11th of September be known as The Day of Clearing up and Explaining your Disasters to Friends."

Come on, Emmeline, don't resist my wit and charm – you must know by now that it's futile! Ugh, but I still have to drop in that hint about still liking Remus. I really don't want to but it is for the best that he never knows about Em's feelings. It would be too cruel to dangle a girlfriend in front of him, just for him to have to say no.

"Yes, let me be explicit, Emmeline. I am not going to Hogsmeade with Gideon, I have never had anything but completely friendly relationships with the Marauders – any of them. And-"

She cuts me off, "You and Remus are so friendly."

"Yeah," Another attempt at that Oscar – here goes: heartfelt sigh of longing…. "He doesn't date. He means a lot to me but he… he just doesn't. I hope all these rumors haven't changed _his_ perception of me – he knows the Sirius' thing isn't true but…"

I mean, really, my career options are wide open – detective, actress, matchmaker…

"I noticed Remus never had an official girlfriend but I didn't realize he had, like, a _rule_ against dating."

"Yep, sucks for the ladies of Hogwarts but he just can't be bothered with the whole scene…"

Marginally less convincing but I'm sure the Academy will be impressed nonetheless.

"Well, if he won't even bend the rule for you, Steffi-"

"Ah, honestly, Em, I've accepted that it can never be. Although it can be tough being such good friends with him, it's best to just live your life. So even if I do end up dating someone, don't think badly of me please. Remus just doesn't want to date… anyone."

I hope I convincingly made it sound as if I was talking about myself there, not just straight-up giving her advice. It seems OK, Em is nodding at me and smiling – yay! I won't add this to my New Friend Count but, you know, regaining an old pal can be just as rewarding.

* * *

Time for Slug Club – I wonder what delicacies Sluggers will have provided for lunch today? I will also be aiming to get a seat next to my BFF Lily, in order to get a head start on tonight's Astronomy sesh; it'll be so much easier if we can just go straight into the gossiping.

Ooh, mini chicken and tarragon pies! Aaaand name cards, drat. Sluggers loves to mix it up and have his protégés from different years and Houses mingle – to share our Genius, he claims. To torture us, I say, because one cannot possibly have both the pleasure of pie _and_ good company when one is a DZ.

"Rabastan Lestrange", gee. I know he's in my class but I'm not sure who he is paired with… He must sit towards the back of the dungeons. The more important information that I cannot remember is whether or not he is one of the dodgy-ingredients-stealing Slytherins. His name sounds so familiar; he _must_ be from one of those infamously Dark families.

I mean, he looks normal enough when he sits down next to me. And he shakes my hand, introducing himself (some of those types can't even bear to touch a non-Pureblood so he's obviously not one of the real extremists). There is a certain Pureblood look, isn't there? They all seem to be one end of the spectrum or another.

You have your 'Narcissas':  
\- White blonde  
\- Ice blue eyes  
\- Tiny and petite

And then you have your 'Bellatrixes':  
\- Black-as-pitch hair  
\- Dark, heavy eyes  
\- Tall but willowy, slender

Sirius belongs to the second group, as does Rabastan. They all have excellent bone structure – which surprises me. I guess Wizard inbreeding must produce different results to Muggle inbreeding; as far as I can tell, none of them have webbed feet.

Ah, _Lestrange_! That was who Bellatrix married, Rabastan's older brother. So his family must be among the higher echelons of that world. Hmm…

"Hey, Hartmann, could you pass the potatoes?"

Liking potatoes is always a good sign, I reckon – _not_ liking potato equals nutter, true psychopath.

"You're on the Slytherin Quidditch team, right?"

"Uh… yeah? I'm the Keeper."

A few beats of silence. Come on, Rabs, don't resist it… Give me a little more to work with…

"Are you into Quidditch then?" Thank you, Rabastan.

"Yeah, I mean I'm not the craziest fan – but I follow the Holyhead Harpies. I went to the Semi-finals last year when they got through – amazing experience. I took my mum, she thought it was brilliant."

Rabastan nods and actually smiles in response, "I went to the finals the week after – I'm a Pride of Portree fan but my dad is a part-owner of the Kenmare Kestrels so we got good seats."

"Wow, part-owner - that is impressive! I'm even more impressed by how casually you said it!"

He chuckles! Ah, these Slytherin – they're a friendly lot really. Or maybe it's just that no one can resist the Hartmann charms.

We chat throughout lunch, just small talk – Quidditch, our home towns, favorite foods (this topic takes up most of our conversation). I am pleasantly surprised by how cordial he is – I'm not sure I can add him to my New Friend Count just yet but he was nicer than I would have expected.

Just as lunch is drawing to a close, I realize who Rabastan sits next to in class when he asks, "You're Ilana Diggory's best friend, right?"

"Yes, but you're welcome to take over my role if you want – she is a truly terrible mate, always taking the mick, zero sympathy for even the hardest of plights."

Silence.

"Yeah. I sit next to her, is all. I was just wondering. I thought you two were friends."

He smiles at me once more before grabbing his rucksack and heading off.

"The Harpies will lose against Puddlemere, by the way."

"Nu-uh, their defense is shocking. I'd bet 10 Galleons on a smashing Harpies victory!"

"You're on." A grin, an _actual_ grin - I knew news of what an Incredible Best Mate I am would spread!

You know, I stand corrected – New Friend Count: 4!

* * *

Do you know what is immensely distracting when you are trying to be the Best Prefect in the world and also prevent any tragic deaths by reading up on Devil's Snare in your free period?

I'll _tell_ you what is really, truly distracting: Sirius Black's lips a centimeter away from your face.

"Hey, Stef," Don't be whispering all up in my grill, Black. "Did you talk to Emmeline? You two seemed OK in DADA."

Honestly, this boy is far too used to having girls throwing themselves at his feet. I turn my head slightly so I can glare at him and then smush his face away from me with my hand.

"Yes, I dropped the right hints and cleared my name. We're all good."

Ah, silence again – exactly what you want in a Library. In fact, often the very reason why someone might just come to the Library in the first place – something Sirius obviously doesn't realize.

"What about Prewett – sorted that mess out again?" His breath _all_ over my cheek – why does he think this proximity is at all necessary?

(The most distracting part of all this isn't even the noise; it's the way my stomach just flipped when he put his lips back near my cheek. That is how starved of male attention I am – soon I'll be batting my eyelids when Kettleburn starts chatting to me about moorlands. Or twirling my hair when Peter tells me about his latest ploy to humiliate Martin Blishwick – his rival since he beat him for the Chaser position on the Quidditch team in 4th Year).

"No, I'm getting round to it, OK? Haven't I had enough confessions for one day? Also, can we have some distance please? You never know where Jane Fenwick could be lurking…"

Sirius has pulled away, actually, when I said 'No'.

" _Steffi_ , talk to Prewett." _Black_ , keep it down! Pince will have us out of here in a second and you can bet your life savings that Fenwick would make a rumor out of us being thrown out of the Library in a heartbeat.

Ugh, he actually looks annoyed that I haven't spoken to Gideon – I was definitely on the money with my bipolar diagnosis. Messing about and grinning away one second then suddenly it's Groucho Black again.

Trying to retain a little privacy in the crowded Library, I lean over the arm of my chair to hiss, "Tomorrow – I just need time to prepare. Last time I spoke to him, intending not to date him was when this whole mess started. Stop worrying about your Beater Bro's feelings, they will go unharmed, I promise."

"Now, who's getting too close?" Sirius nods towards angled posture. "Why don't we give Fenwick something to talk about…?"

And with that he leans over towards me, his nose literally a millimeter from my cheek, and breathes, "Seriously, tell Prewett tomorrow or I will."

HONESTLY. This boy is ridiculous with the mood swings – is he in a stupid, jokey mood or grumpy, threatening-me-ambiguously mood? Both, it would seem – great.

I lean back (I mean, I've only just cleared my name with Emmeline, I don't need this aggravation) and go to push Sirius back too, with a not-so-gentle shove to the chest. Of course, the idiot grabs onto my hands and leans in to whisper, "I know you love fighting in the Library, but please try to show some decorum, Hartmann."

"Sirius Black, I may be representative of a tiny minority of the female population here, but I do not need your face so close to mine, OK?"

He chuckles, and obviously _doesn't_ move, breathing all over me again. It's good that he has evidently had a mint or something since lunch otherwise this would be even more unbearable.

"Prongs told me to properly apologize for that dumb prank – what better way than living up to the original promise I made you..?"

I bet that dumb, suggestive, low tone of voice makes some girls do stupid things...

However, it makes _me_ free my hand from his grasp (by sliding it down his chest which provokes a smirk from the idiot). That is until my newly-freed hand goes to my wand and performs some nifty spell work.

"Or I could shove this somewhere painful," brandishing my newly Transfigured lipstick case in his face - he knows _where_ I mean. "Rain kisses…." I mutter disbelievingly, the nerve of him.

His face at first was a picture of surprise, now it's back in its usual smirking expression – but this time a laughing kind of smirk. Much preferable to the seductive kind.

"Unbelievable, Hartmann," He throws an arm around me, leaning against me, in a properly friendly way. He takes the lipstick from my hand and changes it into…. Oh, very funny. A feathery cupcake with chicken legs. I smack him on the chest again and he snickers under his breath.

I take this opportunity to point out what a great example of bipolarity that whole exchange was – joking around whilst threatening to blow my secret.

"Oh, Godric – none of the lads have shut up about that diagnosis all day, Stef."

Good!

Oh, wait – I just spotted a familiar head of spiky brown hair. I toss the cupcake unthinkingly to the desk across the room to catch his attention. Ty looks horrified to see such a grotesque object in front of him and looks around wildly to see who has sent him this gross and vaguely threatening thing. When he sees me grinning like a loon and waving, his expression relaxes into of-course-it- _would-_ be-my-mental-mentor.

He gets up and walks over – Sirius, still with his arm around me, murmurs, "Who's that?"

"Hey, Ty! Got any updates for me?"

Ty sits down, grinning – a wonderful sign. "Yep – she said yes! We're going to meet in the courtyard at 9.30. I wanted to see you actually, Stefanie – what should we do? I feel like it's my responsibility to come up with a plan for the day."

I notice (as I am prone to do, I'm sure you'll have realized by now) that Ty is glancing at Sirius nervously. I suppose Sirius is one of the better-known guys in our school – a 7th Year, good-looking, popular, trouble-maker, runaway, it is a cool mix especially to the younger years.

"Sirius, you take lots of girls on Hogsmeade trips – what would Ty's 4th Year gal enjoy on a first date?"

Ty's eyes widen happily as Sirius considers my question. I just gave him so much cred in the Ravenclaw Common Room – dating advice from Sirius Black. That alone will probably win his girl's heart.

Sirius gives him some good suggestions, being very polite and brotherly to Ty which I appreciate. Ty is ridiculously grateful and actually hugs me as he walks off. I'm grinning ear-to-ear, which makes Sirius chuckle again.

"Got a thing for younger men, Steffi?"

He's going to right way for another slap… "Ty is my mentor, I'll have you know."

Evidently his arm must have fallen away from my shoulders as we spoke to Ty because he swings it round me once more, forcing me to lean against him as he whispers, again – really not getting my dislike of this, "As long as _you're_ not his Hogsmeade date – wouldn't want you messing even more poor boys around. Emmeline'll have a fit!"

I am about to respond when suddenly I stop mid-admonishment because I realize that I told Narcissa to meet me here so we could strategize about Gideon-Prewett-Problem-Prevention. It probably wouldn't be the best of ideas for Sirius to find out I'm mates with a member of his detested family, especially not while he's in such a rare, good mood with me. But unfortunately, what reminded me was Cissy walking into the Library and up to our desk.

"Narcissa."

Bloody Hell. His arm drops away from my shoulders and his grin cools rapidly into a neutral stare as he examines his cousin.

"Hello, Sirius," She responds as she takes the seat opposite me.

He looks very confused. Oh dear, I'm going to have to be the one to explain, aren't I?

"Sorry to cut this check-in/threaten-Steffi session short, but I forgot I had arranged to meet Cissy."

At my using her nickname, Sirius seems to tense up. What is it with me, Cissy and scrapping in the Library? I've seen Sirius in Defense and I definitely couldn't take him in a fight.

"But luckily, you two are on the same side – she's here to help me figure out how to break the awful news to Gideon!"

Have I saved the day, worsened it? Sirius is looking at _me_ with that neutral stare now, which feels very odd. I'm more used to either a mocking grin or a grumpy frown.

"Stefanie, why does my cousin know about the Prewett thing?"

Good God this is awkward. "Because your cousin is also my friend… and my Library-Fighting-Partner-In-Crime. I mean, _you_ didn't want me as a Partner-In-Crime, so I had to find another Black, of course!"

I'm not sure if cracking jokes is the way to go here – but it's basically the _only_ way I know. Sirius seems to be weighing up whether or not to kill me. Thankfully, he settles on smiling wryly at me.

"I did wonder how someone as accident-prone as you had managed to survive a duel with two people…"

He stands up, grabbing his stuff and turns to Narcissa, "Make sure she bloody tells him."

Cissy nods, smiling slightly. Then Sirius leans into me one last time to whisper for my ears only, "See, I'm not so grumpy and bipolar after all, huh?"

He smirks at me – the mocking grin back again. (Who would ever have thought I would be glad to see that). With that, he's off and I'm down from two Blacks to one.

To my surprise, Narcissa starts spluttering with laughter, trying to hold it in as Pince stalks past. "OK, Stef, I knew you were friends with my cousin, but I didn't realize you were _friends_."

I poke her arm and frown. "Cissy! We're not! He is _just_ my friend – actually, not even that a lot of the time. He can be very ill-tempered as I'm sure you know."

She smirks infuriatingly – obviously a family trait. "Well, you certainly looked very cozy indeed there."

"Sirius has no other female friends, so he doesn't know how to treat them. He just acts as if I'm one of the boys, throwing his arm around me – he doesn't realize how it looks. Or, well, he does but he thinks it is utterly hilarious when people make the kind of assumptions you're making."

It's the truth – there is nothing between Sirius and me. I mean, for starters, look at the sort of girls her usually goes for – Diana Cress, the most beautiful girl in school and a rumored-half-Veela (some people have better luck with rumors than others) or Dorcas Meadowes, who is a Greek Goddess. He would never consider me dating-material, I am just a friend. And although we are good friends, I find him infuriating a lot of the time – the last time I trusted him, he attacked me humiliatingly with lipsticks. I couldn't trust him enough to be my _boyfriend_.

Thankfully, Cissy seems to see the truth in my words and lets the subject drop, "OK, well, onto your _actual_ boy problems…"

* * *

I've said it before but it bears repeating – Cissy is a gem. She had the fab idea of writing Gideon a letter!

Advantages of Callously Dumping a Boy Via Letter:  
\- No worries that your Disaster Mouth will trip you up  
\- Your friends who are much cleverer than you can write most of it  
\- It may actually seem a little less callous because of the whole whimsical nature of letter writing  
\- Perfect for fake-Gryff-cowards who don't want to confront their problems face-to-face

 _Dear Gideon,_

 _I know this letter might come as a bit of a surprise to you but I feel it is important to be clear about things._

 _What I said in the Greenhouse was not, I believe, what you thought it was. I know you have been under the impression that I invited you to go to Hogsmeade with me and I should have corrected this impression sooner – I was just surprised when you said you did want to go with me!_

 _I am not looking to date at the moment – you know how hectic my life can be and I simply don't think I can juggle being a Prefect, keeping up with my NEWT work and keep a deadly Devil's Snare under control whilst also dating._

 _I hope you understand and I really do apologizing for not letting you know immediately._

 _Kind Regards,  
Steffi._

I think it is obvious which parts Cissy wrote and which parts were contributed by me.

She walks with me up to the Owlery to send it off – such a weight off my mind. Now I can concentrate fully on my other Mysteries and prepare myself for Astronomy later.

As we part ways at the bottom of the steps, I envelope Cissy in a massive hug. "Thanks so much for that – you are a really good mate."

"Steffi, it was no problem at all. And you are a wonderful friend too but you know what – you'd make an even better cousin-in-law!"

Honestly, is there no one in this world who doesn't get a kick out of mocking a poor Disaster Zone?

* * *

T-minus zero minutes until Astronomy, Disaster Count: 8.

Lily is at the telescope next to me, but we've already agreed to work in shifts and share all our work – just like proper Best Friends.

I quickly review my mental list…

Detective Hartmann's List of Mysteries:

\- The Emmeline Vance Enigmatic Freeze Out. SOLVED.

\- For Deputy Ranger Potter: Lily Evans Faux-Frostiness

\- Potter-Evans 5th Year Sparks

\- Sirius Black Surprise Snog.

\- Gideon Prewett Potential Head Injury. Not Solved but now IRRELEVANT.

\- Dumbledore's Decision to give a DZ Responsibility

\- Lana's Latest Loverboy

You know, that is pretty good progress. One whole mystery solved and another problem dealt with, all in one day. Also, Lily seems pretty chipper so I reckon I can make some headway on my assignment for James.

"Hey," I whisper across to Lily. Of course, Prof. Galloway is snoozing already – he never stays awake during practical lessons but that is to my advantage tonight. "I had a sort of weird day today. You know how mad I was at Sirius? Well, we had a detention together last night and A) he apologized, then B) he let me explain why I was annoyed and actually took note of what I said today. Those idiots can surprise you sometimes, huh?"

I sneak a look at her and am pleased to see her considering my words. "Yeah, I suppose."

Very coy, Ms. Evans, perhaps I need to be more direct.

"How has it been working so closely with James this year? Any surprises? I don't mind Potter, to be honest. He can be a good laugh. Our rounds were quite fun – and he was on time."

Am I selling this too hard? No, I don't think I am – Lily has looked away from the telescope and is looking reflective.

"I suppose it hasn't been as heinous as I thought – but that isn't exactly saying much," her voice is dry and sarcastic. While my first reaction is just to see her obvious disdain, I try to remember what James said about her joking around with him.

"Yeah, like today, Sirius and I had a great laugh in the Library – not too loudly, of course – so, you never know, you and James could end up getting along."

"Yeah, but you and Sirius have always gotten on. Haven't you?"

Well, I suppose we've never been as combative as Lily and James, but… Well, I suppose we have always sort of been friends. Just friends who get in genuine arguments a lot – not like the jokey spats I have with Peter over who ate the last chip.

"Do you not see it at all, what makes me friends with James?"

Lily is silent again – I can see that she does, suddenly. Just something in the set of her mouth – I can see stubbornness, and that means she does know he has good qualities but she doesn't want to admit it.

"I really wasn't so close with the other Marauders, outside Petey and Remus, for quite a while. But the past couple of years, I've gotten closer to them. I know they can still be immature idiots – trust me on that, I got a face-full of lipsticks just the other day. But they _have_ changed somehow because they still do those things, I notice them when they do and I get annoyed, but it happens less and less often. I honestly don't even know when the last big prank was they pulled."

I don't think I even realized that myself until the words just came out. The past couple of years, the boys _have_ been different. For the first five years of Hogwarts, they really didn't have much regard for anyone else. Their pranks weren't all that funny, sometimes they hurt people and were thoughtless – they annoyed me. All of the boys were like that – but Pete and Remus weren't if you just spoke to them, had a chat. Sirius and James still had that careless swagger even in conversation.

Over 5th Year those two were a little less obnoxious with me because I really did take a lot of the blame for their crap, thanks to Malfoy. But over 6th Year, I actually really do struggle to think of any particularly awful things they did. I remember a few pranks – but they were more… fun things. Fireworks displays in classrooms, releasing a flock of adorable, humming Flitterby moths in the Great Hall at dinner, things that the whole school enjoyed, really and that lightened the mood. And they were both less full of it in general.

"No, Stef, you are right. James is… OK. Really OK."

!

"He has been polite, friendly and not particularly arrogant – or at least not _meanly_ arrogant - this year. And, yes, when I think of it – last year too. I didn't interact with him as much, of course, but you are right."

I AM RIGHT. All hail Stefanie Hartmann, best Detective in the woooorld!

James Potter owes me _bad_.

"Sometimes during our meetings, he really makes me laugh. He can be rather… sweet. He isn't doing what he did in 5th Year, you know, trying to force me to date him like the biggest prick in the world. In fact, I don't know if he even likes me in _that_ way at all any more…"

Is that a hint of regret, I detect? (Of course it is, when is Special Agent Hartmann ever wrong? NEVER!)

"Do you… wish he did?"

Lily huffs an exasperated sigh and covers her face with her hands. "No, of course not! Well, it's always nice for _someone_ to like you – oh, I don't know!"

Poor girl – she sounds very confused. And I'll bet she's not dared breathe a word of this to anyone. No wonder she needed to talk about it. And boy, does she let it all out.

"We've only been back two weeks, Stef! I know we're talking about him having changed in 6th Year but I didn't really see it then – so this feels very sudden! What if this change, this new-found maturity doesn't last? I mean, I don't even know if I _do_ like him, or whether it's just that I want to be his friend – considering our long rivalry, even _that_ is a huge leap! Oh Lord, Stefanie, not a _word_ of this to anyone!"

I nod quickly and somewhat guiltily. I know I ought to tell James but this _is_ actually a big sign of friendship from Lily, telling me all this. Maybe I should wait a while before I report back… After all, he won't have been expecting progress this quickly. And if he moves too fast he'll probably ruin it – and there is no way James Potter can control himself from moving too fast…

Yes, I have both their ears, both their trust – I'll be the puppet master, the conductor of this relationship! If I give each party, the right information and the right time…

I mostly only fuck up my own life – I'll probably be able to handle theirs just fine… Probably.

"Honestly, Stef, I mean it. Even more than the change in James not being permanent, I'm scared… I'm scared of what the rest of Hogwarts will say if we even become friends, let alone if… No. It's been _two weeks_ , I do _not_ … UGH!"

Of course, Little Miss Perfect would be terrified of what people would say about her and James – and they _will_ inevitably talk if the pair starts acting at all friendly. Lily is so self-conscious, she's got such a perfect record and a history of hating James that her fear of what other people think could prevent her from ever moving forward with James. And this explains why she always acts so frosty around him in public.

Wow, imagine worrying about what Hogwarts says about you… If I ever thought about that, well, I'd probably have given myself a stress-induced cardiac arrest by now.

Oh, hold up. Steffi Hartmann Flash of Inspiration.

"Hey, Lily, maybe I can help you with this…"

"Do NOT talk to Potter!"

"I won't!" (I will) "What I meant was, out of everyone in Hogwarts, I probably care the least what people think of me, right? I have to, the amount of stupid things I actually do and the amount of things that Fenwick makes up."

Lily smiles despite herself.

"Why don't I give you lessons – Lily's Lessons in Not Giving a Crap?"

Now she is properly smiling and laughing, too.

"Maybe I could even do some digging with the boys and see how deep James' new-found maturity really is?"

Oof! Operation: Lily BFF is no longer an Operation, but a genuine friendship. She has just wrapped me in the biggest hug.

"We have charted absolutely nothing this lesson, but Steffi, you are a wonderful friend. Thank you!"

Detective Hartmann's List of Mysteries:

SOLVED

\- The Emmeline Vance Enigmatic Freeze Out.

\- For Deputy Ranger Potter: Lily Evans Faux-Frostiness

TO BE SOLVED

\- Potter-Evans 5th Year Sparks

\- Sirius Black Surprise Snog/Sad Story

\- Dumbledore's Decision to give a DZ Responsibility

\- Lana's Latest Loverboy

\- Permanency of Potter Properness

Mystery Count: 5  
New Friend Count: 5  
Disaster Count: 8

* * *

AN: Hello, readers. You may be few, but thus far you have been lovely. Your reviews really make my day, so if you have time then please go ahead!

ALSO Nerdy Trivia Note  
I have spoken about Transfiguring cakes into things and I don't know if that is one of the Exceptions to Gamp's Laws. You can't _create_ food, but can you Transfigure it into something else? Surely you can - but in that case, then the class wouldn't have been able to turn the chicks back into cake. So I disregarded Gamp - I will also be disregarding Gamp further on in this story so, sorry Gamp!

Elle xoxo


	8. Chapter 8

Dumbledore knows; Dumbledore definitely bloody knows.

I make a massive Lily-James breakthrough and just days later he invites me to a meeting in his office. The big old gossip – he is so on this.

I'm not even nervous this time – I am a Top Detective, Amazing Prefect and Head Ranger of the Disaster Zone Protection League. And I've been mentally planning this key meeting with Dumbles for so long now – I know a fellow Agent when I see one. That's how good I am – he didn't even have to give me a brief on the assignment, I just knew instinctively.

I'm sure he will approve of my Covert Operation to coax Lily and James together – unlike _some_ unsupportive friends (MARLENE). I mean, this was her reaction to my plotting:

"You are deranged, Steffi. You can't just drop them tid-bits of information and lead them along your pre-destined path – any path set by _you_ will inevitably lead to Doom and Gloom."

Psh, actually Marley, if I just left them to it _that_ is how they would end up with Doom and Gloom. James would rush in too quickly, overexcited by the fact that Lily doesn't hate him. And Lily would freeze up, too scared of what everyone else would be thinking and saying. This way, I can train up James a little – get him used to the idea and verify that he isn't about to revert back to his 5th Year self. And I can coach Lily in the art of Not Giving A Crap.

Dumbledore will get it.

* * *

"Yes, yes, come in and take a seat," My old pal, fellow Agent welcoming me into the room and gesturing at one of the ten seats in his office. Most of them are already filled; naturally I would be one of the later arrivals. Not actually my fault for once – I ate my dinner at lightning speed, of course, but James took an absolute age resulting in me, him and Remus being the last to get to the meeting.

I shoot the Headmaster a winning smile, to let him know I'm on the case and progressing well. Ah, that 'bemused' smile is an excellent cover, sir! No one will ever know that we are in cahoots.

"I have gathered you all to go over some of your duties as Prefects…"

Hm, McGonagall already gave us this talk a week ago; blah, blah, responsibility, blah, points system, blah, blah, rounds…. And we've had a meeting with Lily and James.

"I know your House heads have already had this talk," See, so on the same wavelength. "But this extends beyond your Houses."

Dumbledore looks at us very gravely over his glasses and I realize that the smile has slipped from my face. For once, I don't feel like making jokes.

"You are all very capable students and I'm sure that you are aware of what is happening outside of these Castle walls. Unfortunately, we are not immune to the influence of those events _within_ the Castle. Student attacks have increased, almost doubled, over the past five years and it is up to you to be vigilant. You _must_ report any and all activity of bullying, intimidation, suspicious behavior or attacks – regardless of the House of the victim or the perpetrator. There has always been an understandable tendency to protect your own – Prefects have always given fewer detentions and deducted fewer points from their fellow Housemates. But this epidemic is too serious to be tainted by something as petty as House tribalism."

Although I am a Half-Blood and my father was from a fairly prominent European Pureblood family, I just grew up with my mother – I basically was raised like Lily, or any other Muggleborn student. When I go home for the holidays, I read _the Prophet_ but that is really my only connection, aside from letters with friends, to the Wizarding world. Of course, I am aware of this Dark Lord and his followers but I suppose I'm not as clued in as most other people. I suppose part of my ignorance is self-imposed, I find it so difficult to read about that ignorance seems easier. A mindset I berate myself for now, looking at the expressions on other people's faces here; Lily looks defiant, Remus is disgusted and determined, even Fenwick's jaw is set and her eyes angry and James' has the fiercest look on his face – glaring around the room, hammering home this responsibility that each one of us bears. Cissy and Donald Greengrass look uncomfortable.

Dumbledore is also observing everyone's expressions and seems reassured by the general determination he sees. He dismisses us and people start to file back down the stairs but he beckons me over. Remus shoots me an inquiring look – I shrug. Perhaps my expression revealed my cowardly voluntary-ignorance of the situation. Maybe he wants to impress on me the necessity of knowing what is happening in the world And he would be right to do so – a good Detective _should_ be invested in this. I'll renew my _Prophet_ subscription tomorrow…

"Ms. Hartmann, how have you been finding your new role as Prefect? I wanted to check-in, as the others have been doing this for two years already."

"Oh, it's going well, sir. Obviously, Remus and James and Lily have been great in showing me the ropes."

"Ah, yes, James and Lily – they seem to be making a good team, don't they?"

Oh, you sly little so-and-so! How does this man know _everything_? Literally, does he listen in to the conversations I have with him in my head? (Note to Self: _seriously_ consider Occlumency. My head is not a normal enough place to be so open to the public).

"Yes, sir, better than anyone could have imagined. But I think that as time goes on, they'll be working even more in sync." Two can play at this crafty game, Dumbles!

"Wonderful, thank you for the insight, Stefanie. I have always believed you were a keen observer. It was one of the reasons you were a candidate for this position. I also wanted to encourage you with something that _I_ had observed. It relates well to what I was discussing previously…"

Ah, here goes – I mean, I can explain to him why I'm so reluctant to read up on this whole thing. Of all people, I feel Dumbledore would-

"-You are one of the better students at breaking House barriers. When discussing you as a possible Prefect, many Professors brought up your inter-House friendships and apparent lack of discrimination. This kind of attitude is a delight to see in such trying and prejudiced times. Putting you in a position of power and visibility should encourage similar behavior amongst other, younger students I hope. So I simply wanted to say well done, and continue on."

… What. I… am an unprejudiced role model, a shining beacon of equality in Hogwarts?

Well, at least it solved the mystery of why Dumbledore appointed me – my Top Detective skills and my un-discriminatory friendships?

I had never thought of myself that way – I feel like I do actively participate in that House rivalry stuff? I _do_ think most Slytherins are a bit arrogant and untrustworthy. But I suppose I give them time, as individuals, to prove that they aren't – like Cissy and Rabastan. I guess, Caradoc and I run the Hogwarts Holyhead Harpies Fanclub together. And Ty is my little Ravenclaw mentee. And Fabian Prewett is from Ravenclaw too and we study together quite a lot (mainly because he is fairly klutzy and we can bond over doing stupid things together).

Maybe that is the key point: although I do believe that the House stereotypes are by-and-large true, I don't hold them against people on an individual basis. What I judge them on is what I actually see and experience of them. I guess a lot of people don't do that – and that's exactly how this Dark Lord's popularity was able to grow at all.

I am a product of my upbringing – I never made an active choice not to judge or hold up prejudices. But it is nice to have Dumbledore recognize this; even I hadn't seen it in myself.

Hm.

Detective Hartmann's List of Mysteries:

SOLVED  
\- The Emmeline Vance Enigmatic Freeze Out.  
\- For Deputy Ranger Potter: Lily Evans Faux-Frostiness  
\- Dumbledore's Decision to give a DZ Responsibility

TO BE SOLVED  
\- Potter-Evans 5th Year Sparks  
\- Sirius Black Surprise Snog/Sad Story  
\- Lana's Latest Loverboy  
\- Permanency of Potter Properness  
-Dark Lord Dilemma – Learn More

Mystery Count: 5

* * *

 _Dear Mum,_

 _I know you were joking but I am seriously considering the whole 'girl band' thing – I'm not sure the magical life is for me! One of my Professors gave me a Devil's Snare – which is a plant infamous for trying to strangle people. So I think they may be hinting that they want me out!_

 _I haven't ruined the school quite yet – I am actually being a pretty good Prefect. In fact, the Headmaster had a chat with me today and said some really nice things about me. At least he'll be upset if I get murdered by a plant._

 _Lana and Marley are very well but being as unsupportive of my plans and dreams as ever. I made a new friend called Cissy who is wonderful and helpful – especially when it comes to correcting my mishaps. Remus is also very well and he says to let you know that we are invited to his family's on Christmas Eve for dinner._

 _No boys of my own just yet – but I am having quite a lot of success matchmaking not only my friends James and Lily, but my mentee 4_ _th_ _Year with his crush. So I guess I am living vicariously._

 _Thank you so very much for the boots and biscuits – I will report back on how well they kept next Sunday. You are an excellent mother, even if I am shivering as I write due to your knitting failures._

 _Also, could you please send that box of family mementos you made for me? It's in my bedside cabinet. I promise, this owl can carry it – he is the Owlery alpha-male._

 _Endless love from your daughter-and-future-bandmate,  
Stef._

* * *

The Library is _boring._ I hate the Library and I hate Transfiguration and I also hate Herbology. Why couldn't I just study Potions? When am I ever really going to need to know how to Transfigure a hat into a rabbit? Do they not realize how badly they are playing into Muggle stereotypes there?

Sigh. Peter is also very bored and has started Transfiguring people's quills into carrots across the room. I halfheartedly join in, turning their textbooks into cabbages; a vegetable garden on a desk.

Suddenly, I get a brilliant idea (I really am just full of them!) – a throwback to 3rd Year – and then that is quickly followed by an even _better_ idea.

"I propose a game of Book Thief to my right," I say, clearly and loudly enough for the people sat at the other desks in our section to hear; most of them look up and grin. Anyone younger than 4th Year looks confused – but they are really too young and free of important work to be here in the first place. Pince is over at her desk at the front of the room, well out of earshot, but I'm sure she'll figure out soon enough…

Peter is grinning from ear-to-ear, "Steffi Hartmann, you are the best human being I know."

I shoot him a yes-I-know-I-am smile before turning to my right, where Lily Evans is looking far less impressed by my proposal.

"Come on then, book thief," I smirk. "Get the chant going. Don't act like you don't know the rules – this was all the rage in 3rd Year."

"Of course I do, but Stef-"

"Lils, we are gonna play this game until we get chucked out of the Library and Pince yells so loud the whole school hears. And when everyone starts talking about it – which they will – and asks you about it, you will _only_ reply 'I don't give a crap'."

Lily appraises me for a moment, realizing this is her first lesson. Then she sighs and stands up; I see everyone in our section smile a little wider.

"Shut your eyes, the game starts now. No book is safe while this Thief roams, and I'll help them all to find new homes. The first to find the precious book, becomes this Library's new crook!" Lily chants the words rhythmically while we all squeeze our eyes shut.

A few minutes of deadly, blind silence later and she speaks again, "The hunt is… _on!_ "

We all spring into action, scanning our tables for a missing book and race off into the maze of shelves – part of the whole point of Book Thief is not to care about noise and enrage Pince as much as possible whilst trying to be the first to find the hidden book. I was excellent at this back in the day.

A Beginner's Guide to Book Thief by Steffi Hartmann:  
 _One_  
Someone proposes a game to either their right or left. The person on the side nominated becomes the Book Thief.  
 _Two_  
The chant is recited and the players close their eyes whilst the Thief selects a book from the desks and hides it on a shelf somewhere in the Library.  
 _Three  
_ The players open their eyes, try to determine which book is missing from the desks and find it in the shelves.  
 _Four  
_ Make as much noise as possible, run as fast as you can and be raucous and boisterous. Any tactics can be used to delay your fellow players and it can get pretty dog-eat-dogs out in those Library aisles.  
 _Five  
_ The first person to claim the correct book, race back to the desks before anyone can catch them and once there, recite the victor's chant becomes the Thief in the next round.

I don't think a single game has ever reached Stage Five – Pince always gets to us before that point. But it is immensely fun – after spending time in the Library, so silent and still, you build up a lot of pent up energy. This game is a brilliant and brutal way of releasing that.

(One legendary game – in fact, the one that lead Dumbledore to sternly ban it once and for all – ended up with every single one of the eleven players in the Hospital Wing and the book in question being lost for all time).

This game only lasts fifteen minutes and there is only one major injury (Diana Cress' feet have quadrupled in size rendering her basically immobile. I can see Pete holding back a shit-eating-grin that pretty much claims the responsibility for that). But it was incredibly fun, even Lily looks exhilarated – I definitely saw her _Petrificus Totalus_ Sally Clearwater from behind a bookshelf.

Pince throws us out in spectacular style and I am confident that this will get the school talking. There hasn't been a game in three years – we'd all but forgotten. And the fact that this one was instigated by the Head Girl and a Prefect? Well, even better!

Another reason why Book Thief was such a great idea for Lily's first lesson is that the students are fiercely protective about it. Pince is never in earshot to hear the proposal or first chant so she can't rat anyone out – and the fellow players would never breathe a word. Even the infamous Eleven never said anything from their Hospital Wing beds. Lily won't get in any school-trouble for this, just benefit from that that great respect that stems from infamy.

As we head towards the Hall for lunch, she starts to laugh. "Stef, you are a maniac, you know that right?"

"Hey, don't hate the player!"

"Oh, God, I am dreading having to talk to people about this…"

"Nothing to fret about, Lily, you have your script. Peter, let's prep her!"

Pete can't stop laughing – he loved Book Thief so much. I think he actually cried when Dumbledore banned it. "Hey, Evans, I heard you got chucked out of the Library yesterday, what happened?"

"I… Ugh, Stef, the answer doesn't even make sense in terms of that question!"

"Even better."

" _Maniac_."

"Evans, really, why'd you get chucked out? I heard you started an illicit game of Book Thief…"

"I don't give a… crap."

"Come on, Lils, a bit of conviction!"

"I don't give a crap!"

"Better, but once more…"

"I don't give a _crap_!"

"I am so proud right now, Lily."

"An absolute maniac."

"Yes, and you _love_ it!"

* * *

Disaster Count: 10  
New Best Friend Count: 5  
Mystery Count: 5  
Library-Rumor Count: 3

That's the part I chose not to warn Lily about – the rumors. Not everyone would get the cause of our being chucked out correct; in fact, some (Fenwick) would deliberately misinterpret it so as to make others look bad.

Lily Evans is going to have to learn to have the spotlight on her and contend with lies if she even wants a cordial friendship with James. I am doing her a favor really.

Library Rumors Thus Far:  
\- Pince caught Lily and Peter getting it on between the shelves  
\- Lily and I were having a massive catfight in the Library  
\- _I_ caught Lily and Peter getting it on and then had a massive jealous catfight with Lily _over_ Peter

I can't wait for dinner to gauge Lils' reaction to all this – is the possibility of me being murdered very high? Yes, but probably no higher than usual considering my vast number of foes/killer class projects.

But I have a free period to go until my untimely death and I don't think the Library is really an option, so I am meeting Cissy in the Great Hall. People can hang out there in frees, if there isn't an exam, Apparation lesson or some other big class going on. And I have, of course, made a trip to the Kitchens for a Thermos of coffee and some pastries.

"I heard about your escapades this morning, Steffi!"

"Oh yeah?" Smuggy smug grin grin. "What _exactly_ did you hear?"

"Something about you and Evans having a massive bitch fight, which I presume is false."

I fill in Cissy in on the truth – which she finds hilarious, of course. I wonder whether or not to mention Dumbledore's meeting yesterday evening but decide against it. She looked very uncomfortable and I don't think it would be in my non-prejudiced spirit to make her feel even worse. I don't know if Lucius is a supporter of You-Know-Who (apparently only his supporters call him the Dark Lord, from what research I have already done. By research I mean Marls pointing it out when I recounted the story of the meeting back to her and Lana last night) but he was not a nice person, from my experience of him. Cissy _is_ and, although I don't know for sure, I suppose their engagement must be arranged. She can't love that tosser.

Instead, I broach the James-and-Lily thing. I told Cissy about my task from James and the mystery of what went down between the pair in 5th Year. I decide not to divulge Lily's confessions from yesterday but it's always useful to talk things through with Narcissa – she's so calm it seems to rub off on my mad brain.

So I talk about what I discussed with Lils about the boys being calmer throughout 6th Year – Sirius and James that is. It hadn't really occurred to me that, as Sirius' cousin, Cissy might actually have some insight on the matter. I was really just talking for the sake of it, trying to figure out how to go about verifying it was a genuine change on James part. (For what it's worth, I believe it to be. People _do_ tend to change and get more mature between the ages of 11 and 18. But I know Lily will need some sort of concrete proof or reasoning).

"Well, I don't know if it is… but this could be part of the reason. It was the summer between 5th and 6th that Sirius… left home."

Ah, I have inadvertently made Cissy uncomfortable despite my best intentions. But that _is_ useful – it definitely accounts for Sirius settling down somewhat with his needs to rebel made irrelevant. And perhaps seeing something so serious happen to his best friend changed James too?

"Ah, I didn't think about that but I suppose it was. Sorry, Cissy, I didn't mean to make it awkward."

"No, not at all. As I said, by the time it happened I had barely spoken to Sirius for the past five years anyhow. We probably spoke more in the Library the other day, than at any other point in our time at Hogwarts!"

"Steffi Hartmann – reuniting families across Britain!"

Cissy chuckles darkly, "Even you couldn't fix that rift, Stef."

But, couldn't I? I mean, obviously not the divide between Sirius and all of the Black family – but Cissy is my lovely friend, as is he. Maybe, through me, they could hang out a bit and away from all the pressures of their family, they might get on. From my time with them both, they aren't dissimilar people.

Is this a step too far, even for me?

Narcissa seems to have seen the gleam in my eye and stops me in my tracks, "Seriously, Stef, you _can't_ fix this. It is an immensely complex mess and, to be honest, it doesn't need mending. Sirius is happier now and our family is less tension-filled. We all got what we wanted, really."

"OK, Cissy, I… well, I suppose I don't _understand_ but that's the whole reason I shouldn't interfere."

She smiles and shrugs – it is what it is, her expression says.

My family is small, tiny really; my mum, her sister (Aunt Carole) and their mum, my Gran. Everyone else is dead. I suppose, I long to have them all back, all my family members who I never knew – dad and his parents, my uncle Jacob, my mum's father. It seems so strange to me – these hate-filled, cold Pureblood families. All I want is _more_ family – but that's not for a lack of love from the people I do have. My family is me and just three other women and I have never _once_ felt unwanted or short of attention. Growing up like Sirius did, somewhere he didn't belong, I simply can't imagine. Or being like Narcissa, so matter of fact about the way her family turned on their own and is now functioning even better with him callously thrown out. It is so odd to me but, as I said, that is the very reason why I have to leave it alone.

Oh, God! But it's so hard! My Detective skills are so instinctual these days…

But, for the sake of friendship…. I _can_ do this.

Ugh.

* * *

 _Hello, James,_

 _Special Agent Hartmann, reporting for duty here – you may or may not know that I spent my evening yesterday gazing at the stars with Lily Evans. Jealous?  
I have a few bits of intel for you, my friend. It was a very… interesting conversation._

 _Hartmann._

Hartmann,

Are you going to make me work for this information? Come on, just tell me!  
Also, where are you writing me from? And whose owl is this? He's great.

J.

 _I'm in the Girls' Dorm, being lazy. Can't be bothered to do all those steps, just to talk to your ugly mug.  
He's from the Owlery – the alpha male of the bunch. Very impressive bird.  
I won't make you work for it, but perhaps you would care to join me for dinner and we can talk then._

 _Hartmann._

You picked out the alpha male, just for little old me?  
And a dinner invitation? Ooh-er, Harts, you know I'm after Lily, right? Just joshing, I know a particularly quiet spot – perfect for exchanging sensitive intel. Meet me by the Huffle Common Room in 30 mins.

J.

* * *

"James, drop the air of mystery – I know about the Kitchens, dummy."

James pouts at me – "What? How?"

"Remus," I smirk "Wrapped around my little finger."

James tuts, "He really is."

"Hey, now, you were just about to reveal the secret too so I guess you're just as wrapped!"

"Unfortunately, Hartmann, I think you have _all_ the Marauders eating out of the palm of your hand."

I chuckle as we walk into the Kitchens and hop up on to the counter. Lamb chops for me and sausages for James – both with unhealthy quantities of mashed potato, of course.

"I have to say, Hartmann, I am so impressed by you. Sirius has been raving about you all day long. Pete hasn't stopped grinning and Remus' smug expression is just screaming 'I told you so'."

Huh?

"The Book Thief! Peter honestly was worse than Lana after any of her break-ups when it got banned – you have made his year. I cannot believe you got Lily to partake in it; seriously, it made me so happy to hear about that. I told you she had a really fun side! And Sirius was just very impressed to hear you managed to ring-lead an escapade without killing anyone."

"Another reason for him to reconsider my Partner-In-Crime capabilities."

"Oh yeah, I think you're top of the list now, Stef."

We are distracted for a little while by our food, but Lily is never far from Potter's mind and soon enough he is demanding details. I have thought out in advance what I think he should know and relay those bits back dutifully: she thinks he is 'really OK', 'can be very funny and polite', and that she can see he has changed but is unsure of its permanence.

He wrinkles his nose slightly when I say the part about her wondering if he'll revert back to his old-self and so I rush in to prevent him from coming up with anything harebrained.

"I know you want this to happen ASAP but Lily hasn't been thinking about this for as long as you – you have to respect that. Keep on as you are, and time will prove it. Also, that gives her time to change too. To let herself be the person you see, in front of the whole school. Today was her first introduction and I'm betting that when I see her later, she is going to be pretty mad at me. She'll be getting a lot of attention."

James absorbs this and nods, but huffs a bit of a sigh. For the third time, I reiterate _my_ view on the situation – the changes I saw in him and Sirius over the past couple of years; I point out that Lily may not have been so aware of these changes at the time, not being as friendly with them. And I ask, just directly because the method seems to have worked for me so far, if there was a reason for their settling down.

James pauses for a while then starts to speak, "I mean, I do think that generally you do tend to grow up a bit between 15 and 18 – which is the time period we're talking about here. Especially for boys; girls are already fairly sensible by 15, but boys really aren't. And even at this age, we're still getting there."

"You don't need to remind _me_. No one could mistake Sirius Black for being totally mature just yet... But I did have a thought, I was just wondering – if Sirius leaving home had anything to do with becoming a bit less… childish."

James nods, "It was certainly a factor. I shouldn't get into it – but it wasn't pretty at all, Stef. His life there… it bordered very heavily on abusive. I mean, it was abuse. And getting out of there was a great thing, but it is no easy feat leaving behind your family like that. I mean, your own flesh and blood – to separate from them completely and so messily at 16 is, well, unimaginable for me and you."

He doesn't know this, of course, but talking to Cissy _has_ given me a tiny insight into the situation and even that small glimpse chills me to the bone.

"It was a tough time for him – and me, supporting him through it and having to see him hurting so much. He was kind of reckless too. Living with his family had created so much… pressure in him. You know how in summer, sometimes that humid weather builds up and you need a big storm before you can get that cool, calm weather? It was sort of like that."

"And that stopped your stupid, immature pranks? I mean, I know you lot are still Marauding, but it is in a different way now."

"Yeah, it's less… petty, I guess. Well, the beginning of 6th Year kind of put us off those more idiotic pranks." James is awkward for a second and I know he's not going to go into that. He adopts a more joking tone when he starts talking again. "We decided to turn our genius to things that would be appreciated by the general student population a little more."

"The fireworks in the Library during OWL revision season was one of the greatest things; it perked everyone up so much."

James smiles at this and finishes off his plateful, "So, the takeaway from your talk with Lily is that I'm on the right track and to just carry on as I am."

"It sounds like non-advice but I promise you, your prospects are looking good. The main way you could mess up right now is moving too fast."

We head off back to the Common Room and James says something very lovely, "You know, Moony has every right to look smug – he had the good sense to be your friend from Day 1."

New Best Friend Count: 6.  
Cissy, Ty, Sirius, Rabastan, Lily, James.

Disaster Count: 11.

Mystery Count: 6.

Detective Hartmann's List of Mysteries:

SOLVED  
\- The Emmeline Vance Enigmatic Freeze Out.  
\- For Deputy Ranger Potter: Lily Evans Faux-Frostiness  
\- Dumbledore's Decision to give a DZ Responsibility

TO BE SOLVED  
\- Potter-Evans 5th Year Sparks  
\- Sirius Black Surprise Snog/Sad Story  
\- Lana's Latest Loverboy  
\- Permanency of Potter Properness  
\- Dark Lord Dilemma – Learn More  
\- Pausing of Pranks post-6th Year

Now, time to head to the Dorm to be lynched by Lily Evans! Although, that will be a welcome distraction from the box of mementos that mum has already had time to send back. I asked for it… and now I'm resolutely ignoring it.

Seriously, that Sorting Hat _must_ have been broken.

* * *

AN: See again with my blatant disregard for Gamp - Transfiguring things into carrots (My question is, does that mean all plants are off-limits? Could you Transfigure a pencil into a sunflower but NOT a carrot?)

Anyway all reviews are, as ever, deeply loved and much-appreciated. This was pretty filler-y so I'll probably update again tomorrow evening :)))

Elle xoxo


	9. Chapter 9

I'm ashamed to say that it has been a week since my mum sent me the box along with a note and I haven't looked at either. Family is sad, my background is sad – I never knew my dad and this box is all I have. I know what's in it, and suddenly I don't want to see it again. After the meeting with Dumbledore last Sunday, I wanted so badly to look at those photos and letters. Just a week later, I am sitting on my bed with the box and unopened letter in front of me – but I know that I still won't dare to look. It'll be too painful and, _yes_ , of course I'm scared of pain – anyone who says otherwise is lying.

* * *

Thank God for free periods first thing on a Monday morning! And they are made even sweeter by your two best friends having the hour off too! Yesterday evening we agreed that we wouldn't bother with breakfast – Marley has some pumpkin pasties stashed up here. It is _such_ a blessing not to have to get up once you wake up. Oh, the simple pleasures of rolling over and going the fuck back to sleep.

I can hear the patter of feet across the dorm and the next thing I know, Marley has joined me in bed with hands full of pasties. Yum.

"Good job you've got food, or else you'd have been kicked straight out again."

"Is that the price you pay for entry to Stef Hartmann's bed? A couple of pasties? Come on, Steffi, don't undersell yourself." Honestly, no matter how hard I try, I simply cannot teach these idiots to be any nicer to me.

Lily and Em abuse us gently as they get ready to head off to class – don't worry, girls, we _are_ perfectly aware of what lucky bitches we are!

I attempt to yell for Lana but the mass of pumpkin and pastry in my mouth is somewhat inhibitive and just results in me choking a little bit. Marley snickers at my brush with asphyxiation before rolling over to face me with a serious expression.

"Are you finished your mouthful because I have some shocking news and I don't want you to die."

"Marls, that is the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

A smack on the arm which I fully deserve. "Lana isn't here."

WHAT. She was here last night – I didn't manage to drift off until around two in the morning, thanks to box-related-stress so I would have known if she had snuck off then.

"She _ditched_ our girls' morning?"

Marley nods, chewing her breakfast in a much more ladylike manner than me. I know what this is – this is about her secret lover. Why else would you ever ditch your gal pals? Only for a boy. I tell Marley about my suspicions after mine and Lana's Dell conversation. She is appropriately scandalized and excited about the gossip.

"And when you were at Astronomy this week, she was gone all evening too. She got back here around midnight. I thought it was odd at the time but then the next morning… well, it was the day you accidentally set fire to Emmeline's towel trying to dry your hair…"

Look – I was sleep-deprived for Astronomy-related-reasons, OK?

"Bloody Hell, after all the turmoil we have endured thanks to Lana's romantic mishaps, why on earth is she keeping this a secret?"

"Does she not realize she's best friends with a Top Detective – this needs to go to the top of your priorities, Steffi."

And indeed it will; I've already made plenty of headway with the whole Potter-Evans case, time to focus on Lana's less-than-exemplary behavior. Hiding boy secrets from friends is unacceptable.

"But on to you, missy, I still can't believe you ditched Gideon – I saw him with a 6th Year Huffle girl instead. What did you get up to in Hogsmeade, anyway? I didn't see you about."

"Just hung about with different people – I am very popular, you know, Marley. I can ditch you in a heartbeat – you are very replaceable!" Another slap. "I went shopping with Lily and Emmeline, lunch with Cissy, saw the boys for a bit and went to Honeydukes with Dorcas Meadowes and Liana Fairweather. Can you believe Dorcas actually eats chocolate and is still that slim? So unfair – I thought that she must have at least sacrificed eating tasty food to get that body. Now I guess it's confirmed – deal with the Devil. Only explanation."

"She is completely, unfairly hot. Remember that one summer I was really slim? That was only because I lived off of spinach and tomatoes for a whole month."

"That was awful, Marley. Please never do that again – you were the grumpiest woman in the world."

"And I totally lost my boobs."

"The greatest tragedy of all."

I also bumped into Rabastan in Scrivenshafts – he stopped and said hi, even though he was with Antonin Dolohov, who has a pretty bad reputation. He even handed over the bet money – I had totally forgotten about our joking agreement. I'm glad I did or else I probably would have spent the week stressing about where the Hell I was going to get 10 Galleons if the ladies lost; but of course, they did me proud!

Marley is now off on one because Doc doesn't want to come to her family for Christmas, despite her spending almost the entire summer at his parents' place in Wales. I kind of agree with Doc, to be honest, Marley's parents are scary; they try a little too hard to be friendly and understanding and it just comes off as a bit psychotic. We had lunch last week and he admitted his fear of her parents and I probably didn't comfort him with my story of the time Mr. McKinnon was on my charades team and played so enthusiastically that he ended up punching me in the face whilst miming 'Bye Bye Birdie'. Mrs. McKinnon had to repair my broken nose.

Basically, the problem is her parents are Disaster Zones too. It's probably why Marley feels such a pull to me – I remind her of her family. How she escaped so un-disastrous, I don't know. But I'm very jealous – perhaps in her family the Disaster-Gene skips a generation. At least if anything ever happens to my mum, I know the McKinnons would adopt me, feeling the kinship of our Disastrousness.

* * *

 _BODY OF MISSING WIZARD DISCOVERED  
_ _After three days of searching, Aurors have found the body of Muggleborn wizard, John Hitch, in a wooded area in south Surrey. Mr. Hitch went missing from his home on the 19_ _th_ _September and his disappearance was brought to the attention of the Auror Department by anonymous sources._

 _His cause of death has not yet been confirmed. However, it had been speculated that his disappearance was linked to the rise of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named and his followers, known as Death Eaters, who target Muggleborn wizards._

 _Mr. Hitch was a respected scholar on Muggle life and worked for the Muggle Liaison Office. He recently published an essay on the future of cooperation between the two societies and his theory that one day, the two could coexist openly with one another. The paper was controversial upon publication, with many members of the Ministry calling for it to be banned on grounds of 'radicalism' and potential breaches to the Statute of Secrecy._

 _Mr. Hitch's body bore traces of torture, or attack, prior to death furthering the suspicion that this was the work of Death Eaters. Mr. Bones, deputy head of the Auror Department, gave a statement at the scene of the crime._

" _We are treating this death as suspicious and believe it to have been a Blood-motivated, hate or revenge crime. However, we will be exploring all leads and possibilities. Our condolences and thoughts go out to Mr. Hitch's family at this time, and we promise to do our best to find out the truth and prevent events like this from occurring in the future. If you have any information about this case or any other Blood-Hate incidents, please contact us."_

 _You can contact the Auror Department via. Owl and Floo, contact details can be found on p. 70._

* * *

My hands are shaking horribly as I finish reading the article – but I am proud of myself for doing it. Facing up to the reality of what is going on in the real world – the world I will be joining in nine months when I graduate school – is terrifying but necessary.

The hardest part is, it just seems so inevitable. How do you stop something like this from occurring? It's just so… massive, where do you even start? And it will just keep happening. History repeats itself over and over and we never learn.

* * *

I head to Greenhouse 6 for a bit before Potions – I've learnt that my Partner doesn't react well to me being in a sad mood and his attempts to cheer me up can be catastrophic.

I am growing to be quite fond of my little Devil; he's growing nicely, along the right pace that my Herbology book suggests and my canopy to protect him from the (rare, lesser-spotted) sunshine has held up OK. I do a few repair works on it and then sit down.

It's nice when it's at this size, if you lay your hand on it, the vines slowly start to swirl around and grip on – like he's shaking your hand! Or hugging it. He's quite cute, really. Lil DS. Devillio.

Jeez, I really do need a boyfriend.

* * *

Hm, it seems Sirius isn't in a particularly buoyant mood either but, bearing in mind my diagnosis probably, he makes sure he isn't too sulky.

"Alright, Harts, haven't been done in by that plant yet?" His tone is friendly, but quieter than is usual for Sirius.

"I'm getting quite attached to him actually. I was wondering if, having the special bond that I do, could train it to go for certain people."

"Who's on the hit list?"

"Fenwick is first, of course. Then Kettleburn, show him you don't make an attempt on the life of Steffi Hartmann. Maybe I could post it out to Lucius Malfoy as revenge for all my unwarranted 5th Year detentions."

Our back-and-forth is lacking its usual energy and it quickly fizzles out, especially when Sirius' next speaks with a tone of unmistakable bitterness.

"I don't think your best pal, _Cissy_ , would be too pleased about that."

I wince, and Sirius does look sorry for saying it. But I suppose this is to be expected – I knew he wouldn't be pleased about it, that's why I deliberately never mentioned her to any of the Marauders.

"Look, Sirius-"

He cuts me off before I can even start my apology/defense.

"No, sorry. I said I wasn't going to be moody and bipolar about this – I shouldn't have made that remark."

Christ. A mature apology from Sirius Black – I really _did_ get to him with the whole 'bipolar' thing. God, that's actually kind of endearing.

"No, oh Sirius, this is something you have every right to be upset about though. The bipolar thing – which is a joke by the way, _sort_ of – is more about your tendency to get sulky about little things. This is a Big Thing. Why'd you think I never mentioned it before? I knew it would upset you."

Sirius shifts on his seat, fiddling with his quill and generally looking super uncomfortable about this whole conversation. "Look, I don't like talking about my family but…"

He trails off and, it's not so much that I want to pry but I feel like I need to hear him say whatever he has to say and respond. Or else my friendship with Cissy will always be an obstacle between me and him.

I try to encourage him. "I hate talking about my family too. My… my mum sent me a box of old family mementos last week, I asked her for it. But I haven't opened it since it arrived. It's the only thing I have that connects me to my dad, and his parents and that whole side of my identity. But I'm too scared to look at it all again because I push that all out of my mind 99% of the time."

Sirius is looking at me now, considering my words. Then he starts to speak and I'm surprised by how kind his words are, he isn't telling me off as I thought he would.

"I just don't want you to get hurt, Steffi. You are very sweet and kind and... You have a big heart, you can't stand thinking you've upset someone. That whole thing with Em? You wanted so badly to fix that friendship. The way you protect Moony? Even just now, you thought you'd hurt my feelings with the bipolar thing… Slytherins, my family won't treat you the way you treat people. You are so kind and fair – you have no idea what they are like, what that world is like. Stef, honestly, it's so bad. The stuff we read about more and more in the papers – my family, Cissy's family are the sort of people who not only support it, but a lot of them are involved too."

I feel… stupid, more than anything. More than comforted or flattered by his words, I just feel idiotic. I _know_ that, I do, but I suppose I just (like so many things it seems) ignored it. Cissy is nice and kind too – she is genuine and funny and we get along so well. It was just so much easier to pretend she wasn't engaged to a man who supports the torture of Muggles and the sister of a woman who… well, who probably commits the acts. I forced myself to forget about the time when we were 5th Years and Bellatrix was in her final year – she used the Cruciatus curse on another student. It was the first time that had happened in Hogwarts for… as long as anyone could remember. That is Cissy's family – and Sirius' but he rejected it. Cissy seems to accept it – what does that say about her?

But what does it say about _me_ , if I stop being her friend because of what her family chooses to do? Cissy has been nothing but lovely to me and I have no evidence that she has ever done anything to support the harm of other human beings. Punishing Cissy for having an elitist Pureblood family is as bad as the people who wouldn't want to be Lily's friend because of her Muggle family. Isn't it?

What Dumbledore said about me was true, and it made him proud and I want to uphold that. And it occurs to me – treating Cissy unfairly, based on the actions of her family, isn't going to inspire much kindness in her. I don't think that fond memories of her school-time friendship will cause her to stand up to what goes on around her (and, yes I am aware that we won't be mates outside of Hogwarts. That would be impossible). But perhaps the knowledge some people can accept you on your personal worth, that you don't always have to be a part of a collective and that there are exceptions – perhaps _that_ will stay with her over time?

I don't know, I don't understand fully so I will just stick with what I _do_ know, deeply and from the bottom of my heart. Nothing good comes from hate, nothing good comes from punishing people from what they can't control, generalization is a dangerous thing – it's individuals who make the difference.

My mind made up, I quickly circle my arms around Sirius' waist and hug him tightly for a moment.

"Thanks, Sirius. That was very kind of you, and you are sweet to look out for me. But… I _want_ to be Cissy's friend. I want her to have a friend away from… all of that. I think she appreciates it and I do too. I won't get hurt and…. Well, if I do then they'll regret it. I have a trained Devil's Snare and a bipolar, irate Sirius on my team."

He chuckles ruefully at this – obviously not the answer he wanted, but the one that he expected I imagine. He ruffles my hair and grins, properly now.

"I reckon we could take them."

"All of them? Bring down the whole regime?"

"Well, yeah, if you cultivate that Devil's Snare good enough!"

"Don't you worry, Devillio is getting along wonderfully!"

"Devillio…. Are you shitting me? Hartmann, you need a hobby!"

And we're in good spirits again! And now the awkwardness is out of the way… I suppose I can let myself feel flattered about the nice things Sirius said about me. And mercilessly mock him for it too, naturally.

"Am I _sweet_ , Sirius? Do you think I'm sweet? Like a Sugar Quill. Tell Jane Fenwick you think I'm kind and big-hearted – I wanna see her have a cow! Hey, OW, Sirius!"

Shoving me off my stool was _very_ unnecessary. Oh, here comes Sluggers – rushing to the aid of his fave student. Checking to see that my Potion-stirring wrist isn't broken probably. Hahaha, he's scolding Sirius who has a completely unapologetic grin on his face. Just as Sluggers tells him 'that's not how you treat a lady', I flip him the most unladylike hand gesture I can making him bark with laughter.

New Best Friend Count: 6  
Disaster Count: 3  
Mystery Count: 6

And sad, subdued mood – totally gone.

* * *

JP: What _were_ you two idiots doing? Intense conversation one minute, hugging the next, unceremoniously shoving each other off stools…..

SH: I cannot _believe_ Sluggers nearly gave you a det – he loves me so much!

SB: Stef, he _did_ give me a det.

SH: Nah, I'll chat to him tomorrow, get him to cancel. Did I mention he loves me?

SB: Why do all the Profs adore you – don't see the appeal myself…. Ha!

SH: *justifiably pushes SB into a wall* Yeah, love me when they're not trying to kill me or putting me in detention or considering undeservedly stripping me of my Prefect-hood.

SB: *trips SH in a very _un_ justifiable manner so she stumbles ungracefully into the Great Hall* I just wonder what exactly it was you did, to get Slughorn so freakishly devoted to you…

*RL and PP speaking simultaneously*

PP: *imitating SB* And can you do it to me too?

RL: Fenwick is going to have a field day with this behavior.

SB: *shoves PP aggressively*

SH: My whole _existence_ is a constant delight to that hag and Slughorn and I just share a bond based on our mutual passion for Potions – the most sacred and pure bond imaginable. Now, if you don't mind, I am going to eat my lunch with friends who don't physically abuse me and slander my good reputation.

* * *

I have literally _no_ friends who don't physically abuse me and slander my good reputation. Lana spent the whole of lunch flicking peas at me – why, I hear you cry? As a demonstration of her hatred of peas! I mean, there were literally four other kinds of vegetable at that table. Why did she put the peas on her plate if she hates them so much? Just to toss them at her poor, beleaguered best pal.

And Marlene was jumping on the slander-Steffi-Hartmann-with-Sirius-Black-related-rumors bandwagon. She couldn't stop cackling about our 'sexual-tension-filled desire for physical affection' – as if she is some kind of PSYCHOLOGIST. Psh. _Apparently_ the reason we are always hitting each other or shoving each other is because we subconsciously wanna bone.

And here I was thinking it was because he is a sarcastic bastard.

* * *

Ah Ty, sweet and pure Ty – you won't mock me, will you? No, he is surely one of the only people in this school who gives me the respect that I deserve – and to think, he used to think I was just some weirdo he had to deliver scrolls to.

(I asked Slughorn what he 'paid' Ty and apparently he gets a Chocolate Frog for every scroll he delivers because he is an avid collector – I mean, could I love this kid any more? I am getting him a million Chocolate Frogs for Christmas).

"Hey, pal! Let's hear how it went!"

He has let me into the Ravenclaw Common Room so we could catch up this evening and gossip about his date. He must be the Top-Dog around here now, chilling with col 7th Years like me (and I mean, Sirius but _of course_ people will be more impressed by me).

Ty grins and launches into his story; I did actually see him on Saturday and gave him and big thumbs up and a silly dance. Which he tells me was very encouraging. Ugh, he is the best.

It sounds like the date went well – him and his girl have plans for all the classic Hogwarts dates; romantic walks, indoor picnics (seriously, it is _so_ cold here), wandering around the Portrait Galleries together. Undoubtedly they also plan to put some of the unused classrooms and broom cupboards to good sue too, but I won't embarrass Ty by pointing that out. Instead, I give him the hint about the Kitchens – great idea for a date, if you ask me.

"How's Sirius?" He asks eagerly, once I'm done exclaiming over the cuteness of his date. Aw, I think there's a bit of hero-worship going on here…. I'll have to arrange for them to bump into each other again.

"He's good – although I do have to rescue him from detention with Slughorn!" I tell him about Potions – well, the part about Sirius shoving me, not the whole intense chat. Ty finds the story hilarious, of course.

But when I finish talking and there is a lull in the conversation, Ty's face suddenly drops. He looks at me, all panic-stricken – what's going with my little mentee?

"Oh, Stefanie, I need to tell you something… but…"

"Ty, whatever it is – you know you can talk to me."

"Yeah, it's – well, the reason I was reminded… I saw Regulus Black in Hogsmeade, Sirius' brother, right?"

I nod. Regulus is the year below us; he's good friends with Avery and Mulciber – two very unpleasant characters.

"I saw him, Dolohov and Mulciber and a couple of students I didn't know but… I think their names are Avery and that Yaxley, who left Hogwarts last year? Well, I saw them all come out of the Hog's Head with someone who… he wasn't a student. I have a good eye for faces – it's why Slughorn gets me to be his messenger. I did _not_ recognize the man they were with – he was older and… suspicious looking. It's probably nothing but, I just wanted to tell you. 'Cause you're a Prefect and stuff."

I feel my heart swell a little bit that Ty, so little and young, is smart enough to spot that he needs to tell someone about this, that he's brave enough not to keep quiet.

"Thanks, Ty. It's really good that you told me this – I'm going to pass it on to McGonagall. At the very least, the Hog's Head is banned to students. But could you describe the older guy a bit more?"

Ty tells me what he can, which isn't a huge amount but everything is useful. He checks to make sure he won't get in any sort of trouble and I promise him I won't give McG his name. Then he points out that I still, actually, don't know it; I forget that. But before I can even ask, murmurs, "I like you calling me Ty though; I never had a nickname before".

I suppose, I have had quite a serious day- what with my chat with Sirius, reading the _Prophet_ , warring over whether to delve back into my family past. And all of a sudden, Ty's words just make my heart constrict and my eyes fill with tears. I was just struck by the absolute horror of someone as pure and good as him ever having to face what's out there.

I quickly say goodbye before I can get any more upset and rush off towards McGonagall's classroom, while the details of Ty's story are still fresh in my mind. I knock on the door and walk straight in, not waiting for a reply.

Oh.

She's in the middle of a detention, with none other than Remus and Sirius. McG looks at me curtly.

"So eager for another detention with myself and Mr. Black, Hartmann?"

The boys grin at me. I shake my head and walk up to her desk.

"Um, I wanted to… report something. After the meeting with Dumbledore, he said…" I whisper, not wanting Sirius especially to hear.

McGonagall regards me less sarcastically now, more like she's x-raying my soul over the rims of her glasses.

Once she's finished examining my expression, she stands up, "Black, Lupin. Outside for a moment. Do not move more than two meters away from that door, do you understand?"

The pair shoot me a puzzled look as they slope outside but I just gaze neutrally at the blackboard. Ugh, I don't want them to cross-examine me on this later; Sirius cannot know that his brother is going off to dodgy places with dodgy people.

McG looks at me expectantly, sitting back down at the desk. I relay Ty's story back to her, just naming him as a concerned 4th Year. She listens intently to my story and thanks me when I finish, for having come to see her so promptly.

"Hartmann, I trust that you will keep this to yourself. And, so you know, the students named will not be punished for going to the Hog's Head. It will probably be more useful to us if we don't alert them to the fact that their activities have been discovered. I will consult with the Headmaster and keep you in the loop. If you could continue to keep an eye out, especially for those particular boys - that would be greatly appreciated."

I nod and go to walk out (and then presumably sprint past the boys before they can say anything) but McGonagall says one more thing as I head off.

"Hartmann – Slughorn tells me he introduced you to a Philimore. You want to work there? I hear you are a dab hand at Potions, but this incident proves you've got talent elsewhere too. The Ministry Defense Department is ever-growing in these times, and always looking for Potions experts."

Did… McGonagall just say I would be _good_ at a highly-skilled government defense job? Can pigs now _fly_? The Professor who potentially the _most_ aware of my ineptitude just recommended for me to pursue a vitally important, high stakes job?

This day has been bizarre. I'm so freaked out my McG actually encouraging me that I don't even hear the boys' hissed questions as I walk back to the Common Room in a daze.

Department of Defense, Potions Expert.

Shit.

* * *

AN: A less filler-y chapter for you all :))))

Yes, there will have to be hints of sadness/seriousness in the story - these kids are about to head into a warzone in a few months, it's inescapable. But I promise Stef won't lose her sense of humour!

Let me know what you think!

Elle xoxo


	10. Chapter 10

"Steffi, where have you been the past couple of days?"

Well, Lily – my beloved Best Friend – I have been tucked in the dustiest, most unused corner of the Library avoiding everyone and everything!

"Oh, I've been around. Just busy with… my Herbology project. What's up?"

Lily looks at me disbelievingly, perfectly aware of my utter detestation for the subject. But, like the wonderful human being she is, she chooses to accept my little white lie and move on. The very best people in this world are those who don't call you out on your lies – the truth is totally overrated.

It turns out that what Lily wants to discuss is the post-Book-Thief lay of the land. She reckons she's handled the attention OK; I choose not to bring up her Great-Hall-meltdown – she stood on the table one lunchtime and yelled, 'Not another word about the goddamned Library!' She is now acting as if it never happened and I'll let her be – as I said, little white lies are fine by me. But I suppose generally she _has_ been OK and giving her scripted no-craps-given response. And the trick has worked – basically it's mind over matter. I knew that if she kept saying 'I don't care' to people, eventually she _would_ stop caring. Who's the psychologist now, huh, Marley?

However, Lily has _very_ interesting confession about James' reaction to it all. He was (at my recommendation) very low-key about it all – a few comments, a couple of congratulations but no big commotion. That is, until he heard the rumor about Lily and Peter. Which he _knows_ wasn't true because he had spoken to me! But apparently he still questioned Lily about it, and Petey told her he had words with him too. Ridiculous boy!

"So, he must still like me in _that_ way…" is Lily's response to it all. Oh, my. Lily _likes_ James, she actually likes that idiot back. I don't know that she's realized it yet but she _definitely_ does. A couple of years ago, Lily's reaction to that would have been yelling about James' arrogance and how her business was nothing to do with him. Now, she is _looking out_ for signs that he fancies her. Amazing, the world is a _truly_ bizarre place.

"Perhaps, Lils, but you still want to be friends with him, right? We carry on with your lessons?"

"Yes, and see what you can find out about his change."

I sigh, "I mean, he is three years older now. You never paid much attention to him in 6th Year so you wouldn't have seen it – couldn't it just be a natural maturing?"

Lily wrinkles her nose – life would be much easier if she would just accept that explanation. Anyhow, Professor Donahue is glaring at us so Lily turns back around to concentrate on his lecture about Advanced Hexing.

I would bet money that Lily and James will be an item before 1977 is over.

* * *

I had better be appointed Maid of Honor – I have contributed and invested a lot in this relationship.

And my food suggestion is Beef Wellington all round.

* * *

They should name their first born after me too – my name is suited to that because it could be changed to Stefan or Stephen for a boy. I am very thoughtful and adaptable like that.

* * *

I feel like they are obligated to set _me_ up with someone now, seeing as I have been so helpful in their finding true love. I have a lot of sympathy for Cupid – it is hard matchmaking everyone else and being left with nothing but a Devil's Snare to keep you company. What kind of a reward is that?

* * *

As suspected, the boys could not manage to let my conversation with McGonagall lie. I knew they wouldn't hence my Library retreat for the past couple of days. (Also, the dustiest corner of the Library is, very unjustly, the Advanced Potions section, I'll have you know. So it was a pretty good spot for someone who is officially considering a career in that area).

Thankfully, it was just Remus who cornered me in Transfig. Usually the seat next to me is unoccupied, a) because it's right at the front of the classroom and b) because whoever sits there is putting their life in grave danger considering how many Disasters seem to occur in this room for me.

"I would thank you for saving me from Transfiguration loneliness, but I feel like you _may_ have an ulterior motive, Remus."

He smirks at me and shrugs, subtly Transfiguring my toaster into a watch as McG heads towards us. Again, no thanks for that – I will not be held ransom by Transfiguration-good-deeds. No, sir!

Ugh, OK, maybe I will. Remus is too sweet to keep secrets from – look at those big brown eyes! Tiny wolf puppy, I cannot keep secrets from you.

"It was about what Dumbledore said at that meeting."

"You saw something?"

"A friend of mine did. He spotted some Slytherins coming out of the Hog's Head with someone not from school. A stranger."

Remus grimaces, it doesn't sound good. But when he presses for details, I keep silent. I'm not telling him Regulus was there and I really would rather not lie to Remus so I just don't tell him any names. I tell him that McG swore me to secrecy. Which is true, kind of. I mean, I doubt she would murder me for telling Remus Lupin but still. I wonder if she and Dumbledore will tell James? I would imagine so, but he'll definitely let Sirius know about it when he hears Regulus was involved – and that is a Disaster even I can spot.

"By the way, mum and I would love to come over on Christmas Eve!"

Remus smiles, "Great, I know it's ages away but my mum bumped into Carole in the supermarket and invited her so… Mum hates to think of you three alone over the holidays."

"We're not alone, we have each other! I think we're going to Gran's on the day itself. We're used to it being just us, it's nice."

"I know," Remus smiles again, sympathetic. He knows about my past… well, sort of. He knows about my dad's death and my uncle Jacob. "I've already told mum she has to cook as much gingerbread as is humanly possible."

Mrs. Lupin's baking is renowned in our town – unbelievably good. Riots have started over her brownies. It's basically the reason I stay best friends with Remus, so that his mum will send me treats during term-time.

I tell him this and he hits me and refuses to continue to do my work for me, the rude bastard. I get the feeling he'll regret that. And indeed, I wave my wand in the direction of my toaster and there is a sort of bang. And a tiny amount of flames. And a very acrid smoke cloud over our desks.

Oops.

Disaster Count: 3.

* * *

"Have you spoken to Sirius about the McGonagall thing yet?" Remus is swinging his legs off the edge of his Hospital Wing bed. It was nothing serious! The smoke just set off his asthma so McG sent us here to get a potion to soothe the coughing and the whole lack-of-breathing issue.

I shake my head and Remus, curiously, grins. "He's been going nuts over the past couple of days, trying to figure out what it is all about."

He starts imitating Sirius' voice, "Stef looked so serious, she never looks serious. Why won't she talk to us? I saw her in the corridor and she walked the other way. She barely spoke to me in Potions – has she spoken to any of you? Is she just ignoring _me_?"

I laugh – he does hate being out of the loop. But I really do have to keep him in the dark here. I remember how a few months into 6th Year, he got into a terrible fight with his brother in the corridor. They both ended up here, at opposite ends of the wing. I'm not sure quite what it was about but I don't want to cause a repeat of that incident.

Remus has reverted back to his normal voice, "Please talk to him, Steffi, he is driving us all nuts. Since the lipstick thing, he can't stand you being mad at him. He keeps worrying that he has done something 'bipolar', ha!"

Oh, Merlin, I feel so bad about that now! He has really taken it to heart (I mean, probably because he can see that it's true). But I really _don't_ want to talk to Sirius because he won't be content with the level of detail that Remus was. He will demand names and descriptions; he is fine with subject changes when it comes to discussing family but I don't think he'll accept it here.

I just shrug at Remus, "Well, I'll think about it."

"Steffi, don't abuse your power over him! It is the worst when girls do that…"

My power over him? Hmm, what power do I have over Sirius Black and what can I make him do with it? I didn't think I had any power, judging from the way he pushes me around. But maybe I genuinely _could_ set him on Jane Fenwick? He's very good at DADA.

* * *

Disaster Count: 5.

Ugh, ugh, ugh. That was horrible, really awful – I feel terrible.

Lana and I hardly ever fight, not properly. We say mean things to each other all the time. It's how our friendship works because we _know_ how much we love each other. It's very rare that we say those things with any meaning, or malevolence behind it. But today…things got a little heated. And it probably was my fault.

No, no she _is_ to blame here too. She is keeping something big from me and that's not right.

I just started off trying to do some Detective work, innocent as anything.

"Hey, Lans!" Due to my Library-cowardice, I hadn't properly chatted to her for a few days. According to Marley, Lana had been fairly absent too. Off with her Mystery-Man, and I was determined to find out more.

"How have you been, banana? Marley says you've been in hiding as well? Are you considering joining witness protection too? I can't believe being a Prefect is so high-stakes, no wonder Em rejected it."

Lana grins, "No, no witness protection. I'm just…. Slughorn gave me an extra credit Potions assignment – like you with Herbo. I think it's seeing as I only just scraped by in 5th Year, he wants me to prove my worth. He just thinks I must have a hidden talent for Potions, by default of being friends with you!"

Lana had spoken way too fast – even for her. She normally talks crazy quick but that had barely been coherent. She sounded nervous, which meant she was lying. And, I'm not one to judge that, but I don't tell my _best_ friends big lies, ever. For some reason, it just got on my nerves.

"Really? I didn't know Sluggers gave extra credits. You would think he'd give me some sort of project, seeing as it's my best subject…."

Lana gave me a look, my words _were_ a little sharp. "Well, you're already so good and plus, you already have work for Kettleburn."

"Watering a plant hardly takes up all of my free time. And anyway, McG recommended a Potions job to me, so you would think-"

"Yeah, you would. But he gave it to me, so there you go! Sorry for encroaching on your weird thing with Slughorn."

"Come off it, Lana!" She had _yelled_ that last bit at me. "I'm not _jealous_ of you and Slughorn, jeez! I just don't think it's true. I think you're spending the time with a boy and I think it's unfair you won't tell me and Marley about it!"

This really set her off.

"You're one to talk! Always off, solving some 'mystery' and hardly ever even seeing us anymore. You're too busy whispering with Sirius Black – who liked me first by the way!"

What the _fuck_ has he got to do with anything? "He _never_ liked you!"

And why was that the response that chose to come flying out of my mouth?

Lana scoffed at me and rolled her eyes. It made her look like a bitch. Thank God no one else was out by the Lake when this happened; I do not want the school knowing about this.

"You're in a bad mood because of that stupid box. Stop being a baby and just open it, look at it and then you can stop hiding out and snapping at the rest of us, OK?"

So now it's Lana that is the psychologist. Really, when did they start offering that as a course at Hogwarts?

"Don't blame that – I am mad because _you're_ keeping secrets from me. And don't call me a baby – you have no idea what it's like."

Lana left with a parting shot, "You know why you care so much about solving other people's problems and give yourself this list of Mysteries? It's because you don't want to deal with your own shit, or _reality_ , Steffi."

Ugh. I hate fighting with her; it is horrible. And now she's stomped off back to the castle and I'm left here feeling rotten.

I know I have lots of Best Friends now, but at this moment I just want Lana.

* * *

Pros of Lana's Arguments:  
\- I _have_ been grumpy since getting the box  
\- I do keep secrets from her too (e.g. helping out James and Lily)  
\- I do bury my head in the sand about things sometimes.

Pros of my Arguments:  
\- I don't keep big secrets. Meeting a boy and lying so blatantly about where you are is a big deal, between best friends  
\- My family stuff is just that – _mine_ and personal. I would never ask Lana about the ins-and-outs of the Diggory household  
\- I don't completely ignore stuff; I just deal with it in my own time because it's _big_ and needs time to properly understand and process.

* * *

It is frightfully chilly out here. It is October next week and still no sign of jumpers from mum. I'm going to have to buy stuff next Hogsmeade trip which sucks.

* * *

Oh, bloody Black. Please don't see me, please go away. I am not in the mood for joking or talking about my conversation with McGonagall. I don't have the effort to hide things today (see, _my_ lies are for a good reason. To protect people).

Drat, he is walking right over to me.

* * *

"Steffi, there you are! Why have you been ignoring me?"

He has sat down next to me and is looking accusingly at me. I cannot face another fight right now.

"I wasn't ignoring you, I promise. I have just had a lot on my plate right now. And I can't talk to you about the McGonagall thing – she swore me to secrecy and it's not up for debate."

Sirius looks across at me curiously. My voice sounded all weary and curt, very unlike me. Kind of Evans-ish.

"Are you OK, Stef? You've been acting odd all week, holed up in the Library."

"Yeah, I was just worrying about you bombarding me with questions about the conversation that I couldn't answer…" I trail off and look at him pointedly. He chuckles and shrugs. "Plus, McG blew my mind and actually recommended that I look into a Department of Defense job when I leave – as a Potions specialist."

I try to sound more like myself, more lighthearted and jokey. Sirius does grin at this but his response sounds fairly earnest.

"It's not that odd – you are a Potions genius. I would know, I've observed the brilliance first-hand!"

I start to laugh until I remember my conversation with Remus and my guilt about the bipolar-joke returns again. "You know, I don't think you are that moody. I don't sit around waiting for you to snap every time we talk. The bipolar joke was just that – a joke."

Sirius shoves me lightly, "I know, but it was a bit true. Prongs has always called me a sulky git. But he's more used to it than you, and he is usually fairly deserving of my moods. I'm glad you don't feel like you have to be on eggshells around me. If I ever do get grumpy on you, just punch me."

"I sincerely doubt that will improve your mood towards me."

He laughs again. "True."

We lapse into silence, a little bit awkward and I mentally cast around for something funny to mention. But my brain goes to talk about Ty and how much he adores Sirius, but that reminds me of the Thing-I'm-Not-Supposed-To-Tell. And then that makes me think of secrets and then Lana and then I feel so sad again.

And the next thing I know, a big fat salty tear has dripped onto my hand. I'm already sat clasping my knees to my chest and at the realization that I'm crying, I bury my face against my knees. Which in retrospect, probably drew Sirius' attention more than the teardrops themselves.

"Oh, ah… Steffi, are you…." He sounds incredibly embarrassed although nowhere near as embarrassed as I feel right now. I am not a big crier, I really am not. And this attack has come out of nowhere. I mean, I wasn't feeling teary in the slightest and now suddenly, here we are!

Oh, God, he has scooted closer to me and put his arm around my shoulders.

"Steffi, sweetheart, I think you may be more bipolar than me! You have your moody moments too, and this right here – rapid emotional changes. You have all the symptoms, I'm sorry to say."

His voice is right at my ear, and through the curtain of my hair I can feel his breath. For some reason, this makes me cry harder and my shoulders shake a little bit.

"Hey, is that laughter? Are you laughing?"

"Yeah, I'm laughing," I lie.

He holds me a bit tighter and I wipe away the tears, the crying is easing up. "What's this all about, Harts?"

I lean against him – if everyone's going to make up and assume things anyway, I might as well reap some benefits. "Lana and I had a big fight."

I recap it briefly for him, not wanting to repeat her exact words because I think it will make me cry again. Sirius is stroking my hair as I talk and… it feels nice, comforting.

"Sounds dumb, you'll both get over it in no time."

I do laugh for real at that, "Wow, comforting words."

He chuckles and the movement of his laughter rocks me slightly. "It's true, you and Lana are inseparable and this won't last."

Suddenly, I want to mention what she said about him in our fight. I want to see his reaction and… I want to hear him say he never liked her. It was the truth – Lana knows it, I don't know why she brought it up.

I bite my lip, considering, and Sirius spots it. "Stef…?"

So I tell him and he laughs. "What the hell, Diggory? Why'd she bring that up?"

"No idea," I murmur. "I don't whisper to you."

He leans down, so his lips are close to my face again, "You whisper to me sometimes."

I try very, very hard not to shiver. Bloody Black flirting with every girl as if she's one of his bimbo devotees.

"I never want to speak too loudly, for fear of setting off your unbalanced nature," I respond sweetly, looking up at his now scowling face. I imagine he was smirking before.

"Hartmann, you are cruel."

I laugh again which, in turn, makes him smile. We are silent again, comfortably this time, and I relax against him, letting him rest his head on top of mine. He is an odd one, Sirius Black. They're all like this, the Marauders – taking the piss merciless one second, but kind and very sweet if you need them. I think I used to believe Sirius wasn't as kind as the others, but he is. He just hides it more but once you earn his trust… I'd always noticed how affectionate he was with the other boys – not afraid to dole out bear hugs and sling an arm around their shoulder as they walked. I remember him joking once that it stemmed from the lack of affection he grew up around – which struck me at the time as less of a joke, and more of an observation.

I guess, somehow, this year I've gained his trust too. The fact that I've kept Moony's secret, that I have difficulties with family stuff too; maybe even that I've got the balls to be friends with Cissy has helped.

"I think Fenwick would die to know she'd missed witnessing a golden rumor-creating opportunity like this," Sirius murmurs into my hair, stroking my arm absentmindedly with his thumb – or mindedly, perhaps, playing up to Fenwick's silly rumors.

"Thankfully for us all then, that she won't ever know."

"You wanna hear something funny?"

"Why do I think that, from your tone, I'm not going to find this funny at all?"

"Prewett came up to me a couple of days ago and accused me of being the reason you ditched him."

I groan into my palms. Bloody Fenwick! Why do people give her any credibility?

"Everyone is stupid. Ugh, I think this is the worst of her story-telling yet!"

Sirius pushes me away a little, in order to glare at me accusingly. "The idea of being with me is worse than being allegedly pregnant with _Blishwick's_ child?"

I slap at his chest exasperatedly. "No, the rumor isn't about us being together. It's Fenwick saying I have a crush on you."

Sirius looks confused, "Isn't that the same thing?"

"You're stupid too. No one needs telling, although I'm sure Fenwick does it anyway, that we are hardly a likely couple. The implication of the rumor is that I am desperate and deluded and you find my infatuation hilarious, ridiculous and embarrassing."

Sirius rolls his eyes and pulls me back against his chest, "Do I look embarrassed to you? And we're not unlikely."

Sigh. This boy is a fool. Along with giving Lily lessons, I may need to give Sirius How-To-Interact-With-Girls-Platonically lessons. No wonder he breaks so many hearts, it is very easy to get the impression that you mean more to him than you actually do. Luckily, I am a Top Detective and I can spot these things.

"Well, you should be! Being associated with a Danger Zone is just as bad as actually being one, you know!"

Sirius doesn't respond, but a moment later he kisses me quickly on the forehead and stands up, dragging me with him – very ungracefully, of course.

"Come on, you have a box of mysterious family mementos to go through."

"Sirius!"

"Do it, Stef. I don't know what it is that's so bad but eventually you've got to face up to your familial shit. _Let_ yourself be sad about your dad passing away – I get the feeling you don't take the time to mourn him very often. I sometimes…. Even I have to stop sometimes and let myself be sad that I don't see my family anymore."

He looks away from me, over the lake as he says this. I feel like that was a big admission to make for Sirius Black. And he is right. I need to grow up about this. My life isn't the worst out there – I know that.

I grab his hand, squeeze it gently, bringing him out of his reverie. Then I let it go again as we walk up to the castle. As much as he claims not to be embarrassed by the rumors, other people will still think that I'm a deluded groupie so I would rather not encourage Fenwick. Although Sirius seems almost _intent_ on it.

He is going to meet James who is in Arithmancy, so we say goodbye at the staircase.

"Thank you, Sirius." It doesn't really sound adequate, but it's all I've got.

He just nods and smiles before walking off.

Here goes…

* * *

I look a lot like my dad, which I am proud of. It's nice to know that in some way I am keeping him alive, giving him a presence in the world. We have the same hair – typically German – thick and straight. But it's a darker, golden blonde than that stereotypical 'Aryan' white (although in reality, that's a more Scandinavian coloring, I think). We have the same straight, thin nose and the same lopsided smile.

But his eyes are green – not Evans-emerald but green like seawater. They are very clear especially in this photo. My mum took it, so it is stationary, on a holiday in the Lake District; the early morning sun gives his features such clarity, even though the photo is just a cheap disposable. My eyes are like hers, muddy brown.

Most of the photos I have are Muggle ones – his parents died before he came to England. So the only wizarding, moving ones are from when he was a kid. From fourteen onwards, he is an Englishman and an orphan and his photos are still.

The box also contains pictures of me as a baby – some of these are in motion. My dad did buy a wizarding camera when I was born. But my mum didn't like using it, so after 3 years old I am suddenly still too.

There are letters that my parents wrote each other, even though before they bought a place together they only lived a few streets away. They loved to be in constant communication, and moved into together as soon as possible.

My dad moved here from Germany, aged 15. He was given a place at Hogwarts – he spoke English fluently already. When he graduated, he moved into the tiny studio flat in the west London suburb that he had bought when he first came to England. (As an underage refugee, the Ministry gave him a grant to establish a life here and a guardian up until he came of age).

It turned out my mother had been living with her parents just a few streets away, all that time he had been at Hogwarts. They met in the park that separated their roads one afternoon and fell madly in love. One year later, they lived together, aged 21. They were married at 23 and six years later, I came along. They loved to travel and explore new things, which was why they waited to have me. They wanted to spend time as a couple before becoming a family. Which I love. This box is full of photos from Thailand, Italy, Greece. The whole world.

My mother never thought she would be able to travel like that, people just didn't. Or not Muggles anyway. She never cared about his magic either way – it didn't freak her out nor was she impressed by it. The only trick she cared about was that he could take her anywhere in the world – that was the magic he bought into her life.

There are also letters written by my father's parents, before they died. There are some from their courtship, which make me smile so much.

* * *

There are also 18 that my grandmother wrote to her husband, that my father said he delivered but actually kept in a shoebox. He brought them to England with him when his mother died.

He could never have delivered them to my grandfather, and grandma knew that too. My grandfather was in Nurmengard. He died there in 1944. Grandma was killed a few months before that, by Grindelwald supporters. Between 1942-1944, she and my father had lived in hiding. I don't know why she had gone out that day, but someone spotted her and she was killed.

After she had been gone for seven hours, my dad knew what must have happened and so he left immediately. Lots of Europeans were fleeing at that time. The Ministry welcomed him, treated him well and ensured he was comfortable in his new home country.

And a year later, his new Headmaster defeated Grindelwald.

* * *

A few days ago, I read an article about a Death Eater they caught. When he was asked why he had tortured the Muggleborn witch and her Half-Blood husband, he responded, "For the Greater Good".

I think that was his genuine answer.

I'm not sure he even knew what he was referencing.

* * *

AN: Like I said, some seriousness has to be done.

Let me know what you think. I love to hear from you all, so very much!

Elle xoxo


	11. Chapter 11

I am taking it on-board. Taking it aaallllll on-board. Lana spoke to me directly and honestly, and she made some good points. Sirius said it too – I need to face up to stuff. In a couple of days a new month begins – October! Crisp leaves on the ground, the pumpkins are in season and Halloween is beckoning!

New month, new Stefanie Hartmann.

Steffi Hartmann's Self-Improvement List:  
\- No new Mysteries  
\- Continue improving knowledge of current affairs  
\- Two meatless days per week - for my health  
\- Where possible, try to come clean about Detective work so as to minimize the lies  
\- Avoid lying generally  
\- Keep an eye on Slytherins – this is _good_ Detective work and helps contribute to fighting back against this regime

Wonderful. Yes. I can do this. No Detective work, no lying, less beef.

WHO AM I KIDDING? I can't do that!

You don't just go from Special Agent and little-white-lie-lover and literally the Queen Carnivore, to some honest, non-investigative _vegetarian_. Siiiiiiigh.

This is going to be a long…..oh, God there's no time restrictions on the New Me! This is going to be a long… life.

* * *

"Morning, Harts!" Yeah, you're looking chipper, Mr. I-Can-Eat-Bacon Potter.

"Pass the… toast, please?"

I am not imagining this dumbstruck silence, or the looks of shock – it actually happened.

"…. And the bacon, right?" Oh, Remus, sweet Remus. I see you wondering where your best friend has gone, and who this monster is in her place. Alas, it is I! New and Improved and Bacon-less Stefanie.

"No thank you, just that and the Marmite."

Lily leans over to me and puts a hand to my forehead. "You don't have a fever…"

I explain my plan to them all (Lana is, sadly, absent but I know she would approve of my actions). Marley shakes her head.

"You won't last a day; Mysteries and meat are your lifeblood," she snorts.

Sirius looks genuinely concerned by me and Peter pats my shoulder comfortingly. "Don't listen to the naysayers, Stef. I'll be your sponsor, I'll keep you on the right path!"

Pete starts pushing all the meat to the other ends of the table, away from me. "Petey, I appreciate this but I'm not a recovering addict."

" _Aren't_ you?" He gives me a knowing glance. Dang it, he is right. Hopelessly addicted to bacon.

Remus seems to be finding this all incredibly amusing indeed. He asks when I'm going to come clean about my Mysteries – already knowing most of them, the sly git.

I'll show him – you challenge Steffi Hartmann and she will rise to it! I am committed to this renunciation of my former-Detective ways. I tell them all this and they look expectantly.

Drat, I was hoping they'd be impressed enough by my speech to say 'No, do not compromise your Detective ethics and give away classified intel!' But of course, they are all terrible so they don't say anything at all.

"Emmeline, I wanted to know the cause of and solve our argument. Mission completed. Lily, I wanted to know…. You know what I'm prepping you for? I wanted to know why you _needed_ prepping, why you weren't just ready for it."

James interrupts, "Whoa, that sounds like some mysterious lying there!"

"No," Lily retorts. "Stef is just protecting the secrets of _other_ people that she happened to come across in her investigations – secrets that are not hers to tell. Just as a proper Detective would."

I am glad someone here respects my code of ethics. Wonderful, Lily, I can see why he likes you so much.

"I investigated why Dumbledore would ever give me the responsibility of Prefect-ship. I was cross-examining Sirius Black on why he committed a certain act on the Hogwarts Express-"

"You solved that one, Harts."

"Not really, Sirius, you weren't very cooperative. I believe my questioning ended with your failed prank."

He grins – ah, I'm glad _he_ feels he's out of the doghouse enough to joke about it! Obscene hand gesture.

"I wanted to know where Lana disappears off to, why you guys stopped pranking so much after 6th Year and I'm looking into this whole… You-Know-Who thing. I've kind of been ignoring it as it's happened I want to be more informed."

I'm hoping the 6th Year-Pranking-Pause went in there unnoticed… No one knows about that and I don't know how keen the boys would be on me investigating it. James was a bit touchy about 6th Year when we had dinner. It seems no one has picked up on, they are instead all being (unjustly) outraged about my apparent apathy towards the rise of… _Voldemort_.

"That is an odd name."

"Steffi," Sirius sounds pained. "How did you not even know that was his name?"

"She was referring to him as the Dark Lord before I corrected her," Marley grins. Sirius slaps his palm against his forehead in frustration.

"You know what his followers are called, yeah?"

"Don't patronize me, Potter! Death Eaters. Generally, they are also members of aristocratic Pure-Blood families with a known and long history of Blood-Superiority beliefs. _Generally_ , but lucky for some, I don't make generalizations." I glare pointedly-jokingly at Sirius.

He sticks his middle finger up at me and responds, "They also tend to come from Slytherin House."

"They sent one guy to Azkaban last week – Pardew. When he was at Hogwarts, he was a Ravenclaw."

They all nod, impressed with _that_ bit of Hartmann Knowledge. Ha, take that. I _have_ been reading up, OK, I am getting to grips with it. I am sure if they knew my family history, my own personal ties with regimes like this, then they would understand.

Or would they? They might think I have an even greater obligation to learn about what's going on, and to prevent it. I know my grandfather would want me to stand up to it, like he did. But would my father or my grandmother – the people who suffered because of it? The ones who lost him to Nurmengard in 1941.

Oh, well, they _don't_ know about my past. And I've never lied about it, so there's no need to come clean. It's _my_ past and I don't want to share it. I don't want people to look at me differently. I want to be treated the way I treat others – judged on what _I_ do.

* * *

OH! There he is – the little sneak!

"Gideon! OI, Gideon!"

He's spotted me and stopped; I'm not sure if he looks nervous or angry. We've chatted in Herbology since the letter was sent and received and he seemed fine. But why go accusing other guys for what happened? I gave him my reasons!

"Alright, Steffi?"

"Why did you say to Sirius that it was his fault that I didn't want to go to Hogsmeade with you?"

Gideon looks mildly confused… Black better not have been lying about this. "Because it _was_ , wasn't it?"

"Didn't you read my letter?"

"Yeah, it sounded like you were trying to be nice but you liked someone else better. I'm not angry, Stef, I thought it was nice of you not to just say – sorry, Black is a better catch."

"But… but I didn't- I'm not!"

"Come on, you two are all over each other these days!"

"He isn't all over _me_!"

Again, really Disaster Mouth? That played right into Fenwick's games. Gideon is looking at me with great amusement right now. Ugh, he is a nice and funny guy – why didn't I take him out when I had the chance? Now I just have Devil's Snare and awful rumors about Black and Centaurs. And Blishwick.

"Stef, come on," he repeats. "I know you like to be self-deprecating, but Black can't keep his hands off you. And you know I don't blame him."

Redheads _are_ actually pretty attractive… Phew, and _charming_ too. Gideon, I say, would it be terrible to invite you to Hogsmeade again? Why _did_ I freak out so much before?

I think I just, in reality, stuttered incoherently at him. He smiles, friendly, and walks off.

"See you in Herbo, Stef! Black thinks you're hot!"

OH, GIDEON DO NOT YELL THAT IN CROWDED CORRIDORS.

Oh, bugger, Jane BLOODY Fenwick is _right_ there. And Gideon _knew_ it from the look he is giving me as he turns away! GIDEON I can't believe nearly fell for you!

Why is every damn person in this castle determined to ruin my friendships with boys and humiliate me?

DISASTER COUNT: 1

* * *

Number of people who have asked me if I'm dating Sirius: 21

TWENTY-ONE. The school day is only just over. I still have many hours in the Common Room/Library left for more people to accost me. Oh, in fact it's dinner now – won't that be fun. Naturally, Marley has been in stitches all day. As has Lily, unsympathetic cow; evidently our Best-Friendship will be short lived.

Bloody Hell. There had better be copious quantities of meat on that table, Vegetarian Day be damned.

* * *

Aha! Shepherd's Pie, that will do _nicely_! Mash _and_ beef - bloody ideal.

Of course, it's just as I am about to shove a disgustingly – and I do mean, obscenely – large glob of mince in my mouth when a pair of arms encircle me and I am kissed on the cheek.

Sirius slides into the seat next to me, one arm still around my waist. "Hey, baby, enjoying your pie?"

"In this moment, I would enjoy this pie being all over your head." I simper back, feeling _at least_ twenty-one pairs of eyes on us. "And if you don't move away from me immediately, it will be."

"You wouldn't do that to your love, your darling, your-"

"Do _not_ underestimate me, Black."

James has a tear of laughter rolling down his cheek and I think Pete's hands are actually gripped in prayer that I will stick to my word.

Sirius takes his hand from my waist, and puts a finger under my chin so as to tilt my face towards his. "I'm hungry for something else, Steffi-Weffi."

A Hartmann always keeps their word.

With my former-dinner now Sirius' latest hair accessory, I grab the empty plate in front of him and start to pile on a new helping of food.

"BLOODY FUCKING HELL, STEFANIE!"

He is standing up, dripping in gravy and mash and mince. The stray carrots and peas stuck in the gravy really add to the effect, I think, looking up at him and smirking. He looks _incredibly_ angry.

I scoop up a mouthful of food and grin to myself. James is actually on the floor he is laughing so hard. Peter is standing up and just staring amazement, his mouth literally an O-shape. Remus is snickering, but trying to hide this from the apoplectically mad Sirius, who now has his wand out.

"Steffi…." His tone is low and murderous.

(Can we just note that the entire teachers' table saw that and are _completely_ allowing it? McG is definitely smirking. I think they like it when the Marauders get a taste of their own medicine).

"Siri?"

"Don't you fucking sweet talk me now…."

"Sirius, _babe_ , I am really hungry so if I could eat in peace…"

He is lunging towards my plate, his plan of revenge obvious. When it comes to defending my food, however, I am surprisingly deft – a Shield charm has his hand bouncing away from the plate.

"HOW ARE YOU _NOT_ BEING A DISASTER ZONE RIGHT NOW?" His words are a sort of howl of rage at this point. Normally, I would at this point Disappear the food off of his clothes and hair as best I could. But he gave me something to prove, a point to make.

I'm not cleaning him up, like a devoted fangirl.

Nu-uh.

"Sorry, Sirius, but I needed to give Fenwick something to talk about." I murmur, echoing his words from a few weeks before. He almost grins at that, his lips twitching slightly, before stalking out of the Great Hall.

Can I do this? Can I take this moment?

New and Improved Steffi Hartmann, yes I can!

I jump onto my bench and bow, to roaring cheers from the other tables.

"Hartmann!" McG's call warns me to get off the bench but she is definitely smiling. Kettleburn and Slughorn look delighted too. My old pal Dumbles' eyes are twinkling so brightly, I can see it from here.

When I sit down I have a massive, shit-eating grin on my face and I do not care one jot what anyone in this Hall has to say about me.

* * *

"Steffi, as delightful as that was," Lily smirks, loving seeing a Marauder get their comeuppance as much as McGonagall does. "I hope you haven't forgotten that we have a Prefect meeting tonight."

I hadn't but evidently James had. "Damn, I wanted to go straight up and start taking to piss out of Pads!"

Lily sighs but the smile doesn't go from her face. His disappointment in not being able to go and mock his friend was endearingly childish – Lils looks like she sees that too now.

Once we're all settled in the Prefect office, Lily and James take us through the agenda. Which is, as it happens, the Halloween Ball AKA my absolute favorite part of Hogwarts life.

James and Lily start dividing up jobs very efficiently – it always seems to amuse Remus how good at this James actually is. He really can be very professional and to-the-point; his mischievousness and reputation actually helps, because the other students respect him. He's a natural leader, really. He and Lily make a great team – Dumbledore was, of course, right. James has the personal touch, Lily brings the rules and the efficiency. If things get out of hand, Lily can shuffle it back into place but if things go _really_ crazy, then James acting as a disciplinarian shocks everyone back into order.

"Stef, is that OK with you?"

"Oh, sorry, what?" Oops. James is grinning at me trickily, oh Godric.

"Well, I had said it was because of your good observational skills but…. We want you to be the General Supervisor, yeah? You check up on everyone's progress over the weeks, and oversee the preparation of the Hall on the evening itself. Once the Ball properly kicks off, you're free of duties – it's just up to me and James then!"

General. Supervisor.

No wonder James is grinning at me so sneakily. This is my worst nightmare! In charge of making things happen? Generally overseeing the set-up of the highlight of the Hogwarts year? LILY. You _know_ what an idiot I am – why are you letting this happen?

Ugh, you know, that girl is worse for improving-other-people schemes than I am! It's why she was friends with that Snape for so long – she loves a fixer-upper and I'm her next project. She is trying to coach me out of Disastrousness with responsibility! Maybe she's in cahoots with Dumbledore too… I wouldn't put it past him….

Oh, Merlin. It's a little difficult to, you know, _breathe_ right now. The Halloween Ball is my absolute favorite thing in the world – and this year being my last, I was looking forward to it more than ever. The fun, the carefree attitude, food, music and dancing! And now I am _in charge_ of making sure that all happens – that we all have as much fun as every other year. That is a _lot_ of fun to make happen!

Remus seems to be sensing my panic and catches my eye to smile reassuringly. Breathe in, and out. In… and out…

Crap.

* * *

REMUS LUPIN, OFFICIALLY THE MOST UNHELPFUL MAN ON THE PLANET.

And that is saying something.

"Can we talk about something, _anything_ , else than the fact that the success of the Halloween Ball falls on my shoulders?"

I mean, he tried at first. "James and Lily are supervising everything too. If anything does happen to slip by you, which it won't, then they'll spot it."

That makes me smile – Lily will have my back. James I don't trust for a New York minute, but Lily will have everything under control. She wouldn't shove me out into the world without any stabilizers. Remus and I have stayed behind in the Prefect office, to try and prevent my having a panic attack.

I cast around for a topic that won't trigger any breathing problems and settle on tonight's antics at dinner. "So, I guess Sirius and I are back in the 'hate' phase of our relationship then? It has been almost a month since he was last in a grump with me, so we've done pretty well."

Remus chuckles, "Steffi, I think he's probably contemplating _marrying_ you right now."

I start to laugh before I realize that I don't fully understand Remus' sarcasm there. I try again.

"We have Potions tomorrow morning; keep an eye out for a vat of boiling liquid being tipped over my poor little head."

"God, if he didn't have it bad before, then this will have pushed him over the edge…"

"What, the bipolar thing? Oh, I felt bad about that and apologized. But, yeah, might bring the jokes out again just to rub this all in a bit more."

Remus looks at me in confusion, "Stef, what are you talking about?"

I shrug, "I don't know..?"

"Sirius will be going crazy right now."

"Yeah, thinking of ways to murder me tomorrow without Slughorn realizing that his favorite has been mercilessly killed. It'll be impossible. In Sluggers I trust."

"No… Stef, I meant crazy in a very different way."

Huh? There's only one type of crazy and whatever it is, Sirius is it. Especially a gravy-covered Sirius – that has to be the dictionary definition of 'crazy'.

"I think he's starting to finally realize it."

"Realize what, Remus?"

"That he's met his match."

Ha! Darn right he has – I'm not afraid of hitting back at the pranksters themselves. They may have ruled this school with their Marauding, but I've gotten into a few scrapes myself.

"Won't that make him even more determined to murder me and get rid of any rivals to his claim as 'Most Irresponsible Prankster of Hogwarts'?"

"Murder you? Oh, no. I'm sure he wants to do something _very_ different with you…"

Oh no, hold up! Remus Lupin just used a Sexy Tone of Voice – I know because I instantly recognize it _because_ it is the grossest thing in the world when your male Best Friend uses a Sexy Tone of Voice.

He thinks _Sirius Black_ wants to… ME?!

OK THE WHOLE NOT BREATHING THING? HAPPENING AGAIN.

Remus chuckles at my expression – is this his idea of a _joke_?

I am getting out of here – seriously, my chest feels very tight. This is a joke, it has to be, and I hate that Remus is making these jokes at my expense.

Sirius and I have _never_ been that way – it's impossible. And I hate that Fenwick is making this a thing when it is absolutely not.

"Remus, I would really appreciate it if my best friend didn't take the piss out of me, yeah? Fenwick, fine – I can take that. But don't you get in on it too."

"Steffi, did you honestly think he-"

Ugh, Remus! I cannot believe him and I do _not_ want to hear the end of that sentence.

I don't want to think about this, I don't want to think about Sirius, or the fact that I'm in charge of Halloween.

Or that I just had a second fight with my _other_ best friend of seven years….

Bloody hell, Stefanie. Why can't you _ever_ stop messing things up?

Disaster Count: 8.

* * *

The Astronomy Tower has always been mine, Marley and Lana's oasis, our refuge. Other people may use it for less pure reasons, but we agreed _never_ to do that. In First Year, we had a spat because we all had a crush on Xeno Lovegood (SERIOUSLY do not ask why. He was a 5th Year at the time, and by our 3rd Year/his final year, we were questioning our own youthful romantic impulses/insanity). We had a fight over who had liked him first and who of us it was he had smiled at in the corridor that day. (By the way, it was Tracy Smethwick who he started dating in 6th Year and who was right behind us at the time.).

After we had finished fighting in our dorm, it felt odd to just sit around in the small room that still felt full of all those bad feelings. So, to re-cement our friendship, we broke curfew to come up here (not realizing then the high chance of running into a romantic entanglement). Luckily, no one else was there and we hung out for a few hours and felt a million times more chilled out.

Since then, we have tended to find refuge here after our own personal problems – occasionally bringing along the others for support. But we never really fight amongst ourselves any more.

I started off here automatically after fighting with Remus and feeling so horribly stressed out. Halfway there, I realized there was a decent chance Lana could be up there too. But I carried on – I sort of hoped I would bump into her, even if it did push my stress levels through the roof again.

Sure enough, as I came up the final flight of stairs, I saw a familiar scarf fluttering by the window. I caught on to the end of the leopard print and handed it to her, to wrap back around her neck.

"Hey, believe it or not – I managed to fight with someone else and came up here to clear my head about that. As well as you and about a million other things."

"I'm still just here because of you," Lana sounded pretty despondent but let me sit next to her.

The windows of the Astronomy Tower go from floor to ceiling, so you can sit with your legs dangling off the windowsill, if you want. We always sit like this; the windows are wide enough to fit three people, side-by-side on the ledge, legs hanging out into the night air.

"I'm sorry I mess things up all the time. In just the 24 hours that we haven't spoken in, I've made about ten new mistakes."

Lana shrugs, but smiles slightly, "Heard about the Sirius-Incident at dinner and I am so sorry I missed it."

"Well, the way I'm feeling right now – there could be a repeat performance."

"Oh, right…. You know, when I said about him-"

"Lans, I _so_ don't wanna talk about him now. Let me apologize, please, I feel terrible!"

She is properly smiling at me now, "I know you do – you're Steffi Hartmann and you hate upsetting people! Especially me, I know that."

I hug her – not sure if we're at that point, but I miss her so much! "Lana, it's been the worst day ever! I need my very best friend back."

"I'm never _not_ your very best friend, you fool. I'm always there if you need me, no matter how badly we argue."

Oh, bloody Hell, she's going to make me cry again! I tell her that and she threatens to push me out the window if she sees a single tear; I prefer that reaction to my sorrows than Sirius' fakey flirting.

"Stefanie, tell me everything."

And so I do. Starting off with how I listened to everything she said – and how she was right about my refusal to examine my own problems and that I sometimes took my interfering with other people too far. Then I properly launched into the tale – starting with my crying jag by the Lake, onto my dumb conversation with Gideon, the rumors, the Pie-Incident, the Halloween responsibility and Remus being an arse.

Lana stares at me as I finish speaking, absorbing the ridiculous amount of ridiculousness.

She then reiterates Marley's point that I won't last long without Mysteries and meat – I point out that I already went carnivore with dinner. Lana explains that she doesn't think I should change myself because of our fight – or at least, not to the extent my list suggests. Apparently, the problem isn't so much my Mysteries – but why can't we be a crime-solving-super-trio all _together_? I agree- plus, it does sound like an amazing basis for a TV show. And when I tell her about helping set-up Lily and James, Lana tells me that she wouldn't have been (that) annoyed if had told her about it: she'd rather know and be involved in my plots.

"But most of all, Stef, that is a lot of shit you managed to have happen to you. Wow, I am actually impressed by the amount of stupidity one can get themselves into in 24 hours."

I mock-bow to her and she laughs. "That was uncharacteristically dick-ish of Remus to side with Fenwick though. To take this piss out of you and the idea of you and Sirius, when he knows that's all Fenwick-nonsense, is very unlike him."

I nod, "I know – I was so angry with him. Now I'm just confused. Anyway, we've cleared up your issues with me…"

She sighs, "There is a guy I like. But I am very, like _really_ , uncertain about it. I don't know if I do like him, or why I like him and if he likes me back. I'm not sure he's a good idea. And until I'm a little more certain about the whole thing, I don't really want to talk about it."

Well, Hell, I know that feeling alright! That's basically my whole life. I point out to Lana that, like her with my Mysteries, I would have been much happier if she had just said that than lied about the whole thing. And I tell her that I won't mention it again until she brings it up.

Lana pauses for a moment, thinking something over. "You know how just then I was all 'tell me about your investigating and Detective stuff even if you think it'll annoy me'? And it turns out you feel the same about me keeping things from you…."

"Yes..?"

"Well, can I tell you something I've Detected, even though it will annoy you?"

Oh, Godric. I nod – thankful for the proximity of the window. At least the end will be quick, if it is something truly terrible; something to offset my already-sky-high-stress-levels.

"Sirius has been acting differently around you lately."

NO. Not this _again_.

I do not want to get annoyed with Lana – do not get cross with her. Deep breath.

"Lana. Sirius Black has no female friends – he is too much of a flirt, most girls don't want him as a friend. Sometimes, Sirius Black is _my_ friend – we get along well. As _friends_ because he has never fancied me, nor I him, and I am not his type at all and I am a Disaster Zone who cannot get a boyfriend. The problem that everyone has been noticing and misinterpreting as romantic interest, is that Sirius treats me just like his Marauder boys, in terms of hugging me and putting his arms around me – unaware of how it looks to the world. Except, sometimes the prick _is_ aware. He likes the Fenwick rumors because they don't make _him_ look like a desperate bimbo but rather an irresistible stud. So part of his over-friendliness is done on purpose to encourage it. There, issues explained and problem solved."

Lana looks at me with amusement, clearly finding my speech funny. God knows why – I _had_ to make it a robotic analysis to stop myself from yelling at her!

"Whatever, Stef," Oh, don't you grin at me like that, Diggory…. That stupid, knowing smirk that I hate (that I have missed so much!) "Either way, it's good to have you back… DZ."

It is darn good to have you back, Ilana - you annoying, smug, Terrible Best Friend.

But she is my Best Friend – and I love her, and all her Terribleness.

* * *

AN: Sorry for a bit of a break there - I am currently writing Chapter15 and got such writers' block I sort of forgot that I had already written other chapters that I could upload haha!

Thank you for some really lovely reviews guys, it means a lot! It really does, you guys are the best. This story doesn't get the most views but, Hell, it is definitely a case of quality over quantity - you guys are awesome and lovely!

THANK YOU

Elle xo


	12. Chapter 12

_Dear Mum,_

 _Thanks for sending over the box. I've only just had time to set aside an evening to go through it – being a Detective and Prefect and 4_ _th_ _Year Mentor and the Best Friend in the World to my many Best Friends can really be exhausting! It was good to look at that stuff again – it's been a few years. I always forget just how much I look like him._

 _Lans and I had a little tiff the other day, but it's all sorted now. She has a new fancy man and she is keeping him on the down low – I am dying to find out more! I am the General Supervisor for the Halloween Ball which is making me a nervous wreck – my mad mate Lily decided it was a good idea to give me more responsibility to try and combat my idiocy…. Hm!_

 _You will be pleased to hear that I dumped Shepherd's Pie on a boy's head in the middle of the Great Hall – I felt your spirit flowing through my veins as I did it. You remember Sirius who came with Remus to collect me? Imagine him dripping in mince and potato._

 _Mrs. Lupin has promised gingerbread aplenty at Christmas so I am already counting down the days._

 _I miss you loads, mum. I hope you are finding lots of mad and fun things to do whilst I'm away. Looking forward to seeing you at Christmas!_

 _I'll give you a full report on the Halloween Ball – if I survive it, that is…._

 _Your anxiety-riddled-pie-dumping-boy-vanquishing Daughter,  
Stef_

* * *

People I Have Made-Up With:  
\- Em Vance  
\- Sirius Black (for the lipstick thing)  
\- Lana Diggory

People I Have Unresolved Issues With:  
\- Remus Lupin  
\- Sirius Black? (For the pie thing)

* * *

"Stefanie, I have a Slug Club scroll!"

The words every lady longs to hear her 4th Year BFF say.

"Hi, Ty!" Enthusiastic waving ensues – you know, mostly on my part. Well, _only_ on my part. "Thanks, Ty! How is your lady friend?"

He blushes – what a sweetheart! And proceeds to tell me about their walk around the Lake the other evening; I let him know about the Dell, like the wonderful mentor and terrible Prefect I am.

"Don't tell anyone that I am leading you astray, Ty; they'll take my badge and I'll never talk to you again!"

He grins, "Was that supposed to be a _threat_?"

Cheeky little sod! I tell him that I passed on his observations to McG (anonymously) and that she was very grateful. He looks all bashful and proud of himself – I take this opportunity to sweep in and hug him.

"ARRGH, STEFANIE, GERROFF!"

"Accept my love, Ty! I am your big sister – this is what we're supposed to do, embarrass our little brothers!"

Ty reluctantly gives in, staring up at me balefully with his puppy dog eyes. "Can you stop now please?"

"Fine," I sigh, backing off and hearing a familiar barky laugh.

"She has a horrible habit of doing stuff like that, Ty. Stay away from her, when possible…"

"Hey, Sirius!" Ty's whole face lights up to see Black, leant against the banister of the staircase, smirking down at us. I am very relieved to have my little pal here because surely even Sirius wouldn't commit a violent murder in front of a poor little 14 year old… would he?

Sirius slopes down the stairs and ruffles Ty's hair, which probably just made the kid's year, and he slings an arm around my shoulder. I glare suspiciously.

Ty suddenly giggles, looking between us. "I saw what happened at dinner last night…. Pft!"

My little mentee is spluttering away with laughter so infectious that I can't help but grin too. Sneaking a look at Sirius, he appears to be laughing along with Ty. Wonders will never cease – am I actually going to make it to the end of this day alive?

"I got him good, didn't I? That is what happens to people who promote false rumors!" I poke Sirius for emphasis as I say this and Ty laughs even harder.

"Yeah, I knew that stuff about you two wasn't true. At first, I thought it was because Sirius was way too cool to date you. But now I'm definitely team Steffi-"

I whoop and scoop Ty into another hug. Yeeessssss! Team Steffi forever! I wonder how many other people I converted last night?

Sirius pouts jokingly at Ty, "I thought we were mates?!"

"But Steffi was totally cool last night – plus, she _is_ my mentor."

I beam over at Sirius who looks greatly amused at this. "Ty, you are my favorite person in this whole castle, OK?"

He grins up at me and nods. "I'm going to tell everyone how cool you are…" He shoots a quick look at Sirius. "And how you're way out of Sirius' league!"

He looks wide-eyed over at Black, anxiously exhilarated that he just made a joke at his idol's expense. Sirius, the good sport that it turns out he is, advances over to us mock-menacingly.

"Ty, you had _better_ not! Or else….."

Ty darts a few steps back, behind me and squeaks, "Or else what? I've got Steffi Hartmann on my team – you can't get me!"

Sirius attempts to dart around one side of me, whilst Ty runs in the other direction, resulting in Sirius simply knocking me to the floor with a splat.

"OOF."

"Oops, sorry, Steffi!" Sirius turns away from is pursuit of Ty up the staircase to stick out a hand and pull me up. Halfway up the stairs, Ty turns and lobs the Slug Club scroll at me.

"See you guys," He yells, and _finally_ waves enthusiastically at us before darting away.

Sirius turns to me, a wide smile on his face. "That kid is bloody great."

"He learnt from the best. And… he would be super upset if his favorite mentor was killed in a Pie-Related-Revenge-Attack."

Sirius stares at me straight-faced but with an amused gleam in his eyes. He walks over to the staircase and sits on the steps before beckoning me over.

"No… is this an ambush?"

Sirius snorts, "No, you idiot. Come and sit with me, I promise not to murder or attack you."

Hmph. Just what a real murderer/attacker would say... Sirius pulls his wand out and rolls it over to my feet. I am still unimpressed by this.

"That doesn't rule out McG preferred method of brutality."

"What? Fisticuffs?"

I grin at him and mime a vicious right hook, before grabbing his wand off the floor and heading over to join him. I slip his wand into my robes and mime an 'oh no' gesture to him as I sit.

"I feel like I need insurance, something to ransom."

Sirius snickers and shrugs, "I thought I was doing exactly as you wanted – _not_ being a sulky git. You're a hard gal to please, Harts."

Little does he know, I would sell my soul for the bargain of a Snickers bar, a can of Coke and I don't know… a puppy or something.

"Let me get this straight – I, Steffi Hartmann, dumped a plate of food on your head and you, Sirius Black, are fine with it."

"More than fine, I'm _impressed_!"

I shake my head; this boy is utterly absurd, grinning away at me for covering him with dinner. I don't really understand it, but it makes me grin too.

"Your potential as Partner-In-Crime just shot through the roof! And did I just hear you telling an innocent 4th Year to venture into the Forest? Very Marauders-ish of you!"

I smack his arm, "Sirius, do _not_ tell anyone about that! Ty will be fine in the Dell!"

"Come on, Stef, you of all people know what creatures lurk in the Forest," He grins wolfishly at me, I smack him again.

"Remus does not roam around there whilst transformed, does he?"

Sirius shakes his head, snickering at my horrified tone. Then he looks at me speculatively and I get worried again. "So, you were telling McGonagall about something Ty saw?"

Sneaky little eavesdrop, did his mother never tell him it wasn't polite to listen in to other people's conversations? Probably not, to be honest, too busy with all the spreading of racial prejudice…

I shrug, "I really can't talk about it, Sirius. If I could, I would. I promise."

"OK."

Again, really? Just an 'OK' in response to not being told what's going on – who _is_ this bloke?

I also don't know whether to talk to him about the rumors thing – whether to tell him to stop encouraging it. For once, Fenwick _is_ getting to me. It's just that… well, I suppose this one is more believable than her usual stuff, judging from the reactions of even the people who know us. And so it's believable that I am this deluded, devoted, love-sick puppy that she is making me out to be.

That is about the worst thing I can ever imagine being.

I suppose what really needs to happen is I man up and stop caring. Of course, I wish Sirius wouldn't be so over-the-top about the whole thing but in general, I don't want him to modify his behavior on my account. The less moody thing is an improvement, OK? But to change his joking, sarcastic, pranking personality – I would never want to be the person to force that. So I try an old Stef Hartmann favorite tactic instead…

"Have you ever thought about having lessons?"

"No, lessons are boring and I'll skip 'em if I want. I still pass anyway – I'm very bright, Stef."

"Wait, are you ditching right now? _Sirius_! Ugh, anyway, what I meant was lessons in How to Have Platonic Female Friends."

Sirius wrinkles his nose at this thought, "Platonic Female Friends."

"Yeah, like me – I think you need to learn how to behave around me!"

"Well, according to most of the school, we are _far_ from platonic…"

Third arm slap. He rubs his bicep and glares at me ruefully, "Fine, what do I do?"

I explain, or at least, attempt to explain that being so physical with female friends isn't always as acceptable as it is with male ones. I point out the arms around my shoulders, waist and the hands on my face and hair and the up-close-whispering. Sirius pouts.

"I don't want to stop doing those things. Those are the things that make you my _friend_ , more than just being some random girl in my House – like Em or someone."

I sigh – I knew he wasn't going to get this concept. "But that's why it's so easy for Fenwick to spread this rumor – because most people _don't_ do that stuff with friends of the opposite sex!"

Sirius looks at me, "So, you want me to stop so that the rumors die down?"

"No, I don't want you to change what you do because of Jane Fenwick. That would give her more power than she deserves. I was just saying, is all." I let it lie; there is no intent behind Sirius' actions. He's like a little kid or a puppy, just over-affectionate with those select few that he trusts enough. And I'm glad to be a part of that exclusive group.

So stuff Fenwick, I guess.

Yeah, she can take her rumors and stick them up her arse.

Well, we'll see how long this attitude lasts. I will probably be fuming over some new rumor by dinner time.

* * *

Rabastan and I sit together again in Slug Club, although there is no seating arrangement. Lily is with the 5th Year Ravenclaw Prefect, Mary, who seems to idolize Lily beyond even James-Potter level.

We start off just chatting about Quidditch, of course; I mention mine and Caradoc's Harpies fanclub. Rab turns his nose up at it, naturally, but enquires as to whether there are any other team fanclubs.

"Duh, I'm pretty sure there's a Portree one – oh, yeah there definitely is! We played them in my 5th Year!"

" _You_ played Pride of Portree?" Rab, for such a cunning Slytherin you can be awfully dense.

"No, the fanclubs form a team and hold their own tournament at the end of every year - usually over April, May and June, once the school season is done. It's pretty informal and unorganized, because of exam time but it's so much fun."

Rabastan seems keen on the idea and I encourage him to go for it – although I hate when there are actual Quidditch players on the fanclub teams. Doc always makes me play (Chaser) because I'm the co-captain of the fanclub. But most other clubs put their school team players on, which results in me getting humiliated every year.

"Does anyone come and watch?"

"A few people, not very many though. My friends Remus and Peter always watch our Harpy games because I am guaranteed to fall off my broom at least once. Pomfrey is always put on standby for our matches!"

Rab laughs at this – turns out he knew me as Disaster Zone before we properly met too. I _knew_ my rubbishness was something acknowledged school-wide, even though Marley kept trying to assure me otherwise. (Lana shaking her head behind Marley's back and laughing like an idiot was also a clue). He also says that he has heard of Remus and Peter; apparently the Marauders are a source of much mockery in the Slytherin Common Room which doesn't surprise me and would probably delight the boys. However, he had never heard of Lily before she became Head Girl. I think some of his cronies probably had though – a Mudblood being such good friends with Snape? I _bet_ that didn't go unnoticed.

"What about Lana, did you know her before you were partnered up?"

Rabastan nods slightly, scanning the table for any remaining cocktail sausages (good luck, pal, but I'm pretty sure I hoovered up most of those bad boys). "Yeah, I had seen her around."

It is interesting to see how many of our Housemates the other isn't really aware of. Although Hogwarts is basically so small its non-existent, I don't know that many Slytherins. I know all of my own Housemates, most of Ravenclaw and Huffle too. But the main House rivalry is between mine and Rabastan's, I suppose and we really do keep out of each other's way.

I am distracted by a huge crash coming from the other side of the table and Sluggers sweeping his wand over a terrified-looking 4th Year. Shards of china float up around her and reassemble themselves into a plate and mug above her head.

"Dear me, Emily, this happened last time as well, if I recall! Luckily, you seem able to go without dropping your ingredients all over the place whilst brewing," Slughorn chuckles genially and gazes fondly at this Emily with a look I know very well.

Aha! I turn to Rabastan, having noticed Emily's green tie, and ask if he knows her. He informs me that it's Emily Greengrass – I ask if she's related to Donald and apparently they are first cousins. Then I explain the Danger Zone Protection League to Rab, who seems immensely confused by my plot.

Eventually, he seems to understand the concept although he still seems a bit bemused by my general hankering to protect accident-prone kids but goes along with it.

"So, will you help me look out for Emily?"

Rabastan chuckles, "Sure, what does that entail?"

I tell him that he should try to ensure that she isn't unfairly punished for any of her misdemeanors and that Prefects etc. don't blame her for other people's mishaps. I don't know if having her cousin as a Prefect makes him more or less likely to help her out. But I note to Rabastan that, despite being Deputy Ranger, James is likely to pin things on Slytherins so he should definitely keep an eye out for that.

Rab seems greatly amused by the whole plot and gamely agrees to go along with it. At the end of lunch, as we're leaving, we introduce ourselves casually to Emily. Not as her DZPL guardian angels, of course but just as fellow Slug Clubbers. Apparently, Sluggers had mentioned me to Emily anyway, so I'm sure she already feels like my protégé! I would ask her if she knows Ty, but she definitely wouldn't seeing as that isn't actually his name. (Note to self: Ask Ty what his name is, even if I keep calling him his much-loved nickname).

* * *

Oh, bloody bugger it. Remus is sitting in the empty seat again and I haven't thought at all about what I want to say to him…

I would sit somewhere else but I don't think there is a single free space, except where Remus used to sit by Fabian Prewett, which I don't need confusing me right now. Plus, as I wheel around looking for somewhere, I am shot some very rude warning glances which clearly say Keep-Your-Disastrousness-Away-From-My-Person, as if I can help the accidents that befall me!

So, I have to suck it up and sit with Remus, who (like the angel he is) give me a sweet smile as I sit down. Why can this guy just be a dick for once? It's like he is physically unable to be nasty, which just makes me feel even worse for snapping at him.

Although, making those jokes about Sirius was hardly nice of him. So I guess he can fall slightly short of perfect every now and then. Even if that was about the only instant I can recall in seven long years of friendship… Like I say, it just makes me look bad considering that in those seven years, I've never even come close to perfect.

Once McG is done babbling about whatever and has pointed us to some page in the textbook to make notes on, I turn to Remus.

"Sorry for being a moody cow, Remus, you just caught me at a bad time, you know? Post-Being-Given-The-Responsibility-Of-The-Whole-Ball is never a good time to suddenly switch up your whole personality and start making mean jokes."

Remus looks vaguely amused by my mixed-bag of an apology (people often look at me with amusement, usually when I am not even attempting to be funny). "Stef, I don't want to make you even madder but… I wasn't joking. I genuinely thought Sirius maybe _was_ starting to like you. When I went back and told the guys about our spat, he explained to me why you were mad. That you think the whole school now views you as some hopeless Sirius devotee. I honestly was not making a joke in that line. I just… misinterpreted Sirius playing up to the rumor as something genuine."

His tone is placating and soothing, and if I wasn't trying to regain an old friendship then I would have listened to my Detective senses that were noticing a false note to his words. But, I was trying to be kind and fair, so I ignored it.

Also, I suppose I was partly blown away by the fact that apparently, after offending people boys go back and discuss it with their besties too. And _Sirius Black_ sensitively explained to Remus why I was upset – he _knew_ and he helped someone else to understand my annoyance. What is this world coming to? Of course, he doesn't heed his own advice and continues to give the school very weird signals about the extent of our relationship. But, I suppose it's fine as long as I don't let the gossip bother me – which I normally don't. After our conversation and very brief/failed etiquette lesson, I am confident that Sirius and I are on the same wavelength (that we're just friends) and now we've explained that to our friends too – that is all that matters, right?

* * *

Signs That You Are Actually Not OK With Rumors Being Spread About You and Sirius Black:  
\- Being put on Prefect Rounds with Jane Fenwick and it ending up in a screaming match/brawl in the corridor.

* * *

Steffi? My kindest, most loving and least-likely-to-murder-me friend?"

"Oh, God, what do you want, Potter?"

Peter, also writing the DADA essay at the other end of the couch, chuckles at my tone of voice; pure exasperation. Potter is truly the definition of 'exasperating'.

"Lily needs me to talk to the decorating team tonight, the external people. She has a Floo with them at 9.00 and she says I have to prepare for it with her and help her talk to them… So, someone else will be doing rounds with you tonight."

Bloody Evans, she just wants to spend more time with her little crush. She probably can't wait to be all cozy on the hearth together…

"Fine, who did you coerce into risking their lives patrolling with me?"

"Um… Jane Fenwick?"

"WHAT?! NO. Potter, I am not spending an evening with that poisonous bitch! Why would she agree to this?"

"I suspect she wants an opportunity to torture you about Pads and extract some new rumor material." Peter suggests, oh-so-unhelpfully.

I groan into my hands, "Is there nothing I can do to get out of this? Can't the other Ravenclaw go with her and we'll do their round together, whenever it is?"

James explains that the other Raven has Quidditch practice, and Fenwick's original patrol falls on the night I've arranged to meet with the entertainment committee for the Ball, so no can do.

I vow to have revenge on Evans and Potter for this. Making me, their beloved friend, suffer in order for them to canoodle by the firelight? It is an utter disgrace and an abuse of friendship.

"You're going to meet her at 8.30 by the statue of Anne Boleyn on the 3rd Floor. Try not to have this end with a Stunner, as amusing as your last close encounter with her was – Lils would kill me."

* * *

I'll skip the hour of awkward silence and get straight into the yelling because, to be honest, it was spectacular.

And it _did_ end with a Stunner, but I may not have come off so well without Cissy to help me out.

"Look, Fenwick, I don't want a fight," Famous last words. "But can you just stop spreading shit about me for once in your life? Why did this even start? What did I ever do to make you target me so viciously?"

OK, so I have already veered into the accusatory tone despite claiming I wasn't here for a fight. I have become rather confrontational of late – long gone are the days of my witty-quip-and-quick-escape tactics.

"Well, I happen to think there is an awful lot of truth in what's going around at the moment…"

"That's completely irrelevant, Fenwick – even if there was something going on between me and Sirius, it wouldn't be your business or anyone else's!"

"You don't think his _many_ ex-girlfriends and current admirers should know that you are making some, frankly, embarrassing plays at him?"

"No, literally _why_ would those girls need to know if I was interested in him? Anyway, weren't you at dinner the other night? I may not be the best at flirting, but I'm pretty sure people don't tend to chuck their dinners at people they are supposedly crazily in love with."

Fenwick snorts and doesn't reply. Because she can't, seeing as what I have just said makes absolute, irrefutable sense. We lapse back into awkward silence again as we carry on walking. But, I really am a changed woman, I _want_ an answer to my question. Why me?

When I demand an answer, Fenwick looks surprised by my sudden outspokenness but doesn't immediately respond. She just picks up the pace, charging ahead of me and acting all superior. Until she stops and wheels around to face me with a pretty darn terrifying expression.

"You don't bloody understand – the whole of Hogwarts doesn't just gossip about _you_. Everyone gets bitched about, their private lives discussed – everyone has a reputation!"

Well, of course I know that. I just seriously don't think that anyone has as much shit circulating about them as I do, thanks to her. I am about to pitch in with this when she dives back into her vitriolic, hissed rant.

"Everyone has rumors made up about them and most of us are normal fucking people – we hear about them and we feel little and small and insignificant. How big-headed are you, Hartmann? You only ever listen when it's about you! And even then, you don't give two fucks about what people are saying. How arrogant do you have to be to just disregard everyone's opinion of you, Jesus! So if this rumor about Black is finally making you embarrassed then thank God, and I will carry it on and humiliate you. You are so full of it, Hartmann!"

Well. I certainly wasn't expecting that.

I mean, I can be labelled a lot of unpleasant things but arrogant? I would never have thought that – which, I dunno, is that a _sign_ of arrogance? Oh, God. Also, Fenwick has massively underestimated her impact on me – no, I don't care what people think about her dumb rumors (well, up until this one that is) but they do wear me down.

Oh, Merlin. Am I an arrogant bitch?

"Fenwick, that is… shit. It's just shit. None of that, most of it blatantly untrue anyway, gives you a right to hurt me! And what you said at the end? Bloody Hell, that is psychotic!"

Maybe I should have stuck with my own tactics and just run when she had finished berating me. Because she was mad when she finished that speech, but she is shaking with rage at this point and has drawn her wand and –

The next thing I know, the sensation of a sharp brief tingling sensation in the back of my throat which signals that someone has just renervated me. Which also means that someone must have stunned me – no prizes for guessing who cast _that_ spell. But who has embarrassingly found me collapsed in the middle of the corridor?

Ah, of course, just to make my day a little bit more humiliating (seriously, why does Fenwick think I need any more of that in my life?), it is Gideon Prewett.

He looks very concerned, "Steffi, are you OK?"

"Ugh, yeah – nothing damaged except my dignity but of course, it's not as if that was exactly intact before…"

Gideon chuckles and goes to pull me up but changes his mind, pulling his hand back and instead sitting down on the flagstones next to me. "What happened? You didn't…stun yourself on accident did you?"

Oh God – I don't know what is worse, that he thinks I could do such a dumb thing or the fact that I actually _might_ do such a dumb thing….

I explain briefly what happened – that I confronted Fenwick about her spreading crap about me and Sirius and how she went nutty on me. I didn't repeat her rant, because…well, I don't want anyone to confirm it. I am so worried I will tell someone about it, all outraged and they'll go "Well yeah, Stef, but to be honest she has a point…"

Gideon looks surprised by my story and suggests telling McG about it, a suggestion which I reject quickly. It would just make things ten times worse with Fenwick, I know. But he also seems curious about something else.

"'Spreading crap', really? I honestly believed that one and I don't usually fall for Fenwick's stuff."

He's talking about me and Sirius – I had thought he was joking about Sirius not being able to keep his hands off me before, but I also made that assumption with Remus and look how that turned out. It seems Gideon had misinterpreted us too.

I quickly explain about Black's inability to behave appropriately and his twisted desire to encourage Fenwick's rumors. Gid seems to accept this explanation for it all. I try not to think again about why I didn't go to Hogsmeade with him, because it's pretty frustrating how I can't think of any valid reasons. And it is way too late to explore that avenue again – you can't ask someone out, letter-reject them and then ask them out again.

"Hey, so I heard you're the supervisor of Ball preparation?" Gid grins at me as we walk back. It's after curfew but we should be protected by my Prefect status. He had been watching his brother's Quidditch training, partly as a supportive twin and partly as a Gryff spy.

I confirm that I am living out my nightmare and am responsible for the Halloween Ball.

"So, there will definitely be the Wanderin' Wolves as live entertainment, right? And a real-life mummy present? And Celestina Warbeck is dancing with the Puddlemere captain as the opening dance?"

"See, Gid, I know you are joking with these unrealistic and impossible expectations, but my _heart_ doesn't and is beating about a million times faster due to Prewett-induced stress."

He laughs loudly at this and then, ugh and _then_ , he smiles, "It's nice to hear I can have an effect on your heart, Steffi."

Ooh, Merlin, he is _good_.

* * *

AN: Hey :)))) a few big moments in this chapter... let me know what you think!

Love hearing from you all

Elle xoxo


	13. Chapter 13

"Marl, Lans – join me?" My pitiful wail from my bed. It's been a couple of days since my brush with Death/Fenwick and I have only told my two Terrible Best Mates about the incident – largely due to embarrassment. And even Marley and Lana don't know exactly what Fenwick said about me being 'arrogant'. Unfortunately, new-and-improved Steffi hasn't lasted very long and I'm already back in my old routine of ignoring what I don't like (in this case: the possibility that bloody Jane Fenwick might be right about me).

I am quickly joined by two little pals, who dutifully snuggle up to me. They are markedly nicer and less Terrible when snuggling – we should conduct all our conversations and interactions from within a nest of blankets in the future.

"What's up, chicken?" Lana mutters, still sleepy. "Did you have another nightmare about Jane Fenwick?"

OK, so when I said they were nicer… it's a relative thing, I guess. You know what that kind of attitude deserves though? A slap for you, Ilana Diggory. Although squidged together so tight it is a little difficult, I still manage it.

"Actually, I had a plot which I think you will approve of… a Prewett-Plot."

Cue actual _squeals_ of delight from the Gruesome Twosome. "Do you like him now he rescued you from the big bad Fenwick?"

Sigh. Even after my quest for new friends, I still don't know a single person who doesn't delight in mocking me. It's precisely this sort of thing that makes me think Fenwick probably was wrong – how could someone be at all egotistic with this lot dragging them down?

I explain my thinking – obviously, I can't re-invite Gideon to Hogsmeade tomorrow. But, say I was to accidentally bump into him… Well, obviously we would stop to chat – it's only polite, after all. And then, if we happened to carry on our conversation over lunch at the Three Broomsticks… I wouldn't say no to that!

I am facing Marley as I finish telling them of my musings and I am pleased to see a devilish smile on her face – she is impressed by my plotting, I can tell. Lana seems to be too, from her raucous whooping.

"Stef, this boy-chasing scheme is very unlike you and I _love_ it!" Marley crows. Hmph, that makes it sound an awful lot like she doesn't love normal-me. Ungrateful, that's what Marlene McKinnon is!

"Come on, Marley – this is typical Stefanie! Accidentally asking Gid out like the adorable klutz she is, then rejecting him but he is still enchanted by her endearing embarrassingness. And eventually she's like oh, wait, I _do_ want him!"

Marley snickers. What! That makes me sound like a bitch!

"Lans, this scenario has literally _never_ happened to me before. Only two other boys have ever fancied me and they lost interest once they went on a few dates with me and realized what an idiot I am. And how life-threatening hanging out with me is…"

Lana and Marley both sigh loudly at this but trust me - boys know, they understand what I am like and wisely steer well clear.

"Well, I can safely say that we both heartily approve this plan, DZ," Marley attempts to hug me but sort of just thumps me with her arm. This whole bed-gossip situation really isn't working…

Lana shifts behind me and sits up so I can actually see her face – she looks warily at me. "Please don't murder me or cover me with food or anything for this, Stef, but…what about Sirius?"

What _about_ him?

"Well, are you sure there is nothing there? He won't be annoyed by you going after Gideon and you're _sure_ you don't want to look into the whole Sirius Black option before you get entangled with Prewett again?"

I try not to look angry at this, because Lana is trying to be helpful and we are both trying extra hard after our spat. So I explain to her our How to Have Platonic Friends conversation – and specifically how Sirius didn't make one objection to us being just friends, he even said himself that his behavior was just a way of distinguishing his relationship with me versus with other girls, like Em or Lily who he isn't so close with.

"So," Marley looks incredulous. "He basically has no idea how normal relationships work?"

My mind flicks briefly to what little I know about his family, and I think 'He does kind of have an excuse for that'. But I can't really say that aloud. I mean, Marls and Lana are both Pure Bloods, so they may have a better idea of his history just from existing in more similar circles anyway...

But I just laugh and nod along, "Yeah, that's basically what is going on."

* * *

Before Herbology starts, I pop over to Greenhouse 6 to check on the one fixture in my life that never mocks me, although may well kill me. Devillio is doing wonderfully, clambering up most of the back wall of the Greenhouse. I fashioned some warning notices, just in case any other students do come in here. It really wouldn't do my Disaster Zone reputation any good to have an actual homicide on my record.

Now, time to lay a little groundwork with Gideon… For once, I actually don't feel that nervous around him. Probably because I know he has seen me at my absolute low-point – passed out in a corridor. I have also accidentally asked him out and subsequently rejected him via letter. I really can't mess up here anymore than I already have, which is oddly comforting.

We chat a bit more about how mad Fenwick is, about the fanclub tournament (Prewett is a Puddlemere fan, ugh!) and Hogsmeade… Conveniently, he asks me what I'll be up to so I can return the question and get an idea of his schedule. Literally, being a Detective comes so naturally to me – I couldn't stop it if I tried. Which, obviously, I am _supposed_ to be doing as a part of my Self-Improvement Plan. Oh well.

Then, my Prewett-Pursuit is further confirmed and encouraged by what Gid moves on to next…

"So, Steffi, I'm not saying I am going to be observing your reaction to this next statement – but I totally am so act natural, yeah?" He grins at me infuriatingly whilst presenting me with this baffling riddle; I am dumb idiot who can't help but smile.

He gives me a look. "Maria MacMillan came to training last night and she was _all_ over Sirius."

A pause. Before I burst out laughing, "MacMillan? Ha! That's hilarious – I bet Sirius didn't know what was going on!"

Gideon seems reassured by my laughter – this is so cute! He is worried that I like Sirius and not him! A boy is jealous 'cause of me, can you believe it?

"So, you don't care that another girl was flirting with Sirius?"

"Gideon, I told you – that whole thing was rubbish! If it comes out of Fenwick's crazy mouth, it is absolute bullshit. I can't exactly envision MacMillan and Sirius together, but if for some reason he got a lobotomy and decided to marry her – I couldn't care less."

Gideon grins at me properly now, the suspicion gone from his eyes. Ugh, he is adorable! "They _would_ be a rather mismatched couple…"

MacMillan is Amazonian – I mean, she is very pretty (even I admit it) and definitely way better-looking than Fenwick. However she is really tall, almost six foot, not particularly willowy - she looks like she was raised a warrior princess in the Amazon. I honestly reckon she'll model when she leaves Hogwarts, she is that striking height and look. But Sirius is only six foot really, and muscly but not built like a brick shithouse. You know those well-built-but-not-bulky types? That's Sirius; he's strong enough to smash a Bludger across the pitch but is still slender, athletic.

Gideon is the other Gryff beater, Sirius' Quidditch-Partner-In-Crime – I guess it's because they're such good pals that Gid wants to make sure he's not treading on Sirius' toes. Gideon is sturdier than Sirius – shorter and stockier. But I'm barely five three so it doesn't matter to me. Gideon is definitely good-looking. Yes, in _deed_.

Before we can delve much further into the bizarre idea of MacMillan and Black, Kettleburn motions me over. Dear Lord. Since our bonding sesh over the beauty of Yorkshire, I have been subjected to these chats every week. Kettles seemed very offended when I declined his offer to join the Hogwarts Green Fingers Society – the school gardening club.

"Stefanie, I checked in on your Devil's Snare the other day and I must say he is looking handsome!"

Well, at least he appreciates my one and only true friend/killer, Devillio. I wonder if I should tell Kettleburn I named him, I bet he'd bloody love that.

"Yes, I am actually really enjoying this project, sir. I feel quite a connection with Devillio, is that unusual?"

Kettleburn voice goes a bit squeaky he is so pleased by my enthusiasm, "No, I always feel a personal connection with all of my plants! And, naming him, what a wonderful idea!"

Knew it – that extra credit is in the bag!

"Now, I was talking to Minevra – I mean, Professor McGonagall – the other evening and she mentioned to me that she suggested you look into Department of Defense work, in the Potions field?"

Oh, come on, Kettles – don't rain on my parade now! Basically give me this sacred project and then rain down the truth that, even with that, there is no way on this Earth that someone like me could do a job so advanced.

"I think your aptitude for Herbology would stand you in wonderful stead for such a position. And hopefully this extra project will aid your application greatly. I just wanted to let you know, Stefanie, that along with McGonagall and Slughorn, I would undoubtedly give you a glowing recommendation!"

OK, well I wasn't expecting that… Bloody Kettleburn – you saint of a man. Honestly! That is lovely, _so_ lovely – I adore the men of Greenhouse 3! Lovely Gideon, who for some absurd reason finds me enchanting and lovely Kettles, who has a completely ridiculous faith in my imagined abilities.

And to think, Kettleburn's whole infatuation with me stems from my previous attempt to get _away_ from Gideon. This is proof of fate, and destiny and… Magic! I am so happy right now!

Kettles dismisses the class and I positively skip to Potions.

The world loves me today and I bloody love it right back!

* * *

I am already sat at our bench, Potions text book open to the correct page and grinning ear-to-ear when Sirius walks in.

"Hello, Sirius!" I trill at him – don't think I've ever trilled before. "How are you? I hope you are having a great day because I _really_ am!"

He smiles at me, bemused. "Yeah, today's been alright. Muggle Studies and a free. What's gotten you so worked up, Steffi?"

I explain to him how well my Herbo project is going and how much Kettles adores me.

"Unbelievable - that thing _still_ hasn't killed you."

"Well, duh, I'm right here, stupid!"

He swats at me. "And seriously, no one ever answered me on this – why do all the teachers love you so much? It is honestly so beyond me – you are a pie-throwing delinquent and a disgrace to Prefects everywhere!"

I laugh delightedly at this – everything seems hilarious and brilliant right now. "I haven't a bloody clue, Sirius!"

He chuckles too – because of my infectious laughter probably. All this giggling reminds me of MacMillan and I can't resist bringing it up. Sirius cracks up when I mention her, causing Slughorn to whirl around with a glare that promptly disappears when he sees the noise coming from my bench. Honestly, Sirius is damn lucky to sit next to me – I got him out of one det and my sheer presence alone is probably enough to have pre-emptively stopped many more.

"Oh, Merlin it was so terrible! I don't know what she was playing at! I mean, at the very least, shouldn't she be helping her boss spread rumors about us?"

"Well, trust me, I have been on the receiving end of Fenwick's temper and MacMillan oughta watch out! But, seriously, no wedding bells a-ringing yet?"

Sirius groans, "No, I mean – she is hot! But damn stupid, how she made it to Ravenclaw is beyond me. And she is taller than me, which is never good for a bloke's ego. I need to stick to the midgets, like you, Steffi Short-Arse!"

Or Diana Cress – petite and gorgeous Diana Cress.

"You ought to let MacMillan know before she gets her towels re-monogrammed – M.B.! Or spends too much time practicing her new signature."

"Maybe it is just around me, because I can have this effect on women – but I have never heard that girl string together two complete sentences."

I snort, "Trust me, she can but perhaps speaking only works for her when she's being a vitriolic cow."

Sirius grins at this and continues ribbing Maria MacMillan; I join in but am only half-listening as I scrawl a note to Cissy.

 _Dear Cissy,_

 _You know how, with your wonderful help, I was able to solve the Prewett-Problem? Well…._

 _I may be re-opening that case because perhaps I_ am _interested in him? He helped me out of a sticky spot the other day and I realized he is charming, sweet, funny and, for some bizarre reason, really into me! So, why didn't I go for him again?_

 _I feel like you are probably going to warn me against accidentally-on-purpose bumping into him at Hogsmeade tomorrow… But, you know me, if there is something stupid to be done – I'll do it!_

 _Stef._

I lob the note across the class to where Cissy sits next to Frank Longbottom. Obviously it hits Frank, who turns to look at me with annoyance. I gesture at Cissy and he frowns at me before handing the note over.

"What are you talking to my cousin about?" whispers Sirius, realizing I am not partaking in the MacMillan Mocking any more.

I decide not to mention the Prewett-Plan, in case it goes wrong (AKA I chicken out or do something really embarrassing – both v likely scenarios) and I just mumble something about making plans to get a coffee in Hogsmeade tomorrow.

Sirius regards me curiously – he doesn't seem angry about this friendship, which still really surprises me. Maybe he's always seen Cissy's nice side too? No! I promised not to meddle about with Black-Family-Feuds! "You're an odd one, Steffi." I poke him. "Oi, I meant that as a compliment! Odd in a good way."

"Psh, who is odd in a good way? That's an oxymoron."

Sirius rolls his eyes and grins at me. "Wanna get lunch in the kitchens? I have a strange craving for Shepherd's Pie…"

"You are the _worst,_ " But I follow him to the Kitchens anyway, of course.

* * *

The whole way there he is babbling on about my attack. "I still just can't believe how quickly you cast that Shield Charm. Honestly, 99% of the time you are an absolute fool – couldn't tell your arse from your elbow. But then when food is involved… bloody Hell! Suddenly you're a ninja, or something!"

He continues on but, well, an odd thought has crossed my mind. Would Sirius care if I told him about my potential feelings for Gideon? He wanted me to tell Gideon about not going to Hogsmeade last month – but I'm pretty sure that was because he didn't like me stringing him along. They're pals, Beaters together; they have to be close in order to communicate on the pitch.

But would Sirius _care_ care, you know?

Of course he wouldn't, don't be dumb, Stefanie. You've said it yourself – Sirius doesn't like you like that, and you don't want a relationship with him anyway! Goddamn it, when did Fenwick suddenly become so convincing? She's got me panicking about whether I'm an arrogant bitch and wondering if Sirius Black will get jealous of me liking another guy!

Oh, Merlin – which _is_ totally egotistic. As _if_ Sirius cares who I fancy! He's Sirius Black – Dorcas _Meadowes_ can't hold his attention, let alone this Disaster Zone.

And naturally, the idiot doesn't order Shepherd's Pie after all that joking around. He gets a bacon and avocado sandwich and orders one for me too, rudely assuming he knows what I want to eat. (I mean, he knows he won't be far wrong seeing as there is bacon involved, but even so).

It's bloody delicious, I'll give him that.

"Don't you Muggles eat avocado?"

"Oi, I'm Half-Blood – not that it matters! My mum is allergic," I think that Blood reference deserves an arm slap.

(BY THE WAY. Absolute outrage the other day when Marley 'Professional Psychologist' McKinnon suggested that my fondness for arm-slapping Black was because of his Beater Biceps. I mean, have you ever heard such a thing? OK, so I won't deny that it's a pretty nice byproduct of the admonishment, now that she points it out… But honestly, that girl has a weird _fixation_ with physical contact).

Unfortunately, my harsh admonishment is marred somewhat by an alarmingly loud BANG and my promptly falling off of the counter that we're sat on.

Amidst Sirius' cackling, I look up from the (very uncomfortable and not a good-soft-DZ landing) Kitchen floor to see what the Hell that noise was that made me jump.

"It's only a blood House Elf, Stef, don't wet your knickers!"

Merlin. I am an absolute embarrassment. Not only am I rubbish at Apparating myself, but the sound of Apparition makes me jump like a startled cat.

The poor little Elf, bemused by my sudden collapse, holds out a scroll to me. Really? Where is my normal messenger? Ty would never give me such a shock…

 _Dear Steffi,_

 _I'm on the 7_ _th_ _Floor and doing my duty as a member of the Disaster Zone… Helper? I can't remember what you called it now, but Emily Greengrass is being yelled at by a 6_ _th_ _Year Huffle Prefect for apparently setting off a Dungbomb outside the boys' toilets._

 _I don't reckon it was her – I'm having a blazing row with this Prefect idiot now. If you come along quick, he'll probably listen to you._

 _You owe me, Harts._

 _R.L._

Oh. My. Goodness.

Rabastan actually listened to me! (Well, sort of. Once I make the DZPL badges, he won't be forgetting the name).

I scramble upright and mutter an apology to Sirius before sprinting full pelt up the stairs.

NOTE TO SELF – Start partaking in Sports afternoons because you really are VERY unfit.

* * *

Rab and I managed to solve the crisis and effectively Protect our little Danger Zone. I am happy to report that Emily was suitably grateful to us. I told her that this used to happen to me all the time and she was delighted to hear that not every member of the Prefect team is so corrupt and willing to blame innocent DZs.

Reasons I am 'the Best Prefect Ever' (Quote: Greengrass, Emily, 1977): _  
-_ Promoting inter-House friendship and respect  
\- Standing up to the injustice and prejudice rife within the Establishment  
\- Being a wonderful role model and probably inspiring in Emily a dream to one day become a Prefect like her hero, Stef Hartmann  
\- Because I use my powers for Good instead of Evil; I docked 10 points from Huffle, ha!

Anyway, lovely Emily has scampered off to class now leaving me and Rab to chat. I tell him how pleased I am that he spotted Emily and let me know.

"Yeah, well. I was just walking along and heard yelling. I heard someone say Greengrass and I just wondered…" Bless, he seems embarrassed. He is probably unused to the fawning attention of devoted 4th Years (unlike me, with my flock of little friends).

"Rabastan, I think you just made Emily's day!"

He scoffs, "Come on, that was all you! She was probably delighted that _Steffi Hartmann_ saved her!"

People only say 'Steffi Hartmann' in that tone of voice if they don't know what a Disaster I am. But everyone knows that, so subsequently _no one_ says my name in such adoring tones. Slytherins are a secretly-friendly-but-still-very-sarcastic bunch.

"Rabastan."

Yeesh, it's Mulciber and Avery and – oh. Regulus Black. Rabastan raises a hand in greeting and I don't really know what to do. It'll probably look weird if I just walk off upon seeing them; also, McG did tell me to keep an eye out for this lot…

"Hey, guys," Rab is uncomfortable about his friends seeing him with me, I can tell. He is trying to act cool but it is obvious.

"You got waylaid?" Avery asks – evidently Rabastan was supposed to be joining them wherever they just were. They came out of a room across the corridor so maybe I'll take a peek in there once they're all gone… A Top Detective never rests!

Rab nods. "Emily Greengrass was getting targeted by some Huffle, trying to take points off unjustly. Hartmann helped get rid of him."

Regulus snorts, "God, I hate Hufflepuffs. I hope _you_ took points off _them_ for messing with Slytherins."

I don't know if Regulus is actually talking to me, but I respond. "I did. As if they were in sniffing distance of the Cup anyway."

OK, so Regulus looks surprised to see me talk to him but he laughs at my comment anyway. "I have to say, you have a mixed taste in Blacks… I'm not sure about you and my brother – honestly, how does that twat have every girl in this castle falling at his feet? But Cissy speaks highly of you."

Ugh! I angrily explain that Fenwick is full of shit – I can't believe even creepy Slytherins listen to her!

"Whoa, calm down, Hartmann! Although, that the level of anger is probably warranted for being falsely accused of such a heinous crime as liking my brother. Don't worry, Cissy explained that Fenwick is a gossip."

The Black family sits around in the Slytherin Common Room discussing me? What is going on? Rabastan looks confused too; Mulciber and Avery are grinning at me in what I think is supposed to be a friendly, _not_ -threatening way. This is a very odd encounter.

"Come on, guys, we've got Defense," murmurs Mulciber, whose voice I am surprised to hear is oddly gentle. I don't think I've ever heard him speak before.

They all turn away to walk back towards the stairs except Regulus, who regards me a moment longer.

"See you around, Harts," he smirks, before joining his Housemates.

I don't know whether it was him calling me 'Harts' or the smirk, but he looked _so_ like Sirius in that moment.

* * *

OK, so you know how I always _say_ I'm crazy? But I usually mean it in a hey-look-at-me, oh-I'm-so-scatty, and ditzy, and endearingly insane way, right?

I think I might _actually_ be crazy, like clinically insane…

After the Slytherins had all gone, I remembered my thought about popping my head in the classroom that they had met up in. I was sure they would have taken everything with them. They would hardly have left their secret plot written up on the blackboard – 'Classified Scheme to Erase all Muggleborns, devised by R. Black, B. Avery and N. Mulciber'. Worth a look though, just in case.

But when I turned around… Oh God, when I turned around there _was no door_. I'm not kidding – the door that I saw them come out of with my own eyes was no longer there.

I know Hogwarts is weird and stuff but normally parts of the castle just move, they don't completely disappear…

Maybe I hit my head when I fell off the counter in the Kitchens. Maybe I should see Pomfrey…

Oh dear.

* * *

The thing about trying to find out whether or not you're insane is when you _ask_ people if you're insane, they tend to look at you as if you are.

Conversations Attempting to Gauge my Level of Craziness:

1.

SH: Em, psst. Hey, Em!  
EV: Yeah?  
SH: Am I crazy?  
EV: ….  
SH: Seriously, I'm worried I might be insane.  
EV: Are you hearing voices?  
SH: No more than usual.  
EV: Ha. Well if you're not hearing voices, why do you think you're going insane?  
SH: Hearing voices isn't the only sign-  
McG: Hartmann, we're _all_ hearing voices right now which is very disrupting for those actually bothering to attempt the practical.

2.

SH: Remus, am I insane?  
RL: Yes.  
SH: No, but like _properly_.  
RL: Yes.  
SH: Do you think I could be committed, sectioned?  
RL: I've contacted St. Mungo's on several occasions.  
SH: Piss off.

3.

SH: Lana, I'm not actually insane, am I?  
ID: Hmm.  
SH: That's not reassuring.  
ID: Well, I just meant… Remember that time you 'forgot ghosts were a thing' and nearly pissed yourself when you saw the Bloody Baron?  
SH: That's just being forgetful! And growing up like a Muggle!  
ID: Stef! We were in 5th Year – you definitely knew ghosts were a thing.  
SH: I am NOT crazy.  
ID: You just yelled that like a crazy person.

4.

SH: Hey, Sirius, I _know_ I'm not crazy, like properly but no one will believe me. You believe me, don't you?  
SB:  
SH: Sirius, psst.  
SB:  
SH: Don't do this to me! Talking to yourself is definitely a sigh of craziness!  
SB:  
SH: Sirius, are you mad at me?  
SB:  
SH: Hey, what did I do? I'm really, really sorry for whatever it is. I had to rush off because of Prefect stuff at lunch.  
SB:  
SH: _So_ bipolar!  
SB:  
SH: Wait, Sirius! No, don't go! I was just _joking_.  
MD: What's going on here?  
SH: I'm sorry, Professor Donahue. I don't know why he's… I don't know.  
MD: Well… there's only five minutes of the class left. We'll let him off this time. But perhaps I oughtn't to pair you two up again next week.  
SH: Perhaps.

* * *

Why is he pissed off with me? What have I done now? Ugh, I hate _people_! They're always changing their minds and doing weird things and I don't understand them!

Oh well, I'm at our Harpies fanclub meeting, I should just throw myself into this – hopefully that will take my mind of Sirius going from wanting a one-on-one lunch with me, to being unable to even be in the same lesson as me.

"Harts, what's up?" Doc plonks himself into the armchair next to me – we're in the Gryff Common Room this week. It alternates every meeting which was my idea, of course; Dumbledore was so right about me being wonderful and equal, how did I never realize what a great human being I was before?

In response to Caradoc, I just shrug. I am so not going into the whole Sirius-Black-Drama with Doc; I just change the subject. "Hey, do you know what you want to do after we leave school?"

"Auror," I should have guessed. Caradoc is _really_ good at Defense and although his family is Pure-Blood, even I know what famous protesters of Blood-Hate they are. "What about you?"

"Well, I always wanted to work for Philimore's – maybe in Development? Sluggers even introduced me to Darla Philimore. But now McGonagall and Kettles are going on about becoming a Potions Specialist for the Department of Defense…"

Caradoc considers this for a moment. I've been thinking about it a lot over the past couple of weeks; I feel like I should decide soon. I'd need to apply to the Ministry by Christmas if I go for that and if not, then I should start schmoozing Darla instead. I suppose, really I should do both so I have the options…

"I think working for the D.O.D. would be great for you, Stef. You are amazing with Potions and, well… we need defending more than ever now. People aren't just attacked with curses – Potions can be very debilitating too. And I think the Potions Specialists collaborate with Mungo's fairly often too, to work on cures."

I thought Doc would be in favor of the Defense job – like the rest of his family, he's got that sense of civic duty. He's like a modern day Knight of the Realm or something; very chivalrous and moral. The more I am reading about what's going on, the more I feel obligated to apply to be a Specialist too – but I also get more _scared_ as I read too.

I tell Caradoc this and he smiles sympathetically, although I am sure he has no fear. "That's a perfectly rational response but… You know, I heard there's this, I don't know, 'organization'. Some sort of resistance movement against Voldemort's regime – they protect people they think will be targets, they're making a stand. It's just hearsay from something my dad was hypothesizing about but – I know you, Steffi, and even if you're scared… doesn't that sound _appealing_ to you?"

It does, of course it does – taking a stand against a racist and brutal regime? Who wouldn't that appeal to? I mean, that has always been a part of what scares me so much about this stuff – that it's so big and ubiquitous, where do you start in the attempt to stop it? Doc is right, it does appeal to me and it does please me to know that there are people out there trying to tackle it all in some organized manner.

I am about to tell him this when Sirius marches up to us, scowling furiously. "Stef, can we talk?"

Can we talk? Can we _bloody_ talk? What does he think I was trying to do in Defense, when he just walked out?

Fine. Let's talk.

* * *

He has stalked off up the boys' staircase – I am assuming I'm supposed to follow. If anyone dares mention seeing me go with Sirius up to his dorm to Fenwick then I will be totally unapologetic about my murdering them.

Obviously, none of the other boys are around – I know Frank has a det with Sluggers. When I ask where the Marauders are, Sirius just says 'out' and that he'll join them later. I take a seat on the edge of one of the beds and wait for Sirius to start ranting – he obviously, finally, has something he has to say.

He eventually turns away from his staring match with Peter's Man United poster to face me with an accusatory look; I notice he is clutching a piece of paper….

"Rabastan Lestrange?" His voice is tense and strained, spitting out the name at me between clenched teeth. Ah, now I know what the paper is. In my haste to save Emily, I must have left Rab's note in the Kitchens. Harpies "'You owe me, Harts'"

I don't know what to say; of course, Sirius isn't happy about this but don't the same rules apply as with my friendship with Cissy? Rabastan is always polite and kind to me, and I've never seen him involved in anything nasty. Yes, he hangs out with Avery and Mulciber – they're his Housemates! But he wasn't in Hogsmeade….

"What the fuck, Stefanie? I know you're this ditzy little 'Disaster Zone' but even _you_ must know how damned stupid it is to be friends with a Lestrange."

He sounds so angry. I just don't know what to say – I am friends with Rabastan, neither despite nor because of his surname and family.

"You know who his brother is, who his sister-in-law is?" I don't say anything. " _Stef_!"

He isn't shouting but somehow it's worse because his tone is so urgent and disappointed and tense.

"Bellatrix Black… Lestrange… Your cousin, Cissy's sister."

"Do you know what Bella would have done, if _she'd_ been here to hear Fenwick's rumors about us? Do you know what she'd have done to you?" I don't know why I am so frozen and unable to speak – I'm not scared of Sirius, but his voice is so low and, I don't know... I think I'm on the edge of tears…

"Stef, do you understand me? Do you know what she would do? Rabastan's brother and his wife, you know what kind of people they are?" He is gripping me by the shoulders now and staring me in the eyes, his jaw tense.

"I…. They, she used Cruciatus on someone once." My voice, in contrast to his, is a wavering whisper.

He stands up, letting go of me. "That's right and she would do that to you too."

For the second time in a week, I burst into tears in front of Sirius Black. And, again, within a second his arms are around me and his lips are at my ear.

His voice has transformed from that harsh, urgent growl to soft, sorry tones. "Oh, Godric. Steffi, I didn't mean to scare you. Oh, fuck, I'm so sorry."

I try and stop the tears but I don't even fully know why they started so it's pretty difficult. It wasn't so much that he scared me but I realize now what it was in his voice that was so strange – _he_ sounded scared, there was fear as well as tension in his voice.

He wraps me tightly in his arms, crushing me against his chest. "Steffi, are you OK? Look, she's not here anymore – of course, she won't actually be able to hurt you, I just… I wouldn't let her anyway, I wouldn't ever let them hurt you."

My crying has at least subsided enough to attempt to talk to him, "I'm not scared of her – it was you! You sounded so… unlike you."

I looked up at him as I said this and I am horrified to see that, at my words, his face has crumpled – he looks so sad.

"Oh, Steffi," he murmurs, pulling me in again and talking into my hair. "I'm so, so sorry. It's just what I was talking about before – not wanting to see you hurt. I know what they're like, I've been through this. You're just… to me, you are the antithesis of them. I know _why_ you're friends with Rabastan and Narcissa – because you do the opposite to what they would do. You don't judge their background or their family, you just take them on face value."

I interrupt him, not breaking us apart though. (I am never going to admit this to Marley, but right now I understand her… physical contact theories. You know, _he_ instigates all of it – I may start taking advantage of the fact that the hottest guy at Hogwarts has a fondness for hugging me. I can't be blamed for that).

"But isn't it good that I do that, that I am the opposite of them?"

His lips are pressed so firmly against the top of my head that I can feel them curve into a smile at my response. Diving into this whole taking-advantage thing, I wrap my arms around his waist, shifting us even closer.

"Sometimes you _need_ to make those judgements, sometimes those things are warning signs," he sighs. I have a horrible urge to be even closer to him; if I just shifted my legs, and put them over… Jesus, Stef, control yourself! Jeez. This is an immensely inappropriate time for my hormones to kick into action…

"Sirius, why are you so convinced I am going to get hurt? I have no intention of staying touch with either of them once we leave – I already know that's impossible. I'm _not_ stupid. But what's the harm of just hanging out now, whilst we're seventeen, eighteen and still a little bit insulated from the world?"

Sirius unwinds his arms from across my back, so I reluctantly take the cue and shift back from him. But only by a few centimeters.

He is gazing down at me gravely, his hands at my shoulders now. "Stef…"

He pauses, closing his eyes, obviously thinking about what it is he wants to say or how he's going to express himself. My stomach does a stupid excited flip as, whilst he thinks, his hands slide down to my waist and rest gently above my hips. I fold my own hands in my lap, unsure what to do with myself because my body/hormones have gone _completely_ loopy and are basically screaming at me to throw myself at him.

This is all very confusing. He is warning me about dangerous Dark wizards, about protecting my own life and all I can think about is how suddenly, out of _nowhere_ , I _really_ wanna snog him.

What is _wrong_ with me?

"I suppose, there isn't any harm for now. I don't know _how_ exactly they would hurt you, but I just… _feel_ like they could. If they wanted. Outside of this castle, they're already meeting up with some Dark people – their own families may include Death Eaters."

There is a pause in his thoughts and during it, he slides his hands once more to circle my waist and pull me against him. I _think_ I actually sigh aloud – lets be real, I probably did because I am a Grade A Embarrassment.

"I suppose, when it comes to you, I am a little paranoid."

What. The. Hell.

My stomach did another flip at that.

Why am I getting all hot and bothered by him talking about the Cruciatus curse, and Death Eater and me getting hurt? Do I have some sick, twisted perversion? I wish Marlene was a _real_ psychologist so she could help me figure this shit out.

In the meantime, I am _so_ taking advantage. His arms are still around my waist as he looks down at me, so I put mine around his neck and hug him, burying my face into his shoulders (Ugh, he is such a Beater).

(OH FUCK GIDEON PREWETT. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN. DO I JUST HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH BEATERS. WHY HAVE MY EMOTIONS SUDDENLY CHOSEN THE PAST FEW DAYS TO JUST FANCY THE HELL OUT OF ALL BOYS EVER. Oh, God just think about this later, Stef, just…. Jesus).

"Sirius, you are a secret softy, aren't you? You can be very sweet sometimes. But you don't have to worry about me."

He sighs, but there is a touch of laughter in it. "Yes, I do, Stef. Everything you do is a potential catastrophe."

Well, I can't argue with that. So I just wriggle up against him and lean my head against his chest, _very_ contentedly thank you!

"True. So here's the deal, I will keep you fully in the loop about all my time spent with potentially-nefarious-pals and then you can judge if there seems to be any dodginess or danger to my general wellbeing. OK?"

He chuckles, "Deal."

Maybe I should tell him about talking to Regulus? I don't know… I mean, I _will_ be 100% honest with him from now on and tell him all about my encounters with Rab and Cissy. But what has happened up until this point – surely that can stay secret?

Well, at the very least, I won't tell him now, whilst we're nestled together. While his lips are still at the edge of my hairline, brushing my forehead. While his hands rest at the small of my back and mine are at the nape of his neck.

I certainly don't want this moment to end, so I don't move – I let it go on for as long as possible. I'm not sure exactly _how_ long that is but eventually we disentangle ourselves as Sirius has to meet the other boys.

"Seriously, Steffi, keep me in the know."

"Seriously, Sirius, I will."

He grins at me and walks out. I stay sat on the bed – in some sort of post-snuggle shock, I think.

I do not like him. I do _not_ like Sirius Black – I _don't_. I don't want him to be my boyfriend – he is too volatile and immature and fickle.

But I feel… _something_.

And it's Hogsmeade tomorrow, when I am supposed to be bumping into Gideon. Who I _thought_ I liked but now I am so confused.

OK. Sometime between now (10PM Friday evening) and tomorrow (9AM Saturday morning), I have to figure out My Feelings About Boys.

On my own. Because Lans and Marley cannot know about this.

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

* * *

AN: OK so I loooooved writing this chapter, I really hope guys did too! Please do let me know how you found it!

Elle xoxo


	14. Chapter 14

Steffi Hartmann's Feelings About Boys

(Note to Self – is 5AM really the right time to be considering complex emotions? I suppose it's sort of the _only_ time if you leave Sirius Black's dorm at 11PM and are so emotionally exhausted you promptly crash out and you are also looking for ways to avoid talking about this weirdness with your Terrible Mates because you are a disgrace to the Gryff name and sleep is always a good escape. Wah, listen to that ramble - I am so _not_ ready for some soul-searching).

Let's start with the easier (hah) one.

 _Gideon Prewett_

1) I originally ditched this one for not being on the same wavelength as me. Is this still true? Well, it sort of _must_ be because he still fancies me so surely he can't fully understand what a train wreck I am. However, he has seen me at my Ultimate Low Point and hasn't really judged me too badly. So, maybe he _could_ handle this Disaster Zone? PRO/CON

2) He really is a very funny bloke – he makes me laugh a lot and he has a wonderful and infectious laugh. His smile is also swoon-worthy. PRO

3) He's kind. He saved me from Fenwick and is always polite and friendly – not just to me, but everyone. PRO

4) I've never felt those…. Physical fireworks like the ones I had last night, around Gideon. But he is a very handsome bloke – so why not? Maybe there is firework potential; after all, I've known Sirius six years and last night was the first display I'd ever had. I'm not sure, I think this boils back down to the wavelength thing – I'm worried there's a lack of spark. CON

5) Gideon Prewett _likes_ me – he really bloody likes me. More than any bloke ever has done, in my whole life. Gideon really wants to date me, he has an honest-to-God crush on me. MASSIVE, HUGE PRO.

He weighs up pretty well, on balance.

Now on to the trickier contestant… (Contestant? Is my joke of a love-life a game show? If so, the prize is pretty poor. A relationship with me? That would be like winning a lifetime of bad karma).

 _Sirius Black_

1) I guess he is kind of on my wavelength; I mean, we've always been friends and we are very… laid-back around each other. Especially since 5th Year when him and James started actually showing me a little respect and acting less obnoxious (again, that is a relative thing). I never worry about modifying myself around Sirius, you know? PRO.

2) Sirius also makes me laugh a lot; our relationship is very jokey and he is well-known for his pranking skills, of course. He makes the whole school laugh with his antics. PRO.

3) As it turns out, Sirius is also kind – I mean, this protectiveness over me? That's so kind. But… He can also be grouchy and sulky and, although it hasn't happened in a while, he can still cross the line sometimes. And just because he hasn't said anything mean to me lately, doesn't mean everyone else has been so lucky. I think sometimes Sirius hurts people without meaning too – he can still be a little careless with his words. CON

4) OK, we all know Black is the hottest guy in the school and basically no witch in the castle would turn him down. But I have never felt like that towards him before last night, despite Marlene and Fenwick's claims. The suddenness makes me wary – why did I feel _so_ attracted to him? I think, perhaps, it could just be because of the physical affection thing – I'm not used to super-hot guys (or any guys at all for that matter) being so casually affectionate. And it doesn't mean _that_ to Sirius – he has said so himself. Maybe me taking advantage was the wrong thing to do – confused my stupid hormones… PRO/CON

5) Sirius Black doesn't like me. I know that and I'm not sure I even like him in that way either – I am attracted to him, that much is obvious, even to me. But he wouldn't ever want me to be his girlfriend – never! I _know_ that. And although there are many aspects of Black I do like, I think there are enough negative qualities that would put me off too. Anyway. The fact that he doesn't like me, never would, is enough to end this conversation right here – why even consider him, when he would never be an option anyway? MASSIVE, HUGE CON.

 _Summary_

There is no contest – Gideon _could_ be boyfriend-material. Whatever this… thing is I feel for Sirius, it can't be much more than just lust. He's attractive but other than that, nothing distinguishes us from just being friends.

And Gideon likes me! I am still very much not over this fact – I am a few hours away from implementing my accidental-on-purpose-Prewett-Pursuit and I am still all giddy over the fact that he actually even likes me!

Anyway, look at me go! Figurin' out my feelings and shit! And it's only 6.30 AM, I can get a couple of hours shut-eye before we head off to Hogsmeade – got be looking fresh for my accidental-date!

* * *

Oh what a bloody balls-up, Hartmann! You idiot! One for the Disaster Count, right off the bat; sleeping for four hours instead of two – fool!

So, it's 11AM and I am sprinting like a madwoman down the path towards Hogsmeade. I missed the coaches, I missed seeing Gid in the Courtyard, I missed last minute prep for this terrifying task with Marley and Lana. WORST FRIENDS EVER. Why did they not wake me when they got up?

ARRGGHH.

I need to get to Gideon before he makes any lunch plans! What if he meets up with that Hufflepuff girl again? (Rachel Downes, I am on to you; stay away from my man!)

This is such a nightmare but another serious reminder to actually start participating in Sports; I seem to be doing a lot of running about of late and oh my, is it tough! If I am going to be a good Head Ranger of the DZPL, I am going to need to be able to dash from one end of the castle to the other in the blink of an eye, to rescue my teeny-tiny protégés!

I can see the slate roofs now, Hogsmeade here I come!

CRASH.

Straight into someone, just my luck. Oh bugger it, flat on my arse which, combined with my tumble off the Kitchens counter last night, is definitely going to be bruised.

"Steffi, how many times am I going to have to pull you off the floor? It seems I'm your knight in shining armor! Or do you have a million guys going around, lifting you off your feet every time you get into trouble?"

"God, no, Gideon! It's just you, thankfully!"

He heaves me up – this is either a great opportunity, or a complete catastrophe. Considering I barely had time as it was to deal with the whole face/hair situation and that the situation will _not_ have been improved by my cross-country run here, I am leaning more towards disaster. Of course.

Gideon looks lovely, wearing a very comfy-looking navy sweater and his hair looks far neater than mine. Oh, it was hopeless to think this was ever going to work!

"Look, I know it's a bit early but, considering you've just run about ten miles, you've probably already worked up an appetite for lunch. Wanna head to the Broomsticks?"

Oh my God! I didn't even have to try, like even a little bit! This is great, I am having a fan-fucking-tastic day!

"That would be great, Gid, I'd really like that!" I am so charming.

He grins – ah, he looks so pleased! Yay, this is going to be fine, everything is going to work out for me, for once! (Also, the earlier you get to the Broomsticks the better, otherwise all the good tables go and you have to wait an eternity for your order. And, Gid was right, I _am_ starving. He scored himself a few wavelength points there).

I am going to order a prawn mayo baguette with chips, _not_ salad and I am going to have a wonderful lunch with a boy who likes me.

* * *

Holy Hell.

I actually _did_ order a prawn mayo baguette with chips, and I _did_ have a wonderful lunch with a boy who likes me! No salad or disasters involved!

That actually happened. With no screw ups or awkwardness of any kind. This has never, I mean ever, happened to me. I am just sitting here with the biggest, dumbest, most spaced-out grin on my face. Gideon had to go and meet Fab, but we spent a great couple of hours together and he suggested 'hanging out again some time'. Ahhhhhh!

I am still sitting, looking dumb, when Peter, James and Lana walk over.

"Hello, Hartmann, you're looking thrilled about something!"

I see Lana about to retort to James, so I quickly shoot her a don't-you-breathe-a-word glare which she, thankfully, picks up.

"I'm looking so smug because I wasn't an idiot who went for the late lunch, therefore risking menu-item-availability! I got my prawn mayo baguette, no issues!"

Petey groans as he sits next to me, "They are definitely going to have run out of chicken tikka baguettes, aren't they?"

I nod somberly. The latest addition to Madam Rosemerta's menu has proved popular, although apparently it isn't so exotic to most of the wizarding kids. Like I said, it's so much easier for them to travel and, I guess, transport ingredients and so on. Lana has grown up eating curries and Chinese cuisine – good, authentic stuff. It's been an eye-opener for me.

"Stef, did you start with Ball organization stuff yet?" James asks after ordering. "Lils doesn't want to stress you out but… well, she's stressing out."

"Well, I wouldn't want to stress out _Lils_ , now would I?" Hehe, Death Glares ain't gonna stop me, Potter. I am immune to them!

Anyway, I let him know that I have arranged to meet the entertainment committee tomorrow to see how they're getting on. Lily and James seem to be engaged in some kind of warfare with the company we contracted to decorate. Food is simple, I just have to come up with an appropriate menu for the Elves – and if anyone is qualified to spend hours thinking about food, it's me!

James seems reassured and nods to himself. Pete and I exchange a smirk. "You're taking this all very seriously, Prongs."

James looks over at Pete and shrugs, "You think I want the wrath of the student body on me if it's all shit?"

"I don't think you want the wrath of Lily, that's for sure!" Again with the Death Glares, really, Potter? Haven't we established that they are useless against me?

Even Lana is smiling along too now. I think the whole school has noticed Lily and James' cordial cooperation as Head Team. Or, at the very least, they have noticed their lack of scrapping and fighting this year.

"Look, I wasn't expecting it but actually my life has been much easier this year. She hasn't been calling me toerag every five minutes and picking apart my every action for some clue or hint of nefarious pranking and plotting!"

Lana properly smirks now (I bet somewhere along her family tree she has Black blood. That is such a Black family smirk, I can now safely say – being BFFs with them all). "That might have something to do with your _not_ acting like a toerag or doing any nefarious plotting. And why exactly is it that you're not, Potter? It couldn't be _because_ of Lily, could it?"

"Christ, one girl promises to stop being a Top Detective and another just comes along to take her place!"

We all laugh at this and Lana mutters something about 'not being compared to that nutter' but I kindly ignore it, still being in a Gideon-Prewett-Fancies-Me-Haze.

"Anyway, I was pretty well-behaved last year too. But Lily has finally stopped yelling at me long enough to realize that I stopped giving her _cause_ to yell quite a while ago."

"Are you taking her to the dance?"

"I have to Pete, you know that. The Head Boy and Girl open the Ball, we have to give a speech."

"Yeah, and then you're free to go off with your _actual_ date." Everyone knows that, James, why does that bozo even need it pointed out?

He looks around, abashed, "Yeah, but will anyone want to go with the Head Boy, when he has to sort of have another date too?"

Oh God, he's making up _excuses_ to just go with Lily! Part of me wants to yell 'just ask her, you moron!' But another part wonders if that would be taking things too fast for her…

"And, also, I'll probably have to spend half the night with bloody Evans anyway. There will inevitably be a million disasters on the night that we'll have to sort out. Any date I take would be hopelessly neglected."

"Considering Steffi is general supervisor, there will probably be a _billion_ disasters."

Slap for that cheek, Mr. Pettigrew! But, Lord, James was _that_ ever pathetic – his 'bloody Evans' sounded about as convincing as the time Grubbly-Plank told me that being shat on by a Flobberworm could happen to anyone. Who even knew that those monstrosities defecated? Either way, at James' insistence, we drop the topic but I can feel my instincts at play again.

It's not even a bad thing – both of them directly _asked_ me to help them with this conundrum! So, really, in guiding them both towards admitting their feelings for one another and getting them to go _together_ to the Ball I am actually doing them a massive favor – which they asked for!

In fact, the dance is a perfect time to ease into Hogwarts-coupledom. Everyone will be expecting them to spend the night as each other's dates – James is right, as much as it pains me to say. And people might not think _so_ much of it because it can partly be attributed to Head duties. But seeing them together all night, and maybe being a little affectionate (now I know how nice albeit confusing affection can be, I am a huge advocate of it) will probably lead to slightly less gossiping and gawking later on in their inevitable relationship.

I am so on this.

* * *

Well, OK. It could have gone _worse_ , the meeting with the entertainment committee.

I mean, if you ask me 'Stef, did you have a panic attack in the middle of the meeting?' Then my answer would be, yes.

And if you inquired as to whether I hexed one of the committee members, I would also have to say yes.

And, you know, should you happen to query if Mulciber was present, and if that freaked me out and if we had an odd conversation, then I would also answer yes to that.

But, all in all, it could have gone worse.

* * *

"So, _none_ of you have contacted Selena and the Slayers? You know there are only three weeks until the Ball, right?" I didn't even know my voice could go so high – it's actually pretty impressive. Although most of the committee are looking at me with concern.

It's mostly Prefects, and a few do-gooders – bleh. I was surprised to see Mulciber in the room, and even more off-puttingly he smiled at me when I caught his eye. It turns out he is the 6th Year Slytherin Prefect; I had always thought he was in our year. (Remus later told me that he had redone his OWLs and so was a year behind. I wasn't aware people could do that, but apparently Mulciber's mum basically runs the Education department at the Ministry).

One of the do-gooders tries to explain why they hadn't contacted the band that we had agreed on. I don't have time for such nonsense! "Look, Melissa, if you can't do it then I'm giving the job to Jonny. Jon, you got this?"

Jon is part of the Harpies club and he grins at me and nods. He is friendly little Hufflepuff 5th Year who is very laid-back and charming – he'll have no problem chatting with the band's management. I reckon Jon is poised to take over Sirius' role as Head Hogwarts Heartbreaker; I'll tell him that, I think, let him know his title is in good hands…

Melissa looks pouty so I put her in charge of games – meaning she can boss around the other three people on that team. We have games every year and only the Firsties and Seconds ever do them so it doesn't matter if they're crap.

So, I am already a little panicky about the whole secure-the-band-in-three-weeks thing. But bands never say no to the Hogwarts Ball gig, like, ever so we should be fine. But if it's going to go wrong for anyone…. And then Tricia Parker, Mulciber's counterpart, drops a nice little bombshell on me.

"Are you going to get around giving us tickets soon?" the horse-faced little shit demands.

I point out that considering she, Mulciber and the Ravenclaw goody-two-shoes are on that team, _they_ really ought to have designed tickets…. Wait, WHAT.

"Are you telling me you haven't sold any tickets yet?!"

"Duh! Because we have none to sell!"

"Are you SERIOUS? You thought _I_ was making them? I am in charge of _everything_ , you are only in charge of tickets – who is more likely to be making goddamned tickets?!" Now my voice is both squeaky and very, very loud. "It's not even that hard – you design one and use a duplicating charm, oh Merlin!"

I was supposed to be collecting a fair few Galleons tonight from that idiot – to pay the decorators that James and Lily are battling! If Lils was stressed out before… well. I mean, they are the only party we have to pay but I'm pretty sure they're gonna want advanced payments.

This is where the panic-attack starts – the characteristic tight chest and realizing that I am gasping a bit. I try and regain myself and sit down before barking out some instructions.

"Parker, go round tonight and start getting money from people. Write down their names, all of them and very clearly. Mulciber and Thornton, start making the tickets tonight. I want them to look good though – most people like to keep Ball tickets as mementos."

Parker is voicing some ridiculous objection and my head is spinning a little bit, I feel faint.

"Look, you just collect money tonight and tomorrow. On Tuesday, you go round to each Common Room after curfew so you can get everyone – I'll get permission – and give out the tickets. On Wednesday, you open sales up at a stall outside the Hall to everyone who doesn't have one! What….? No…. don't be ridiculous, all you have to do is- Don't talk over me! _Jesus_ , Parker! "

I feel a hand on my shoulder, but I can't see who it is on account of my eyes being squeezed tightly shut.

"Stefanie, are you OK?" Ah, it's Jonny. Dear, sweet, Holyhead-loving Jonny. Just his voice is so soothing.

"Jonny, you just tell me what you're going to say to the band manager, yeah? And everyone else be deathly silent for a few minutes."

I keep my eyes shut as Jon starts to talk, but I don't really listen to what he says. I just try to empty my head and concentrate on getting my breathing pattern back to normal.

Eventually Jon stops talking about schmoozing the band, to ask, "Should I maybe take Parker to Pomfrey now?"

What? I open my eyes. Someone has Bat-Bogey'd Parker, ha! That is hilarious – who has defended their Supervisor in such a…. Oh. Shit. I think maybe my reflexes may have kicked in as Parker was yelling and being generally a massive pain in the arse.

"Uh huh, yeah. Take her along and tell Pomfrey an idiot 3rd Year was trying to hex Peeves and so… Not a word about this to anyone, or else… you'll be next."

Oh my _God_ , I am such a bad Prefect… I just hexed one of my peers and threatened the others. Everyone is looking at me as if I am certifiable (which, considering recent events, I may well be) except for Jonny who is clearly suppressing laughter as he leads Parker out the room. And Mulciber, who is smiling away at me. What is going on?

I just call the meeting to a close. I mean, I think the ticket issue is sorted and Jon will handle the band. Those are the main things. God, it's only 1PM and I could go straight to bed and sleep for an eternity.

As everyone files out, Mulciber is the last to leave.

"Hartmann, that was hilarious," It still unnerves me, how soft and gentle his voice is. He sounds kind of like Ty. "But, you know, Occlumency is good for people who get overwhelmed by their thoughts. It kind of seemed like that's what happened to you. A lot of my friends get that and it's a good exercise for calming yourself down, getting a grip on things."

"Ah, thanks. Yeah, I've considered Occlumency once or twice, but I never even knew it helped with all that stuff," Why is Mulciber trying to help _me_? "I never knew where to get lessons though."

Mulciber smiles, "You seemed to get a handle on yourself fairly quickly just then – maybe you have an aptitude. And… if I find out where my friends learnt, I'll let you know."

I am debating whether to thank him for the information, and the compliment but he is already gone. Well, that was immensely strange. I don't want to be friends with Mulciber, I _know_ he has hurt Muggleborns before. I can befriend some Slytherins, but I _won't_ be friends with racists. Maybe I ought to tell Sirius about this….

* * *

"Has Gideon asked you to the dance yet?" Lana, that is not what I want to be thinking about a mere hour post-panic-attack - stressing about whether or not a boy is going to ask me out!

I shake my head and Marley interjects, "Well, he definitely will. It sound like it went really well yesterday, especially considering it's you."

'Especially for me', sod off Marls! Just because you're guaranteed a date with one of Hogwarts best looking guys. Psh.

And, just to make me feel a little bit worse, she starts reeling off all the people who already have dates. I mean, don't these fools know we don't even have tickets yet? For all they know, this Ball isn't even happening! Bleh, I've had enough of this; Marley and Lana are planning when's the best time to go dress shopping – early or late, to ensure that no one else has the same outfit? Lana hasn't chosen a date yet, but I bet she's already been asked. She never has to worry about someone asking her…

I have always gone with either Remus or Peter. To every dance, ever. Pity-friend dates which sucks so bad. No guys have ever asked me out properly, because they actually like me and want to go with me. I just get asked by whichever of my two guy mates picks the short straw.

Ugh. I'm outta here.

* * *

"Hey, when are you going to officially make me Potter's replacement Partner-In-Crime? I did something very criminal, that you would be immensely proud of, today." Sirius is sitting in the Common Room, hopefully he'll do something idiotic to take my mind off of my impending future as a Crazy-Plant-Lady.

"Oh, yeah?" He looks up from his Charms essay and grins. "What happened now, Hartmann?"

I explain to him how I broke down and hexed Parker, which makes him chuckle. "That girl is so bloody annoying – good on you, Stef. You've got a bit of a temper on you, actually. First Fenwick, now Parker – is no one safe from the wrath of the Delinquent Prefect?"

I smack him for that comment – a well-deserved slap, I say. And not at all an excuse to touch him. No, because I am not going to confuse my hormones like that anymore. Sirius is simply my attractive friend. With the emphasis on _friend_ , and not on _attractive_.

"The Ball will be fine, it'll go without a hitch. It sounds like you managed to get things back on track. That Jonny kid is alright – he's reserve Chaser for Huffle I think. I'm glad he won't be on their team while I'm playing them, to be honest. He looks lightening quick."

I grin, and tell him about Jon's other good attributes and how he is totally the next Sirius Black. Which makes the current Sirius Black wrinkle up his nose in disdain.

"I'm one of a kind, honey!"

"Well…that's one way of looking at it." Ow, see that is an example of an _un_ deserved slap, Black!

"I'd already established that you like younger guys anyway, Steffi."

"Ty is my _mentee_ , it is a very sibling-ly relationship! Do not sully that with your dirty mind!"

"Wait, no, sorry – it's older men that get you going, isn't it? Sluggers, Kettles – even Dumbledore made you Prefect! What did you have to do to get that?"

Bloody _asking_ for slaps now! "I can't help it if my natural passion for Potions, plants and Prefectliness shines through and enchants Professors castle-wide. Do you reckon that's why McG hates me so much? Maybe she has a crush on Slugs?"

"I think her and Kettles – an unlikely, but adorable couple."

Pfft. He would be the most bossed around man on the planet – he couldn't say boo to a goose, let alone McGonagall.

"I hope McG has a really cool hot husband who thinks she's the best thing since sliced bread. Doesn't she just deserve an awesome guy? I hope it's someone worthy of her might."

"I didn't realize you were such a McGongall cheerleader, Stef. I thought you hated her… So it's old _ladies_ that do it for you?"

"Sirius bloody Black, you know of my criminal, fiery tempered ways – I _will_ murder you, shamelessly. I don't hate McG at all. Don't you like her too?"

"Yeah, totally. She's the harshest teacher, but she secretly loves the mischief. And she is such a diehard Gryff."

"Mhm, that's what I always think. She bloody loved it when I dumped that plate over your head."

"God, I bet she did. I really haven't forgiven you for that."

"Yeah, you really have." I grin over at him and he smiles back.

I really should work the whole 'Mulciber giving me advice' thing into this conversation, considering what we discussed the other day. How do you casually say, oh yeah, by the way, a known Muggle-hater was acting all chummy with me and offering to scout out some extra-curricular lessons for me?

When I do finally mention it, Sirius' brow furrows. He picks up his quill and absentmindedly corrects a word in his essay. "Yeah, I don't know what to make of that. It makes me nervous, for sure. But I don't think there's necessarily anything to be done about it. Thanks for telling me, Steffi. I'm glad – I mean, not glad Slytherins are chatting to you but I'm glad I know. Keep me informed, yeah?"

Ugh, he is a sweet guy, isn't he? He tries to hide it and act the tough, cool guy but… he is a total softy.

To make things a little lighter, I switch the subject to my plot to coax Lily and James into being cute little dance dates. A plan which Sirius thoroughly approves of.

"I mean, I'm not sold on Evans yet. I'm not totally sure why James is so convinced that she's the One – although, if she has the capacity for a game of Book Thief… Maybe she does have what it takes to be Prongs' girl. Want me to talk to him and report back on the situation?"

"Agent Black, that is _exactly_ what I was going to suggest! Then I can figure out what information you need to plant with James, I can work on Lily – arguably the harder job – and by October 31st, they'll be well on their way!"

"Well on their way to keeping our dorm up every night."

"Sucks to be you - thank God for alarmed staircases."

We both laugh. My General-Supervisor-Stress and Lack-of-Date-Depression have both abated, as I knew they would, hanging out with Sirius. We lounge around and discuss Lily/James tactics a little more before I realize that I really should be working on some essays too. NEWT work is really living up to its nastily exhausting name… We make a deal – I will help Sirius with the Potions Assignment if he looks over my Transfig. We work like this up until dinner, chatting and gleefully pointing out when the other has made a mistake - and, you know, I don't reckon even Occlumency could be as calming as this.

* * *

Interesting Conversation Between Ilana Diggory and Stefanie Hartmann, Occurring at 2AM Monday 6th October, 1977, Whispered Across Their Dorm, Whilst Dorm-Mates Slumbered Blissfully On.

ID: Hey, has Gid asked you out yet?  
SH:  
ID: Don't pretend to be asleep, I know you're not.  
SH: Are you going to go with your Mystery Lover Boy?  
ID:  
SH: Hm, see sleep-feigning is a useful trick for avoiding annoying pals.  
ID: I might.  
SH: What?  
ID: I might go with him.  
SH: I thought you said he might be no good for you – a bit of a heartbreaker?  
ID: I don't know, I think I was being overdramatic. He is a nice, sweet guy.  
SH: Then what ever gave you the impression that he might not be good for you?  
ID: Well, I mean, _things_ but… I think you would approve of him.  
SH: Then he probably _is_ going to be catastrophic. Never take romantic advice from me, you of all people would know that, Lans.  
ID: You're doing alright for yourself at the moment.  
SH: Well, you say that but…  
ID: There are three weeks until the dance, I can assure you that Gideon will ask you.  
SH: Are you waiting for Fancy Man, or are you going to grow a pair and ask him?  
ID: I don't know….  
SH: Go on, Lana, take the plunge.  
ID: I will if you do…

Hm. An interesting proposal, Ms. Diggory.

* * *

A/N: THANK YOU so much for all the reviews on the last chapter, you are all most wonderful human beings!

Let me know how you like this one - hopefully you liked it despite Steffi and Sirius not getting it on. One day... in the who-knows-how-distant future!

Elle xo


	15. Chapter 15

"Lans, psst! Lana. You still awake?"

"Yes, what do you want?"

"You said he would ask me to the dance – it's been a week and Gideon still hasn't asked!"

Exasperated sigh from the lump of duvet that is currently all I can see of Lana. "But you two had dinner together on Wednesday, and went for a cute walk in the Grounds?"

"Yeah and he _still_ said nothing – didn't even mention the Ball! Not once!"

"Give him a chance, Stef. After all, you did ask him out once then reject him mercilessly – he probably just wants to make sure you are definitely interested."

Good, valid point; I do tend to forget about the way I heartlessly rebuffed the poor bloke about a month ago. Oops.

"Would… me asking _him_ convince him I actually like him, or just remind him of the last awful time I asked him out?"

"Eh, I don't know – that's a tricky one."

"You also don't want me to ask out Gids, because then _you'd_ have to ask your Fancy Man!"

"He is not my 'Fancy Man' and I don't _have_ to do anything!"

"You do, we made a blood pact."

"No, we did not, Stefanie. I don't make blood pacts with lunatics."

"Only blood pacts with sane people?"

"Yes."

"Go to sleep, Lana, you big idiot."

"You are so impossible."

"I love you too."

"Sleep well, silly Steffi."

* * *

DADA: I've nabbed the seat next to Lily, and Agent Black is sitting with Victim Number Two AKA James Potter. We've coordinated strategies and even charmed our own parchments for subtle communications. Let the games begin…

"Hey, Lily," A cordial, sweet smile – she won't suspect a thing.

"What do you want, Stef?" Drat. She is far too sharp, this Evans – I can see how she got the Head Girl job. Dumbles is good at spotting a quick-witted Detective.

"Nothing, just a little girly chat!" That girly, stupid, sing-song voice could well get my (imaginary) Oscar revoked. Appalling Detective work.

Lily rolls her eyes and jerks her head towards the back of the class where my fellow Agent and the Victim are sitting. "About him?"

"Well, how is your budding friendship? Is it blossoming yet?"

Despite the grouchy look on her face, Lils admits that James has been a huge help with the dance. He has been considerate of her fragile temper in this trying time; only snapping when appropriate, when trying to get the decorators to actually get a move on; he has lifted her mood when she gets really grumpy, with sweet jokes…. And, yeah, eventually realizes that she has just been practically _rhapsodizing_ about him and shuts up, looking embarrassed.

While she had been waffling on, I had been scrawling a note to Sirius, under the guise of note-taking.

* * *

 _She's giving his Head Boy Performance a good review – very supportive and kind and sweet and funny. This girl's got a cruuuuush!_

 **Stef, that's utterly futile – he's got it bad for Lily, no offence to you. But it's encouraging that Evans' spiel was good enough to convince ya.**

 _Haha. My heart belongs to the Kitchen Elves – they bring me food and never mock me. What else could I ever need?_

 **You're an easy to please gal – but life would be dull without a bit of teasing. I know you of all people enjoy the cruel and immensely satisfying art of Mockery.**

 _You know (I am choosing to ignore your nonsense), I_ can _see why they'd be good together._

 **Yeah? Elaborate please, because I'm still not seeing it.**

 _If you don't see it, why are you going to such lengths to get James together with a girl you don't really approve of?_

 **No girl will ever be good enough for my Prongsie.**

 _I just threw up in my mouth a little bit._

 **Gross, Stef. Anyway, Prongs is convinced she's the right girl, and he has been for a while now. Remus seems on board too – now even you are. I must be missing it. Genuinely though, he's my best mate – it's not my place to say who he should or shouldn't date, unless I think he's going to get hurt. Evans won't hurt him, but I just dunno if she's worthy of him.**

 _Cute._

 **Shut up?**

 _The reason I think they would be good together, is I think they have a wonderful mixture of complimentary and contrasting qualities. For example, they are both sarcastic little shits who are ridiculously smart and love to debate and discuss and argue. Lily is a hothead, whose temper flares up very easily. She cares what people think of her, and she lets that get the better of what she really wants to do. James calms her down – he is so laid-back. And his mischievousness could help her relax and loosen up a bit._

 **OK, Relationship-Counselor-Hartmann, what does** _ **James**_ **get out of dating Little Miss Perfect?**

 _He's way less of a prick. No, seriously, James has naturally calmed down a bit from his 5_ _th_ _Year I'm-The-Best-Thing-Since-Sliced-Bread attitude. It was annoying as Hell, no wonder Lil yelled at him so much. But also, he is… well, pretty great. He is a leader and a good, kind, compassionate person – we need people with those qualities at a time like this. Lily brings those out in him and you can't complain about that, Sirius._

 **Bloody Hell, Steffi, sometimes you seem like the ditziest, scattiest thing and then you come out with some… pretty observant stuff. Pretty… astute.**

 _It's all a ruse – I lure you in with the oops-aren't-I-silly routine and then hit you with the truth bombs._

* * *

"So, what is the Ball situation? You have to open the night together but, what about the rest of the time? Do you have another date?"

Lily frowns; obviously no other date on the cards yet. She must be considering just going with James already!

"Well, a few people have asked," Yeah, yeah, rub it in why don't ya? "But I haven't said yes - to be honest, I'm not sure what the situation is… isn't it unfair to another date if I'm just going to have to spend half the evening with James anyway?"

Now where have I heard that excuse before..? These two are _idiots_.

"Yeah, James was musing about the same issue last week," I sneakily keep my eyes on Lily's expression as I drop this hint. She looks at me expectantly, wanting more details of course. "Obviously, keeping everything running smooth is going to be quite a task for you guys. You'll probably be running around all evening – not great for other dates… do you think it would be easier just to go together?"

"Perhaps it would…" Lily nods faux-thoughtfully, as if this was the first time the idea had occurred to her (I sincerely doubt it).

I mean, if she didn't like him she would just point out that they could not take dates at all. Just because she doesn't go with (and then subsequently neglect) someone else, doesn't mean she has to have _James_ as her date instead. No one would judge the Head Girl for going alone, we all know she is running the shindig. She just wants to go with James. Which is seriously cute.

"Do you…. Do you think he'll ask me though?"

Jesus. I thought Evans was supposed to be smart. I just smile – duh, Lils – back and she looks reassured. And pleased. God, this took almost no effort whatsoever.

* * *

 _Quote Lily Evans: "Perhaps it would be easier to go with James. Do you think he'll ask me though?"_

 **I swear Evans is supposed to be some sort of genius. Isn't that why she's Head Girl anyway?**

 _Have you convinced James to ask her out?_

 **As if he needs convincing, Stef.**

 _I mean, in a way that won't completely freak her out._

 **Show a little faith, yeah? I think you'll be impressed.**

 _By you? I sincerely doubt it._

 **Horribly, that is true. You really aren't impressed by me, are you? I mean, you may be the** _ **only**_ **girl in the world to never to have been but still… damages a guy's ego, ya know?**

 _Sorry, Siri, I have more important things to care about than floppy haired, emotionally unstable bastards._

 **Lucky for you, then, that I have a weakness for calamitous, emotionally unstable klutzes.**

… **.**

 **Stefanie Hartmann – an inkpot to the head? I expect better from you – OH WAIT. I really bloody don't….**

 _You love it._

 **Piss off.**

* * *

"Stefanie!"

Hello, my favorite, tiny friend!

I turn around and greet Ty with my usual, over-the-top wave but I am halted mid-outrageously-exaggerated gesture. HE IS WITH A GIRL! _His_ girl, I reckon, the very same one that I helped set him up with in the first place! Ooh, I feel like such a proud mum right now!

Man, she is cute! Dark bob, big blue eyes and alabaster skin – Ty has bagged himself a looker!

"Well, hello there, Ty," I hope he has explained the nickname situation to her. "Who is this?"

He beams up at me, the little cutie, and introduces her – Arabella Cotham. She seems oddly pleased to meet me – I guess Ty has been singing my praises and skipping over some of my less fortunate and calamitous qualities, good old Ty.

"Stefanie, you're in charge of the Halloween Ball, right?"

Oh God, here we go! Just another expectation to add to my ever-growing list of pressures about this bloody Ball. "Well, Lily and James are in charge – I'm just keeping an eye on things to check that we don't miss anything."

"I'm sure it will be amazing then, with you in charge," Is Arabella Cotham getting sarky with me?! "You're so funny – anything you organize will be a riot!"

Oh my Lord – I think she is being genuine… Could it be that the young and innocent of this school mistake my disastrousness for being fun? Being a good laugh? Oh my God. This is fantastic – I think Arabella Cotham looks up to me; I could swear that is a glint of admiration in her eyes. Yes, look now she's talking about when I dumped the pie on Sirius' head – she says it was the highlight of her time at Hogwarts!

I really am a Goddess amongst 4th Years. Incredible.

Adoring 4th Year Count: 3

* * *

I am in a delightful mood as I head off to meet Cissy for coffee. After my note about reigniting the spark between me and Gideon, she wanted to discuss this in person. We didn't get a chance before Hogsmeade but now I have so much to tell her! Cissy is such a voice of reason, I feel that she'd be very proud of my rational and balanced analysis of my boy-feelings the other week.

However, I'm not sure if it is really acceptable to be gossiping with her about wanting to jump the bones of her estranged cousin. Should I fabricate a new man, stay vague or just skip my indecisions all together?

Eventually, I just explain the pros and cons of Gideon – pretending my indecision was over whether to try things with him or not. Cissy seems proud of my calm and sensible thinking but she does have some reservations, of course.

"Remember what I said before, Stef? I think you were right about not connecting with Prewett. If you doubted that there was that spark, that synchronicity, then how could that have changed so quickly in just a month?"

I explain to her about what a sweet guy he is, and how kind is towards me and how he makes me laugh. She is sympathetic but not convinced.

"You know… Can I speak frankly?" Of course, Cissy, I need frank-speaking people in my life – it's probably the one thing that has stopped any _fatal_ Disasters from occurring in my life, having Remus and Marley to tell me what's what. "You don't need to date someone just for the sake of it – you're not that kind of girl Stefanie. I told you that I had always seen you as this independent and secure woman – that is so much more important than having a boyfriend."

Well, it is easy for Cissy to say that – sitting here with a beautiful diamond engagement ring. It is easy for someone like Narcissa Black – so gorgeous she could be a statue carved from marble by Michelangelo himself – to say that. I know I don't need a man; if my life has taught me anything, it's that women can do just fine with no men around. My mum is the most vibrant and strong person that I know – she could remarry anytime she likes. But she has never found a man she loves more than my dad, so she doesn't. Simple as. So I don't need telling that I don't need a boyfriend.

But, Hell, I would really bloody like one. Someone to tell me I'm OK, to make me not feel so Disastrous all the time – that would be nice. Someone that I could kiss and…. Do the sort of things my hormones were urging me to do the other evening? That would be very, very nice indeed.

Gideon _likes_ me. He doesn't look at me as if I am a hopeless case – he doesn't deny my DZ nature but he doesn't seem to care about it either.

Narcissa seems moved by what I say, which I didn't intend. I'm not emotional about this, it is not a Big Thing. I never really mope around because of my single status, but…this is how I feel.

"Well, Steffi, all I want is for you to do what makes you happiest. My last little pearl of wisdom is this: don't go for a guy just because he likes you. It's flattering to be adored but it won't work out if you don't feel the same. And… there will be someone on your wavelength, exactly on it, one day."

I am suddenly filled with an urge that never normally strikes me – I want to ask her about Lucius. Usually, I never ever stray towards talking about that side of Narcissa's life – it's a part of why I want to be her friend, to give her time off from that. We have plenty of other things in common that we can chat endlessly about, so why bring it up?

But all of a sudden I want to ask her – is Lucius really on _your_ wavelength?

And I would have asked her…. If Fenwick hadn't stalked into the Great Hall at exactly that moment and decided that now was just a peachy time to restart our fighting.

It has been a fortnight since my Corridor Concussion and since then she has kept it to glares and snorts of derision and rumors – no face-to-face scrapping. Looks like that is about to change….

"Getting in there with the family are you? Really trying to claw yourself a good name, huh? Hate to tell your, Hartmann, but he kind of jumped the shark on that one…. Why don't you run after Potter instead, try another Marauder? I know what you're like."

Cissy is regarding Fenwick with a chilling glare, which is so intimidating that Jane is obviously and pathetically avoiding her gaze and staring just at me. I would bet my bottom dollar that Cissy already has her wand in hand, ready.

"Piss off, Fenwick. I have had enough of you, OK? Go about your little Stef Hartmann destruction plan, see if I care. No one with any brains will listen to your crap anyway."

I know that isn't true anymore – lately everyone seems to believe her! But just how badly can she hurt me – if she tries anything too outrageous, then people will stop listening. Won't they?

"Of course, of course they won't – everyone loves Stefanie Hartmann, she could never do anything wrong in the eyes of the Hogwarts population, right?" Ah, referencing my alleged arrogance, I assume. "Bloody Hell, I still marvel at you, you know? You just swan around this place, not even giving a shit. I heard you went to Hogsmeade with Gideon Prewett – trying to collect the fucking Quidditch team? You are a joke – flirting like an absolute slut with Black one second, then all over Prewett the next. Always off with Lupin and Dearborn. Do you seriously just think you can have any guy you want? None of them actually _like_ you, you desperate slag – they are all laughing at your pathetic attempts and deluded self-belief. I mean, I've even seen you going off for dinners with Potter! He is so blatantly in love with Lily Evans and yet you still try? Pathetic. Most of this school laughs at you, Hartmann. I am going to _make_ you pay attention to what people think of you."

Cissy suddenly stands up – she is very petite but has this ice cold rage that makes people stop in their tracks. Fenwick looks suddenly cowed, simply from Narcissa's gaze. She glares at me once more and then stalks off. I feel a little shaken, much as I hate to admit it, from that tirade.

"None of that was true, you know?" Cissy's voice is soft and comforting, and she puts an arm around my shoulder to hug me.

But was it? Do people think I am a self-assured bitch, a deluded slut? I don't think they do, but I'm not sure. I have no idea what people think of me – does _that_ make me arrogant? I hate that Fenwick's words get to me but… could they be true? I act confident around people, full-on and in your face – it's the only way I know how to act, making jokes and being friendly. Is it arrogance to want everyone to be my friend, to want people to adore me? Apparently 4th Years think I'm great, but 4th Years tend to look up to the loud mouth idiots who actually annoy everyone else in their own peer group. You grow up and you realize that the people you used to think were cool, were actually pricks.

Cissy does her best to buck me up and get me back into the good mood that I started our meeting in, but to no avail. I head off to Transfiguration feeling pretty despondent.

Disaster Count: 3  
Run-in with Fenwick Count: 2 – please, Lord, do not let this increase because I don't know if I can hack any more psychoanalytical-truth-bombs from Jane Fenwick.

* * *

 _Dear Jane Fenwick,_

 _What happened to you, as a small child, to make you so mean? What happened to make you so intent on bringing despair and misery into other people's lives?_

 _And, especially, which part of this traumatic experience caused you to focus this rage on me?_

 _Evidently your rumors do affect me – and when they don't, then your Stunners certainly do. Why do you get the impression that I don't get affected when we continually fight and snap at each other? When your rumors have caused me to fight with two of my oldest friends? When they jeopardize my blossoming relationship with Gideon?_

 _You are an odd one, Fenwick, and I don't know how to handle you. I get the feeling that the 'kill her with kindness' method ain't gonna wash with you._

 _The worst thing is, I always wondered how you got into Ravenclaw – you don't seem that bright, no offence, Janie. But now I have a horrible thought that perhaps you are one of those smart people that reads other people well – that you have a good measure of human behavior. After all, you manipulate the entire body of Hogwarts almost effortlessly. Does that mean you have a good measure of me?_

 _Jeez, Fenwick. You're killing me. Can't we just have a civilized discussion over tea and cake one day?_

 _No? Very disappointing. I would have got in Linzer Torte and all, Jane._

 _Yours despondently and with much confusion,_

 _Stefanie Hartmann._

* * *

Ball Checklist:

\- Tickets: Most students now have one. 5th Year had lowest attendance, due to OWLs I reckon. 7th Years don't want to miss out on their last Ball, despite NEWTs. But 5th Years are forsaking fun for a bit of revision – their mocks are at the end of November.

\- Menu: Sorted! Pumpkin soup with sourdough bread to start. Main course options are either beef stew or nut roast. And a dessert buffet – oh yes, I am a genius. The Elves are going to whip up a variety of cakes, trifles, mousses and jellies and I am going to gain 10 pounds in one evening.

\- Decorators: Placated with money – their mock-ups of our suggested designs do look stupendous, to be fair.

\- Entertainment: Band secured by Jonny, he just caught me before Transfiguration! Rest of the gang is placated, trucking along and working on games and set lists for when the band isn't playing.

* * *

Things That Will Get You In Trouble With McG:

\- Writing conciliatory, never-to-be-sent notes to your nemesis

\- Having existential crises about whether or not your whole identity is a lie and you are, in fact, an arrogant deluded bitch

\- Writing self-congratulatory checklists to calm yourself down

* * *

Things That Will Get You _Detention_ With McG:

Writing a list of 'Things That Will Get You In Trouble With McG' whilst she is yelling at you.

Oops.

* * *

My detention is tonight at 8.30 but I don't even care – I am going to be the most chipper inmate ever! McGonagall is going to worry about her ability to break down the spirit of her students when she sees my 1000-Watt grin and my perky attitude.

My spirit cannot be broken – not tonight, of all nights! The night Gideon Prewett asked me to the Halloween Ball!

* * *

"Hey Steffi, Fabs told me you got detention tonight?" I'm finishing dinner with Peter and James when he comes over.

"Yep, an unfortunate lapse in concentration on my part," I am still contemplating Lana's idea of asking Gideon out myself so I get up from the table and say goodbye to the boys. We wander out into the corridor.

"I expect you'll have to be heading off to McGonagall now, right? So, um, I wanted to say uh…. Did you manage to get the Wanderin' Werewolves?" He grins and I slap him – he has pretty nice Beater biceps too and I am absolutely allowed to encourage my hormones with this one.

"We got someone even better, actually! You know, this whole thing isn't even going too badly. I mean, I did accidentally hex Tricia Parker at one of our meetings but, other than that!"

Gideon laughs delightedly, "I love that – I love that only you can 'accidentally hex' someone!"

There is a moment of silence because I am too busy grinning like a fool at this to think of anything to say except, 'duuuhhh, Gideon, you the nicest'. Which I don't think would be particularly enticing.

"Say, Stef, I know we've only hung out a few times but… No, you know what, never mind – you probably want to… you know, I don't want…"

MY GOD HE IS SO CUTE.

I cut him off. "Gideon, wanna go to the Ball with me?"

He beams at me, surprised it seems. "Yes, if you want that. I want that a lot."

So I suppose technically I asked him – but I only did because it was so obvious that he was going to ask me anyway. Oh! This means Lana has to ask her fella! The second I get out of my det I am gonna find that girl and get my matchmaker on!

* * *

OK. Shit. I wasn't expecting that _at all_. She was right – he isn't the sort of guy you would be sure about, he _does_ seem like bad news and trouble. Not sure I will be making that recommendation to ask him out after all…

You see, I was sent to Filch to hand in the detention slips which delayed my ability to sprint back to the Gryff tower and cajole Lana into asking out her Then-Mysterious man. So, I had to go through the dungeons which is when I heard Lana.

This was surprising, to hear Lana in the Potions classroom at 9.30pm – especially as it meant she _hadn't_ been lying about Sluggers giving her an extra credit project. I would have popped in there and then, to simultaneously boast about my date and help her out with the Potions. But she wasn't alone – I heard another voice, a familiar one.

I don't know why I hadn't realized it immediately - after all they are partners in class, so of course they would be doing their project together too.

Lana's Mystery Man is Rabastan Lestrange.

* * *

A/N: OK so I have some friends visiting me until next week so I don't know that I will be able to update too often. I have another chapter all formatted and ready to publish to tide you over. It will probably come out on Sunday? Try to survive until then!

What would really motivate me update super quickly after my friends go home is some reviews! Reviews = smiley, update-happy Elle!

Thanks as ever for reading, my lovelies!  
Elle xoxo


	16. Chapter 16

Sticking to my word, I actually intend to do some running during Sports this afternoon. I mean, it is simply a happy _coincidence_ that I can't talk to Lana whilst sprinting. She has no idea that I know about her and Rabastan (although, I can't help thinking that I actually _know_ very little. Are the feelings mutual? Are they properly together? Have they kissed… or more?) but she is going to sense something is up with me – I am no good at emotional subtlety.

Oooh, bloody Hell this is so much harder than it looks! We have only been going for about ten minutes and I am totally puffed out. This is going to be humiliating, running past everyone else all sweaty and red and gasping. A quick Cooling Charm on my face as we dash past other people I think. Unfortunately, even despite my new-found dedication to running, I can see Lana motioning to me; it looks like Bourne is going to take us through the Dell. So Lana is going to want to stop and talk. Oh boy.

"So, Stef, how are you finding actually putting effort into Sports?"

"It's…. great…. I feel so…. good and ….. pure and…. so healthy." OK, I am gonna need five before I can engage in conversation. The Hufflepuff in me suggests pretending to be out of breath the whole time, in order to avoid conversing. As tempting as that option is, I have to honor my Gryffindor heritage at some point.

Whilst I catch my breath, Lana has been going on about how cute it is that Gideon and I are going to the Ball, and what I should wear and how her and Marls are going to Hogsmeade on Thursday.

It no longer feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest, so I guess it's time to bite the bullet.

"Well, in honor of our blood pact, are you going to ask Rabastan now, Lana?"

I may as well have just slapped her square across the face from her expression of shock. She starts stuttering half-formed questions at me which I wave aside.

"Seriously, Lana? Rabastan Lestrange? You want to be _sisters_ with Bella – what are you envisioning here, shopping trips and lunches and joint Muggle-torture sessions?" I probably shouldn't be so harsh, especially considering Lana and I have only really just made up from that other fight. But someone has to be straight with her, and it is up to me as I am the only person who knows about this. I assume.

Lana looks put out by my attitude, "You know, I was going to tell you about this because I thought you would understand. He is your friend – Rab always says how lovely you are to him!"

Yes, I can see how I might seem hypocritical here – but being friends with someone and wanting a relationship is very different. I am aware that we will only be pals for as long as we both wear the Hogwarts crest. Plus, meeting someone once a week for Slug Club, or coffee, or to chuck around a Quaffle is very different from the massive step that it takes to be with someone. The commitment and the closeness and the trust involved is something you simply cannot have with a Lestrange.

Lana sighs heavily, "You know how torn I was about this, Stef, you know I have thought about this…"

She explains that they aren't together, because of all the reasons that I listed. Rab also worries about Lana's safety if they got together; although she is Pure-Blood, her family is a little eccentric in the Wizarding World. I have always found it odd how any wizard could believe in a God (I mean, they are almost Gods themselves) but many argue that knowing magic and the undoable actually can exist, make them believe in an almighty, supreme magical being even more. But most just believe in a standard Christian God. The Diggorys are one of a very small group of Jewish wizards. I don't know that Antisemitism is as much of a prejudice in the Wizarding World, but it certainly would be a black mark against her in the eyes of Death Eaters. I mean, to believe in any power higher than Voldemort is probably a huge crime.

"You being friends with him – and Narcissa – made me think that maybe it could work… I think you're being harsh. If friendships between Houses can exist, then why _not_ this? I like him, Stef, I really do – you know how kind he can be! Anyway, not everyone lives up to their name – Sirius is case and point."

Oh, come on, Lana. Rabastan is no Sirius – he has always been an exception to his family and he suffered horribly because of it! _Sirius_ was so staunch in his views that he was prepared to endure the hatred and abuse of his own parents, prepared to be cut off from his own brother. Don't compare them, Lana. Rabastan, if he does hold convictions contrary to his family's, doesn't fight for them. And he should. He is a decent human being but that counts for nothing if you don't stand up for decency when it comes to the crunch. And it is crunch time now – Muggle-borns are being tortured and murdered every day. If there is a time to stand up, it is now.

But I don't say this, _I_ don't stand up to my friend – not right now.

"Lans, I am sorry if you think I am being hypocritical but I don't approve of this. That doesn't mean anything, it is completely up to you what relationships you pursue but… I don't support it. And, to be honest, if you think I'm holding a double standard, it just shows how little you understand this. My friendship with Rabastan is completely-"

"What the Hell, Stef? Of course, I understand this situation better than you! I am a Pure-Blood, I live in these circles full-time and I have grown up knowing about this oncoming war. You didn't know You-Know-Who's name until a month ago! You don't have the right to lecture me!"

"Look! Let's just leave it, please, Lans?" I try to sound conciliatory as I jog off. I don't want to get into just what it is I know about prejudiced regimes; Lana would be mad that I never told her about my family, but I can't. Not even now, after seven years of friendship.

We have to let this lie for a while. I don't want to fight with Lana but I really do _not_ think this is a good idea. If you ask me, and I am quite the expert, this seems like a total disaster…

* * *

"Tell me, please."

"What do I get in return, Harts?"

"My eternal gratitude?"

"Pfft, as if! I once saved you from choking on a mass of Bertie Bott's and I get no gratitude for that, so don't expect me to believe your false promises."

"Sirius, come on. I am the puppeteer, the Grand Maestro – I need all the details."

"Nope."

He is impossible. He point-blank _refuses_ to tell me how James is going to ask Lily out; knowing these two, it will be something outrageously over-the-top and insincere-seeming that will send poor, fragile Lily running for the hills. She is barely managing to admit that she might like James to _herself,_ she is nowhere near able to cope with him asking her to the Ball in front of the whole school.

"It won't be in front of the school."

"Shut up, Mr. Smug, unless you are going to give me a fully-detailed outline of the plan."

Look at him, snickering away to himself – he just loves lording this over me. I don't even know when James is going to strike – I can't prep Lils at all, which is probably part of their cunning plan. But I want to stay on this topic; I have pretty much decided to tell Sirius about Lana and Rabastan. I want confirmation that I didn't just totally overreact to the situation. I mean, I think he will definitely overreact _more_ and probably accuse Rab of, like, using _Imperius_ or Amortentia in order to ensnare her and turn her to the Dark Side. But such an overreaction will just make mine look better and more reasonable by comparison.

"Please tell me it doesn't involve a big… scene."

"James' dad knows a vampire."

"…What?"

"He met him in Târgu Mures, on a work trip. He's a nice bloke – came over last summer to catch up."

"For the love of God, Sirius, tell me this vampire is not a part of your plan."

He grins at me an infuriating, smug, devilish little grin that makes me want to hit him in both an angry way and in an excuse-for-physical-contact-with-those-biceps way

By the time we have finished our Potions report, I am still no closer to discovering what the plan to win Lily's heart is. So I guess I need to suck it up, put on my big girl pants and just tackle the real issue.

"I am going to tell you a thing, and I want you to just shut up and listen to everything I have to say before you talk, OK?"

"OK, sounds ominous… should we not be in the crowded Common Room when you say all of these very important things? My dorm is probably empty. We can kick Frank out."

Nope, no more conversations in your dorm whilst I am otherwise engaged with Gid – I need to be focusing my hormonal energy there, trying to get some fireworks going with him. So I shake my head. But he is right about probably not discussing Lana's complicated love life in front of the whole Common Room.

"Look, I know somewhere…"

Oh God, if bloody Black drags me into a bloody broom closet and someone sees and tells bloody Fenwick…

But instead he has pulled me out of the Common Room, up a few flights of stairs and on to the 7th floor corridor. Well, OK. I mean, we just walked through about eight other empty corridors – why didn't we stop to talk in those? And why is this idiot now just pacing up and down instead of talking to… what the _fuck_?

I'M NOT CRAZY!

I have suddenly realized where we are – where I saw Regulus, and the other Slytherins. The place with the disappearing door – which has now reappeared! I am stuttering in a very ungainly and undignified fashion (so nothing new) into Sirius' smirking face.

"Impressed by me yet, sweetheart?"

"I knew this was here, I saw the door once and then it disappeared!"

He looks slightly crestfallen that I had seen this place once before (like his heartbreak that I knew how to get into the Kitchens – that was hilarious. I think he thought I was going to fall at his feet but unluckily for him, Remus got there first). But I suppose I look suitably gob smacked at this revelation for the smirk to remain in place.

"You should tell me where you want to talk, and I'll fix it up because I am sure my current handiwork won't suit your tastes…"

He motions towards the door and I peek in – it is exactly like his dorm! Oh, bloody Hell, there is that ruddy bed of his… I pull my head back out from the doorway. It has clicked into place – obviously there is some way of conjuring up this room and from what Sirius just said, you can decide what you want the room to be.

"What did you do, walk about a bit?"

"Walk past three times, think hard and be specific."

I pace, mimicking his earlier actions, and stop when the door flickers once and reappears. I smirk over at him. "I think this will be very much to _your_ taste…"

He grins back and strides over, walking into the room. I join him, thanking God that he hasn't asked me when or why I saw the door before. Hopefully this room will push all those thoughts out of his mind…

"Is this _your_ dorm?!"

I am a terrible human being.

I will sit on a different bed to him! And have no hormonal fireworks. I swear.

"Have you honestly never seen the girls' dorm before?"

He shakes his head, in wonderment I think. I suppose he didn't need to try and fly in, like some boys do, if he had this room handy. Ugh.

"Which is your bed?" He asks and I give him a pointed look. He shrugs and grins mischievously.

I point out whose bed is whose, and of course, he walks straight over to mine and flops down, examining my posters on the wall. The detail is amazing and I am a bit overwhelmed with checking out the room before I can even begin the story. All of my posters and pictures are here, my books strewn on the floor beside my bed.

I crouch down and sure enough my family box is stowed under the bed, along with my old broom and various pairs of shoes. A quick look under Em's bed shows nothing, but I reckon that is only because I don't _know_ what is under her bed so the Room doesn't have the information. This is unbelievably clever. This is what I love about Hogwarts; I could never get tired of magic but if I ever did, something like this shows up and makes my stomach fizz with excitement and wonder about all the crazy things this world offers.

"It's called the Come and Go Room, by the way," Sirius tells me, probably off of my awed expression. I snort.

"Dumb name."

"Yeah."

Eventually I stop poking around – which probably seemed very odd to Sirius, considering this is my own dorm but I wanted to see how accurate it was.

"So what did you need to tell me?"

I recount to him how I heard Lana and Rabastan, and my conversation with her earlier. I try to be as word-for-word as possible – I want to know his opinion on what was said. Who was in the right and who was in the wrong here?

As I predicted, his face is pretty thunderous. He gets off my bed and starts pacing a bit. Eventually he stops in the middle of the room and then walks over to join me, sat on Marley's bed. See? See how hard my life is? I _try_ to avoid these things but it is made impossible, really.

"So, you _don't_ approve of this? But you're friends with him…"

"Yeah, we're mates. We meet up about once a week, chat about Quidditch and other small talk – we are not BFFs though. And being in a relationship with someone is a massive step-up, a big and serious thing. You know, not that _you_ would know – never even having been friends with a girl. Nor ever treating your romantic relationships with the respect and earnestness they deserve!"

Can't have a completely serious conversation, I can't possibly avoid the chance for a little barb… He grins at me and musses up my hair. But he still looks troubled.

"Do you think he has any… malicious intentions?"

I knew his mind would jump to that, and I have been considering it. But I shake my head.

"No, I think he is, relatively speaking, a good guy. Once or twice, I've been with him and we've run into his not-so-nice Housemates and he has always… handled it well." By which I mean, he didn't suddenly start acting like a twat, insulting me or bullying me, despite my lowly Blood status.

Sirius sighs, "So you think he genuinely cares for her?"

"I have no idea – I'm not sure whether I should discuss this with him but it's probably the only way to tell. After all, Lana is well-known for being a bit… over-the-top. But from what she relayed from him, it seems he does care and is worried about her, you know if they…"

Sirius looks so concerned about this – I wonder what dastardly plot he is imagining that Rab has cooked up, what danger Lana may be in. Why does he care so much? This shouldn't be his problem anymore. After years of abuse, he finally got away last year. I feel terrible for dragging him back in, making it his issue and making him worry and fret about them when he should never have to think about those dicks ever again.

Sirius laughs when I voice this concern aloud and much to my delight/chagrin, hugs me. "Stef, this isn't your fault. I can't… _not_ think about them. No one can. If not now, then when we graduate, we will have no choice but to be concerned with what they're doing. And I feel a responsibility more than anyone to keep track of that lot inside these castle walls too. They can still do so much damage, even here, and I am one of the only people who understands, properly understands, just how much damage they can do."

Ugh, I feel a so horrible for him, so sad that he feels this burden. It's even worse that he probably doesn't even realize just what a burden it is. I have lived all of my time at Hogwarts, utterly and blissfully ignorant of this world. There were a few incidents that everyone would hear about, a few name-callings but otherwise nothing really. Sirius has never been able to live like that – I have no idea what he's been through but from how Cissy and James act around the subject, it was bad. And now here he is in his final year, at last away from them all and he is determined to use his horrible experiences to help protect other people.

I mean, don't get me wrong – he was arrogant tosser, who thought a lot of himself, who even now continues to capture girls' hearts and breaks them unthinkingly and he still has a way with words that can cut people to the bone. But, God, is he a good guy.

"But you know, all this serious shit aside… you really want to be heading off to the Great Hall now."

"Why… oh, it's dinner time… Wait, that look on your face – no! He is _not_ going to ask Lily at dinner is he?"

I sprint out of the room (far too much running has been done today) and scramble down the stairs towards the Hall, straining to hear any yelling, cursing or other signs that Lily has killed James in front of the whole school. Oh, those bloody idiots – no wonder Sirius wouldn't tell me the plan! He knew I would try and stop it if I knew what it was… I am not even contemplating the fucking vampire right now, God only knows.

* * *

I hear it before I see it. It sounds like a banshee, plus some wailing ghouls and, sure enough, preceding me into the Hall is the Bloody Baron in full ghost-mode.

Ho. Ly. Shiiiiiiit.

A procession of pumpkins, all shapes and sizes, plus adorable handkerchiefs enchanted to look like cartoony ghosts are floating down the center of the hall. A banshee, wailing in a melodic rather than harmful manner, is waltzing down between the Gryff and Huffle tables with a vampire (who I assume is the Potter family friend). The ghosts of Hogwarts have all congregated in the Hall and are swooping in amongst the tables, through students.

As the dancing Halloween couple reaches the raised part of the hall, where the teachers' table is, they stop twirling and a cascade of fireworks appears, spelling out a message in orangey-gold sparks.

Oh no, this better not be the invite. I whirl around, seeking out Lily and James. They are just to my right, on the other side of the doors. Lily looks amazed and astonished, so happy. Oh God, she is going to go nuts when she realizes this isn't a way over-the-top promo for the Ball but a ridiculous play for her affections.

' _Friday 31_ _st_ _October, 1977_

 _The infamous Hogwarts Halloween Ball._

 _Prepare for the night of your dreams…_

 _Or your nightmares….'_

The Banshee shrieks once, loudly and piercingly and then the fireworks flare up – so bright we are all blinded for a moment and when we can see again, everything has disappeared. I look back to Lily and James, just in time to see him shepherding her out of the door.

The Hall has positively erupted – cheering, whooping and clapping from all _five_ tables because the teachers are on their feet too. That was incredible… and it really was just a promo for the Ball. This is going to be the best dance ever; I can feel it and so can the whole Hall. All of my stress and tension about organization has gone – this is going to be bloody fun and suddenly, I cannot wait!

Sirius sidles up to me amongst the chaos and grins. I try not to smile back, and betray just how cool that was.

"He distracted the whole school so he can sneak her off and ask her in total private. And he… he has made sure she won't worry about the dance any more. She was stressing herself crazy – even worse than panic-attack Steffi. And now, thanks to him, she knows it is all going to be OK. Better than OK. The best Halloween Ball ever."

Sirius is still smiling at me, but I notice it isn't a smug smirk at all. It is the same as my smile – a 'that was so fucking cool and this dance is gonna be the best night ever' grin. I hope he doesn't think about the Slytherins once at the Ball, he deserves to have as much fun as everyone else. I smile back, finally, letting him know that I am just as jazzed about that display as he is.

After dinner, he has detention with Donahue so we go our separate ways. Before he heads off, I decide to throw him a bone. It's not like his ego needs inflating but it is important to show that even I can hold off the Mockery and be sincere every once in a while.

"Oh and Sirius, tonight? That really impressed me. Well done."

I turn away to head to the Tower before I can see his reaction, but I'd bet it is a huge, shit-eating grin.

* * *

I know Lily has a free before lunch today and so do I – it is just a matter of tracking her down so I can get all the gossip from last night! I need to make sure she is OK, considering her entire world and life philosophy has done a rapid 180 in the past couple of months…

Aha, Emmeline Vance!

"Em!"

"Hey, Stef. What's up? Wasn't that _so_ cool last night?" She is grinning that same grin that Sirius and I shared last night. The same smile that the whole school is wearing. This is what I mean about rule-breaking that is actually _nice_ ; all of what went on last night was so school-illegal but it was so feel-good. James and Sirius (and most likely Remus and Peter helped plan and execute) took their genius, their prank-planning skills and put them to wonderful use.

"It was amazing, do you know where Lils is though? I am pretty sure she has a free now."

"Yeah, she was planning to go to the Lake, seeing as it is OK weather today. Well, it's only 13 degrees but, comparatively…"

I laugh – yeah, that is pretty tropical for Hogwarts but I think Emmeline's mum is French and they spend their whole summers in Bordeaux so…

"Wanna come with, Em?" There is no need for Lily and James to be a secret from Emmeline, in fact Lily has probably confided in her even more than me. And if not, then she is the perfect person to be Lily's test-confidante – time for Lily to get used to people knowing about her love life.

* * *

She is out by the Lake, pouring over a thick Potions book. I wonder if she is considering a Defense job too – I should consult with her. Anyway, we sit down next to us and she looks up smiling a different sort of smile to ours…

"So, Lily…" I smirk, which just makes her smile wider. A good sign. "How did _you_ find last night?"

I gather from Em's expression that, whether or not Lily has directly told her, she knows about the James Situation.

Lily lets us in on what happened as James lead her out of the Hall… Basically, he started off by explaining the stunt. He had done it to relieve some of her stress. She knew that that display was just a fraction of what the night would be, and he had shown her how well people had reacted to that snippet. She had no need to worry so much about it.

"And, hopefully this will make you worry less too, I'll be around all evening. You know, I decided it was better not to take a date – we'll be busy all night. Lily, I don't know if you are planning to go with someone, and if you are then that is totally OK – I know what you're like, you won't let it distract you. But, if you want, we could just go together. Me and you. I would like that and I think it would be… good?"

Lily recited that little speech off-by-heart, smiling away to herself.

I have to say, I am a little disappointed. He made it sound like a work assignment – there were no declarations of love! Which, I suppose… really is for the best, considering how newly-found Lily's feelings are… Oh God, the pupil has become the teacher – could it be that James Potter has enough emotional sensitivity to actually know what he's doing?

If they have fun at the Ball in a part-professional, part-social manner then it will be easy to transition into just hanging out socially. He was wise, _wise_ – James Potter!, to keep the professional aspect at this point. Well, color me impressed – yet again! Wonders will never cease.

But I also have another, more selfish reason for wanting to talk with Lily and Em. Although it was nice to see Sirius as concerned as I am by the Lana-and-Rabastan Dilemma, my worries about him also made me wonder if he is a bit biased. I mean, _of course_ he is. He has had such bad experiences that he could never, ever see any good in Lana dating in a Slytherin. So, in order to get a balanced set of opinions, I am going to chat with Lils and Emmeline.

"Guys, this is a purely hypothetical situation that I want your opinions on…"

"Sure, that's what they all say!"

"Seriously, Em, this is… not about me and not my secret to tell so please don't ask for specifics but I do really need your help with this."

I explain about the problem caused here – a Slytherin who hangs out with people who you _know_ are nasty. But he himself has never been a part of their activities and has always seemed kind and fair in your interactions with them. They appear to care about your friend but isn't this just going to end badly?

Lily is looking at me oddly when I finish speaking. "… So I just wanted to get your opinion on the, you know, hypothetical situation. You OK, Lils?"

"Yeah, it's just, well, that sounded a lot like the situation between me and Snape."

What? But surely Lily never _dated_ Snape – I know they were good friends, they grew up together or something… but it was never romantic was it? Well, Gideon did mention some incident with Snape that made James mad, didn't he? Oh, Godric… Lily, your taste in men has improved by about one million percent, if this is the case.

But I don't really want to get into _that_ gossip right now (unlike me, I know), "Well, it isn't a story about anyone because this is, of course, all complete hypothesis. But maybe your experience can help advise me in a theoretical manner…"

Lily scowls, "Well, things didn't exactly turn out well between me and him did they? I don't know who this Slytherin is, or who your friend is – wait, it isn't Narcissa and Lucius is it? Because I think that ship has sailed. OK, OK, fine no questions!"

I am so well-practiced in arm slapping now that they have really become quite effective.

Em pitches in with some wise words. "You are a very fair person, Stef – I mean, you are good friends with Narcissa despite all her affiliations so why can't this Slytherin bloke be one of the decent ones?"

"I suppose I just worry that you get a lot more invested if it is a _romantic_ thing."

Emmeline nods and picks up Lils' now abandoned Potions book, clearly not as engaged in the topic as me… or Lily. I think I have unwittingly struck a nerve here.

"Yeah, you are right, Stefanie. But all relationships with them are risks – do you _really_ think you'll be OK if you see Narcissa carted off to Azkaban for killing a Mudblood?"

Weirdly, Lily really strongly reminds me of Sirius as she says this. Partly it is her warning me, trying to push the point that I could get hurt here. In fact, they really are quite similar – both have very volatile emotional dispositions, both ridiculously smart and both fond of a certain messy-haired Quidditch captain. It's also the way that she carries her own burden so selflessly – Lily always calls herself a Mudblood. A word that makes the rest of us shudder. Lils is a truly brilliant witch and beloved by Hogwarts, known by pretty much everyone, so it makes her a target for Blood-Hate comments. But she wears them all and reclaims the insult for herself, proud of her heritage. I admire it so much.

"I think, overall and taking into account all of my experience being friends with Snape… I think your friend needs to make her own mistakes. It was important for me to trust him and have that friendship with him and also to be so… betrayed by him. It has made me stronger and reinforced my self-belief. It also makes me pity him, when I see him trying to be one of them because I know he didn't have to choose that path."

When did everyone around me grow up? When did they get so wise and full of sadness? It is to be expected, I mean, we live in a time of war. There is no denying it – that is what it is now and only we can determine when the war ends. But I suddenly feel like I am still goofing around and tripping over my own feet whilst everyone else is standing up and sorting themselves out and facing up to the world.

"Thanks, Lily, that was really useful." I lean in and give her a big hug because I feel like this was another case of Lily opening her mouth, talking and then going – oh yeah, that _is_ how I feel! I think the girl is smart, but completely unaware of her own emotions. She just needs to talk aloud and sort out her own head every now and then.

And today, she helped sort out my head too – well, as much as anyone can help with this jumbled up mess….

* * *

When I get to my seat in Potions, two of the handkerchief ghosts from the show yesterday are dancing a little tango, floating an inch above my desk. Sirius walks over from where he was chatting with Frank and examines my smile.

"Still impressed? I am clinging on to that, Hartmann because I feel like it is very unlikely that you'll ever give me such a high compliment again for as long as we live."

"Well, I'm not impressed by these puppets – recycling from an old Impressive Act doesn't do anything for me. But, to be perfectly frank, I am still bowled over by the fireworks last night. It really was spectacular, Sirius."

He grins and sits down as Slughorn begins talking – apparently the month of November will be Potions Project month! How thrilling. We all pick a long-brew Potion and submit it on the 30th November for an analysis from Sluggers in front of the whole class. I really ought to call him out on it, you know – giving Lans an extra-credit project and not me! I mean, I am already too bloody good at Potions but if this lot is serious about me becoming some Specialist then shouldn't I get something to challenge me and show off?

We have the whole of the rest of the lesson to go through the text books Slughorn has provided and pick a Potion. Sirius and I (by which I mean, I) will be brewing the Wiggenweld Potion so there is no need for him to be picking up that book. It awakens people from magical sleeps – so much more powerful than Renervate and I reckon it would be a useful one for a Defense Specialist.

I let Sirius know my idea and he shrugs in agreement – Potions is my domain, he is happy to let me do whatever in this class. So we have an hour in which to gossip – primarily about Sally Clearwater's new pageboy haircut which is an absolute monstrosity. As we chat, Rabastan walks up to Slughorn to ask a question – he must be thrilled about this excuse to spend more time with Lana… As he walks back, he catches my eye and looks sheepish, but offers a tentative smile. Begrudgingly I smile back and Sirius catches my eye and looks skeptical.

"I thought you didn't approve."

"I don't."

"Good, I am proud of you – showing some evidence of at least one brain cell up there for about the first time ever. Honestly, you go around all buddy-buddy with Slytherins… it is nice to see that you are aware just how dangerous they can be."

Well. This is awkward.

"I don't approve but the thing is…"

"Oh, God, Steffi."

"Sirius! I just think this is her decision and I shouldn't influence that – it's like what you said about not deciding who James dates!"

"Yeah, and what else did I say? That I would only speak up if he could get hurt."

I huff out a sigh – Sirius looks equal parts exasperated and amused by me. "You are incapable of deliberately upsetting someone, aren't you, Stef?"

"Maybe Lana needs to figure this out for herself – if she has a six-month-long happy relationship with him then great! And if he ditches her halfway through the year because he decided that, actually, his Death Eater pals seem like more fun then… well, I'll be there to pick up the pieces. And she will have learnt something."

Sirius considers this speculatively. "But she could get hurt worse than a broken heart."

"Not in these castle walls, Sirius," I disagree with him – I don't think Rabastan would cause her to be _that_ badly hurt. It would be impossible in the Hogwarts bubble.

He goes to question me back, "Well, what if-"

Karen Parker, Tricia's older sister, strides over at this exact moment to say, "You Gideon Prewett will look super cute at the Ball, Stef."

Literally, that was it. And then she strode back to her bench, where poor Peter was looking comatose with boredom (they are not a very enchanting family). How odd – she walked over here, so purposefully, just to say that? I've barely spoken to Karen before.

I turn back to Sirius, "What were you saying?"

"Hm?"

"About Lana and Rab," I whisper their names. "And what if…"

Sirius shrugs, "Can't remember now."

"OK. By the way, one of our brewing sessions has to be at midnight for the Wiggenweld. When we add the sage roots… so that will be mid- to late-November. What nights are your Quidditch practices again? Oh, and I'll have Astronomy practicals too… Hm."

"So you and Prewett are back on?"

I laugh, "Yeah, I don't really know why I rejected him that first time. I think I just freaked myself out because I accidentally asked him – I wasn't sufficiently mentally prepared. But he actually likes me – I know, he is even crazier than me. So, I want to give it a go."

"Right, yeah. Gideon is a good bloke."

We sort of lapse into silence after that, which is fine by me. Wiggenweld brewing is immensely complicated – there are so many minute steps to the recipe and they have to be executed so precisely or you can deepen the sleep, killing or effectively-killing the patient. I had forgotten how difficult it would be to organize a late-night brew considering Quidditch practices tend to go on fairly late and one of us would most likely have at least one det in the week when we need to brew.

As soon as Sluggers dismisses us, Sirius is off and out of the class – doesn't even wait for me, the arsehole! We have Transfig now, why did he just zoom off? I swear, if I get a face full of lipsticks again or… wait? Was he annoyed at me, was that why he was quiet?

Oh, man. I screwed up, didn't I? He says he is proud of me, that I am finally listening to his experiences and not giving him such a cause for concern. And then I go and say, actually, I know you've been through this shit but I don't believe you and I am willing to let my friend go through it too, in order to _learn a lesson_. I mean that isn't what I want or what I was trying to say, but that is probably what it sounded like to him…

How insensitive can I be? So many times a day now, I do things and think – Fenwick is right. I don't think about other people. Sure, I do a bunch of nice things on the surface but deep down, my subconscious, doesn't really consider other people, does it? I just do what I want, what makes me feel and seem good and…

Ugh.

Well, Sirius and I have been friends for two months consistently now – despite pies and lipsticks and Slytherins. We had to get into a fight at some point. It was just inevitable.

* * *

A/N: Quick update, my pals are still here! Sorry to say this heralds a bumpy patch in Sirius and Stef's relationship! Gotta love a bit of drama!

Reviews are the best - please give generously!  
Elle xoxo


	17. Chapter 17

There is a Big Match tomorrow and James has insisted that I come along and watch. Remus and Peter are going too – it is a bit of a Hogwarts tradition to go and watch the final training before a Big Match, you see. Gideon will be thrilled, his Beater Buddy maybe not so much. I'm not sure whether to apologize or let him stew in his sulkiness; after all, it has been a while since he was last in a grump with me, I should probably let him savor it.

To be honest, he _could_ surprise me by being absolutely fine today. A good night's sleep could make all the difference – I mean, he didn't flip out over the pie-incident but he probably takes me letting my best friend date a Slytherin more seriously than a face-full of Shepherd's Pie… We'll be fine though, I'm sure; I feel like once you break through into Sirius' trusted inner-circle, you are pretty much there for life. At least I hope that's how it works.

I opt for the cooling-off plan and walk down to the Stadium with Gid and Remus; I think Remus gets on better with Fabian, arguably the brainier twin (or nerdier, depending on how you want to view things). But I always thought he got on OK with Gid too… Remus seems a little off-ish with him today though. I mean, Remus is a Marauder – he isn't all sweetness, light and books. Sometimes he can be cursed with a little arrogance too – I think Peter is the only one of the gang who I have never, ever seen act like a supercilious twat. Right now, Rems is definitely demonstrating his personal brand of big-headedness – it is an _intellectual_ superiority, an I'm-better-than-you-and-we-both-know-it, that I've seen make people feel very small. (The difference is, Remus is always aware when he does this act and then immediately feels very guilty about what he's done afterwards).

"So you really think you could play Quidditch professionally, Gideon?"

Gideon nods enthusiastically, "Yup. If the team scouts come and watch out final matches, I reckon I might get an offer but-"

"Wow, really. I suppose professional Beater is one of the few job prospects that remains unaffected by failing Charms."

"I… got an E in Charms?"

"Yeah."

"Um, so what do you want to do, Remus?" Oof, I mean, obviously poor Gideon doesn't know that Remus' job options are pretty limited – you know, the whole 'werewolf' tends to put employers off (unfairly). I decide to step in, because Remus is giving Gid a very unamused look.

"Well, I'm still tossing up between Philimore's and Defense, what do you think, Gideon?"

"I would go Defense every time. Just look at what's going on right now… Potions is really difficult and someone as good as you, well, I think you ought to use your skills to help out."

"Yes, whilst Gideon is smacking people in the face with Bludgers, you can be saving lives Steffi."

Although Death Glares are basically useless against me, my own Glare is a pretty impressive force and I turn it on Remus now.

"Haha, mostly though I just want an offer from a team – sort of to prove that I could play professionally if I wanted. I've actually signed on to the Auror scheme though."

Wait, what? I didn't know that! Man, Gideon Prewett just gets better and better the more I find out about him. Although it is also yet another depressing example of everyone around me being way more sorted and together than I am.

Remus looks surprised too – the dick. I don't know why he has suddenly chosen to turn on his oh-so-clever routine with Gid anyway. Usually he reserves it for, like, Severus Snape.

"Yeah, Fab and I always wanted to do it – together. We're not, you know, overly-twinny twins. We don't dress the same or do everything together… But this we have always known we wanted to do."

I shoot Remus a triumphant smirk and he rolls his eyes.

* * *

Well, I don't exactly foresee a glorious Gryff victory tomorrow… I mean, we could win against Ravenclaw but I reckon it'll be close. The practice wasn't exactly impressive, usually by this point the team is much better prepared. You know, which you would _expect_ the day before the match…

Gideon and Sirius were all over the place, completely out of sync. James was totally distracted and dropped so many passes. Amelia Fawcett, the other Chaser along with Marls, has just broken up with her boyfriend of two years and looked on the verge of tears the entire practice… Not the best start to the day. Oh well, I'm sure breakfast will perk us all up! It'll perk me up at least – life is so much easier for people of simple pleasures, like me. All I need to be happy is bacon.

"I'm so happy you came along today, Stef," Gideon smiles at me as we walk back up to the castle – ah, he really is too cute! "I'm really looking forward to the dance. You better not be stressing about things all night though, leave that to James and Lily!"

"No worries, I fully intend on dropping all responsibility the moment the music starts playing! I'm going shopping with Lana and Marls tomorrow – do I need to match your dress robes?"

"Blue," He grins.

"Our _opponents_ colors?!"

"Red clashes with my hair."

"You pansy."

Gid has a free and leaves me here to go off to the Library – my hard-working potential-Auror! Sirius is a few paces behind me so I pause to walk to DADA with him; fingers crossed his bad mood has evaporated. I _never_ know what to expect with this guy.

"Cute, that you came along – think you might have distracted Gideon, though." I think my laugh at Sirius' ominously-neutrally spoken words is very awkward. I don't like Sirius in that way, I am sure of it but I do feel a little uncomfortable knowing that I did sort of do a tossup between them. Not that I could be with Sirius anyway, even if I _had_ decided he was a better prospect… Gid actually likes me, which is a pretty important factor.

"Yeah, the whole team looked a little… disjointed?"

He snorts, "Yeah."

OK, he is definitely not over whatever it is that is bugging him. He is staring very blankly ahead and not bothering to talk to me. Ugh, I hate this. I hate when people are mad at me but unfortunately, considering how good I am at creating messes, people get mad at me fairly often. You would think that being in this situation so often would mean I was adept at handling it, dealing with it – but unluckily for me, I am a Disaster Zone. So we just walked to DADA in an uncomfortable silence.

Before we walked off to our desks, I tried a quick attempt at reconciliation – "I am very sorry for whatever it is I have done. You know I am an obtuse, calamitous idiot and whatever it is that has upset you, I probably did completely inadvertently. Sorry, Sirius."

He doesn't grin at me or laugh or react really in any way. It isn't that he seems angry with me though, just cold. Which is worse in a lot of ways. Hopefully he will thaw out over time, or I can figure out what I have done and apologize properly.

Disaster Count: 1.

* * *

Well, at least some people aren't mad at me. At least some of my friends are nice, kind people who say 'Oh, Steffi, Dumbles was right you truly are a shining star of equality and fairness'. I mean, of course, no one has actually said that to me but I feel it was implicit in what Rab said. (Just the fact that Rabastan is all happy and friendly with me and Sirius is grumpy seems to confirm that Mr. Black is in a sulk about my leniency towards Lana's blossoming romance).

* * *

"Hey, Stef," Rab waves over at me as I leave DADA and head to Transfig. "I'll walk you."

I don't think any of my Gryff pals saw me heading off with a Lestrange – I hope they didn't (so much for being a beacon of equality). I spoke to Lana last night about not interfering with her and Rabastan. I expressed my doubts but said it was up to her, completely. And that Rabastan _is_ my friend, so if they decided to go for it then I would be pleased. I just want her to be careful. Lans was still a little pissed at me, I felt; I don't think she believes I should have any objections at all, I should have just accepted this from the get-go. I mean, _she_ knew it wasn't a great idea, that is why she kept it a secret in the first place! But she'll get over this.

Rabastan, on the other hand, seems overjoyed by even my grudging acceptance of their relationship. "I just wanted to thank you for being so cool about this. I know it is… difficult. It seems absurd to me, that it should be but, with things the way they are…"

"Rab, if she gets hurt by you, by anyone you hang out with, by anyone you _don't_ hang out with – if she gets hurt by an asteroid falling randomly from space, I will hold you accountable and make you pay."

He nods solemnly. "I really like her. She is ridiculous and so… different from anyone else I've ever known."

Aw drat, he just melted my tough façade there. I think I am grinning like a soppy loon; I decide not to finish my speech which was to include forbidding him to continue their relationship post-Hogwarts, not leading her on, practicing safe sex, ya know – the general mum/best friend chat.

"Oh, and by the way, Mulciber wanted me to pass on a message…"

Oh, Rab! This isn't convincing me that you should be entrusted with Lana's very fragile heart – passing on messages from known Muggleborn assailants!

"He says, Dora Crouch is who taught the others. I assume _you_ know what that means."

"Uh, yeah, I do, thanks," I hope he doesn't think I'm _pals_ with Mulciber, that we have little private discussions or a secret handshake or anything…. I really don't want to get involved with this guy – I am determined to keep in the forefront of my mind what happened to Mary MacDonald (and probably countless other Muggleborns that I just don't know about). Even if it means being rude to him and blocking him out (something I am normally very bad at), I won't get involved with Mulciber.

I mean, I really want to learn Occlumency; it seems like a really important skill to have. I doubt I would ever A) be in the possession of classified information or B) ever be targeted by Death Eaters but having people poking around in my mind is about my worst nightmare. Also, I can imagine that it _would_ help with how stressed out and panicky I can get. My mum once suggested meditation to help deal with it all and Occlumency is kind of the magic version. To be able to have even a tiny bit of control over this chaos would be great – it is a bloody mess up here in my head.

"Well, here you go. And thanks again about being OK with this. I promise I will look after her."

Don't make promises you can't keep – I want to say. I don't know why I am so convinced that this will end badly, but I really think it will. I do trust that Rabastan is a good, decent bloke but I don't know if that is enough when you hang out in the circles that he does.

* * *

Thank the Lord that Transfiguration is finally over – the rest of the day free, what joy! Marley is skipping her Divination class to come with me and Lana to Hogsmeade for a girly afternoon – dress shopping, cake eating and loads of gossiping. I am, of course, a terrible shopper. I mean, do I seem like the sort of person who could coordinate shoes and dress and blah blah? I don't have the attention span for it. Luckily, Marls and Lans are the perfect personal shopper combination. Marley's mum is a very elegant lady and her daughter inherited that sense of style; Lana always also looks great but has a much bolder taste in fashion than classical Marely. Between them, they always manage to make me look pretty good, which is really quite a task.

However, we opt for cake as our first port-of-call in Hogsmeade. I don't know if Lana is going to mention Rabastan to Marlene – it will be tough for me to keep my gob shut if Marley starts to criticize them. But I mustn't join in and I must resist the urge to keep reminding Lana to be careful and to reconsider what she's doing. I think they are going to the dance together, so surely Lana will tell Marley some point before she turns up on his arm in the Hall.

Our conversation mainly revolves around Jonny, everyone's favorite Hufflepuff, who apparently _will_ be making an appearance on the House team this year (my immediate reaction is to think how pissed off Sirius will be, then I remember he already is pissed off…at me). Caradoc is gunning for the Cup this year apparently; it's driving Marely mad, the endless Quidditch talk and seeing as she is one of our Chasers that really is saying something. I don't know how James is coping with it all – Head Boy, Quidditch Captain and Lily Evans wannabe-boyfriend. It's a lot for a guy to juggle. Another topic that makes us laugh is Peter's reaction to me going with Gideon to the Ball. He, understandably, had thought he was taking me seeing as Remus had drawn the short straw at last year's Yule Ball. Now he is in a blind panic trying to find a decent girl to go with. He had been tossing notes at me all day, calling me various names and making various threats about what he is going to do to my food when I'm not looking. I threw a note back pointing out that there is never a moment when I am not gazing adoringly at my food. He conceded this flaw in his plan.

The issue eventually comes up when Marley, polishing off her slice of lemon drizzle cake (I, of course, when for the chocolate fudge monstrosity with the most ridiculous amount of chocolate ganache and chocolate sprinkles), "Wait, Lans, so you've picked a date then?"

Lana turns to her and smiles, "Yeah, I'm going with Rabastan Lestrange."

Luckily, with her turned away from me, I have the perfect opportunity to mouth at Marley, " _Don't! Do. Not. Ask."_ And, the clever witch that she is, Marls picks up my warning and just smiles detachedly.

"That's nice. Are you going to wear green then?"

Lana shakes her head and wrinkles up her nose, "No, I was thinking classic black but maybe some sort of cool cut or massive jewelry?"

"That sounds good," I comment. "A simple dress with… well, you could do silver or gold."

"Silver would probably go better with him," Marls comments. I think we have handled this superbly – considering what Terrible Friends we usually are, Marley and I have handled this bombshell with quite a bit of tact!

She manages to find an absolutely gorgeous one-shoulder black dress, with a slit up one side of the skirt – she looks absolutely killer. Apparently her grandmother has some over-the-top silver jewelry, so Lans is going to write her when we get back and save a bit of cash. I, on the other hand, end up buying a dress, shoes and jewelry and am subsequently _broke_. But I do look pretty good.

It's a sort of bronzey-brown dress (so Gid and I really will look like little Ravenclaw wannabes), Grecian-style which means I can wear flat sandals instead of heels, thank God. Marley goes for a simple strapless red dress and she looks an absolute bombshell. Man. All the younger years go in fancy dress but by 4th Year everyone is itching for any opportunity to get all dressed up and whip out the glad rags so it's always a pretty odd sight at Halloween. Half of the Hall looking like Hell and the other looking beatific. Lily and Em are risk-takers who are waiting until the official Hogsmeade Saturday before the dance itself to get dresses, a scheme of which Marley is scathingly disapproving.

Which reminds me – I have plans with Lily's date! I'll see if he has any requests about her outfit that I can pass along…..

* * *

James is demonstrating to me a most peculiar… well, he calls it a dance but I am really not so sure exactly what it is. To my untrained eyes it looks more like he's trying to summon up a demon or something. But apparently this is how he expresses his joy at getting to go to the Ball with Lily.

"Do you know how many dances have been and gone with me wishing I could go with Lils? Everyone since 4th Year Yule Ball?"

"4th Year?"

"Yep, I liked her but was too shy to do anything. Then I realized that she paid the most attention to me when I was doing something idiotic. Plus, in 5th Year, you know, we sort of became…"

"The kings of the school?"

"Well, people seemed to think a lot of us after the Fat Lady scavenger hunt and I can't deny that it went to our heads a little."

I snort. After that particular incident, which had the whole Gryffindor House sprinting around the castle in an attempt to find our portrait, the Marauders had become a little unbearable. They had always been immature and thoughtless but it went to a whole new level that year. And as I have reiterated many time, I got the blame for a lot of their shit (not that I am bitter at all…) Anyway, it's not that I want to rain on James' parade/dance/seizure, but I feel I have to point out that this is definitely more of a work evening than a proper date.

"Yeah, but I have to move in small steps. You have always said that but I don't know if you realize just how slowly I have to take this now that she is finally giving me a chance to prove my worth."

"Of course I realize! I was the one who told you to move slow!"

"Yeah, and the only reason I wouldn't have done is if I didn't think she was actually taking this seriously. At first, yeah, I thought this was just another… false alarm. Someone claiming she is interested in me but really it would just end the same way it always does – with her yelling at me. There have been loads of times over the past couple of years where she has been… soft and kind and I've taken a shot and ended up being berated by her. Usually publicly and loudly."

"Well, maybe if you didn't use any sign of friendship as a chance to get her to date you then she wouldn't have yelled, James." Boys are so dense, I really do marvel at their complete lack of emotional comprehension. However, James seems equally frustrated by my response.

"No, you don't get it. All of those times when she eased off on me in private, she had still made up her mind not to be with me, even though she _did_ like me too. She is stubborn as anything. You see, she has portrayed herself as this uppity, Potter-hating, stickler-for-the-rules and has painted herself into a corner. She is terrified to change for fear of people noticing and then commenting – even though, come one, who actually cares?"

James doesn't even seem to be talking to me at this point, just sort of ranting his feelings aloud. I get the impression that the other boys have had to put up with this a lot over the years. I, of all people, know a well-practiced rant about confused feelings when I see one. But he suddenly snaps back into focus and addresses me again.

"And this time, _this time_ , she is actually considering… changing and really contemplating being with me. All those other times I had to take the quick and easy shot because no matter what I did, she wouldn't actually man-up and be with me. So I took the option that would at least keep reinforcing and reminding her that I like her."

This is about the Sparks, I can feel it. Something has clearly happened between them that has made James so convinced that Lily wants this too and made him determined not to give up. He is giving the impression that this… warmth towards him which I have only seen this year, may have happened behind closed doors before.

"James, I don't get it. Are you saying that… I don't know. This all seems so sudden to me, her feelings for you and that you two as a couple might actually become a reality. How have you always known that this was going to happen?"

He finally sits down, stops pacing and plonks himself into the seat next to me. We are in the very far corner of the Library, hoping Pince won't pounce on us. He runs a frustrated hand through his hair and sighs.

"I haven't, really, a large part of me thought she would stay stubborn forever but… I suppose you're asking how I knew she liked me, why I was so convinced. All everyone else saw was the shouting, I guess. I'm sort of surprised Pads hasn't told you about this; you two were in cahoots about getting Lily and I to the Ball together."

I remain mute on this topic, seeing as Sirius is still stroppy with me. I'm sure once I can explain my reasons for letting Rab and Lana get on with their own choices (and mistakes) properly then he will understand and we will be fine. But all thoughts of Sirius go clean out of my head when James finally comes clean about exactly what has gone done between him and Lily.

The reason James is so convinced that Lily likes him is… well, she does. She must! It is so clear to me too now! I mean, if the boys knew what has gone on, then why haven't they been more supportive of James and Lily getting together? I know it is possible now, that it is inevitable really. I suppose they don't know Lily as well – it all adds up now. James becoming Head Boy, proving his maturity was the trigger to accept feelings she has been denying for a long time…

Of course, it is an old cliché that there is a thin line between love-and-hate and that people squabble with people that they fight with. And Lily and James are the walking example of this stereotype. It was always obvious that James picked fights with her and went so over-the-top obnoxious in order to get her attention. But it never occurred to me that Lily was over-exaggerating too, being far more uptight and Prefectly than she really is. But now I am closer to her, yes, I can see that she isn't as prissy as she always acted around James. She knew there were Sparks too and she encouraged it as much as he did – matching his big-headedness with her overblown-perfectionism.

But she _definitely_ knew there were Sparks. Because she kissed him.

That's right! A Mystery that even this Top Detective did not foresee – James and Lily shared a rather passionate mid-argument snog around Easter Break of 5th Year. I think if you had told anyone that at the time that it happened, they honestly would not have even believed you. Laughed in your face? Yes. Suggested you see Pomfrey? Definitely. But believed you? No fucking way.

They were fighting over whether or not James had been the ringleader who provoked a group of Gryff Firsties mass-Dungbomb-ing the caretaker's office. In the middle of the fight, just as James was explaining how perhaps she ought to blame the lack of other suitable role models in Hogwarts – who were Firsties supposed to look up to, between the uppity Prefects and creepy Slytherin Head Boys, when she lunged at him. Those were his words, 'lunged'. Obviously, he did not object and afterwards, she just said, "You are such a pain, Potter" and walked off.

James has treasured that moment, understandably, and it has kept his hopes for a relationship between them alive. However, after the Incident, she became even prissier than ever around him, culminating in a massive fight out by the Lake post-OWLs. I missed it but it was all over the school. Yet in quieter moments, sometimes when they made eye contact, he swears she would smile the same grin she had as they broke apart from that kiss. She would remind him with this smile, every now and then, that she thought about it too.

I am currently imitating James celebratory 'dance' to the best of my very limited abilities. This is possibly the cutest thing I have ever heard in my life! When James and Lily are finally together it will be the cultivation of years of held-back feelings, of facades and of not trusting themselves enough to do this thing. They are both finally in the right place, the right mindset to do this and they both know it.

But… it would have been remiss of me as a Detective not to ask about the other piece of the 5th Year puzzle – the one Gideon mentioned. When I bring up Snape and what involvement, if any, he had in the events of that year, James skirts the topic completely.

I am confident James and Lily are going to be OK, that they can do this. But they've been dancing around this relationship for years, everything the other one does is interpreted through a filter of years of pent-up emotion and miscommunication. I feel like this would be easier on them both to have an intermediary to help them navigate this. But I am just going to have to trust them to get on with this alone, I think, because if learning about _this_ chapter in their history has taught me anything it's this: the balance between them is fragile and I don't want to mess it up, giving wrong information, telling one of them something I am not completely certain of. Up until now, I thought I understood. You would think James' revelation would help but now I just know for sure that there is so much history here to balance and juggle that you have to know it all. And I don't.

I can't help them, not when I don't know the whole story.

* * *

A/N: Some Lily-James for all you Jily shippers out there! Hope you enjoyed the chapter, pretty please do leave me some thoughts, questions, comments!

Back from my little break now and really getting into tackling Stef-Sirius feelings, which is so tough to write! But very fun too.

I think I'll be posting the Ball next chapter...!

Please drop a review, love to hear from you guys!

Elle xo


	18. Chapter 18

Should I be worried? It has been a week now and he still isn't talking to me. It is so frustrating and I am trying not to show it, but it is driving me _crazy_. Our Potions sessions are quiet and awkward, awkwardness which intensifies by about a million whenever we _are_ required to talk to each other. As much as I hate the silence, the small talk is even worse – since when do Sirius and I do small talk? I thought it would take more than this to get cast out of Sirius Black's life but maybe I was never really in it to start off with. I don't know about what he's been through, his life, his past and he doesn't know mine – we don't share secrets. I just want him to do _something_ – forgive me for trying to maintain my friendship with Lana, or even get mad at me. I would _prefer_ that. If he yelled at me and got angry then at least… Oh, I don't know. At least I would know that he cares. Right now it seems as if I made one wrong move and I have been cut out and that doesn't bother him in the slightest.

* * *

At least James and Lily seem to be happy and getting along well. The Ball is a week from now and I can't believe how chilled out Lils seems. Relatively speaking that is, of course. We had a meeting today and James was cracking jokes, she laughed along. They had an easy (enviable) chemistry, playing off one another and just moving together, you know? They seemed so at ease with one another and in-tune with what the other was thinking. They looked like a team.

Jeez. I need to man up and stop being a sap. I'm just in one of those moods where I see melancholy anywhere – you could show me a puppy going in a paddling pool for the first time and it would just make me weep for my long-gone youth and how I will never feel that childlike innocence of the puppy ever again. Or something.

There is only one thing to do in a time like this and that is to go and see the most carefree kid you know – Peter Pettigrew.

* * *

"Pete, I swear that this seems like a massively bad idea."

"No, I am really good at this Charm-"

"But, Petey, I am really bad at _life_."

"OK, true. Look you do the fire, keep your wand as still as is humanely possible and I'll roast the marshmallows."  
See, making s'mores in Pete's dorm, what better way to beat the melancholia?

He regales me with tales of his quest to capture a date for the Halloween Ball, which all seem to involve terrible poetry and bouquets of flowers that turn into rubber chickens when the girl takes them. He maintains that if she doesn't find that funny, then he isn't interested in having her as a date. I rack my brain for suggestions, seeing as it is inadvertently my fault he is currently flying solo. Suddenly I remember a little-known 7th Year who I was recently reminded of – Dora Crouch.

Peter crinkles his nose at her name when I say it, "Isn't she a bit odd? I mean, of course, some people keep themselves to themselves but she takes it to a whole other level. What even made you think of her?"

It doesn't take much internal debating for me to tell him. Pete is a good confidante, I have always found; I mean, he will tell your secret in a second to get a laugh, if it's embarrassing or to barter for a better one. But he does it with such an adorable smile and manner, that I can never begrudge him. It always seems like part of the deal – he will inevitably come running to you a week later, "So, I may have told Jack Tomlinson about how you weren't paying attention when the staircase moved and stepped off the edge and how Fabian saved you with a Levitation Charm which also resulted in your skirt flying over your head and him seeing your knickers. But…. He told me about this hilarious thing that happened to Maria MacMillan when she went on a date with Harold Kenworth…."

I leave out Regulus' involvement – just saying that Mulciber had seen my near-panic attack and recommended Occlumency with Dora Crouch. Peter seems interested; apparently it is common knowledge that it can help with anxiety-stuff, but you have to have a natural aptitude for the art otherwise it's terribly difficult.

"Maybe we could do it together, if you're nervous about the suggestion coming from Mulciber?" It is a sweet offer from Pete, but of course he doesn't know that there are more Slytherins involved. Or that these same Slytherins have been meeting strange men in the Hog's Head. I make an excuse for not wanting to do it – blah blah Disaster, blah blah workload. He agrees and accepts my excuses, but I can see he is still keen on the idea.

Unfortunately, while I was talking I may have done a few hand gestures, you know, for emphasis. And, truth be told, Pete is almost as Disastrous as me and neither of us noticed the hangings on his bed were on fire until it spread to the hem of his robes….

Disaster Count: 3.

* * *

 _Dearest darling-est Mother,_

 _Start preparing my dowry – I have actually been asked out by a boy!_

 _I am going to the Ball with Gideon Prewett – a kind, funny, Beater-on-the-Quidditch-Team, Aspiring-Auror. Doesn't he sound great? Well, he is. I bought a new dress and everything. Even despite me being in charge of organization, this still might just be the best Halloween Ball ever._

 _What is not so great is that my pal Sirius is in a terrible mood with me. You know how much I despise the Silent Treatment – well, turns out I hate the Small Talk treatment even more. I never used to understand at grown-up parties when you would moan about it, and envy Aunty's ability to chat away about meaningless rubbish. But now I see how bloody hard it is to chat about nothing with no awkwardness and long pauses. Maybe she can give us both lessons at Christmas?_

 _Basically, Lana is dating this new guy and… he could be bad news. Or at least, some of his friends are definitely bad news. You know I've told you about 'Slytherins'? Well, Sirius' family are all Slytherins, bad ones, and obviously he is not. So he had a pretty rough childhood and I think he disapproves of me approving of Lana's relationship. Which I don't really, but this guy (Rabastan) is sort of my friend and Lana would kill me if I didn't at least try to support them. Ugh, it is all so difficult._

 _Life is very stressful right now, Mum. I honestly cannot wait for Christmas break – the thought of Top of the Pops and mince pies is the only thing getting me through right now._

 _You better not have watched a single Top of the Pops whilst I've been gone. Every year you promise we'll watch them all on Christmas Eve together and every year, you go 'oooh, that week was a good'un' at some point and reveal your betrayal!_

 _If I didn't love you so much…. I swear!_

 _All my love,  
A-Very-Stressed-Mice-Pie-Fantasizing-Girl.  
(Stef)_

* * *

"Cissy, your cousin is an arsehole."

She smiles, "I'm not sure I know him well enough to say but… I have heard rumors."

"He won't _talk_ to me. And when he does talk to me, it's stupid banal stuff and that is just somehow worse."

Cissy laughs and picks up another Danish, really not demonstrating the kind of sympathy I was hoping for. I mean, she is probably one of the more unlikely candidates to understand why having Sirius Black give you the Silent Treatment is a bad thing. The past seven years of their relationship has been one big silence, I suppose.

We have agreed to keep schtum on the topic of Gideon Prewett because I can sense Cissy's skepticism and I don't need confusing right now. My brain is a volatile place, I am fully aware of that, and I am trying to keep it as stable as possible until the Ball is over. I can't really hope that it will remain stable for much longer than that; a week is already pretty ambitious.

"So, who are _you_ going with to the dance?" Obviously Malfoy has graduated, and I can't imagine him being exactly 'laid-back' about who his trophy-fiancée takes as a replacement date.

Sure enough, Cissy pulls a face, "You know his gaggle of devoted followers?"

Beyond all reason, there was a group of younger Slytherins who adored their Head Boy. It is confusing enough to me that people idolize the muppet-y Marauders or Dearborn-the-Doofus but Malfoy?

"Well, he roped one of them into taking me. Or rather, he roped _me_ into going with one of them. He says he can trust them not to try any funny business."

"Oh no, don't say it is that awful Goyle?" It is truly ironic that such an ugly man should have such a name. You can't even begin to imagine how many gargoyle-puns James has come up with over the past six years.

Cissy nods grimly, "I mean, he could have at least picked a 7th Year!"

I can't help but laugh at her wail of despair. "You know who I reckon the worst date on the planet would be? Harry McCormick. He date Lily for a while and, my God, could he talk for England!"

"Isn't he Scottish?"

"Yeah, that's what made it so bad. He never shut up and – that accent! It made me constantly feel like punching someone."

"Wait, this was 6th Year, right? I think you _did_ punch someone – my aforementioned arsehole cousin?"

Oh, yeah. I forgot about that… For an 'amusing' joke, Sirius had done my Transfiguration behind McG's back just five minutes after she had set the task. He then pointed it out to her – "Wow, Professor, look how quick Steffi managed it! Well done, Hartmann, see, you're not so bad at Transfig!" As he knew it would, this caused her to demand a demonstration of the spell in front of the whole class. I accidentally exploded the desk and while McG yelled at me, McCormick was there yapping loudly about _exactly_ _how_ my wrist movements had caused the explosion. I only intended to give Sirius a reprimanding shoulder-punch as I walked back to my seat but I suppose the explosion-smoke impeded my already poor aiming abilities. And I punched him square in the jaw. Which, funnily enough, did _not_ increase my detention time. McGonagall seriously has a vindictive streak which I am certain she airs by letting people do what the Hell they like to Sirius Black. I'm not complaining.

"Perhaps it won't be so bad. Goyle could be an incredible dancer!" I am being a sarcastic bitch – Goyle is a lump of a man, about as graceful as a drunk elephant. Poor Cissy will probably have ten broken toes by the end of the evening. She lobs her half-eaten pastry at me in retribution for my cheek.

"I presume you've heard about Ilana Diggory and Rabastan?" Now, Cissy, does that really seem to you like a topic that will keep my stress-levels down?

"Yeah, that is the whole reason your horrible cousin is refusing to speak to me. I feel obligated to support the relationship, which is obviously not the view of a lot of Gryffindors."

Cissy shoots me a look, "I didn't realize _that_ was why he was grumpy…"

"Yep, massive overreaction on his part. I mean, I am friends with them both. And Lana is my best friend – I have to trust her judgement. Even though I am worried about how this is going to turn out…"

Cissy still looks disbelieving, "I thought he was upset because you were going to the dance with Gideon."

"Huh? No. No way. Sirius wasn't planning on asking me to the dance or anything so why..."

"Maybe. But boys are silly. He is very protective over you… perhaps he still isn't keen on seeing you go with someone else."

"I mean, no… that is absurd, Cissy! He is protective of me because I am the most Disastrous person on the planet. No, no way is that the reason he is mad at me. This all started when I decided not to bother Lana and Rab."

Cissy evidently thinks better of trying to pursue her mad theory – thankfully for my volatile-brain. "He seems to really care for her. But, you're right, I can't say many Slytherins are thrilled about the match either."

"Hey, Cissy, could you… keep an ear out? Just let me know if they talk about acting on their annoyance?"

She smiles sympathetically and nods, "Of course, I will, Stef."

Ugh, this whole staying-stable-and-sane until the Ball thing really isn't going well. I have Slytherins suggesting weird and reclusive Occlumency teachers, my best friend attempting to break down century-old prejudices à la Romeo and Juliet (which really ought to serve as a cautionary tale, not something to aspire to), crazy suggestions from Cissy about Sirius' sulk and her quiet disapproval of Gideon – all of which is very confusing.

Oh, man. I have _had_ my emotion-analysis, can't I just leave it at that? Every time someone suggests that Sirius might… you know! It sends me into a panic. For one thing, even if he did, do _I_? Sirius Black is not Boyfriend Material, everyone knows that. And I am not interested in anything but Boyfriend Material.

And second of all – he definitely does not fancy me! We have had conversations about our _friend_ ship several times, he dates girls like the impossibly smart _and_ beautiful Dorcas Meadowes. He is a gorgeous and intelligent Casanova who thinks I am sweet and amusing because I am a catastrophic mess. And every time someone suggests that he feels anything more and any time I even consider it for a second, Jane Fenwick's voice echoes around my head.

"Arrogant". That is what it is, to even contemplate for a second that Sirius might like me. He so clearly doesn't and we are so obviously not in the same league. What kind of Disaster Zone even considers for a moment that a Grade-A-Hottie could fancy them? An _arrogant_ DZ, that's who…

Ugh.

* * *

Ah, hello, Emily Greengrass. I spy you across the Library, working away diligently. I will keep an eye on you ask I research Wiggenwald brewing methods, because I am your very own Guardian Angel.

Is it creepy for me to just sit here and not say hi? Nah, I'm fine; I'm not just sitting here _staring_. I'm just keeping a loving, mentor-y, protective eye on her as I work. Very not creepy.

OK, Mr-Judgey-Ravenclaw, I see you giving me that look. I am not a weirdo! I really need to get some DZPL badges made to show that my staring at younger students is entirely professional.

AHA. See, good thing I was here and creepin'! Emily just set her quill on fire and I was able to _Aguamenti_ it before the fire could spread too much. And, yes, perhaps some of the water did accidentally hit Mr. Judgey Pants. I have great reflexes when it comes to putting out fires; I have an unbelievable tendency to cause them. It really is quite remarkable – probably my number one Disaster is setting things ablaze.

Emily was very grateful – she was trying to do her Charms assignment. Ty is pretty nifty at Charms so I suggest she introduce herself, say she knows me. Of course, I still don't know his name so I have to describe him. She reckons he might be in her Potions class.

It really would be ideal if my two favorite 4th Years could become best friends. Then I could cut down on my creeping time and spy on them simultaneously – much easier for me.

* * *

Remus is laughing at the description of my dress, which is really rather cruel of him if you ask me. He is laughing because of just how Ravenclaw-Representative we are going to look. Which is true. Maybe I should transfer to Ravenclaw, maybe _they_ would be nice to me. Remus laughs even more at this suggestion.

"Stef, you'd still be causing chaos no matter which house you were in!"

True, but unnecessary to tell me really. Meanie. Luckily he is distracted from dropping any more unpleasant truth bombs by Sirius walking into the Common Room. Surprisingly he comes and sits with us. Diana has walked in too – she grins over at me and I wave.

"You, Marls and Lana went dress shopping already, right?"

"Yeah, sorry! But I would go straight to 'Araminta's', not 'Rachel's Robes' – there were some amazing red dresses there that you would look ridiculous in."

Di grins and thanks me before leaping up the stairs to her dorm. She always looks like Mrs. Gryffindor at any Ball - her golden hair, statuesque looks plus a ruby red gown is a winning combo.

"If there were tons of red dresses, why have you gone for Raven colors?" Remus jokes.

"One, I cannot pull off red with this coloring. Two, red would clash with Gid's robes _and_ his hair. Also, not every girl has to don House colors, OK?" Arm slap for good measure I reckon, Lupin is getting very cheeky today.

He fills Sirius in, "Gideon and Stef are going as the poster Ravenclaw couple, revealing their longing for a different House, decked out in blue and bronze. Traitors!"

Sirius looks at us with a bored expression. Then he leans forward, towards me. Is he finally giving up on his silly grudge?

"That's cute, that you're matching your dress to Gideon's robes." Uhh, OK. I don't really know what to say to that; are we just going straight back into the jokes? "Excited for the Ball?"

"Yeah, sure. Most of the stuff I need to sort out, I've done. I think it will be good fun." I try to give Remus a 'what is going on right now' look but he is getting up and waving goodbye to us – speaking of bloody traitors! He is abandoning me!

"I'm sure you and Gideon will have a lovely time in your matching outfits." Is he being sarcastic or genuine? I think the latter but I can't tell. "I'm going to have a good time, I'm really looking forward to it. Best Ball yet."

"I really think it could be."

Sirius looks hard at me. "I'm going with Diana Cress."

"Cute! I mean, bad for the rest of us."

Sirius is looking at me so guardedly, I don't understand. On the surface, this is a totally normal conversation between friends. But his whole body language is… tense and almost confrontational.

I explain, "Because you two will show the rest of us mere mortals up. You'll both look so beautiful that the rest of us will look like potato people."

"Potato people?" For a moment, his neutral mask almost cracks. I shrug and smile, a proper smile like I would do if we weren't fighting. Because I am really unsure whether we are or not. But his hint-of-a-smile is gone.

"So, I'm going with Diana which should be fun. And you are going with your fellow potato, Gideon. And you can't wait, right? You really are excited to go to the dance with him?"

"Yeah, it will be fun. You and Diana make a great couple."

He walks off.

What.

That was a very odd exchange – and I have conversations with Mulciber and Fenwick but this was still up there in my odd-conversations ranking. I don't understand what that was – a transcript of the conversation wouldn't show anything strange but he was just looking so peculiar. It was like a test, like he was daring me to… I don't know. Maybe he was pointing out that whilst we have both found suitable partners, Lana hasn't. Perhaps he wanted me to voice concerns about them, that this might not be the best Ball ever for her if she ends up getting hurt.

Well, if that was a test then I suppose only time will tell if I passed or failed…

* * *

A/N: I am going to upload the Ball chapter right away, because this is mainly filler!

xoxo


	19. Chapter 19

So far I have done an excellent job of not hyperventilating, maybe I don't need Occlumency at all. I _do_ feel a bit nauseous. So, I might be sick but at least I haven't forgotten how to breathe… yet.

I checked in with the Elves and the food is looking lush! And, yes, I did request a taste of everything including the seven types of desert that will be on offer. I can safely say that I will be having second helpings of the starter, main and every single desert. Jonny is fully in-charge of Selena and The Slayers; they are arriving in about an hour and he is going to give them the full five-star experience while they sound-check etc. Do-gooder Melissa has set up some great looking games that the Firsties will undoubtedly love.

It would seem that everything is going alright but I have not mentioned one tiny (massive) detail – the decorators haven't shown up yet. And the Ball does begin in about five hours. And the Great Hall really is quite Great, this will take some time to make the place look as amazing as we have promise.

So, all things considering, this whole not-hyperventilating situation really _is_ quite an achievement.

Just to add to my stress, whatever that conversation with Sirius was last week, I evidently did not impress him as he has been distant as ever since. I suppose he has Diana; they have been cute all week. Is it terrible that I felt a stab of resentment about it? Our short-lived friendship really can't have meant much to him. All this time he has spent giggling away with her, he could have spent at least _some_ of it trying to patch things up with me…

Yeah, so it generally has not been a great week. All the last minute prep for the dance, plus having to watch Sirius with Di, wondering why he has time for her and not for his friend. Feeling terrible for not spending enough time with Gideon. A note from my mum – the one time I need comfort and she does _not_ deliver.

* * *

 _Lovely Steffi,_

 _Sorry to hear you are feeling stressed out but I have every confidence that all your hard work will be worth it. You will have a wonderful time at the dance and so will everyone else._

 _Will you be terribly angry with me if I say I am slightly enjoying this dilemma? You never have boy-stories usually and I am dying from a lack of gossip in deadly dull Wiltshire…_

 _From what you have told me about certain characters at your School and what I personally know about the prejudices in the Wizard World, Lana ought to be taking care. And I think your friend Sirius is right – I am not sure you should accept the relationship. It is also a best friend's duty to stand up and tell the brutal truth sometimes. I know Lana won't like it but it could be for her own safety. Even if this Rabarston (?) is your friend, you don't seem sure of him. And you are a good judge of character, sweetheart._

 _Also, is this the Gideon who you had that awful Disaster with? When you asked him out and then rejected him via letter? If so, what has changed since then to make you like him so much? Yes, he does sound wonderful but a lot of men sound perfect on paper but for it to work it needs something… that can't be put into words. A feeling. Do you have this feeling about Gideon?_

 _(Also, Gideon? Rabarston? I've said it before, and I'll say it again – Wizard parents are cruel with the baby names. If you marry a wizard, please make sure I can pronounce my own grandchild's name)._

 _I love you very much and I hope things get less stressful for you soon. Remember, my lovely Stef, you tend to make things worse in your head than they really are. Just take deep breaths and talk to someone sensible, like Remus or this friend Lily, and let them remind you that things aren't as bad as they seem in your crazy head. Also, sorry for passing the crazy-head gene on to you._

 _Lots of love,  
Mum._

 _P.S. How dare you with these Top of the Pops accusations! I've not watched a single one (apart from David's week – oh my! You will love it! We can change the lyrics though – 'I will be Queen – and you, you will also be Queen!' Much more suitable that way.)_

* * *

I mean, OK, there was a lot of lovely mum-comfort in there but also – who is she to be commenting on my potential-feelings for Gideon? She has no idea who he even is. I _knew_ it was a bad idea to tell her about the Disaster of all Disasters. Has she never watched a romantic movie? The cutest relationships always start with a stumble like mine! I am endearingly dumb. Love at first sight doesn't exist – you have got to let things grow. And I am determined to give an opportunity for things to develop between me and Gid. A guy like him liking a girl like me does not happen often. I would be a fool to let this pass me by.

And the thing about Lana and Rab (or Rabarston, as I shall now refer to him as) has really got me worried. I can't help think that she is right – it was my instinct not to trust this relationship, not to support it. I am only putting on an approving face to placate Lana but mum is right – is that really what a best friend would do? It isn't that I don't trust Rabastan to be decent; I don't trust his friends and I do not trust, above all, that he can _stand_ _up_ to his friends. If they want to hurt Lana, he would hate it but he would not be able to stop them. I need to tell her this but it will cause Hell, I know it. We might not talk for weeks and – what if it just makes her even more determined to be with him? Ugh, see – there is so much to take into account in this situation! I don't know what to do, but if I do decide to speak out against them being together I can only do it post-Ball anyway. So at least I can delay that. Classic Hufflepuff Steffi in action once more…

The past few minutes I have been sat on one of the benches, pushed to the side of the Hall for the night, probably looking pretty grey-faced. I feel like my nausea may have completely overwhelmed me had Jon not screeched to a halt beside me in that moment.

"The decorators are here! They are just coming up the path now – I'll go and get Lily and James!"

And he is off again, just a yellow-and-black blur as he races off to find the Head team. Thank God, is all I can say. I think he will probably find Lily collapsed somewhere with stress and James desperately trying to revive her.

* * *

It looks…. Spectacular. Yes, there is only an hour until the Ball starts and Lils and I look like dishevelled, grubby messes but this is so worth it. We have done a damn good job and I think even Lily will be able to let herself enjoy tonight without worrying that people are going to be having a blast.

Of course the ceiling is already showing an inky dark sky, scattered with stars but the decorators have also hung swathes of similarly colored indigo material across the width of the room. It brings the height of the room down, making it more intimate and glimpses of the proper ceiling with its stars still shine through. Hundreds of small round tables have been set up with cobwebs dripping from them and glowing silver. Tiny pumpkins, big enough to hold one tea light, hover around the room whilst the tiny handkerchief ghosts darting in between. They have also sprayed some kind of Potion all over the floor which makes the flagstones shimmer iridescently and occasionally, in the space between the cloth hangings and the proper ceiling, silver and orangey-bronze fireworks explode. From the floor, you get a glimpse of sparks and light. The platform, where Selena and the Slayers will play, looks like a grotto; cardboard silhouettes of weeping willows frame the sides of the stage and the decorators have hung garlands that look like streams of black leaves above the band. They did a light test and everything is so glowy and twilight-y - simultaneously gloomy but with patches of brightness. Like, oh I don't know, when the sun is shining through a rain cloud and the light is so pure but still filtered through the grey.

It is _exactly_ the way we designed it, collaborating all the Prefects ideas, the way we discussed it with the decorators.

I am so happy. And proud. You know what? I do, I feel really bloody proud of myself.

* * *

Luckily, as I have raved about before, Marls and Lans know what they are doing with this sort of thing so I just sort of sit back while they fuss around me. By the time I open my eyes, half my hair is pinned up and I have a face-full of perfectly applied make-up. Merci beaucoup, gals.

"I wanted to curl it, make you look properly like a Grecian goddess," Marley pouts: my hair is far too thick, heavy and straight for that. I mean, I'm sure it would have looked nice but I already look about a million times better than normal (before we start bandying around that 'arrogant' word again, let us bear in mind that I usually look like a Grindylow) so I am hardly gonna complain about a lack of curls.

What _does_ make me want to complain, but I refrain because I am still (of course) confused about my course of action, is that Lana disappears off to meet up with Rab. Usually, us three walk to the Entrance Hall together and meet our dates there. Understandably, Rab didn't want to wait around with the Marauders, Gid and Caradoc but still… It stings a bit to be breaking tradition in our 7th Year, especially for _this_ relationship. I also stop myself from asking where she is meeting him. I really worry about her getting too close. Maybe it was all that hanging around with paranoid, Slytherin-hating Sirius but the thought of Lana in the Slytherin Common Room, where any of them could get to her makes me feel really anxious. Although, perhaps this could also be my opening to repair things with Sirius? If he sees I am having doubts about not speaking out against the relationship, maybe he will forgive me. Again, I'm not sure the Ball is exactly the appropriate time but, yeah, I think I will give it a go. Plus, he _is_ a good person to talk things out with. Surprisingly rational.

* * *

Oh, beautiful wonderful Cissy! She is so good and lovely!

Just moments after we met Caradoc, Remus, Gideon and Em's date Fabian in the Entrance Hall (NB: Gideon was appropriately enthusiastic and complimentary of my looks), Cissy walked past. She looked bloody, drop-dead incredible, by the way. This lacy, silver dress which I have no idea how it was created – you can see each individual strand of material – and it is going to look so good with all the cobwebs, with the flagstones and under the lighting. Man, Lucius would die seeing her.

But, even more amazing than how she looked was what she told me. Apparently, she hasn't heard a single word against Lana (today) – Rab even vaguely mentioned her and no one made any comments. Plus, she just saw them walking up towards the Hall so evidently she made it to him safely. Thank Godric. I hate to say it, I hate not to trust Rabastan completely, but I was so worried.

* * *

"Steffi, can I just say again – and then I'll stop with the embarrassing compliments I promise – you look so bloody great."

Never in a million years did I ever think that a guy like Gideon – smart, Quidditch player, funny, actually sane – would be whispering words like that to me as we danced at a Hogwarts Ball. It honestly feels like I'm living someone else's life right now. This is what normal, pretty, non-catastrophic girls like Sally Clearwater, or Melissa Conway do. Not me, not Walking Disaster Zone Stefanie Hartmann.

Over Gideon's shoulder, I can see Lily and James at the edge of the dance floor, observing. They both look happy and relaxed, sipping punch. James leans over to whisper something to Lils, grinning and she smiles back at him; they are standing closer than you would do, if you were just friends. Lily grins, catching my eye, and shoots me a thumbs up. Taking my hand off Gid's back for a second, I thumbs-up back. I smile widely at James, who nods briefly back. Bless, it's like he hardly acknowledged me; so focused on Lily. I feel myself smiling, like Lils. All my pals are happy right now, and that makes me unbelievably… blissful. I just feel so untroubled by anything – I don't feel guilty at all for pushing all thoughts of dramas and problems out of my mind for this one happy night. I worried a month ago that this, my final Halloween Ball, would not live up to the others… It has, only an hour in and it already has.

Even the sight of Lana and Rabastan twirling past us in the opposite direction doesn't pull my mood down; I file the sight of them smiling contentedly away in my brain though. I really am going have to think long and hard about what to do here. Lana _is_ happy with him and I have never seen a guy look at her the way Rab does, even if he can only do it when his 'friends' are looking the other way.

When the song ends, we head over to Marley and Doc who are sitting at one of the tables, nestled together. I order a starter. (Most of my excitement about the Magical World is inspired by food; in this case, I was astounded when I realized how catering a party worked at our first Halloween Ball. You just say your name and the course and it bloody appears in front of you. No waiting for everyone to be sat down, no cold and unappetizing buffets! Except for our buffet tonight which is anything but – a table laden with the most mouth-watering deserts, running along one side of the Hall, under another faux-weeping-willow display).

Marley and Doc have been judging the dancers while they eat; Gid and I join in.

"Blishwick has tripped over his feet five times now."

"Ooh, poor Isabella!"

"Oh wait, where are Cissy and Goyle? I wanted to laugh at that!"

"Oh my! It's like a swan and a gorilla trying to dance together!"

"Remus and Sally look sweet, don't they?"

"Yeah, but they keep erring dangerously close to Tomlinson who has some seriously flailing limbs. I don't want Remus to end up in the Hospital Wing with concussion tonight."

It is unreasonably nice to be a part of a group of couples; it feels like an exclusive club to which I never had access before. Soon, Lily and James spot us laughing and walk over to join us – it seems they had been doing something much similar. Remus and Sally make their way over too, as do…. Peter and Dora! He actually asked Dora Crouch and he is grinning like a loon! Have I done it again? Been the Best Matchmaker Ever? I have Lily and James sitting here, joyfully – Ty and Arabella were gazing into each other's eyes over the soup earlier. Now Pete and Dora?

He introduces her to the rest of the group, who all look as taken aback by her presence as I feel. Judging from their expressions, not even James or Remus knew about this! Everyone says hi politely and she nods in response. However when Pete gets to my name and I smile at her, she leans forward to take my hand.

"Yes," Her voice is very soft and ethereal, as you would expect from her. She is literally a pixie – tiny and slender, with cropped dark hair and the widest espresso eyes. "I've heard of you."

"Well," Oh shit, do not bring up Regulus or Mulciber, I _beg_ silently. "It was probably when the whole school was evacuated on 'Toxic Air' scare because I accidentally dropped that Potion Slughorn told me to take to his office."

She smiles at this, sensing my cover-up whether by instinct or… **Don't worry, I won't say anything**. Yep, or by Occlumency. Weird, I hear voices in my head all the time – well, one voice. Mine, rambling and ranting on endlessly. It is weird to have someone else up there.

Pete wants to whisk Dora away – it seems he is having such a great time, he wants her all to himself! I don't blame him really; she is gorgeous and has a wonderful chiming laugh. The way she looked at us all as we greeted her, it was like she was so intently focused just on that one person who had her attention in that moment. It is a pretty heady feeling.

I definitely ought to set-up a matchmaking venture. Screw Philimore's and forget about saving the world with Potions expertise. I can just help others find true love – that is rewarding too, right?

Seriously, meeting Dora has made me wonder about those lessons… she seems like the most inoffensive girl in the world. Occlumency isn't necessarily a Dark Art and she is a Ravenclaw… She particularly seems whip-smart, even for a Raven. I bet she is one of those naturally curious people – I can imagine that she would just take up Occlumency on a whim. And smart people like to teach. So no wonder she passed on her knowledge Regulus if her asked her. I just can't imagine her using her talent for evil. Her voice, when it was reverberating in my head, was gentle and full of laughter – understanding. I guess this is another item to add to my Life-Choices-To-Rediscover List.

* * *

Holy Hell. Oh my God. I… Wow.

He looks… unreal. I mean, honestly, can people like that actually exist in reality? Is he just a painting, or a sculpture or something, that has come to life? Jesus.

It seems so silly, so stupid to be feeling like this considering he seems to hate my guts right now. And also seeing as I am sitting next to a very attractive guy who very much does _not_ hate me. But I can't help it. Sirius Black is _beautiful_.

Classic black robes that just scream expensive from the cut, the material, the way the cloth falls. Hair, that bloody ridiculous hair, tousled and falling perfectly – how can I mock him for being proud of it? I would spend every day boasting if my follicles looked half as good. Bloody Hell. I take an embarrassingly loud slurp of my punch in a fumbling, overwhelmed manner. How is the sight of just another (idiot, arsehole) human being making me act like such a dummy?

The worst part is, I am staring at him like a moron and I know it. Which would be OK if he were staring at drop-dead, angelic Diana Cress. But he isn't. He has held my eye contact for the embarrassingly long period of time in which I have been staring at him. His gaze, unlike mine I am sure, is very neutral. At least he has the courtesy to pretend that I am not humiliatingly almost drooling over him.

OH BUGGER WAIT, I LITERALLY DID JUST DROOL. SOME PUNCH JUST DRIBBLED OUT OF MY MOUTH AND ONTO MY LAP. OH JESUS, PLEASE, _PLEASE_ SAY NO ONE NOTICED THAT.

At least I have finally broken that God-awful, hypnotic staring match even if it is only to scrub manically at the punch stain on my dress. No one else seems to have realized that the weird moment even happened; they are all just chatting away, greeting the couple and complimenting Diana who really does look mind-blowing and very non-dribbley. Damn.

"What are you doing?" Gideon whispers, smiling at me and gesturing at my desecrated dress. Oh Lord.

"Punch problems."

He chuckles, "Of course, do you need a new glass?" He offers his, which is just the sweetest darn thing and I know I am grinning like a fool.

"You are bloody sweet, Gideon."

He looks so pleased by my compliment that…. Oh my God! I want to kiss him! I mean, it isn't a full on Blackheath-Fireworks-Display but there are some definite sparklers! I am not even going to question my crazy teen hormones – drooling over one guy then wanting to kiss another the next. I suppose this weirdness is what you're supposed to be feeling aged seventeen, right?

I don't want to kiss him here in front of everyone, so I just take his hand. We just sit there and hold hands for a moment and I am still grinning like a sappy idiot.

A disgruntled snort makes me look away from Gid for a second. My stomach does a horrible lurch when I see his, Sirius', face but I don't really know why. I think that maybe when I broke off our staring match, he didn't. Because his eyes are still fixated on me and I think he just saw all of my cutesy grinning and juvenile hand-holding. But why would that make him look so..? No. Everyone's whispers flood back into my brain but I really try to push them out. It can't be because he's…

No. No, of course not. He has looked away from me in an instant. Our eyes re-met for only a split second before he gazed to Diana. But everyone else's eyes are on him too now; they heard the snort as well.

"Sirius?" Diana's question sounds tentative; right now, the emotion in his eyes unusually matches their coloring – he looks stormy.

"Sorry, I was just wondering how I could have missed it…"

"Missed what, Siri?"

"You getting coronated Queen of the fucking School."

There is a sharp silence amongst us all. A silence like a void, everything sucked right out of the air making it a bit difficult to breathe. In fact, I think we are all holding our breath. What just happened?

Diana's brow is furrowed and already her voice is trembling, "What?"

"Seriously, did I miss something? Or why else would everyone be bending over backwards to kiss your arse? I mean, really? Did we really _need_ to stand around and compliment her for half a fucking hour?"

Holy shit. This is… brutal. What is he _playing at_? And he doesn't even stop there.

"Really, Diana, how long did you spend getting ready today? These pathetic little school dances are the highlight of your life. An entire evening where people are focused on how you look and not how empty your head is! What kind of girl lets people fawn over her so much? Why do you need so much bloody attention? Oh, wait. I already covered that. Because there is literally nothing in your skull and you need to be told you're good for something because-"

" _Pads_."

James' voice is like the crack of a whip. Diana has tears streaming down her face as she sprints out of the Hall. I know my jaw is actually slack and Lily has actually got her hand covering her mouth, the picture of pure shock. Remus looks sad, Sally actually appears frightened. Gideon is gripping my hand very tightly. I squeeze his hand back.

"Pads, go up to our dorm. No, actually, wait here for five minutes. Let Diana… Then go."

Sirius doesn't even acknowledge that his best friend is speaking. He is staring so blankly ahead of him, his lips drawn into a tight, grim line. His breathing is shallow and, with another stomach lurch – but this one horrible and nauseous – I notice his fists are clenched.

James is also taking in his mate's expression and slowly, he gets up from next to Lily and grips Sirius' shoulder. Sirius seems to relax slightly at this and, uncomfortably, it seems as though this isn't the first time James has had to do this. It looks awfully like a routine. He steers Sirius away from the table and out to the Entrance Hall. We all watch them leave; Lily's eyes are focused on James' back, still scared but… somehow soft as well.

Gideon's hand is still in mine and I squeeze it again, needing some sort of reassurance after that… I think the reason I am so unsettled is because I am not actually that shocked. It was a side of Sirius that I have always known existed; that horrible ability to say the wrong thing, and _know_ you are saying it. He can be so smooth and charming, but his talent with words works both ways. It is the only time he ever seems… Slytherin. When he is using his genetic ability to seek out a person's weakness.

It wasn't about me; it wasn't jealousy that lead to that outburst. I realize that – there is no way that I could have caused emotions like that. So white-hot. I remind myself once more that he is a mystery and an enigma and there is _so_ much about him that I do not know. Although I am a Top Detective, I have to be able to admit that I don't always know what is wrong and I can't figure everything out. What I knew of Sirius in our two-month-long friendship was just a tiny fraction of him.

A sad realization that this is yet another thing to add to that Reconsideration List. Do I even _want_ to still be friends with Sirius?

* * *

Gideon and I have stepped out into the Courtyard. Everyone inside is gossiping about Sirius and I think Gid could see on my face that I couldn't handle it. Remus had also slipped away, to talk to Emmeline on the other side of the Hall.

Once outside, we don't really talk. I don't want to discuss _him_ and, at the same time, it seems silly to talk about anything else so we stay silent. It is pretty chilly but I don't actually mind the cold, as much as I jokingly beg my mum for jumpers. I especially like cold days when the sun is shining – the iciness makes the light seem even brighter and purer. Of course, it is dark now, but it was a day just like that earlier today.

Slowly, Gideon begins to point out the different stars and constellations to me. He leaves out the Dog Star, a conspicuous absence. But it feels nice just to hear him talk, to take my mind off things. I lean against him and he wraps his arms around me. It's pleasant.

Eventually he runs out of stars that he can name, "Sorry, I'm all out. And I don't really know the names of many flowers, so I can't list those…"

He trails off, looking around for something he can talk about, thinking of ways to keep me distracted. I keep watching his face as he scans the Courtyard; eventually his gaze falls on mine, observing him. And I guess he sees in my expression what I felt in the Hall.

He leans in to kiss me and it is so very nice. It is so nice and comforting to be kissed by a kind, sweet boy in the courtyard of a castle, on a clear and freezing night.

It is so nice and I don't want it to end. Because when it does, I have a lot of life choices to reconsider…

7th Year Dance Count: 1  
Cups of Punch Count: 14  
Helpings of Desert Count: 8 (I know, disappointing. But understandably, I had lost my appetite somewhat)  
Disaster Count: 9  
Life Choices to be Reconsidered Count: 3.

* * *

A/N: SO THERE IT IS.

Sorry, sorry, sorry!

I hope despite the drama, you all enjoyed the chapter. I really liked writing it and have been so excited to share it with you all so please do let me know your thoughts!

Also, I have passed the 100,000 word mark on 'Disaster Zone' - I cannot believe it! And I doubt the story would ever have gotten so far without such a wonderful audience to share it with! There is a lot more to come...

Elle xoxo

A REASSURING EXTRACT:

 _Just so you guys don't spend too much time worrying that Steffi and Sirius are never going to talk again, here is a tiny excerpt from a convo I wrote today, just a few chapters away..._

"What do you mean, Steffi?" Faux-innocence in his horrible, stupid, lovely smirking voice. Please note, by the way, that there is no longer a respectful empty-stool-distance between us – he now sits directly next to me with his seat angled as close to me as possible and… yes, sure enough, he has reverted back to his whispering ways. "We're back to how we used to be – laughing, joking, inappropriately close physical contact."

"Sirius, how am I expected to chop up these leaves with your arm around me? This is very constricting to my Potion making movements."

"Whoa, sorry, wouldn't want to restrict the vital and infamously tricky Leaf Chop!"

I shoot him a glower that I _know_ completely lacks conviction because I am stupidly happy to have my old, annoying Sirius back.


	20. Chapter 20

Luckily for Sirius and Diana, our group isn't particularly gossip-y. No one but us knows what went on at the dance. However, in amongst our gang, it feels like we've done nothing but discuss the incident. The dance was on a Friday so thankfully Di had the weekend to pull herself together before having to be back in classes with him, or with idiots like Fenwick who would be drilling her about what it was like to go to the Ball with Sirius… I think it shows the severity of the situation that James cancelled Quidditch practice on Saturday afternoon. I hardly minded; it gave me an afternoon to spend with Gid, who has been so sweet throughout all of this. If the chat ever gets too much, he always has an eye out and will take me away and distract me. It turns out he knows a lot about art and there are so many paintings in this school, he always has a lot to talk about, keeping my mind off of Sirius.

I think it was a misdiagnosis on my part; he's not bipolar, he has split personality disorder.

Now we are back in lessons, have been for a few days, and there is definitely an atmosphere, although I don't know if anyone not-in-the-know would realize it. Sirius is so quiet and withdrawn; it doesn't seem like he has listened to a word anyone has said since Friday. He looks completely absorbed in his own mind and, judging from his expression, whatever is going on in there isn't pretty. Diana seems OK, a little wan and less bubbly than her usual self but she really shouldn't be the one feeling bad, so I'm happy to see her doing well. I think I would be a wreck if someone said that to me; I wouldn't have left my bed for weeks.

Apparently, Mary MacDonald told us, that Sirius apologized to Diana. She (bravely) met him and heard what he had to say. From his grim, blank expression that has not changed since Friday, I can't imagine they were very heartfelt words. But she seems to be feeling better about the whole situation.

My beef is, or it would be if I was Di, his words weren't even true. Diana isn't dim; she is perfectly smart, not top of the class but hey, nor am I. She gets every task professors set and she made it into all her NEWT classes. _She_ doesn't regularly set things on fire. If I were Diana, I would be furious that above everything else – his mean words were bullshit. The worst thing is, I think he said it because he thinks _Diana_ believes it, that she isn't as smart as everyone else. Hogwarts is full of brilliant people and it is easy to feel inadequate. Maybe Diana does feel like that, and Sirius figured that out and he used that knowledge to hurt her. That scares me a little.

* * *

Life Choices to be Reconsidered:  
\- Supporting Lana and Rabastan's relationship  
\- Not taking Occlumency lessons with Dora Crouch  
\- Being friends with Sirius Black

My brain is simply not in a place to be making so many big decisions right now. I am going to have to prioritize… The Occlumency his hardly a pressing issue, that can definitely go to the bottom of the pile. But between the other two… I don't really want to face the 'Lana and Rab' thing right now – I know it is cowardly but it is such a massive and complicated thing. Plus, I have a budding relationship of my own that I really should concentrate on. And, as ever, I am a total Hufflepuff and basically it's too scary to deal with right now, so I will ignore it. For the moment.

Which leaves me to re-examine whether or not I want Sirius Black in my life.

Simple… Not.

* * *

Now, last time I used Lily and Em to help me figure out a Life Choice… well, it is now on my Reconsideration List. So perhaps I shouldn't be going to them for help on this one. But I feel like, in Hogwarts, they are oases of calm. You know, in comparison to the rest of the madness. Also, my circle of confidantes is small. The only other girls I could talk to about this incident with are Marls and Lana (who would make this a romance-y thing no doubt), or Sally Clearwater who…. I have never spoken more than ten words to.

We meet up in the Kitchens (the best desert at the Dance was the tiramisu and I won't lie, I have been back to the Kitchens for at least one serving every day since Friday). Armed with delicious Italian desert, I begin to explain.

"…So I just wonder, is he naturally that cruel? The streak has always been there but that is the first time I have seen it in so long or to such a harsh degree."

"Yeah, back in younger years he would make some on-the-nose comments. But you're right, nothing on this level. Never such a tirade." Em attempts to dip a finger into the precious tiramisu as she muses. A sharp pinch is all that thief is getting in return for her efforts.

What we mean is, in 4th and 5th Year he did make comments that no one else would – things that struck a little close to home. A remark about weight to someone who, OK maybe _was_ a tiny bit chubby. Or a slight about being single to someone who had just been through a terrible break-up. However, I feel like often he said those things, thinking it was a joke and not realizing how much his words would affect those people.

Lily agrees, "I always thought that his upbringing was a part of the reason he so misjudged how much his words could hurt. I mean, he would be used to so much worse at home, that it might not occur to him that those, to his mind, trivial comments could make someone so upset."

Now, see, Lily has the hang of this psychology business much better than Marley ever did. If Marls was ever going to be a therapist, she would _so_ be a sex-therapist or something.

Lily is still continuing on her line of thought, sort of talking to herself, "It could make people go one of two ways: like Sirius, it could mess up your perception of what is hurtful to a normal person and what is not. Or, on the other hand, it could make you so afraid to say anything that could be construed as mean because you know how much of an effect words can have."

Wait, who is Lils talking about there? It seemed… personal. If I hadn't put my Top Detective days behind me, I would sense an unsolved mystery here! Although, if this business with Sirius has taught me anything, it is probably that family business is complex and can't be tackled. I should know that already, to be honest. I know how much my past, the history of relatives I didn't even get the chance to know, has affected my outlook on life.

"I don't think that you should stop being friends with him over this one outburst. As you say, this is the first time in a long while that he has said anything mean. In fact, this school year he has been far better-tempered than I've ever noticed him be."

"Yeah," Lily is nodding and… _also_ trying to take some of my desert, jeez! When will these girls learn… "Ow! What I was going to say before you committed acts of cruelty against me _was_ that you two have a good friendship. He is a complex bloke, understandably and you are one of the only people outside of the Marauders that he seems to be able to relax around. It would be a shame to lose that."

Once again, Lily and Emmeline are swaying me towards the compassionate road – the forgiving, accepting, understanding option. I am still unsure how that approach ended up working out with the Lana situation but, it is my more natural disposition. I do find it difficult to be harsh or blunt to people. I like having friends, I like being liked and I don't like unresolved arguments in my life. Being friends with Sirius probably creates more arguments in my life in the long-run, but it is really the only option for me. I'm not the girl that can just cut people out of her life.

Life Choices to be Reconsidered:  
\- Supporting Lana and Rabastan's relationship  
\- Not taking Occlumency lessons with Dora Crouch  
\- Being friends with Sirius Black. VERDICT: Stay pals! If he'll let me, that is…

Life Choices to be Reconsidered Count: 2.

We're getting there…

* * *

Well, OK, I see how it is. I spend precious time eating tiramisu and making Big Life Decisions and they think they can just sweep in and tell me how to run my life. Hmph. I mean, listen to this crap…

RL: Stef, you have chocolate all over your face.

SH: Probably because I just ate my weight in desert.

RL: I don't even think that is an exaggeration, you probably did. Eating your feelings?

SH: You know me so well.

JP: Were you contemplating the Sirius-Situation?

SH: You also know me very well, congratulations. What wonderful, observant friends I have.

JP: You should really leave it alone.

SH: What?

JP: I _do_ know what you are like, I know how hard it is for you to just let go of something. But please don't push this issue with him.

RL: Yeah, Stef, really don't try to talk to him about it or figure this out.

SH: What, but… So I'm just supposed to act like this never happened. Yeah, I'm sure Sirius will find that convincing.

JP: He won't but he also won't want to talk about it so he'll be _grateful_ if you just-

SH: Well, he's spoken to you lot about it so-

RL: Trust us, he won't want to discuss it with you.

SH: Why not? Outside of you guys, I am someone he is fairly close to. We talk about… some things.

RL: *frustrated* Yeah, we know you talk about things. But, really, you are the last person who he will want to analyze this with. Don't try to figure out the whys and hows of this. He needs time to think about this alone.

Can you believe that? As if I am the _last_ person he would want to discuss this with – such hyperbole! I bet he would rather talk to me than… Snape or, like, Regulus. Why is talking to me worse than talking to them? They think sooo much of themselves – ooh, look at us, Marauders! We're BFFs and no one else can be friends with any of us! Psh.

* * *

 _Dear Sirius,_

 _I couldn't find you in your dorm or the Common Room. Just wanted to let you know that I am going to start work on our Potion during 5_ _th_ _period tomorrow, dungeon two. If you're not up for a bit of Potions fun (although, how anyone could_ not _be up for Potions is beyond me), then don't worry. Not to sound rude but, I don't think I will be hindered by your absence!_

 _Maybe see you later,_

 _Stef._

* * *

After lunch, in my free before Potions, Gideon and I head to Greenhouse Six. It's time for Gid to meet the other man in my life…

"Holy Hell, that is a full-on, massive Devil's Snare. Like that is a _fully_ -grown plant."

It's true. Devilio has had a bit of a growth spurt of late. He takes up a good half of the Greenhouse. I have now put signs on the outside of the door, warning no one to even come in. And I have covered up the panes with blackout cloth, to ensure my DS has the optimum conditions. Right now, I am trying to keep my _Lumos_ as dim as possible so as not to disturb him.

"This really cannot be right – has Kettles seen how ridiculous this plant has gotten?"

I nod, he came to check things out last week and was delighted by my progress. That recommendation for the Defense job is in the bag, if I decide to go for it. Which reminds me…

"I have a meeting with McG in ten minutes, we should probably head off. How did yours go?"

"Yeah, not bad. It's fairly straight-forward in my case, seeing as I definitely want to be an Auror. I just have to concentrate on my Charms, but really as long as I keep up the DADA work I should be OK."

Ooooh _shit_. In the dim light, I have noticed a vine creep round Gideon's ankle. How do I scare off my protective plant without alerting Gideon to the fact that a Devil's Snare is attempting to murder him right now… I gradually try to increase my _Lumos_ , while keeping my wand subtly angled towards the ground. Unfortunately, Gideon's movement towards the door has made Devilio tighten his grip and Gid looks down to see a rather menacing vine attached to his leg.

"BLOODY HELL!"

I panic slightly and light it up with a blinding flash of light from my wand. I honestly cannot see for a good few seconds. Unluckily when my vision comes back, I see that Devilio has retreated in the glare but also Gideon has fallen to the floor – probably something to do with being tripped up by a deadly plant, plus being blinded by the girl you are dating. Never a good combination.

Disaster Count: 4.

* * *

"So, you are considering a role within the Ministry of Defense as a Potions Expert, Ms. Hartmann?"

Well, it's more like _you_ considered me for a job as Potions Expert, and _I_ had to rethink my life-long goal of working for Philimore's. Although what I actually say aloud is, "Yes, that is what I am thinking".

She proceeds to hand me half of the Forbidden Forest in pamphlet form. There are mountains of details about the department in general, what they do, and specifically why Potions play a vital role. The qualities they look for in candidates, qualifications needed and the application process. February 15th, the deadline for handing in the first application form. From then on in there are rounds of interviews and aptitude tests. I would need at least a month to fill out this form, it is so long! God, this is getting… real. But in the light of my compassion-advocating conversation with Lil and Em, this feels like one of those choices where I really only have one option. Time to kiss goodbye to my Philimore dreams, I think.

Weirdly, McG is being rather supportive again. This rapid emotional change is not easy for my addled brain to deal with. Again, she is talking about recommendations and, shock horror, saying nice things about me to the Ministry if I should apply for the job.

Then, she goes on to ask me about my Covert Operation: Spy on Sneaky Slytherins. She doesn't bother to fill me in on hers and Dumbledore's observations of them – you know, whether or not they have been meeting at the Hog's Head or who that mysterious man is. But I tell her about bumping into them in the corridor and their use of the Come and Go Room. She seems very impressed with my knowledge (as she well should be). Apparently she had never heard of this room, but it sounds similar to something Dumbles once mentioned. Once more on the same wavelength…

Maybe he is my One True Soulmate? At this stage in my life, I think that would actually make things easier for me. I mean, if any man can handle my Disastrous nature…

* * *

He shows up fifteen minutes after I had arrived. But, to be honest, I am surprised he came at all. Sluggers has made all our lessons non-compulsory. We can turn up if we need to use the time for our brew; it is all about learning responsibility, you see. I think Slugs was quite pleased with this plan however Sirius and I are the only ones in the dungeons today, so I'm not sure that this responsibility lesson has really sunk in just yet.

It startles me when he walks in; after the first few minutes passed, I was sure he wasn't coming.

"Hey," I try for a relaxed, nothing-has-happened grin. You know the sort of smile that yells 'of course you didn't just completely rip one of our friends to shreds over nothing'. He just nods in response. Yeah… Despite _my_ decision to remain friends with him, I don't think he particularly wants to be mates with me.

I just try to babble my way through the awkwardness, explaining how I have set up the cauldron and how this Potion requires a special type of flame beneath it for the early stages of brewing. He… Honestly, you will _not_ believe this… He takes notes. NOTES. Sirius Black takes notes on how to correctly brew a Wiggenwald Potion. That is the final straw for me.

"OK, no. No way. Since when do you take notes… even in class? Let alone when _I'm_ speaking, come on! Look, you lost your temper. Doesn't mean you have to undergo a bloody lobotomy. Bloody Hell. _Notes_ …."

Sirius finally looks up and actually makes eye contact with me at this little outburst. I can see a smile twitching at his lips but I know he won't let himself actually laugh at me, the way he wants to. Any time we fight, he is always holding back a smile at my idiocy. That's where we differ. I would just let myself laugh. Of course, this fool just coughs surreptitiously and turns his attention back to his… _notes_.

Well, I mean, this is just embarrassing. All we really have to do this session is keep stirring the Potion for a solid hour until all of the powdered belladonna dissolves. It isn't really a two-man job, I am now realizing. Probably shouldn't have written him at all. Out of nowhere, Sirius leans over to peer in the cauldron. The suddenness of his movement makes me jump. He looks up at me, not so neutrally this time. He looks… anxious? Quickly he reverts back to his position, sitting straight up on this stool leaving a respectable empty chair between where I am standing.

"Steffi…" Ah, he speaks at last. "You aren't… Stef, you aren't scared of me, right?"

Bursting out laughing in the face of a man as emotionally volatile as Sirius probably isn't the best idea. But that is what I end up doing because… Well, that is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard.

He looks sulky again, "What! Look, you jumped when I walked in, and then again when I get within a meter of you… But, oh, I forgot! The incredible Steffi Hartmann, she's not afraid of anything! Even when she bloody should be, when she is hanging around with _dangerous_ people-"

He cuts off his own rant and I feel the smirk slide off my face; he looks so sad. At himself. Upset that he saying these things, feeling like he is repeating the Ball, I suppose. But these words… If he had said them to me a couple of weeks ago, I would have taken them as a joke and they would have been intended as such. So I will take them that way now too. Nothing has really changed, has it?

I point this out to him, "You know, you don't have to be on eggshells now. Sirius, we all know your sense of humor and we like it. We can tell when you are joking and when you're… not. I guess that's why we were all so shocked on Friday – because you weren't being light-hearted for once. You were being spiteful."

Sirius stares at me sadly, puppy dog eyes. He takes a deep breath before finally, finally, talking to me. "I just worry… That wasn't exactly the first time I've lost my temper like that. In fact, that wasn't even the worst I've ever lost my temper."

"I guessed from the way James went into protective-big-brother mode basically on autopilot…"

"Yeah, he knows how to handle me. It has only happened a few times, and barely ever since I left Grimmauld Place. You know how awful my family is, right? Of course, you don't fully but I don't expect you to… You have a general idea?"

I nod. Is he actually about to tell me about that part of his life? I never thought he would. Especially not after how things have been between us for the past few weeks. I suddenly feel a stab of guilt – I _get_ this, not wanting to share the most private part of your life. Family is something sacred and dysfunctional and inexplicable to other people, even in the best of cases. And neither Sirius nor I have had the best of situations.

"Don't."

"What, Stef?"

"Don't tell me about you family, not unless you really and truly want to talk about it."

He looks immensely confused, which is understandable. Considering I have prided myself on finding out information about people and interfering constantly in their business, this must seem like a rogue move.

"You shouldn't be held accountable for what they have done or what has happened between you and them. Why should I have to know about it to accept _you_? The policy I extend towards Rabastan and Narcissa – of course, it goes for you too, Sirius. Yes, perhaps I would understand better why you went off on such a mad one on Friday. But I don't _need_ to understand. I already know that generally you aren't that way – and the fact that you would be willing to share with me something like this just proves how sorry you feel."

Sirius looks… gob smacked is about the only phrase I can think of. It literally looks as though someone has smacked him right in the gob. He is positively agape. If this wasn't such a serious situation, I would find his expression pretty comical. (Who am I trying to kid? No matter how serious the situation, I _always_ find funny faces hilarious).

"Steffi, that is… One of the nicer things anyone has done for me."

I hate that that is probably true.

"And, by the way, I want you to know – approving of Lana and Rab is on my List of Life Choices to be Reconsidered."

Pause. "What?"

"I am not sure that letting them just get on with their relationship _was_ the right thing to do… But I am not quite convinced about speaking out against it yet either. I am going to give the situation a thorough analysis session soon; either way, it will probably involve a prickly conversation with Lana. I just wanted you to know, seeing as we seem to be getting back on the same track, so you might not be so mad at me anymore."

"'Your List of Life Choices to be Reconsidered'."

I nod again. Hopefully he won't ask what else is on the List. He seems to be pondering hard, but he has turned away from me so I can use my Top Detective skills to evaluate his expression. Eventually he speaks up and looks at me again, a critical and searching look.

"I was mad because you were accepting Lana and Lestrange's weird affair…?" For some reason his statement almost seems to tail off into a question.

"But like I say, that may no longer be the case. And at the very least, can't you see that I am really thinking about it? So if I decide to carry on as I am, you have to know I really am doing it for the right reasons!"

I can't tell if he is frustrated, amused, disgusted, annoyed or happy right now. My Detective senses are failing me because his expression is unreadable. And… now he seems to be talking almost to himself. Because I certainly don't follow what the Hell he is mumbling about.

"You are so _stupid_ – honestly the most obtuse girl in the world. Well, I mean, I can hardly talk but still… This will work out… probably although if I, I mean do I even really…? Did you say you were going to have an analysis session about the Lana thing?"

"Uh… yes? I had one before which was useful. Early hours of the morning."

"You are mad." His voice isn't really back to his old joking tone; there is an uncharacteristic seriousness to his characteristic pronouncement of my insanity.

"I am entirely aware of this."

Sirius stands up, gesturing at the Potion. "You don't need me for this."

That is definitely a statement, no question involved, blunt.

"Well, I'm going. I might see you later but… you'll probably be busy with Prewett?"

"We were going to get dinner in the Kitchens."

"Going well?"

"Really well. He is… very good to me."

Sirius gives me a long look, searching again. For what, I have no idea. Before I can even say goodbye, Sirius is gone. We made some breakthroughs there, for sure. Hopefully things can begin to thaw out now but…

Why do I get the horrible feeling that I still haven't been forgiven?

* * *

A/N: Sorry Stef and Sirius still haven't made up - it is coming! They've gotta work for it though!  
Please do drop a review, just a few words makes my day!

Elle xox


	21. Chapter 21

"So what part of 'don't try to investigate' did you not understand?" Remus is giving me a very severe look; I suppose he _may_ have heard about my conversation with Sirius yesterday afternoon. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Just sit and act as if everything was normal and fine while he took _notes_ , for Christ's sake?!

"I actually didn't investigate. He was about to pour forth his deepest darkest secrets and I said he shouldn't do that, just out of guilt. I willingly refused gossip, OK?" Remus' look softens slightly at this, conceding that it is indeed a huge sacrifice for a Detective like me to make.

"Still, Steffi, could you not have avoided the topic altogether?"

I don't know why he and James were so determined that I not discuss this with Sirius. Admittedly, he isn't being any friendlier to me today. But still, he was definitely pleased that I didn't push him about the family thing and now he knows that I don't… think of him any differently because of his outburst. Off of my pouty expression, Remus sighs.

"Look, he was just really shaken by the whole incident. James and I just think it's better for him to take some time and sort out his head and his thoughts on his own. Talking to you is just going to confuse him even more."

I point out that he said I did something really nice last night, in letting his keep his family secrets a secret. Remus still looks very unimpressed. He is very good at that – looking unimpressed.

"Stef, he has been even more wound up since yesterday evening. He is tearing his hair out. You muddle him up."

"How? All I did was say that I wasn't going to treat him any differently and that he didn't need to tell me things that he didn't feel comfortable sharing."

"Yeah, Stef. First of all, most people don't get close enough to Sirius for him to even acknowledge he has family problems - let alone for him to consider talking about them. Secondly, most people don't treat Sirius as kindly as you did last night; he's not used it. To him, you're not… usual at all."

"I don't think I'm usual to _anyone_."

Remus smiles slightly at this but doesn't give up on his point, "Honestly, Stef, leave him be for a while."

There is actually nothing more frustrating and tempting that being told to leave something alone…

* * *

"Do you really think Lana should be dating Rabastan Lestrange?"

Surprisingly, although it is a question that has been going around my head a lot lately, those words did not come out of my mouth. Marls and I both have a free and are lounging about in the dorm. I has been absorbed in a _Witch Weekly_ quiz until she spoke (apparently my ideal type is 'Stormy Sorcerer' as opposed to a 'Career Conjuror' or an 'Artistic Augur'. Who knew?).

I haven't really had time to analyze my own feelings on the subject, let alone come up with an answer to that immensely complicated question. So I don't really know what to say to Marley. Since Lana casually dropped her new relationship into our dress-shopping-conversation, I haven't heard Marls pass any comments on it. Now I realize she must have been silently doing some analysis of her own. And if she's asking me, well, she must have doubts too.

"I found out about it before we went to Hogsmeade."

Marley nods, "Yeah, I guessed from your lack of characteristic Steffi freak-out."

I'll let that one slide seeing as we are supposed to be having a serious conversation right now and lobbing a pillow at her face would probably ruin that… "When she first told me, I voiced some concerns. Fairly harshly, if I am being honest. But then after I thought about it, I sort of wondered if maybe it was best to let her just get on with it. Personally, I feel like her safety isn't threatened, not whilst we're still at school. And if she ends up with her heartbroken… well, it is the only way she ever learns isn't it? You sometimes have to make mistakes."

Marley nods, considering my words. I don't tell her that I have reconsidered this view – or at the very least, _plan_ to reconsider this view. I get the impression that Marls is about to question what I've said anyway. It will be interesting to see if she has similar doubts to me. She does, of course.

She points out that unfortunately, people do get attacked because of Blood-Hate, even within the school. That Lana, if things go well, would unhesitatingly try to carry things on with him, post-Hogwarts which would seriously endanger her life. That Rabastan's family, of all the horrible Pure-Bloods, are one of the worst – and that although he doesn't appear to be an active participant in Hate crimes, he doesn't actively oppose them either.

In return, I suggest that trying to confront Lana about this could just push her further into his arms. I tell Marls about how she was still not happy, even with my (grudging) acceptance of their relationship. Even my _unspoken_ doubts annoyed her, so God knows what spoken ones would do.

With this in mind, we decided that if we do talk to her we will do it as a team and with some thorough planning. I doubt Lana would get too mad with us, not over a boy. I mean, this is a more serious case than most teen-romances but even so, we're sisters us three. And after all the broken hearts we have helped her through, we do have a lot experience in the field of 'Lana and Relationships'…

* * *

 **Marlene and Stefanie's Guide to Gently-But-Firmly Encouraging your BFF to Ditch her No-Good Fella:**

 _Step One:_

The right setting is key. Factoring in the very likely yelling/histrionics, somewhere far away is a good bet. This also reduces the issue of eavesdroppers, of which there are _plenty_ at Hogwarts. It is also worth considering having things to hand to placate your BFF-in-need such as food, maybe alcohol.

Our Setting: A Picnic in the Dell. (Apparently, Marley knows how to cast a Heating Charm over small areas. I feel my existence in the frozen wasteland of Scotland could have been improved greatly by gaining this knowledge sooner).

 _Step Two:_

Attempt to lay out some ground rules – such as BFF trying her hardest not to interrupt until you have finished explaining everything you need to. Note, it is highly unlikely that BFF will adhere to these rules but it's worth a shot.

 _Step Three:_

Ensure you have back-up. This is not a plan best suited to one-on-one confrontation. Perhaps attempt to work out a Good Cop, Bad Cop system; one of you can do the explaining and then the other will swoop in with comfort and nice words.

(NB: The Authors have a slight difference of opinions here. Ms. Hartmann believes that making the more Disastrous of the Plan Implementers deliver the bad news would not be wise at all. However, Ms. McKinnon maintains that it would be worse to mess up the comfort. We leave the delegation of roles completely at your discretion. The Authors themselves decided via drawing straws).

 _Step Four:_

Present your by-now-distraught BFF with a potential plan of action. Hopefully this will make her feel more in control and active. Suggest to her how you think the situation should play out, regarding the future of her relationship, how best to end things and, vitally, end on a bright note. Something to look forward to - some new, better love that could be on the horizon!

 _Step Five –Optional:_

Attempt to seek out a new, better love that your boy-hungry-BFF could pursue instead, to help take her mind off of this recent heartache. Someone inoffensive and nice (dare we say it, even a little bland to contrast with this high-stakes lover she just lost. For example, Jacob Hargrave, the most indescribable 6th Year Hufflepuff. And I mean indescribable as in lacking-any-obvious-character, not too-amazing-for-words.

But a little bland is what Lans needs. A cool glass of milk after that fiery curry.

* * *

Quidditch Saturday has rolled around but, for once, the Gryffs don't seem to be really feeling it… Gid tells me practices have not been great at all. Sirius is still as withdrawn as ever since our conversation on Wednesday – which seems to be affecting James too. Apparently he has been getting seriously shirty at practice. And the word of the Gryffindor Team Funk has been going around, spread by the fans who have gone to watch and been disappointed.

I retain hope, as is my natural disposition, that we can triumph against Hufflepuff. We won our match against Slytherin a week or so ago and, come on, we can take a bunch of Badgers. (I feel somewhat traitorous to what is, I am now sure, is my natural House). Speaking of my Hufflepuff-y nature, it turns out Marley has a touch of the Huffles too. We haven't confronted Lana yet, despite concocting the perfect plan. I suppose it is just that we have both been her friend for so long, we know how this is going to turn out. Not well, basically. This is definitely going to make her dig her heels in, become even more determined to prove everyone wrong and make this work. But the more I think about it and having Marls feel the same way further confirmed it – as her best friends, we do have a duty to speak up, even if we know her reaction is going to be stubbornness and anger.

I really want to tell Sirius about our plan and that I have finally decided I can't condone their relationship. I know he would be pleased. But Remus looked so stern during our chat – although for the life of me I can't figure out just why it is so vital that I have as little contact as possible with him. I don't even think Sirius knows why he is cross at me anymore. Sure, at first it was because of this Lana-Rab thing, but I think by this point, post-Ball, he is just generally angry at himself and the world. So maybe it is best that I just let him calm down. Once he has raged himself out, then hopefully this weird annoyance with me will be gone too.

Eh, so much for my cheery disposition – that really was a shambles.

Considering we've all spent the afternoon in the Hospital Wing, I think it is safe to say that the match did _not_ go well. And that the Cup just slipped a little further out of Gryffindor's reach. At this rate, the Huffles are going to win the Quidditch and House Cup and pigs will probably start to sprout wings any day now.

But, you know, I probably should be concentrating on the bigger problem at hand here. Which is that Sirius Black is currently unconscious after taking a Bludger to the head. And the teeny tiny fact that Gideon was the one that _hit_ the Bludger…

Gideon didn't mean to knock out Sirius, I know that. He has been apologizing non-stop since the team had to forfeit the game. Even now he is sitting, head in hands, like the adorable, kind-hearted fellow he is. I mean, admittedly, I still have no idea what really went on during the match. All we could see throughout the game was a lot of gesticulating on James' part, serious scowling on Sirius' and confusion all over Gid's face. I still haven't really gotten to the bottom of it. From what we can gather from Gideon's endless apologies, James was being pretty hard on him and Sirius and Gid have been out of sync for ages now. They just kept miscommunicating, James kept getting more annoyed and then as Gideon smashed a Bludger towards McCormick, Sirius flew straight into its path as he went to divert the _other_ Bludger away from Marley. I always thought rugby games looked brutal but it has got _nothing_ on Quidditch…

Obviously I, being the Beater-obsessed girl I am, was concentrating on them during the match and basically, they were totally useless. The Chasers all have to be good at communication and anticipating where one another are going to be; generally Marley, James and Amelia manage to lob the Quaffle with such easy grace to each other. Today, James spent most of his time red in the face with shouting at poor Gid. Because the Beaters are supposed to be as effortlessly synchronized as the Chasers. And let me tell you, they were very, very far from that. I mean, if you can just picture for a moment my scatter-brained, nutso mother and I attempting to Beat for the Gryff team…. well, we would probably have done better than Sirius and Gideon did today.

They didn't manage to hit any of the opposing team, or even force them to swerve. It was embarrassing to watch almost - right from the back of the stands people were whispering. Why weren't they communicating at all? Or rather, Gideon was gesticulating and strategizing in Sirius' direction but apparently Sirius' endless grump extends even onto the pitch, as he ignored all of Gid's plans. Meanwhile, Gideon was probably being distracted by James yelling about a centimeter away from him. Everyone is completely bemused by the terrible teamwork, including half the team which sort of proves the point. Marley has been ranting non-stop - to the extent where Amelia decided it was best to take her out of the Hospital Wing before Pomfrey took action.

Apparently she is keeping Sirius knocked out for a bit while the Skele-Gro kicks in; obviously I have broken a few bones in my illustrious DZ career, so I am fully aware of just how painful the regrowth process can be - definitely better to undergo that one whilst knocked out… Pomfrey is also slowly but surely managing to shepherd the crazy amount of people who have piled in here. Her two-visitors-only rule always seems to fly out of the window whenever Sirius gets into a scrape. His whole fanclub comes rushing to his aid. Marley and Amelia have gone now, as has James-the-Keeper (who hates being referred to as that, but otherwise everyone just thinks you're talking about Potter). So James and Gideon are the only teammates left. I am here, as are Remus and Peter of course.

And then there's Maria MacMillan. Because this is where the whole thing gets really weird.

Yep, that's right - the second Sirius hit the ground then MacMillan, of all the people, was there by his side. Now she has followed us to the Hospital Wing. I think Gideon is too absorbed in his guilt and James in his rage to notice how bloody weird it is that she is here and, like, fawning over him but I certainly have. Marley and Amelia looked unnerved by the presence of an actual demon bitch in the Wing too, understandably. This very odd. She rushed on to the pitch with the rest of Sirius' actual friends (I am still going to sort myself into this category regardless of his personal opinion on it) and was crowding around, expressing her concern in a very shrill and grating tone. Like, he was unconscious! It really wasn't necessary to keep braying 'Sirius, can you hear me? Please talk to me!'. I mean, he is slumped, eyes shut, jaw slack on the ground – 'can you hear me' is a pretty dumb question, MacMillan.

Now she has followed us to the Hospital Wing. I think Gideon is too absorbed in his guilt and James in his rage to notice how bloody weird it is that she is here and, like, fawning over him but I certainly have. Marley and Amelia looked unnerved by the presence of an actual demon bitch in the Wing too, understandably. This very odd. She rushed on to the pitch with the rest of Sirius' actual friends (I am still going to sort myself into this category regardless of his personal opinion on it) and was crowding around, expressing her concern in a very shrill and grating tone. Like, he was unconscious! It really wasn't necessary to keep braying 'Sirius, can you hear me? Please talk to me!'. I mean, he is slumped, eyes shut, jaw slack on the ground – can you hear me is a pretty dumb question, MacMillan.

Well, Pomfrey is finally shuffling her out of the room… with me, Remus and Petey as well but as long as she is gone, I don't mind sacrificing my presence too. What the Hell is she doing? I mean, of course she fancies Sirius but this play for him seems very out of the blue. He is pretty much at his most unapproachable right now, having been so sulky. I do not think I could ever begin to understand the inner-workings of hers and Fenwick's twisted brains…

* * *

The second we were out of the room, MacMillan's simper turned to a sneer and she flounced off to her Tower. Pete and Remus went off to Gryff but I headed to the Dungeons. I think now is the right time to add the powdered apple tree bark to the Potion. I don't want Sirius to return to consciousness and a failed Potions Project; that would truly be awful. Hopefully he will wake up to a potentially-excellent Wiggenweld Potion. Yes, I am sure the wellbeing of our Potion will be at the forefront of his mind when he recovers.

But of course, I bump into Rabastan instead. It's always a great time to bump into someone, you know, just shortly after having decided to oppose their relationship with your best friend. Luckily, however, he was accompanied by the lovely Emily Greengrass which made things slightly less awkward. She really is a sweet girl. Obviously she is generally at that painfully self-aware-self-conscious age of about fourteen (a stage I don't think I was ever in because I am probably the most un-self-aware person alive) but she, in particular, seems so deliberate. Every word and action seems like she has thought it through a million times and yet still seems unsure about it. She is massively tall with the longest legs you've ever seen. I suppose it does take a lot of thought to keep control of limbs that are about two meters long.

It was a bit annoying because I saw Rab in the distance was all preparing to be cold and detached, in advance of telling Lana that she ought to dump him. Then I saw he was chatting to Emily. I mean, that warmed my heart. Of course it did! He was carrying on his DZPL duties – how bloody cute is that? It makes being detached very difficult when your heart is a big melted mush of pleased-ness.

"Hi, Stefanie," Rab waves, a little cautiously so there must still be a bit of an edge to my expression. "I was just chatting to Emily. She has a bit of a problem."

Bless her, oh my heart! She is gazing down at me with the most concerned eyes. She looks so anxious, it is ridiculously sweet that Rabastan stopped to see what was wrong. Apparently, the issue is that she is almost failing Charms. Obviously she is in her first OWL year, so she is probably just super stressed out; Emily strikes me as the sort to get herself in a tizzy over things. But Flitwick suggested she ask for help from either a classmate who is doing particularly well, or an older student. I would offer but… well, I don't even take Charms because I really did nearly fail my OWL. I think Flits would throw a fit if Emily said I was her mentor. I promise to try and think of someone who can actually help her and not pose a serious threat of getting her blown up, which I definitely would.

At this, she seems immensely relieved to the point where she throws her arms around me in a massive hug. Which is bloody nice.

"I don't know why you decided to help me out, but I am so glad you did! I knew as soon as you started keeping an eye out for me that everything would be so much better – I mean, Steffi Hartmann! I can't believe Steffi Hartmann is like… my guardian angel!"

You what, Emily? You heard Hogwart's own Disaster Zone was getting involved in your life and you were _pleased_? What an odd girl. I knew she was a Protégé DZ – only a true DZ would actually… _idolize_ another Disaster.

I love her.

I love her less when she walks off and leaves me with Rabastan alone. Ugh, this is so awkward. I don't want to make his wise to my disapproval before Marley and I talk to Lana; she has to hear it from us first. But I can't stand here and pretend I am still OK with him. Although, I sort of am. I don't have any objections to him as a person, which is what makes this so hard. It is who he _chooses_ to hang out with. Because it is a choice; his name and family do not define him.

They really ought to teach wizards more Shakespeare. "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet!" She isn't wondering where he is, she is wondering why he's called Montague. You can still be just as nice of a person, smell just as sweet, whether you're Rabastan Lestrange or Rabastan Smith, Sirius Black or Sirius Potter. Your name has no influence over who you are at your core; Rab needs to realize that he can live independently from Lestrange.

But I don't say any of that now, I just say goodbye and thank Rab for talking to Emily before leaving to tend to my Potion. I need to tell Lana all of this before I go to work on Rabastan. I feel like certain other people would probably tell me this was a massive mistake. Including Marley. But I want Lana to be happy… No, she can't date Rabastan whilst he is still a part of that world. So, why don't I just help him to _leave_ that world, like Sirius did? Because that is a super simple and easy plan that will cause no problems or dramas or danger or disasters. Of course.

I really cannot claim that trouble finds me. I am not a Trouble Magnet, I hunt out stupidity and danger from even the simplest of situations. I really am the _worst._

Disaster Count: 10.

* * *

By the time I get back to the Tower, James is back too. Or so it would seem from the crashing around that I can hear even from outside the portrait. Sure enough as soon as I step in, I see a bored-looking Lily who catches my eye and walks over to where I am standing.

"He is being ridiculous," she sighs. I can see on her face that this is a reminder of the James she doesn't like so much – over-the-top, King of the Quidditch Pitch. They have been doing so great the past couple of weeks, seeming very comfortable around one another. I think they may have had dinner together a few times; probably just on the pretext of 'work' but I would bet my bottom dollar that it segued into a snogging sesh at some point. I hope this doesn't put Lily off. But I reckon when you find the right person, you have to put up with some aspects of their personality that you don't like so much. If you adored everything about them, life together would be pretty boring.

I am dying to find out what he was getting so bothered about on the pitch, why he was yelling at Gideon so much. (I assume Gid is back too and probably still distraught up in his dorm. I'll go check on him in a bit). James has thrown himself on to the sofa next to Remus, still scowling heavily. I go over and perch on the coffee table opposite them.

"So, what the Hell happened?"

"Um, Sirius got hit in the face by bloody Prewett, were you not watching? Were you birdwatching or something, Stef?"

"Yeah, well, he may have been slightly distracted by you screaming in his face for no apparent reason the entire match!"

James looks furious at this accusation which is undeniably true. "Obviously I was yelling at him, the idiot! He hit his fellow Beater, literally the complete opposite of what he is supposed to do."

"You were yelling at him way before that – from the second the whistle blew! And you were hardly doing your job either, we were 80 points down!" Why is James being so harsh on Gid, he must be able to see it was hardly his fault?

"Look, Pads is unconscious right now and regrowing about 15 bones – that is Gideon's fault."

I seriously cannot put up with James being such an unbearable twat right now. I mean, he is acting seriously 5th Year right now – it is putting _me_ off of him, I wouldn't be surprised if Lily does get properly annoyed by this.

"Gideon was trying to communicate with Sirius, we all know that. Sirius ignored him, Gid got distracted by you and so you are all to blame here."

"Don't get all het up just because I am telling the truth that your precious _Gid_ , your boyfriend knocked out my best friend and his teammate!"

"James, what you are doing is being an idiot! And Gideon isn't my boyfriend, he is my… He is…"

James looks at me with disdain. "Sure he isn't."

"It's early, we're figuring things out."

"Well, maybe you should get on with that:" Bloody Hell, Remus. We almost never fight – the occasional spat but he has been snapping at me so much in the past week or so! Why now of all times? I have got a lot on my plate right now – breaking up Lana and Rab, helping Rab break free from his horrible family, _reuniting_ Lan and Rabastan, making Sirius be my friend again, deal with my own romantic situation whilst monitoring James and Lily's, looking after all my 4th Year pals. A LOT, OK, REMUS.

"But I assume Lily and James can take all the time they like to figure out where they stand? But because all I am is your _girl_ best mate, I don't get the same treatment as your precious Marauders? It's OK, I see where I rank with you guys."

With that, I stalk off. I am not really sure where that came from, but I suppose it is sort of true. I am supposed to be one of Remus' best mates… I have known him for as long as them, and I spend every summer with him. Yet he has immediately sided with Sirius – whilst I don't even know what it is I am supposed to have done wrong.

Why does everything always fall apart at once? Why can't my disasters at least space themselves out over a few weeks or so?

Disaster Count: 12.

And, yes, screw it – its back! I have so bloody much I am confused about right now, I need some way of keeping track…

Detective Hartmann's List of Mysteries:

Why is Sirius mad at me?

Why have James and Remus sided with him so instantaneously?

How far should my interference with Lana and Rabastan go?

Who can tutor Emily?

Am I ready to really commit to things with Gideon?

Do I take up Occlumency with Dora?

Mystery Count: 6

* * *

A/N: Speedy uploading lately. I had a good writing week and hopefully should do this week as well (because I have noootthhinnngg to do at work currently). Also, I want to get all the Steffi/Sirius fighting chapters out of the way. That was pretty much the last one!

Reviews are v much appreciated, as ever :)

Elle xoxo


	22. Chapter 22

Well, this may have been the oddest week of my life. It has almost been a week since the Quidditch match and thankfully, Sirius did indeed wake up and with every bone in his body present. But… well, things have been different since. The positive, and the main thing I am taking away from all the weirdness, is that we seem to be friends again. Things have been so good between us, whatever I did has been forgotten and I have kept my word and have not let his Ball-Outburst affect our friendship. But… strange things have been happening.

* * *

Sirius was woken up by Pomfrey on Sunday evening and Remus and James went off to see him. We had hardly spoken all day – I only even knew they had gone to see him because Lily told me. I decided to speak to Peter, seeing as he appeared to be the only Marauder not completely ignoring my existence. As it turns out he has been pretty detached from the whole thing because he has been hanging out so much with Dora (I am definitely setting up a matchmaking business). So perhaps if he had been hanging out more with the boys, he would have been turned against me too… God only knows, this has all been so strange!

We start off with a little catch up about Pete's now blossoming love life; he seems to really like Dora, which makes me immensely happy. He's not exactly unlucky in love but sometimes the ladies of Hogwarts overlook him in favor of Sirius or James. But I have always found him very sweet with his kind brown eyes and his adorable smile. So I am glad he has found a girl who seems to like him and is making him really happy. And, to be honest, the way the boys are acting at the moment I wouldn't blame him for wanting to hang out with them a little less.

He has some good insight into their mindset though; I think Pete is aware of his friends' flaws which is nice to see, really. The whole gang can seem a little bit in love with themselves sometimes, even when being real prats. Sometimes it is _nice_ to see a little annoyance on Peter's face. And it means I trust his analysis of his actions recently. But…. It just doesn't click, I still don't get it.

The boys are defensive of Sirius, he says. Of course they are, of course they are defensive of their abused, lonely, angry best friend. He was rejected by his own family and worst of all, it was for being _right_. He was treated like shit and tossed aside by his own flesh and blood simply for standing up for what is decent and good. Of course they are defensive of him. But why is that making them turn on me? I have never hurt Sirius, and never would. I disagreed with him, I did something he wouldn't – I let Lana and Rab get on with their relationship. Yes, it may have seemed like a personal slight to him especially considering everything he has done for me. But his reaction has been way out of proportion – let alone how James and Remus have been snapping at me.

"We are well aware of Sirius' faults – very aware. Of all the people in this world, we are the ones most often at the wrong end of his sulking and his… meaner side. We see it the most and, you know, we hate it the most. It is the biggest, most visible product of his upbringing and it is horrible to see. We hate it, but any time that side of him his triggered then we immediately go on the defensive, wanting to make sure he isn't wound up any more…"

Pete breaks off. He still hasn't explained why the Hell I am a victim of this protectiveness. He seems… almost unwilling to go on. Once again I get a sense of just how much I don't know about Sirius. The more I read about what is going on in our world – and the incidents just get more frequent – the more I realize just how hard his life must have been, must still be knowing the people he grew up with are the perpetrators of this horror. Slowly, Peter begins to talk; he doesn't really say much but just vaguely talks about Sirius' temper, referring to what Sirius said to me himself about the Ball not being the first outburst he has had.

"You know Sirius left home at the end of 5th Year summer, right? Well, obviously, that was tough on him. I mean, that is a huge understatement – leaving your family, being totally cut off from them is devastating no matter how horrible they are, regardless of if you have a family like the Potters to welcome you instead. He was angry and that manifested itself a lot at the start of that year, I don't know if you remember. But it was a vicious cycle – the more he lashed out, the more he turned his rage on himself for acting even slightly like _them_ , so malicious and mean. He got into a bad circle, closed off even from us – it was scary. And what made him stop was an incident that was so close to the bone it even scared him. James and Remus are being so protective because they can see himself working himself into that circle again."

He was annoyed with me because of the Lana-Rabastan thing, because I threw back in his face all of the advice and help he gave me. Then something else happened, he got angrier – maybe it compounded with annoyance at himself for acting unnecessarily off with me? Either way, this all resulted in the Diana-Cress-Rage-Out and now he is in even _more_ of a funk because he acted so horribly. OK, I get _that_ but-

Before I can even question, for the hundred-billionth time why I have been so dragged into this, Pete carries on talking.

"You and Sirius have always gotten along well and become even closer this year; outside of us, you are one of his closest friends. Have you ever noticed how outside of the Marauders, he doesn't really have many mates? That's because he _is_ a little volatile and because he doesn't trust people easily, understandably. But he has… connected with you. Stef, I know how defensive you can be but… all I am saying, and this _is_ the truth – you and Sirius have a different relationship. It is unlike what he is used to, what he feels for you. I am not defining, here and now, what it is he feels – _I_ don't know that. But he has never been so close or cared so much about anyone outside of us, let alone a girl, before. He is confused, he needs to figure this all out and get to grips with it. Prongs and Moons are concerned, I guess, that you poking around – even well-meaningly – could inadvertently trigger some freak out in him."

I said I trusted Pete's analysis. Everything in me wants to question him more, to interrogate him but this whole conversation has been vague and with the air of I'm-saying-more-than-I-should. I think for the sake of my own sanity I am going to try to mentally bury a lot of what was just said and take away one main point from this – Sirius is a volatile bloke, more than most people could ever imagine. If the boys closest to him say give him space and let him figure out whatever he needs to, that the slightest wrong move could send him spiraling, then I have to accept that.

* * *

"Oi, what's your Patronus?"

We agreed to have a Potions session today; it is important to analyze the Wiggenweld around halfway through the process. If certain indicators show up at this point, you can tell if things are going well or if not, then you have a chance to rectify things.

"Uh, it's a bat actually. Remus reckons one of the types of vampire bat." Most people are adorable kittens or brave lions or something, and I am a nightmare creature. Typical.

Sirius grins at me – his old silly-old-Steffi grin that I haven't seen in so long and I am embarrassingly pleased to see it. I know I am mirroring it with a wide smile of my own. God knows why it took getting hit with a Bludger by my guy-I'm-dating for him to forgive whatever I had done, but I'm glad we are back on track.

"Did you know bats often use the blood they collect to give to other bats who are ill, or dying? Like a blood transfusion. They give up their own food to save their friends. Very noble creatures."

"Most people just point out the rabies."

"Most people are stupid."

See, this is Sirius at his best! Someone able to even make me feel better about my horrible Patronus. Neither of us has referenced our falling out, or even really his accident and definitely not the Ball. But I am happy to forsake my innate Detective and let's-talk-about-everything attitude in order to maintain this loveliness. I have no idea if I am currently infringing on James and Remus' ground rules or their plans to stop Sirius from imploding. But, you know, I also care about him not going off the deep end again, even if I wasn't around for the last time. And he seems absolutely fine – easy-going and relaxed. As I said, Sirius at his best.

He begins to regale me with a tale about how he and James went to chuck a Quaffle around with Jonny. It was James' treat to the kid for all his hard work at the Ball (I notice just the slightest of tension in his jaw when he refers to the night). Apparently Jonny absolutely whupped them – flew circles around the pair of them single-handedly.

"The kid will play for England and I will be that pathetic old man like, ooh I remember I once trained with him… So sad. He is unreal and I am embarrassingly jealous of a kid years younger than me."

"Man, I thought he would take over your crown once you'd _left_ Hogwarts. But seems like you already need to be on the lookout!"

"Come on now, Steffi! I told you I am unique – accept no imitations. The one and only."

"I'm not so sure, Sirius. It has been a while since you last impressed me, after all. I think you better pick up your game."

"Well, that's just unfair. We all know how hard it is to impress Steffi Hartmann, your standards are way too high. Won't you lower them just a little bit, for me?"

He grins a lovely, slow smile at me and my traitorous heart skips a beat. Fine, dammit – it skips a few beats… This guy is the biggest, most serial lothario in the Hogwarts Castle. Stefanie, you are _not_ special.

But for some absurd reason, against all rationality, I do feel special when he looks at me like that.

And then class ends and it is like a switch is thrown because suddenly he looks towards the door and he shoots me this look, challenging and speculative. And he gets up, not even saying a proper good bye… to greet MacMillan. THIS IS SO WEIRD. I walked to lunch with Sirius and _MacMillan_ and he was so focused on her, like purposefully so. He kept throwing me this glance every now and then to make sure I know he is _up to something_. But it is like a joke I am not in on – he sends me this conspiratorial glance yet I am totally in the dark. I don't think he is hanging out with her (dating her? No, surely not) for a joke. That isn't Sirius' style to humiliate a girl like that… He usually does that on accident by dating her, making her feel like his world and then she realizes she really didn't mean as much to him as she thought. He doesn't _deliberately_ lead girls on.

So what _is_ he playing at? This is all so obviously contrived and purposeful… Could he be trying to demonstrate that he can use his words, his charm, for good after having been so malicious? No, he knows he doesn't need to convince people of that. Is trying to distract himself from falling into that vicious cycle of self-directed-anger? Hm, I really don't think he did stray that close to his old ways. Just now in Potions, he seemed far too good-humored and relaxed to have really been on the brink of _such_ an extreme situation. Could he honestly _like_ MacMillan? Nope, no way. I refuse to believe that.

Anyway, I have resolved to leave Sirius be until he is officially cleared of being on the verge of an emotional breakdown so I leave the odd couple to it. My conversation with Petey gave me some other inspiration which I would much rather work on than spend another second in the presence of these two…

* * *

Dora Crouch – the obvious candidate! She is a whizz at Charms, as well as every other subject in the world and she would be a great role model for Emily. She seems to look up to slightly odd figures anyway, it would seem from her idolization of me. Also, I feel like that focused and intent attitude of hers would work wonders for Emily as well; she needs more self-confidence and having another cool 7th Year friend would be a nice boost.

"Hey! Dora, hey!"

 **Hi, Stefanie.**

Man, is that ever unnerving…

 **Sorry, I can stop if you want.**

Oh dear God, can you see everything up here? I apologize in advance! But… no this is fine.

 **No, I'm not poking around in your private thoughts – don't worry. It does feel… crowded in here though. That is the aura I'm getting.**

Tell me about it.

"Perhaps we should talk a little though, so we don't look so odd just standing in silence with one another."

I'm pretty sure that Dora and I looking odd is hardly newsworthy for the Hogwarts population as two of the kookiest girls in our year. But she does have a point.

"Do you know Emily Greengrass?" Dora nods. "She is finding OWL Charms really difficult. I thought you might make a good tutor – you seem so patient and calm. I mean, you can put up with Peter!"

She laughs her lovely tinkling laugh at this and seems pretty enthusiastic about the whole idea. Of course my match-making skills would extend to matching tutors and tutees as well.

"I would love to do that – of course, I'll have to schedule it between NEWT revision but I can make time! Emily always seems like a very sweet girl. And you know, I really find Pete fascinating. I am so enjoying hanging out with him. He is so… interesting."

I love this – people never seem to see Pete for the great guy he can be. As I said, he is so often overlooked in favor of Sirius or James, the loud and attention-grabbing golden boys. Remus, with his razor sharp wit, tends to turn more heads too. But Pete is, above all else, someone who craves your love and attention. He is so sweet and I am glad to see him getting the attention he deserves from an equally nice girl.

"Have you considered lessons any further – I really would be happy to help any friend of Pete's. And I can see what he means – I hope you don't mind that he mentioned it to me – how you can suddenly be overwhelmed by your thoughts. I could get a feel from your headspace just then as we talked and there is a lot going on. Occlumency is really so helpful in being able to master your thoughts and become so much calmer. I am doing a few exercises with Peter."

It is a massively tempting idea. My own methods of self-calming-down have unsurprisingly not worked. I am simply not a very calm person. My mum's suggestion was to keep a notebook, to make lists so I didn't have to keep so much stuff in my brain. I show this to Dora, my lists of Disaster Counts and Mysteries and New Friends. There are To-Do Lists, tallies of how many times Fenwick has sneered at me in one day, or how many times Gideon has smiled. How many bits of parchment Sirius has thrown at me and every time Remus mentioned the NEWT mocks in our last Transfig lesson. It is my own form of a diary; a record of my life, my Disasters, my encounters in list form.

Dora looks at the haphazard notebook speculatively. "I really would think about Occlumency."

* * *

Oh my God, what is wrong with Jane Fenwick? Like really. She honestly might be a bona fide psychopath – that girl is alarmingly good at messing with my brain. She just burrows in there and freaks me out. And she never does what I expect - just when I think she is going to zig, she zags.

Take today for example: I was one of the last people to eat dinner because I was going to go straight Prefect Rounds. SHE CAME AND SAT WITH ME. Jane bloody Fenwick just sat down at the table with me and started eating. I definitely just sat there fully frozen, fork of sausage halfway to mouth, for a good ten minutes while she ate.

"So, Stefanie, how is it going?"

EXCUSE ME. How is it _going_? I have no idea, Jane, how it is going because everything I have ever known has been entirely reversed in the past few minutes! It is _going_ like the world's most bizarre nightmare right now!

"Uh…. OK?" My inspiring response which, considering the weirdness of this situation is pretty good I reckon.

She smiles faux-sweetly. "How are things with Prewett?"

"Good. Thank you?" I feel like… I don't know. It is a little like one of those nature documentaries where an unsuspecting antelope is suddenly mauled to death by a hungry lion. I think you know which one I am in this situation. Always the unsuspecting antelope. _That_ should be my Patronus.

"Really? Is it?" She sounds disbelieving and amused. "You are _sure_ about that? I wonder if he would say the same…"

I haven't a bloody clue what she is talking about but of course I know better than to rise to Fenwick's bait about a guy I like. I am not completely antelope – I have some wits about me.

"And I'm awfully pleased Sirius saw sense and has opted for Maria – I mean, it isn't exactly a hard choice between you two though, is it? Oh wait, silly me! I can't attack you on this front, can I? Because you 'don't like Sirius'!"

Maybe I am going to wake up in a second – maybe this actually a nightmare. That seems so much more plausible than the idea of this _actually_ happening in real life.

"So you have Gideon, and Gideon has you. Maria has Sirius and he has her. Everyone is a winner, we all got what we want… Right?"

What the Hell is this lunatic going on about? And with that statement, that happy ending, she flounces off. Like, literally flounces. So pleased with herself although to me it just seems like she said a bunch of random stuff, with a weird expression on her face (well, smiling is not weird for anyone else but for Fenwick it is unheard of). And I am left sat here feeling probably how Dorothy felt when she landed in Oz…

What was she talking about? Do we really all have what we want?

Eh. I don't think I'm in Kansas anymore.

* * *

A/N: I have been writing like a chapter a day recently so I will probably upload again on Saturday. I am running so ahead of what is published atm!

Hope you guys enjoy, please let me know! Thanks for reviews on the last chapter, they all made me so happy!

Elle xoxo


	23. Chapter 23

When I meet up with Cissy for coffee, I just want to talk about her. My brain is far too befuddled to even think about my own life anymore. Sirius and MacMillan are still being _weird_ but whenever she isn't around, we're fine. And I am trying to spend enough time with Gideon but it's hard whilst trying to maintain my rediscovered friendship with the Marauders (even if James and Remus still seem a little disapproving of whatever the Hell it is that got them so riled up). Ever since that odd conversation with Fenwick, I have just been in a total tizzy. She completely threw me with our little dinner date, which I'm sure was her intention.

Unfortunately, Narcissa isn't a great one for talking about herself. So this could just be a Kaffee-and-awkward-silence session as opposed to our usual Kaffeklatsch. Such a large part of our friendship is that it is an opportunity for her not to have to think about that other side of her life. If I am being honest, I don't think Cissy really sees things the same way as I do. She doesn't quite connect the abject horror of how Muggleborns are being treated with the people she hangs out with. She isn't stupid but I think she lets herself ignore that people she loves are ringleaders in it all. And, yes, she probably does believe that as a member of a thoroughly pedigree Wizarding family she is superior to a lot of other people. I don't think Cissy is cruel but, yes, she probably is a little elitist and comfortable with her position at the top. This regime doesn't affect her or anyone she knows. But there is probably that tiny niggle always there, questioning, and I guess our friendship is one time where she can totally lose that slight uncomfortableness.

And I don't judge her for that. Maybe I should, but I decided that as long as someone wasn't involved in hurting other humans then I could give them a shot. I know what Sirius would say – that willful ignorance is just as harmful. But I don't know. Maybe someone like Rab or Cissy _would_ hurt people if it wasn't for the likes of Lana and me taking a chance on them. It is harder to be so inhumane when you have connected with people, experienced the selflessness and kindness in the world.

Thankfully, Cissy seems to notice my complete inability to spend our time picking over my stupid life problems as we usually do and takes the bullet for me. I keep forgetting she's engaged – I have only just found one boy and am finding it hard to deal with that. Being on my way to get married at this age seems so completely mad. But here she is, talking about dresses and cakes. Her eyes light up when she starts to tell me about a house Malfoy viewed last week. She said it was beautiful and massive and at exactly the right state between needing refurbishment and being habitable. I have a horrible feeling that the house will be her life after she graduates. That and kids. I can't imagine that – I have always dreamed of working, above all else a career was always my goal. But, hey, who can turn their nose up at a beautiful home, kids and a husband? I mean, ideally you do hope for a non-racist, creep of a husband. But you win some, you lose some I guess. The house is definitely a win.

But before I can do anything stupid, like interject with my opinions about Cissy's no-good, arsehole fiancé I am saved from insulting my friend by a rather unlikely source. A steamingly angry, raged-out James Potter; who is so angry, in fact, that he does not appear to even register that I am sitting with the wrong member of the Black clan and slams himself on to the bench next to me anyway.

"I am through with her!"

Well, obviously we know who the 'her' is but what the Hell has happened? Things seemed to be going absolutely fine between the pair. I thought they were a month or so away from admitting to themselves that they were a couple. By next term they would have been an official item, I had thought.

"Yeah, things were going well – too well. Lily just _had_ to freak out. I get that this is a big deal – of course I do! I've never felt this way about someone before, or come this close to being in a proper relationship so I am anxious too. But I don't deal with it in such a bloody stupid way. Fuck it. I have put in too much, been too understanding and worked too hard for her to throw it back in my face. Not this time, OK? She can't do that – let me believe that I really had a chance and then revert back to Little Miss Perfect and toss me aside."

We are back into the familiar ground of James just ranting his feelings to himself and not actually talking to whichever poor victim happens to be around whilst he vents. I have come to discover that Lily inspires these tirades fairly often. Narcissa, however, is understandably flabbergasted by hearing her reviled ex-cousin's best friend raging about his passionate feelings about a prissy M-word.

It emerges that, as I suspected, Lily had been a little distant since James' post-Ball moodiness. However, he told me that it really hadn't been that bad. In fact they had even been able to talk about it, which impressed me. Lily had expressed her disapproval of his stomping around, his yelling at Gideon, his over-the-top Quidditch defeat. And they had discussed how it was a reaction to Sirius' being upset and James' protective nature – they had discussed both the pros and cons of that. So he hadn't figured it was an issue, even though she had backed off a little and was hanging out more with Em instead. He figured it was natural.

Then suddenly she marched up to him this morning, put him in detention, yelled at him using some of her choice 5th Year insults and stormed off. When he has sprinted after her to ask what was wrong, why she was acting so strangely, she had replied primly that "she wasn't acting weirdly. This is who I am and you are who you are. Maybe we just aren't compatible."

"But that is _bullshit_ ," James moans, slumping over the table and dangerously close to Cissy's arm. She recoils on instinct and still looks immensely confused by the whole situation. I see her glance towards the door quickly, probably analyzing how probable an escape is but I think she is trapped now. She has sat through it too long to make an un-awkward exit.

"She isn't like that – the whole stick-up-her-arse thing is a routine and a character that she put on around me. She is never so stuck-up and prissy around anyone else – or even around me, recently. She has just been freaked out by how much she actually likes me, the fact that this might actually work and she has run back to her comforting old cliché. She has gone back to the way of handling me which is easy, which allows her to shut off her proper feelings for me."

I can see why he is frustrated; Lily has always been so skittish about this relationship and I have seen just how great her fear of what other people think is. Beginning a relationship with James would be a massive change in a lot of ways, but mainly I think it is the natural course of action. The feelings between them have been there a long time but now the moment is finally right for them to give this a shot. She can't let her fear get in the way.

"I will talk to her, James. Don't give up on Lily just yet. I know it feels like she is throwing all your hard work back in your face, but remember this is the first real attempt for her. Allow her one freak-out. The other times may have seemed proper to you, but for a long time she hasn't thought this thing was real. You seemed like a joke, like this was a prank. But I won't let her run away from this, OK, James? I won't let her stubbornness ruin this either."

James has finally actually seemed to realize I am here and he isn't just ranting to thin air. My reassurance seems to make him calm down a little, although he still hardly looks happy. He is still huffing to himself – literally making these silly little sighing noises. And of course he doesn't bother to thank me… No, instead he decides what I would like far better is some life advice.

"Sirius is a complicated bloke, I am sure you have grasped that by now. He is bumbling and stumbling around and just… don't hold it against him. He has a really good heart and once he lets you in, and you know he would do anything for you. And you, Stef, well, you can be just as bad but just… trust your instincts. They're generally good... God - I doubt you would even remember this, but we Marauders always have. When we were Firsties, in about our second month, it was one of our first pranks – a rather unsophisticated plot to TP Pince's office. She was about to catch us walking out of her office but _you_ spotted us first as you walked out of the Library and distracted her with a question. We got away with it, thanks to you. I dunno why, but I always remember that."

"You think because my instinct was to help you fools cover a teacher's office in loo roll, I am a good person?"

"Basically, yes. I think you are a person I like having in my life and I have been a dick to you lately."

There is that apology I was looking for! I give the idiot a big hug because, although he has been even more stupid than usual the past week, he really is a sweetheart. And he is right, I don't remember that incident, and it touches me to know that the boys always have.

* * *

"Hey, Stef!"

"Hey, Gid, what's up?" I am massively late to a Potions meeting with Sirius. We are approaching the time we need to do the moonlight brew session and we have got to schedule a date soon or else it just won't happen. Gosh, I hope he still has time for me in between his hangout sessions with MacMillan! Ugh.

"Do you have a moment to talk?"

I explain to Gideon that my brisk walk is not for health or fitness reasons but the much more likely explanation of me being completely behind schedule.

"Sirius is probably already there by now."

"Ah, OK. But you'll be done by the time I'm back from my revision session with Fab – around nine?"

"Sure, see you in the Common Room then!"

* * *

Sirius is indeed already there by the time I arrive, and thankfully MacMillan doesn't appear to be lurking in any dark corners. But you never can tell with that girl. I contemplate flashing a quick Lumos into the murkier parts of the dungeon just to be safe but decide to concentrate on the more pressing issues at hand: one of my match-made couple falling apart. Perhaps Sirius can shed some light on the situation.

"So, Sirius, I still don't really get what exactly is going on with all of this…" I gesture vaguely to him and at the space between us. He smirks – that bloody old smirk is back again. Which I _think_ is a good sign but I can never really tell.

"What do you mean, Steffi?" Faux-innocence in his horrible, stupid, lovely smirking voice. Please note, by the way, that there is no longer a respectful empty-stool-distance between us – he now sits directly next to me with his seat angled as close to me as possible and… yes, sure enough, he has reverted back to his whispering ways. "We're back to how we used to be – laughing, joking, inappropriately close physical contact."

"Sirius, how am I expected to chop up these leaves with your arm around me? This is very constricting to my Potion making movements."

"Whoa, sorry, wouldn't want to restrict the vital leaf chop!"

I shoot him a glower that I _know_ completely lacks conviction because I am stupidly happy to have my old, annoying Sirius back. "Yeah, things are back to their old irritating, smug ways with the slight addition of the Bitch Princess of Ravenclaw."

"Is that not Fenwick's title?"

"Nah, she is the Bitch Queen. MacMillan is just her little protégé."

Sirius chuckles. "What, are we not allowed to have other friends?"

The bloody arm, back around my waist which admittedly is not restricting my leaf cutting. However, it is a bit inappropriately nice, potentially firework-causing, so I shrug him off. Back to the real matter at hand (he is horribly good at distracting me, dammit).

"And in amongst this time with your new friend, have you seen James recently?"

Sirius looks at me questioningly. I take it that although he has seen James, he has not seen him today in his apoplectic mood. I fill him in quickly on Lily's freak out and James' subsequent ranting.

"And Cissy was there the whole time?" Sirius laughs. "Bloody hell, she must have been shitting herself."

"She looked petrified."

His chuckling dies down as he considers what I have actually told him. "Bloody Evans. I knew she would still mess him around, I _knew_ she wasn't as committed as him, I knew she-"

"Sirius!" Now Pete's pointed it out, I can definitely see this whole 'protective thing' the gang's got going on. "I agree that Lily cannot mess him around anymore. But I can understand why she is getting nervous and… maybe it is still hard for her to accept that James is actually serious about this. Let's be honest, for so many years it did seem like such a joke… this must be hard for her to accept."

Sirius still looks skeptical and annoyed. He has known about James' proper feelings for years but even I thought his asking out Lily was a joke until the start of this year, so it must be even weirder for Lily… But then again, is it? After all, she did kiss him in 5th Year. She _has_ always sort of known about his feelings. Although she probably didn't realize how serious he was, she was aware that there was actually something there. Hmm.

I sort of muse about this aloud – where do my sympathies lie? Although I totally sympathize with Lily's need to take things slow, I also think she has had time to get to grips with this. Sirius looks a little surprised.

"James told you about 5th Year?"

"Yeah, not everything that went on. I know something went down with Snape too but… I mean, that is part of the reason that I don't want to get involved. I don't really know all the history between these two – and it seems a pretty complex saga."

Sirius nods. "But you _are_ going to fix it, aren't you? Because you can't resist getting involved and you can't stand to see your friends sad, or angry."

He is smiling at me as he says this; obviously he is under the mistaken impression that my Detective Skills are a good thing when they are really just a genetic problem which, when combined with my Disastrousness, often results in Hideous Messes.

"Of course, I have been sitting here plotting as we speak."

"Double team them again? I think I still have our Communication Parchment somewhere…"

"Nope, Sirius. This time I think we need to concentrate our efforts. James isn't really the problem here. It is stopping Lily being a stubborn idiot, convincing her that James can be trusted and that she just needs to man up and take a leap of faith here."

"…And you think _me_ talking to her is going to do that?"

"Well, with me there too - to moderate."

Sirius sighs, looking frustrated by me. We really are back to normal. "Look, I've barely ever spoken to the girl – why do you think-"

"Exactly, you have never even spoken to your best mate's almost-girlfriend. That is _stupid_. You both know James pretty well – _obviously_ you know him better, calm down! But wouldn't it be good for you two to talk? Reconcile the two different sides of him that you individually know? You'll probably realize that, in amongst all the different traits of James that you both see, your favorite and least favorite ones are the same."

Sirius looks very disbelieving but I think it is true. I think Lily and Sirius both believe that James turns into a completely different guy around the other, but he doesn't. James never alters himself around people – I think his different traits (his mischievousness, his intelligence, his laid-back attitude) get conveyed and perceived in different ways. If Sirius and Lily just spoke, then they would realize that they both like the same guy and probably for the same reasons. Plus, Lily and James are an inevitability even despite this hiccup. Sirius needs to get to know Lily; he will quickly see what James and I discovered – that she isn't quite the Little-Miss-Perfect Prefect that she sometimes seems like. I mean, people probably think that of Remus from a distance too. Of course, he is a Marauder but I think most people primarily see his bookish-ness and teacher's pet attitude. As with everyone – James, Lily, Remus, even Sirius and I – the more you talk to someone, the better you get to know them. Judging someone from what little you have picked up about them by observing from a distance is pointless and stupid.

I begin coaching Sirius on what he should say to Lily – how he should explain how James has felt about her over the past few years, what it is he loves best about James and why Lils should take a chance. I will provide the harsher side (I have seen Sirius' harsh side and I am definitely making him play good cop. I don't want Lily to end up in tears, I want her to end up in a massive make-out session with James).

"Do you think this'll work?"

"Yeah, she just needs people to give her a push. Like when people go sky-diving. They love it once it has happened, but it is near impossible to leap out of that plane yourself."

"Have _you_ been sky-diving?"

"Yep, for my mum's 40th. And yes, she did push me so I am speaking from personal experience."

"I cannot believe _you_ have jumped out of a plane and managed to survive. How are you sitting here right now?"

I smirk. "I just want to get across – and please leave this part to me – that this has to be her last freak out. She can't mess James around anymore. She has known about this for years, she has kissed him and properly made him believe this is going to happen. If it isn't, then she stops right now. But it is, so she needs to commit to that _now_. No more games."

Sirius is smiling at me again; I think I am catching their protectiveness a little bit. I can't stand the idea of James being disappointed by Lily again. "I think it is very… sweet that you and James have become proper friends. He always thought you were cool. But I guess our headspace was a bit off in 6th Year so, yeah, it is really great that we are all so close now."

"Yeah, it's been good getting to know the other half of the Marauders a little better this year. You know, instead of you two just mocking me and blaming your catastrophes on me…"

He snickers, the fool. "Come on, we always teased you in good-humor. We knew you were one of the few people outside of us who could take our sarcasm. And, well, you were just far too easy a scapegoat for us to _not_ just pin things on."

"Yeah, I suppose I can't really blame you for that."

We grin at each other. It is nice to see that he is equally as pleased as I am that we are back in business. I missed him, and his annoying, frustrating friendship. I think he missed me and my catastrophes too.

* * *

Due to our plotting, we don't head back until around ten. And it isn't until I am tucked up and drifting off to sleep that I realize – I missed my date with Gideon.

Bugger.

Oh well, we can chat once I have reconciled Lily and James. I am a worker of miracles when it comes to love, it seems. I will be able to work my magic over Gideon too, I'm sure.

Yeah. I'm sure.

* * *

A/N: Heyyyy, look at Stef and Sirius, getting back on track! Hope you are enjoying their path back to friendship!

Please drop a review, love to hear from you!

Elle xox


	24. Chapter 24

The next day is a Friday and I know Lily has most of the morning off. I have enough good grace with Kettles to skip Herbo this one time. I don't think Sirius gives a damn about good grace but can pretty much get away with anything in this school, so we are both ready for a conversation with Lils. We decide that I will lure her out of the Common Room with a Prefect-related enquiry and lead her towards that spot in the 5th floor corridor - arguably the quietest spot in Hogwarts due to a weird odour that perpetually hangs about it, despite the teachers' best efforts to purify the air. It is bearable for our purposes though; I am willing to sacrifice breathable air in return for a quiet spot to knock some sense into Lily. With the plan in place, I am ready, lying in wait, when Lily walks down from our dorm the next morning. Thankfully, she is alone which makes my job a little easier.

"Hey, Lils," I spring up just as she is about to exit the portrait hole. She turns and smiles and oh-so-obligingly waits for me to join her. "I just had a quick question about rounds."

She nods and goes to turn the natural way that one would, if one was going to the Great Hall for breakfast. But Lily is _not_ , although she isn't yet aware of that fact. I lean against her, forcing her down a nearby staircase.

"So, I suppose my question is - are we allowed to snack during our rounds?" She is giving me a very odd, disgruntled look right now. I did just shove her down a staircase and have now grabbed her arm in a vice-like grip to steer her towards our designated meeting spot. So I have probably earned this glower.

"Steffi, why are you dragging me into the middle of nowhere and babbling about snacks? This feels an awful lot like a murder plot are you planning to - AHHHHH!"

BLOODY HELL, SIRIUS. The moron just appeared out of nowhere on the other side of Lily looking like an absolute psycho. I would probably piss myself too, Lily, if a bloke suddenly appeared beside me, with a _Bubble Head Charm_ on. He looks like some kind of freaky murder astronaut.

"Sirius, what the Hell?" I gesture exasperatedly at his stupid bubble-clad face. He shrugs and I can see his lips twisted into a smirk, slightly distorted by his 'helmet'.

"Come on, Stef, you say it isn't that bad but… well, I personally would rather be breathing fresh air than putrid waste air."

Lily is glaring furiously between us and I can detect a hint of that familiar toxic scent in the air, so this is as good a place as any to get down to business.

"Steffi…" There is a low warning tone of tell-me-everything-right-now-or-I-hex-you-off-the-face-of-the-planet in her voice as she says my name.

"Look, I know you won't want to do this but we have to you - and you know that really. We need to talk about James."

As suspected, Lily immediately pouts. I decide to go in on the offensive; it probably isn't particularly wise to be relying on Sirius to provide the warmth and comfort but hey-ho, it is better than having _him_ on the attack. I am not going to be responsible for releasing the Sirius-Black-Rage-Kraken again.

"Lily, you know how sympathetic I am to what a big deal this is for you! I have done my best to help you prepare and to let go of what doubts you have about the situation, but I think you are messing James around a bit now. You can't take things this far and then get scared and fall back on your old 5th Year clichés; you know they don't apply any more. You and James have come so far at this point, that if you have doubts then you need to talk about them with him and just have a mature discussion. But I think the reason you _didn't_ do that is because they aren't valid doubts."

I can see stupid Sirius suppressing a smile at my harshness, my lecturing tone. His hidden grin is infectious but I really need to resist the temptation to join in because Lily looks mad enough already. I think the sight of me snickering at this point would genuinely result in a homicide (at _least_ one - you never know, seeing as we are friends again, Sirius might kill Lily to avenge my murder).

I quickly finish my piece while Lily searches for the right angry words to hurl at me. This was a seriously bad plan. Sirius is definitely just going to wind her up even more, the smirky moron. "I think your issue isn't really with James, it is with what the rest of Hogwarts is going to say. It is about you being overwhelmed by the fact that you actually like him. But Lily, you have known about this long enough - I know about 5th Year. You can't keep giving him hope and then snatching it away. Personally, I think you are both finally in the right place for this to work out between you. I want it to work and that is why I am saying this."

Ooh man, is she ever simmering right now. Gaping away, pretty good fish impression, as she tries to muster up the words to express all that rage I see in her eyes right now. I look over to Sirius - this being the point where he is supposed to leap in and wax lyrical about how great James is and what a great couple James and Lily will be. Instead he is just grinning away at me like a fool through his foolish Bubble-Helmet. He glances at Lily's raged-out expression and his mirth seems to increase tenfold. The arse is definitely going to let me cop an earful before he steps in, isn't he? Why did I ever even think for a second that this plan would go any other way?

"You know what, Steffi, you have known me - what? All of two months!"

"Lils, we have been dorm mates for seven years!"

"Yeah, and you spent the majority of those seven years messing around with Lana and Marley, or in detention with these arseholes!" Angry gesture towards a chuckling Sirius Black. "And that is fine. But, you know, you are clearly more on James' side here so please don't lecture me like you're not. Emmeline says-"

"Well, now hold on, Emmeline is clearly biased to the Lily-Evans point of view here. And no, I am not on 'James' side'. Really, Lily? _Sides_ , are we all five years old? I've only gotten so close with James this year too - you were _both_ annoying prats for the first six years of school, in my opinion."

Yeah, Evans, I see you bite back a laugh at that. "Well… you are close enough for him to go spilling private stories about me and him."

"Because he gets that I am trying to help here. I genuinely believe that you two should be together, and I think you do too."

"Really? You're gonna try and tell me you're not on James' side when you turn up to try and double-team me with his best mate?" She glares pointedly at Sirius who, credit where it is due, drops his smirk. I wave my wand and get rid of that ridiculous Bubble Head.

"Oi, Stefanie, do you want me to die from this toxic air? Do you want me to end up with lung cancer or something?"

"Well, actually, right now, that doesn't sound too bad at all."

He glares jokingly at me. Lily clears her throat, bringing the attention back to the matter at hand. Sirius turns and looks at her speculatively.

"I won't lie - no, I don't really get why James has gone so bloody barmy over you of all people. But then the people closer to you like him and Steffi - regardless of how long you two have been friends, she sings your praises."

Lily looks a little abashed at this but Sirius continues before she can speak. "The issue you always bring up with James seems to be this version of him you have constructed in your own head. This unthinking arsehole, who pranks carelessly and without any concern for who he might be hurting or embarrassing. He hasn't been that guy for years, Lily. And I think you know that. The person he is with me, is who he is around you too."

She shakes her head at this, disbelieving. "No way. That is bullshit. He is definitely different around you boys - how am I supposed to know that who he is with me is real? That this isn't all an act? I don't want to start dating him, trusting him and then be humiliated by him hurting one of my friends. I don't want a repeat of the Lake Incident!"

Sirius actually puts his head in his hands in frustration at this, so I step in. "Lily, we have been through this already - how James has matured. Remember how we realized how his pranks have changed? How he thinks things through now? Just because he has a sense of humor, doesn't mean you have to live in fear of him dangling your mates by the ankle anymore."

Do not laugh at that memory, Sirius Black. I can see a smirk twitching at those lips. I mean, I am probably only so straight-faced because I didn't happen to see the event unfold. BUT EVEN SO very much not the time for giggles.

Eventually he manages to control himself enough to say what I actually need him to say. "Look, Evans, the reason you like James is because he is intelligent, kind, hilarious, loyal and fearless. Those are the exact same reasons I love him so bloody much. You can't even begin to know the half of what that bloke has done for me, in my shitty life. He deserves someone who is willing to do that much for him too."

"Lils, you aren't really unsure of James, I don't think. You know he is a good bloke and you can't stop the bloody rumor mill of Hogwarts stop you from giving this a chance."

"But if you think you can't handle it, then you need to tell him that now and never, ever get his hopes up that something can happen when it won't."

I think we have gotten through to her; she is looking contemplative, and a little cowed. I think we were more bad-cop, bad-cop to be honest but at least it worked.

"Am I allowed to take things slow?"

"Of course, we aren't trying to dictate your whole relationship," Sirius looks sceptical as I say that. "But no more freaking-out and trying to retreat back into your old ways. This is happening, Lily, and that is a great and wonderful thing."

Lily looks tentatively at Sirius and I am immensely pleased to say that he attempts a smile at her. I reward him with a mega-pleased beam which he rolls his eyes at (but makes him smile nonetheless, the silly softie). I think this is a step in the right direction for them. Lily still has a lot to prove in Sirius' eyes. What he said was true, James has done so much for him over the years. Of course Sirius wants his best mate to be with someone who would give the world for him. I have seen the way Lily looks at him though, and I think that someone could be her. Hopefully, this was just the kick-up-the-arse she needed. After all, James has dropped his egomaniacal swagger - she has to let go of those silly 5th Year facades too.

* * *

After letting Lily leave our intervention with a lot to ponder… (well, not really that much to ponder. Hopefully she has just gone straight to James to give him a massive kiss and say 'hey, I'm all in!' We'll see). Anyway, Sirius and I went to the Library. Our mock exams are next week and I desperately need to revise Transfig. Sirius, obviously, needs no revision but he agrees to come along anyway. Probably just to laugh at whatever stupid thing it is that I inevitably do. I am pleased to see Emily there when we walk in. She waves over to me and I hear Sirius sigh.

"What is it with your perverse thing for Slytherins?"

I grin at him and walk over to say hi. He follows me to her table, of course. "Hey, Em, how is it going? Did you get a chance to talk with Dora?"

She nods and smiles, "Yeah, thanks so much! We had one session yesterday, she is so cool! But obviously she has a lot of revision to do so it was lucky that another of your friends offered to help!"

"Alright, Stefanie!" I feel someone hug me before sitting down at the chair between me and Emily. Ty! My two little 4th Years have managed to become pals - this is great! Apparently Emily remembered me describing Ty to her and he saw her looking over at him. This prompted him to remember my DZPL efforts and he went over to talk to her. The rest is history! I literally can't get over how many people I have united in this world.

"Yeah, Em is great. I always thought she would be snotty and horrible, you know, being a Slyth and all. But you aren't too bad, for a snake!" He grins at Emily, who looks thrilled by the sort-of-compliment. "I mean, anyway, we are all a sort of gang now - us 4th Years who have managed to become friends with you."

Yeah, the other 4th Years probably always think - look at those poor fools who risk their lives, hanging out with that catastrophic Disaster Zone.

"Does Steffi's friendship hold high currency amongst you littles then?" Sirius asks. Moron.

"Duh," Emily positively _exclaims_ at him. "Steffi is so cool. I think everyone wishes they were as funny as Stef."

Is this girl a _lunatic_? Is this a joke - I didn't think Emily Greengrass had such cruel bones in her body! Sirius is smiling away at me, but I notice… it isn't a smirk. It is a genuine smile. What is going on?

Ty seems to note my confusion, "Obviously, the fact that you seem to have no idea how cool we all think you are adds massively to the fact to your coolness factor. I mean, you dump food on Sirius Black's head, you joke around with the Marauders, you are a Prefect, you are always doing the most hilarious stuff."

The younger years… know who I am… and think I am _cool_. Man, are kids ever stupid. What the Hell? I am a klutzy, silly, Disaster - but it seems that is _why_ they like me. Perhaps I am a more achievable goal that perfect Lily Evans or stunning Dorcas Meadowes. God, this is odd.

Ty and Em depart for their class, waving good bye enthusiastically. My little protégés. Can you imagine being envious of spending time with me? I don't think people realize just how much the risk of death (or at least severe burns from a Disastrous Explosion) increase simply by being my friend.

Sirius chuckles, probably at my expression which I would gamble is pretty gobsmacked and slack-jawed right now. "You can really be very dim sometimes, Stef. I mean, you come out with some really brilliant observations about other people but just have no self-awareness."

His words aren't a mean criticism, they seem affectionate. So I only retaliate with a light arm slap. "Fenwick sort of said that too - not about my brilliant observations - but that I am unaware what people say about me. She says I am arrogant."

He snorts, "That girl is such a fucking idiot."

Evidently her words don't hit him as hard as they did me. He barely seems to have registered it whilst I have been obsessing over her comment for a good month or so.

"The Cult of Stefanie Hartmann," he murmurs, chuckling to himself even despite my stern death glare. "Count me in."

* * *

We've been in the Library for a good hour now. Probably needs to come up at some point - you know, the whole we-didn't-talk-for-weeks thing. Not necessarily the whole you-had-a-meltdown-at-our-dance thing; we've been through that as much as we need to. But our own personal spat? I think that I, at least, want to go over that and properly clear the air.

* * *

OK so I still haven't grown a pair, no surprises there. Petition for Steffi Hartmann to be Re-Sorted - sign here!

But this is so weird. MacMillan just came into the Library and made a beeline for him, of course. He looked up at her approaching us and sighed heavily. He sort of looked back at me, rolled his eyes and turns back to her. And totally blew her off.

"Nah, MacMillan, sorry but the concussion has finally worn off now, so if you could just..?" he motions, go-away. And weirdest of all? She doesn't even look that surprised, she just gives me this glance, raises her eyebrows and stalks off.

"So… that bloody weird situation is finally over then?" I am dying to know why the fuck he was even chatting to her in the first place but too cowardly to straight up ask. His response is equally as vague.

"Yeah, it was a stupid idea. Didn't work the first time around so I don't know why I thought MacMillan would have any effect…"

"Effect on what?"

He ruffles my hair and points to a paragraph in my book, "Intense precision and concentration required…. I would give that one a miss, Stefanie, unless Fenwick is in the area. That is one casualty of your catastrophic-ness that I wouldn't mind seeing."

Very evasive…. Maybe we can be Re-Sorted into Huffle together?

* * *

 **A Conversation in which Stefanie Hartmann Finally Grows a Pair:**

SH: Siiiiirius?  
SB: Steeeeeeffi?  
SH: *deep breath* You were mad at me, even before the Ball. Why? And, don't get me wrong, I am ecstatic to be forgiven but why are you suddenly over it?  
SB:... I was… _frustrated_ by you, I guess is the only word I can think of to use. For a lot of reasons. One of them being Lana and Lestrange. You are just sometimes so completely…. unlike anything else. I don't understand your reactions to things. I can always see your point of view eventually, I suppose. But, you know how I can react a bit strongly… well, I think it was mostly a case of that and then after the Ball, I was just so _generally_ angry I…  
SH: Well, I'm not mad. That is all the explanation I needed. It's good to have you back.  
SB: I missed you. You kept doing stupid things that I wanted to laugh at but I couldn't because I was supposed to be annoyed with you.  
SH: I noticed you holding it back.  
SB: *chuckles* Yeah, I know… Sorry for the whole MacMillan thing. I just still wanted to piss you off. And just now, after hanging out today I guess I realized how idiotic that was. That silly fighting between us is over now. Forgotten.  
SH: Totally. And it did annoy me, so… if that is any comfort.  
SB: It isn't really but I will remember that for the next time we fight. *hugs SH for probably a little bit too long*  
SH: *doesn't complain about the length of hug* *notices how people are looking at them* *still doesn't complain*

* * *

And now for a far less pleasant conversation…. One that certainly will not end with lovely, long hugs. Marls and I have written Lana to suggest having dinner as a picnic in the Dell - it is time to tell her.

Perhaps I feel bolstered by people saying nice things to me, the 4th Years saying they look up to me, now I feel obliged not to let them down. Although this seems to go against my non-prejudiced ways, I think dissuading Lana from Rab is fulfilling my duties as her Best Friend. It is good not to judge, but Sirius is right - you have to be sensible too. It would be… negligent of me to let her carry on dating him without expressing my doubts.

We are so nervous we have actually written out our points, as if we are in a debating competition or something. We already formulated our step-by-step Plan for Helping a BFF in Romantic Troubles, now we have a list of arguments written out too. Mega-prepped.

\- Although Rabastan does not seem to be actively involved in Blood-Hate activities, his friends definitely are

\- He has never stood up to those friends, which really is not good

\- This leads us to wonder what would happen if his friends decided Lana was a suitable next target - would he be able to stand up to them then? Is that a risk worth taking?

\- Unless something changes soon, his path post-Hogwarts seems set to be similar to his brother's. Is Lana fully aware that she will have to cut _all_ ties with him then? This cannot occur outside of school

\- And even so, people are harmed inside Hogwarts too these days

\- Lana loves so much - she needs to consider how much it will hurt later on in life, to see him named as a Death Eater, responsible for awful crimes. Isn't it better to end things now, rather than let herself become even more attached?

* * *

It went… exactly as we expected it to. Badly.

Lana sulked throughout the whole thing once she realized that we were staging an intervention. She spat out rebukes and retorts to every point - and it is so hard because a part of me, a large part, totally sympathises. She is right - he _is_ my friend and he is, at his core, a decent bloke. But I know he is never going to let that decency win out over the desire to not cause a fuss, the desire to conform. And, much like Cissy, he probably _does_ believe in their views to a certain extent. These Pure-Blood families present their beliefs to the world, to one another, to their children in a far more moderate way. Their claims that their purity makes their magic stronger, of 'deserving' magic more than others, of the trouble that could be caused by mingling with or attempting integration with the Muggle world - all of these can sound convincing, like logical arguments. Yet we all know how far they take these views, how extreme they get, behind closed doors and behind masks and robes. Cissy and Rab have been told all their lives that they are better and special and that Muggles aren't as advanced as us. But that is no excuse - by this age, you are more than your family and self-aware enough to form your own ideas.

At one point, I guess she was really scrambling for arguments, Lana threw the whole 'Sirius-thing' at me. "His family are just as bad as the Lestranges, just as bad! And yet it is fine for you to be running around with him?"

"Wrong example to pick, Lana! My whole point is that Rabastan would be fine if he could just stand up to his family - Sirius is the proof that is possible. Sirius is, like, what Rab should be _aiming_ for. And anyway, you can't exactly compare Sirius and me, to you and Rab!"

Lana scoffed at this. "Steffi, seriously. Why can't you stop fixing other people's lives? Do you really think yours needs no attention? That's bloody arrogant."

I don't know if she chose the words specifically. I did tell her about Fenwick said, eventually. But after seeing how Sirius brushed it off, I doubt the word has been reeling around her head in the same way it has in mine. I don't think she was being malicious. But it does show that she thinks I didn't listen after the last time we fought. She made the same point then - that I focus on other people's problems to avoid my own.

So now it is the early hours of the morning and I am lying here in bed, wide awake. Marley and I came back here after the showdown, neither of us really in the mood to chat. Which left me to lie in the darkness and consider Lana's statement; unfortunately, I can see a lot of truth in her words. This time, maybe I really should listen to her not like my rubbish attempts last time.

She hasn't come back yet.

* * *

It is eight am and I have had around five hours of sleep. My best friend's bed was still empty when I woke up. I should not be conscious at this absurd hour, on a Saturday but Remus wants to do mock-exam revision. And I desperately need all the help I can get. So it is safe to say I am not in the best of moods this grey, rainy morning.

"Hey, Steffi."

Oh, damn. I never got around to seeing Gideon I was so caught up in Sirius, and James, and Lily and…. and, yes, this is the sort of problem-avoidance-issue Lana was referring to, I think.

"Hey, Gid. I am so sorry we haven't had a chance to chat in the past few days. I just…" He deserves better than excuses so I stop there.

He smiles, but not his big, wide, normal smile. "That's fine. But are you free now? I think we need to talk."

* * *

A/N: suuuuper quick updating just 'cause!

let me know what you're thinking!

Elle xoxo


	25. Chapter 25

I know where this is going - we both do - and I feel terrible. I feel as if I should step in early with apology because I really have been awful, as far as Gideon is concerned. I am an ungrateful idiot. A nice, kind boy took a chance on a DIsaster Zone, and I just threw it away. Focussed as ever on other people, on interfering and not concentrating on what was in front of me - Gideon Prewett, wanting to be my boyfriend.

"Gid, I know how terrible I have been these past weeks. And I know it must be frustrating for you - that instead of hanging out with you, I've been off trying to fix other people's problems… Sirius, Lily, James, Lana, Emily… None of them should have taken precedence over you when you have been so kind to me."

Gideon, weirdly, is still smiling at me. He looks so lovely and my guiltiness increases tenfold. "Steffi, don't go feeling bad about this. It is what it is. I know you like me - that you think I am nice and funny and that is great. But this isn't working. I'm… not right for you."

I hate it, I hate that this is true. I hate that my mum was right - although Gideon is the perfect guy on paper, that feeling just isn't there. Or at least it isn't evident enough to sustain a relationship. Cissy was right too. Everyone knew, really. Even James and Remus with their doubts about my inability to make this thing concrete.

"I hate that I have messed you around."

"No, you haven't! Not at all, Stef. You tried, you really gave this a go and that is worth a lot. And now we can be friends; we know we get on but there just isn't that romance."

 _Why_ don't I like Gideon? My life would be so much easier if I could just _like_ this guy, who liked me. But instead here we are, breaking up. A guy like Gid is probably never going to go for me again - this was an odd enough situation already. I have blown a massive chance. But I suppose it is better this way; I already feel like I strung him along, even if he says otherwise. Bloody Hell, even Fenwick knew - 'we all got what we want'. She knew I wasn't really committed to Gideon. And once again, haven't been completely arrogant to let Gideon try to court me, to have him hanging on whilst I go round doing whatever the Hell I like, knowing full well there is no spark between us? Isn't that horrible?

He seems to be reading my mind. "Stef, you aren't a bad person. I am really happy that we gave this a shot. But… I don't know if you even realize that I am second best, so I know the fact that this didn't work wasn't malicious or intentional on your part."

"No, you aren't second best to the other people in my life, Gideon. It's just… I don't know, there was no firework feeling."

"Stef, I think someone needs to just come out and say it now. I _am_ second best. To Sirius Black. You like him, and he adores you. That is why we need to end things - you can't feel… obligated to me as things progress between you two. He is right for you, I'm not."

I suppose so many people have hinted at it, vaguely suggested it, that it is a little bit shocking to hear it said aloud like that - a statement. The rumors flew for months, thanks to Fenwick. Gideon even contributed to them, resulting in Sirius getting a faceful of Shepherd's Pie. Pretty much everyone I know has suggested it but, as ever, I buried my head in the sand and avoided my own problems. Instead of facing my own romantic-stupidity, I made matches, involved myself in my mate's relationships. Basically did everything but look at my own situation. And even when I did analyze my feelings, I stayed well away from the truth.

Which is that I do fancy Sirius Black.

I like him in a more-than-friends kind of way. He gives me stupid feelings in my stomach, he makes me laugh and I feel so special when I am with him. I get annoyed and angry when we don't talk. He frustrates the Hell out of me but I can't help still grinning at every idiotic things he does. I _like_ him.

"I… I don't know." Is my inspiring response to poor Gideon, who is actually grinning at me properly now. The idiot.

"You can be pretty clueless about this stuff, Steffi. But this isn't a Fenwick rumor this time. Don't doubt it, just go for it! You two would be great together. Of course, it sucks a bit that you don't like me as much – it isn't _easy_. But I went into this knowing. Remember how I said it, that he was all over you, even after that first time you asked me out? I knew what I was up against."

I AM SUCH A TERRIBLE PERSON. The wonderful, sweet guy who I _don't_ fancy just had to end things with me because I basically neglected him and here he is, wishing me happiness with the bloke I like more than him.

"Uhh, I really don't think that this… I… Gideon, I am so… Oh God."

He is just full-on laughing at me now. This is so humiliating and exactly the sort of situation that would only ever happen to me, dear Lord. Anyway, Gideon-the-Great-and-Kind-and-Wonderful reiterates that he feels absolutely zero animosity and how he hopes we can be friends and basically is the best human ever. Before leaving me, alone in the Common Room, at ridiculously-early-o'clock with my disgustingly conflicted and confused emotions.

* * *

I just had a crazy big epiphany and I don't know what to do with myself. All I know is that the Common Room, just meters from Sirius' room and sitting right by the staircase from which he will emerge shortly is a very bad idea. So I get up and set off, very much in a daze and very much with absolutely no plan of where I am headed. I end up back in the Common Room - well, the Come and Go Room, in the guise of the Gryff Common Room because my brain really cannot handle creativity (although it did briefly flicker across the idea of conjuring up the boys' dorm…)

Bloody Hell, bloody _Hell_. It is only just sinking in that - holy shit, I like Sirius Black. I am _such_ an idiot. All that chat - oh, we're just friends, I am wise to his trick of making girls feel special. I'm not one of those dumb girls, who follows him around like a lovesick puppy… Oops. Turns out, I _am_. This could well be my biggest Disaster yet. No wonder my brain kept this locked away in a hidden vault. No wonder I haven't confronted this horrible realization before. Even during my emotional-analysis I was sensible enough to leave this subject well alone. Because it is futile- because of two of the reasons that _did_ come up in my Sirius-Evaluation. A) He is so not Boyfriend Material and B) There is no way in Hell that he likes me back.

Honestly, I mean, just a couple of weeks ago he had a total meltdown and has only just stopped being the Most Volatile Man in the World. He has a tragic and complex life that I know next to nothing about. He has never shown any evidence of commitment or deep, genuine emotion to any of the girls he has dated. He has a grand total of three friends, or four if you include me. I would have to be mad to want anything from this. But ridiculously, I do. I told you I hunted out Trouble like it was my goddamn job.

And as for point B, well…. Surely, he can't? This is Sirius Black, the result of generations of aristocratic breeding, best-looking guy in school. He dates Dorcases and Dianas, gorgeous goddesses of girls. I don't have some dull inferiority complex, OK, I know I am not ugly. I am pretty enough but really, nothing special. He is _special_. He is in a whole other league, a very different playing field. So there is no way that he likes me, right?

Except that arrogant part of my brain, that Fenwick-proving-right part of my mind says, _maybe_ he does. He hates fighting with me too, he is always looking for any excuse for physical contact, he is protective. The whole attitude towards Gideon - that only happened once me and him started getting together. I don't… surely the Ball thing wasn't entirely down to me, but perhaps the sight of me and Gid did set him off?

It is crazy and scary and… I don't even know but it could be true. There is a lot of evidence for both sides, if I am being honest. Sirius may like me too. Which doesn't cancel out all the problems of point A, but I think the ball is in my court. Time to man up and decide just what it is I want…

* * *

I have called in the cavalry - Marlene McKinnon, here to save the day!

But first, here to squeal with excitement for - I kid you not - fifteen whole minutes. None of it is even Come and Go Room related; that discovery is completely eclipsed by my Emotional Epiphany. She is genuinely cackling right now - a sort of triumphant/joyful laughter. I am glad that she, at least, is so damn pleased about my predicament. I get the feeling that I am about to hear the phrase 'I told you so' a lot.

"See, Steffi, I _told_ you so!"

Hm. Yes, well done, Miss Psychologist, turns out my arm-slaps may have been hiding a secret agenda. However, what I actually need right now is advice - on what the Hell to do now.

"I know you are going to insist that he likes me too, but I really am unsure. I can see all the points you are making but, at the end of the day, people who look like him don't date normals."

Marley wrinkles up her nose, pondering my words. Her response is that whilst I don't have an inferiority complex, like everyone, I underestimate myself. She doesn't think we would be that mismatched a couple, looks-wise, even though I am no Diana Cress. "And you would be _perfectly_ matched in all other respects, totally unlike any of his previous girlfriends. They may have been ridiculously hot but none of them had anything in common with him. You are definitely special to him."

My stomach keeps doing these really embarrassing flips and twists any time Marley actually talks of Sirius and I as being an actual possibility. But we are both concerned by the whole Boyfriend Material thing. Obviously, Marls has the best boyfriend ever. Doc is basically the ultimate example of Boyfriend Material: kind, chivalrous, committed, considerate. So I am trusting her experience to evaluate accurately whether or not Sirius could have what it takes (going on the very flimsy assumption that he might like me too). She acknowledges all the same faults in him that I saw, but balances it out with a few positives.

"He is very protective of you, but has _always_ let you make your own decisions in regards to your Slytherin pals. That is a great trait, protective but not controlling. Also, he is very loyal and he is so committed to his friends - it shows that he has the capacity for it. And we have already seen that you have a very different relationship with him than most girls do."

Basically, she surmises that _if_ he likes me and, Hell finally having frozen over, we start dating or something, it could be a huge fucking catastrophe. He could be exactly as he normally is and I'll be ditched within a week. Or, there is also evidence to suggest that it could be really good between. After all, there is _something_ there. It just comes down to whether or not I am willing to take that risk. If I reckon he likes me, then Marley thinks I should take the plunge. Her argument is that I don't date much, generally I'm not like Lana who always fancies someone. This is an opportunity and I would be silly not to give it a shot at all.

I, personally, have had far too much bravery for one day and am reverting back to my head-in-the-sand ways. First, I'll try to figure out if he likes me. Then I can deal with my own feelings and willingness to take this leap of faith.

I also cannot deal with these romantic/terrified feelings when I have suddenly been overcome with a big old tidal wave of Sad. Because when Marley mentioned her, it struck me just how weird it was that Lans wasn't here. Of all the people, Lana should be here during my time of Emotional Duress. I feel like if she knew this was occurring, and she wasn't here to witness it, she would be so sad. She is always wishing I had more gossip, more drama (aside from my usual klutzy Disasters). Fancying Sirius Black and contemplating acting on these feelings is such bloody huge news. It sucks so bad that my best friend isn't here to help me, to laugh at me, to say I told you so too. But I don't think she wants to see me right now; Lana can be so stubborn. And, who knows, maybe running to her with boy problems would just be rubbing salt into the wounds I have already created? I think I have to leave it be. I really miss her.

* * *

Of course, I was supposed to have met Remus about three hours ago now but emotional breakdowns/epiphanies sort of definitely take priority over revision. Everyone knows that, he can't hold it against me. That would just be rude. I mean, it isn't as if I am constantly off, missing meetings, in a state of emotional uproar so this is just the exception, hardly the rule. He had better not be pissy with me when I eventually leave the sanctuary of this room. Marley left half an hour ago and I still have not moved from my prostrate position on the sofa. Pathetic and Hufflepuff-ly, that is what I am.

* * *

I wonder what Remus will think of my new found feelings for his pal. Considering how strict he and James were about me talking to him after the Ball incident, and how protective I know they can be, perhaps I ought to be nervous…

Or were they limiting my contact to him because they _know_ there is something between us and that could have upset Sirius' then-delicate disposition?

MYSTERIES. Maybe I should straight-up tell Remus about my breakthrough? But then again, he would definitely just tell Sirius - bloody Marauders. And I think I need to figure out Sirius alone. But I can always use Rems to test the waters… See if I can pick up any clues as to whether Sirius has any, you know, _deeper_ feelings for me.

Detective Hartmann, back in the field again?

* * *

"Hello, Remus - my old pal."

"Stef, I know you hate revision but turning up almost four hours late to our study session is pretty obscene."

"I had some things to sort out."

"You are impossible. I am going over DADA theory - we are both OK at practicals, I think."

I nod and sit down. Trying to casually find out from someone if their best mate fancies you during a revision session is pretty tricky. Well, tricky for most people that is. But I am not 'most people', I am a Top Detective. I have totally got this.

"So, Gideon broke up with me this morning. No, I'm fine! I guess it wasn't so much a break-up seeing as we weren't ever really an item. Funny why he ended things though - it was because of Sirius." I observe Remus' reaction from the corner of my eye; he definitely looks up at that point, in turn observing me. "He reckons that it's… more than a friendship between us. Or could be… should be, in fact. He was positively wing-manning Sirius."

Remus smiles slightly. "Oh, yeah?"

Bloody Hell, Remus. Give me something to work with please; although, even his vague response is revealing. If I had said Gid had ended things because of Pete, or some other bloke, I know for a fact that Rems would have been laughing his head off at the very idea.

"Yeah." Two can play at this game, Mr. Lupin. I look him in the eye and very deliberately give him a wide smile, bordering on a smirk. Remus just cocks his head slightly and turns back to our textbook. This is like a verbal/emotional version of chess or something, jeez.

"He had a little break-up of his own," I say, in a very smooth and detective-ly manner. Remus looks confused. "He told MacMillan to piss off when we were in here the other day. Then he said something about it being a silly idea in the first place. I've no idea what he was trying to achieve through it though… I mean, we were fighting when it all started, perhaps it was to make me jealous…"

I let that thought hang there for a beat, staring Remus down.

"You know, that he was making new _friends_ to replace me. Especially seeing how much I hate MacMillan, you know."

"Well, I never know what is going on in that guy's head. Did you ask him what it was about?"

I see how it is going to be, Remus. You are going to force me to talk to him myself, aren't you? Well, this has certainly proved that something is going on. I am sure that Remus would just have laughed it off if there was absolutely nothing happening here, if it was as absurd as the thought of me and any of the other guys. Oh God, this is terrible. I am starting to feel the faint stirrings of _hope_ that the impossible may have happened. Even worse than that, this hope leads me to believe that I could be on my way to the Biggest Disaster of all Time: attempting a relationship with Sirius I become one of those terrible girls who dates arsehole guys in the belief that she will be 'different' and 'special', the one to change him? As much as I love a fixer-upper, I've never wanted to date one. And I have certainly never thought of myself as special (other than being eSPECIALly good at causing chaos).

Remus Lupin has been most unhelpful. "Yes, I suppose I really ought to just talk to him about it."

"I would," Remus-the-Smug grins at me.

I drop the Detective-ing whilst we revise the rest of the day. Thank God for Rems - he might be rubbish at giving away gossip but he is an excellent teacher. I think I will be OK with DADA, it really is just my Transfig that needs work. Remus pointed out that I probably would be alright, if I ever concentrated in class. But wouldn't that just be a betrayal of who I am as a person? To _not_ sit and scribble lists or letters in my notebook? Nah, that life ain't for me.

As I say goodbye to Remus and we go our separate ways, he finally throws me a bone. "I can't get dinner with you, sorry. I have been roped into a two-aside game of Quidditch - Sirius' doing. He has been back to his old-self lately, seems to be over the moodiness. I think your rejuvenated friendship may have something to do with that, so thanks, Stef."

Goddamn my stupid flipping, twirling, tap-dancing stomach.

I _fancy_ Sirius Black.

I am _such_ a catastrophic mess.

* * *

A/N: Finally! Steffi the Obtuse figures it out...

Let me know what you think - hope you guys are pleased with this milestone!

Elle xoxo


	26. Chapter 26

"Do you think it's getting a bit… out of control?"

"No, not at all! It is wonderful."

"Well, thank you. It is just I am starting to wonder, you know, about Health and Safety?"

"Truly, you have a brilliant touch. This is some first-rate work."

And it'll be murder in the first _degree_ if things carry on like this. Devilio is nearly spilling out of the Greenhouse. I can no longer get in there to tend to him but, to be honest, I think he is self-sufficient at this point. But Kettles seems very unconcerned about this infamously dangerous plant growing at rapid rates and beginning to take over the Herbology Greenhouses.

"What kind of fertilizer did you use?"

"Uh… Hebridean Black dung. I thought the dry consistency would work well."

Kettles is nodding furiously, "Excellent thought. Say, it's almost tea-time. Would you join me in my office? Perhaps we can start discussing how I can help you with your application?"

Ah, for once, a tea-time session with Kettleburn that may actually be of some use to me. I had started to wonder if Kettles was on the National Parks payroll the amount he was promoting Dartmoor. I have started to think about the longer answer sections of the form - you know, why you want the job and so on. It is really tough. I don't really know what I am expected to write so I probably could use a little help - even help from my crackpot teacher, who seems hellbent on claiming at least one life with his Herbological experiments before the year is out. On the bright side, he does always serve delicious tea. It is some sort of pomegranate infusion-thing today. I think he might brew them himself but I don't want to dwell on that thought because God knows what life-threatening plants this psycho would put in tea.

"So, you are no longer pursuing a career with Philimore's then?"

I shake my head; although I may contact Darla using the business card she gave me. Just to like.. network, or something. The Wizarding world is very inter-related. Most other people have connections galore and I really don't. So it could be worthwhile to try and keep in touch with her.

"I think… if I have the opportunity to work in that department, then I should take it. I mean, at a time like this, it is hard to even know where to start in making a difference. But working for the DOD would be a start, at least."

I should know around March if I have made it through the first round of the application; McG says most people who get that far, tend to get places on the training scheme. So if I don't get through, I can start looking elsewhere then.

Kettles seems impressed by my sentiments, "It is good, heartening, to see students engaging with what it going on. Importance is key; your youth doesn't protect you from what is happening in our world."

Pretty profound stuff, Kettles. Really, it is true. Like I said, we are old enough to form our own opinions and determine our own actions. I am glad that the professors suggested this career path to me; it feels like the first step on the right path, the path that stands up to this Voldemort and his tyranny.

This moment of student-teacher earnest connection is somewhat marred by him offering me a clearly home-made biscuits made from his own hemp flour.

* * *

We have a Prefect meeting now so I will be keenly observing the Head team to ensure that they are back on track. Or else Black and Hartmann, the Hogwarts Bad Cops, might have to intervene again.

I am pleased to see a lot of smiles being exchanged and, at one point, James catches me observing and flashes me a quick, grateful look. Lily also meets my gaze at one point to give me a half-sheepish, half-pleased look. She just needed to pinpoint that her problem was with what other people are going to say about her and James, than about James himself. Sure, she may have had a few quibbles about him showing her up and not being as changed as she thought. But they were really minor doubts and I do think Sirius reassured her that really James has had these good qualities all along .

If it does turn out that Sirius likes me, would it be hypocritical of me to _not_ take a chance, considering how much I have pushed Lily? Sure, James isn't nearly as complicated as Sirius but at the end of the day it is essentially the same issue; we both have problems with their previous reputations. I don't care about his pranking nature (if anything, it is a plus) but neither James nor Sirius have ever been seen as particularly serious guys. I told Lily to put aside her fear and trust that James wasn't joking and he wouldn't humiliate her. Now I am realizing what a big step it really is. The idea of trusting that Sirius wouldn't just treat me like every other girl he has dated and then thoughtlessly dumped… it seems near impossible.

But Lily has taken that leap - or at least she is trying. And her and James look happy. I noted it before, that easy chemistry. Sirius and I have that sometimes, I suppose that is why I was so jealous of it when I noticed it before. Lily's risk will pay off - could mine?

I am getting ahead of myself here. I am still completely conflicted as to whether he really likes me or not. I go from being convinced of it one moment, then the next I am sure that all these 'signs' are just the way he is with all girls.

See, this is why I tend to stay away from having crushes and just boys in general - they are so bloody confusing…

* * *

Oh, yeah, the whole actual point of the meeting was to notify us of the date of the Yule Ball. This dance we don't have to organize ourselves, which is a bloody huge relief I have to say. The 18th December, which is only about three weeks away now. Great, the stress of finding a date all over again. Plus, Pete will be going with Dora judging from how well things are going between those two. Remus had better not go and get a girlfriend; I need his BFF services.

* * *

"So, I heard you and Prewett are no more?"

Now, now, James - that is an inappropriately wide grin to wear whilst talking about a friend and teammate's break-up. Unless of course, your best mate fancies this friend and now has a clear shot at winning her heart… HMM?

"News travels so fast here."

"Well, you can't go gossiping to Moons and expect the rest of us not to hear. Sirius wanted to turn our simple Quidditch toss-around into an all-nighter party. I think it is probably for the best - you're too weird to be with a nice, normal guy like Prewett. He would end up permanently in St Mungo's."

"That is incredibly rude of you, James. For all, you know, I could be heartbroken right now."

That was such a hint from James - Sirius wanting to celebrate that Gideon and I broke up. Oh my God, I actually think he might… Christ this is bloody odd.

James smirks at me knowingly, "But you're not heartbroken, are you, Harts?"

I shrug noncommittally but return his smile. Oh, we are so on the same wavelength now - he is totally giving me signs. Way better than Remus, James is definitely going to be my Number One Boy for gossip now.

"And I see you are also considerably better-tempered than when we last spoke," I nod my head towards Lily and James smiles.

"Massive thanks for that, Stef, you really are bloody great," He sounds sincerely very grateful, as he well should be! It is nice. "Yeah, we talked things over. I am more than happy to take things slow, just let things naturally progress so long as I know there aren't going to be any freak-outs or her suddenly calling the whole thing off. And I am sure now that that won't happen. Nice bit of teamwork between you and Pads," he grins mischievously at me so I give him a gentle cuff round the head. (And embarrassingly have to try really, really hard from keeping my lips from twitching into a big smile).

James has evidently gotten into a tease Steffi-About-Sirius stride, "Any idea who you want to go to the Yule Ball with?"

Oh man, you should know by now that I am the wrong girl to mess with, James. I put on a slightly sappy smile as I say, "Yeah, actually…"

James smirks at me.

"I was thinking… I mean, I hope it wouldn't be too awkward if I asked him, you know with how things have been lately…"

His smile is so wide it is almost falling off his face.

"But I think I kind of like Fabian."

For one moment, I think he genuinely believed me. At least until I couldn't hold it back and started hysterically cackling. Ohhhh my God. Can you imagine? James is laughing along too, now he has realized that was just my sick sense of humor.

"James! You actually thought I would ask out the twin brother of the guy I just half-heartedly dated-slash-neglected!"

We both have tears collecting in our eyes we are laughing so hard at the thought - which is terrible of us both.

"Stef, you are ridiculous. Now, go - or you're going to be late to Astronomy!"

Lily is standing, waiting for me in the doorway, an amused smile on her lips as she watches James and I chuckle. I see them lock eyes, and her smile gets even sweeter. Oh, I am _so_ good at this Cupid lark!

* * *

"I thought we were _friends_ , Stefanie!"

"Rabastan - this isn't about you-"

"How in the Hell can this possibly not be to do with me?!"

"I know you are a decent bloke, but I don't trust the choices you have made! You hang out with people who hurt Muggle-borns. And I know you can't pick your family, but you can stand up to them."

Rabastan looks… furious and, well, anxious. I doubt anyone has ever straight-up said this to him before, but he has probably always known it deep down.

"Lana is your best friend, I never thought you would be so callous towards someone's feelings, Stef."

OK, so he is just going to ignore that then. "I was not being callous, I was doing what I thought was best. I think Lana is going to get hurt in this situation - at best, emotionally and worse physically. I would be a terrible best friend if I didn't tell her what I really thought."

He sighs, obviously frustrated and wheels away from me to lean against the door. I had finished eating and was going to pop back to the dorm to grab some books when I bumped into him, sans Lana, on the Fourth Floor.

"I am _not_ going to hurt her."

"Maybe you won't directly, but your friends don't particularly hold the Diggorys in high esteem. Would you be able to stop _them_ hurting her? And what about after school? When you go and sign up to the Death Eater Squad? You really think that won't hurt her?"

I think he is about one step away from actually putting his fingers in his ears and going 'la-la-la', he seems so discomfited to be actually be hearing this aloud.

"You have the wrong idea - you don't know a thing about that world. Not everyone who… Sweet Salazar, I would have thought better of you, of all people. That not everyone is the same."

"For fuck's sake, Rab! It doesn't matter how good your intentions or your feelings towards Lana, it doesn't matter to what degree you believe in your superiority - if you don't stand up to those extremists, when you are in the position to do so, then you are just as bad! And you don't deserve to be with Lana."

He is silent for a moment. "Well, you can say that all you want but look around. I _am_ the one in her life, and you are not. So maybe you're looking at things the wrong way."

* * *

I don't normally spend an hour in front of the mirror before a study session or class. I don't normally spend an age fretting about whether my makeup is subtle enough, and how my hair looks. I certainly don't wear _that_ pair of jeans, the only one to give me any semblance of an arse. But then again, my study sessions aren't usually at midnight, in the Astronomy Tower with Sirius Black. And it isn't every day that we have our first proper conversation since I realized I fancy the absolute pants off of him.

After my showdown with Rab I made it back to Gryff and had a nap for a couple of hours before waking and having to silently put together the perfect Sirius-Black-you-cannot-resist-me look. And I am ready (I am so not ready) to go and meet up with Sirius.

"Stefanie Hartmann, I can't tell you how often I have dreamt about me, you and an Astro Tower rendez-vous." His voice is jokingly silky and I grimace at him,before grabbing his arm to drag him off the sofa so we can go and collect our Potion.

He keeps up this silly banter all the way down to the dungeons and up to the Tower, evidently in good spirits (hopefully, caused by my recent break-up?) I joke back, doing a pretty good job of keeping things light and normal between us. I haven't exactly decided how I want to tackle this whole thing yet. I am still not totally convinced he properly likes me back yet, so I am not about to go rushing into this with a full-on declaration of love. And even if I was certain he felt the same way about me, declarations of love don't seem like they would be my kind of thing. I can barely string together one coherent sentence, let alone a serious speech about _emotions_.

As I set up the flame and equipment, the lazy git leans back across the flagstones - honestly, what do I even see in him? "What fascinating Potions techniques are we going to be discovering tonight, Steffi?"

"I don't care for that sarcasm, Sirius. We are adding the sage roots and combining in that supplementary tonic we, or rather _I_ , brewed last week."

"Thank you for doing all the work on this, Stef," he grins up at me. "I owe you big time. Seriously, you ever need a favor, I am your man."

Well, I certainly like the idea of you being my man…. "I was thinking of putting out a hit on Fenwick."

"Yeah?" He chuckles. "Not Prewett? Get him back for breaking your heart?"

I smirk, "I thought James would have passed it on - I'm not heartbroken."

"You're not?"

"Nah, it wasn't really right, was it?"

"I didn't get it, personally."

"Are you going to go back to actually cooperating with Gid on the Quidditch pitch now?"

Sirius laughs loudly, "Yeah, I guess so. For my own health and safety at the very least."

It is unsurprisingly hard to bring our emotions and shit into the conversation. For a few minutes we are silent as I work on the Potion. Sirius eventually sits up and looks across at me. "You really aren't sad about Gideon? I thought you liked him. You seemed… happy at the Ball."

I shrug. "I think… maybe a lot of it was being pleased that he liked me in the first place. It doesn't happen to me very often - especially not a guy as nice as Gideon. I liked being liked, more than I like Gid - if that makes any sense?"

Sirius wrinkles up his nose at this, but then again, of course he doesn't know what a heady feeling it is to have someone like you. He is totally used to it and immune to how lovely it feels. "Remember, I rejected him that first time I accidentally asked him out. That was my gut feeling, I should have trusted it."

He looks more heartened by this. I decide to be bold, "You must have known that too, really. Or else you wouldn't have been so odd about the whole thing."

"Odd?" He looks guardedly at me.

"Yeah, with the whole yelling and ignoring Gideon thing. You and James went all weird around him during Quidditch - I just assumed it was because you disapproved of me and him."

Sirius nods slightly, "Yeah, I suppose it was but that doesn't mean it was right of me. I have generally been a bit messed up lately, and I really am sorry about that, Steffi."

I shrug, hoping he remembers what I said about not judging him or holding it against him. "I know you said you didn't think of me any differently, but I just can't see how after I said such… fucking horrible things to Diana."

"Honestly, Sirius. If I turned like that on… I don't know, Peter, you wouldn't judge me. Because you _know_ me. You know what I am like, and that isn't me. Well, I know _you_."

It makes my heart do a silly little flutter to see him smile at this. But he still can't just accept it. "No, that would be unlike you. But I _have_ been like that before, I-"

"You grew up in a terrible household where you were punished for being the only one with decent, human beliefs. You were strong enough to stand up to them, to leave that behind - if you sometimes… crack a little, well, that is only to be expected. You are still stronger than most other people around."

I shuffled around the fire, closer to him, as I said this. To be honest, the thoughts of… I don't know, confessing my feelings have pretty much left my head. All I want right now is for him to understand that he isn't a bad person, he is just human. And that I, along with all the boys, support him. That people will support him, if he lets them in. He seems genuinely touched by what I said, and I hope he really takes it in.

"I don't know if you understand, Steffi, what that means to me. To hear you say that, and to see how much you mean it. I… I am not very used to that."

I shrug, "I honestly can't see why anyone would react any differently. I think what you have done is… amazing. Just today, I had a sort of fight with Rabastan - because of what Marls and I said to Lans about how she should end things with him. He just _ignores_ what his family does, pretends like they don't instigate the murder and torture of innocent people. No one has an excuse to just stand by when there are people like you, who took a stand. The more I get to know people like Cissy and Rab, essentially good people who just stand idly by, the more impressed I am by you, who actually acted on your conscious."

Unexpectedly he closes the gap between us to wrap me in a massive hug. His cheek is pressed against the crown of my head and it feels ridiculously nice to feel his chest move as he whispers gruffly, "You are the absolute bloody best, Stef Hartmann."

I wrap my arms around him in return, "Does this mean I am finally forgiven for getting gravy in your beautiful locks?"

He pulls away in order to jokingly glower at me, "Never, and I swear, Stef - make fun of my hair one more time…"

"I'm not making fun! I am just pointing out that if the whole Auror-thing goes down the pan, then shampoo model is always a viable career option for you!"

The idiot utterly fails in keeping a straight face at this, despite his best efforts and very pleasantly settles back into our hug. We just sit for a while, quiet, with my head against his chest and his resting against my hair. Even just this is causing a fireworks-party in the pit of my stomach; how did I ignore these feelings for so long? I don't think I can bury them any longer. I still don't know exactly what his feelings about me are but I know they are different to what he has felt for other girls. Whether they are romantic or not… Well, we'll find out.

"Sirius, the whole MacMillan thing…"

"Was stupid."

"Well, yeah. But I still don't get why you did it. You wanted to annoy me by hanging out with a girl I hate. Did you… did you want me to be jealous?"

There is a moment of silence in which I immediately regret like every one of my life choices that has lead me to this moment in time. I mean, I am basically asking if he likes me - why else would he want me to be jealous?

"Were you?"

"Oh, piss off, Black. That is not fair, I asked you a question first! You can't just respond with another question!"

We are sitting slightly apart, only by a centimeter, thankfully. I am glaring at him and my outrage makes him laugh. "Well, it was worth a shot."

His laughter dies down as his expression turns serious and he ponders my words. "I suppose, yeah, I did. I didn't… like you and Gideon and I guess I wondered if doing that would make you reconsider."

OhMyGod, OhMyGod, OhMyGod, OhMyGodddddddddddddddddddddd.

OH MY GOD.

"Well, to answer your sneaky, avoidance-tactic question… it _did_ make me jealous."

This answer makes Sirius' head snap up and meet my gaze. He looks surprised to hear the words come out of my mouth. He looks almost as if he is having an 'OhMyGod' moment too. Ha. The thought makes me smile and he instantly looks suspicious.

"Was that sarcasm, Stef?"

"What? God, no. I hated it. Especially as me and you were just getting back on track. I was like - excuse me, what are you doing hanging out with her when we have just missed out on weeks of time together?"

Ooh, it feels so weird and anxiety-causing to be this candid with him but, as I said, it would be hypocritical of me not to take a leap…

Sirius is grinning at me and I think this is paying off. "I hated it too, I hated that you were hanging out with him. I kept thinking stupid things like, come on, Stef, I am _so_ much funnier and I... I thought asking out Diana might piss you off but…"

FUCK! WHAT IS GOING ON? HE ACTUALLY… AHHHH!

"No, that was so… expected. Of course, the Sirius Blacks of this world always pick the Diana Cresses of this world."

He shakes his head. "The Diana Cresses have nothing on the Steffi Hartmanns."

That is it. My stomach has dropped out of my body and down the many flights of stairs of the tower and my expression will probably be forever frozen in this dumb way, which I am sure looks like I have just been actually slapped I am so shocked right now. Oh God, if I open my mouth right now, I think the only thing that will come out will be a weird, strangled squeal/duuuuuuuhhhhh.

What kind of idiot bloke uses _Diana Cress_ as a way to get to _me_ , the dumbest, most catastrophic mess-up this world has ever seen? Who does that? He is an idiot, he is actually stupider than I am - I didn't think it was possible but I have found the Biggest Idiot in the World. He didn't like Diana, he didn't like MacMillan - it was all _me_.

Then a thought hits me out of nowhere, something I had completely forgotten. If he likes me so much, if he has been so obsessed with me then why did he… Oh, God, have I made a massive mistake?

"Lana."

I am sure that is not what he was expecting to hear after he just told me he has been using the hottest girls in school to grab my attention. But, no sir, I ain't falling for any of your bullshit until we clear this up. Because just a few months ago, at the very start of this term you kissed Ilana Diggory. So, what is _this_? Couldn't get her, so moved on to her best friend? What _is_ going on?

"You kissed her on the train, at the start of term. Surely that wasn't an attempt to get my attention, was it? Because I seem to remember you getting pretty pissed off whenever it came up."

Sirius looks baffled by me. Hm, it'll take more than that to get past this Detective. Suddenly he barks out a laugh, chuckling away to himself. This is fucking funny to him?

"Oh, God. Out of all the ridiculous things I have done because of you, that may have been the silliest. Can you believe, it still took me a whole two months even after that to figure out that I liked you-"

LIKE ME, HE SAID IT THOSE WORDS JUST CAME OUT OF HIS MOUTH, OOOOHHHH MYYYY. I don't think he has even noticed that he just dropped that bombshell because he has carried right on with his story. Oof, it takes a lot of effort to retrain my brain on him after that but I definitely need to hear this.

"She.. Oh, man, this is so embarrassing. I didn't even understand this until Moony pointed it out. At the time I called him a twat and forgot about it but now I see. We were on the train, you had just spat out those bloody beans and you had been taking the piss out of me all morning and I was in such a great mood, I was having such a great time. Even though my two best mates were off in their little Prefect meeting, which had been getting me down ever since James got appointed Head Boy. But even despite that I was in a great mood, because of you and your ridiculous antics. And then you went off to bloody Slug Club, and Lana said something about how you were always like that, and how I didn't spend enough time with you. And I felt jealous that she did, I suppose. And I thought, yeah, I want to spend more time with Stef. And, for God knows what reason, my natural response was to lunge at Diggory. I think, well _Remus_ thinks and now I understand, my brain went - date her best friend, then you'd be hanging out with Stef all the time."

No effing way. That cannot be true - I know I just pronounced him Biggest Idiot in the World, but even so… His face is totally serious, and his tone completely genuine.

"It didn't occur to me for a second that I wanted to hang out with you because I _liked_ you. I knew I didn't like Lana, but I thought - how else do you spend time with a girl? Girls always want you to 'get to know their friends' - dating Lana seemed like the perfect way to get to know you. I know it is the most idiotic thing but… as you pointed out, I never really had a platonic female friend. The second we broke apart I realized what an out-of-this-world ridiculous idea that had been. And never even thought about it again, to be honest."

I can't help but burst out laughing. The confusion on his face at his own actions… it is bloody true, the idiot actually didn't know how else to spend time with a girl other than dating her, or her being the friend of his girlfriend. Oh, the problems of a ladies man!

Reassured by my laughter, Sirius joins in. Head in hands at his own stupidity, he laughs loudly. I am not sure my brain has fully absorbed this - Sirius Black likes me. He has said it twice now… And I can't think of any other obstacles, any other problems or questions or mysteries… I can't bury my head in the sand any more. This is… happening. Against everything I thought was possible.

Sirius' laughter dies out as he realizes I have fallen silent, and am sitting here contemplatively.

"I have been an arsehole," He says slowly. "And, you are right, you _know_ me. My good side but also my not-so-good side, so I completely understand if you don't-"

"I like you."

"What? Stef, you don't have to just say that-"

"No. I only just realized it, a few days ago really. For ages I thought…. Well, I just ignored it, I think. Because I really did not believe that you could possibly like me."

"I _knew_ you were totally obtuse, I _knew_ you didn't have a clue!"

"Sorry, Sirius! But you have to admit it seems unlikely!"

"Not at all! Come on, I was so bleeding obvious! Trying to protect you from every Slytherin in the whole goddamn castle, grouching at your boyfriend, flipping out when I saw you even hold hands with another bloke!"

Oh, God, this is too much to take in. My tiny, feeble, Disastrous brain is going to implode.

"Well, OK, obviously I see it _now_ \- with retrospect but…" I mumble away, my brain really not dealing.

Thankfully, the tonic I added to the Potion has turned it the pale mint color we were supposed to have achieved in the moonlight brew. I quickly turn the flame down and siphon the mixture back into the flask. Sirius watches me with amusement. "It is hilarious how your mind can still be on bloody Wiggenweld at a time like this."

"I need to concentrate on Wiggenweld or else I will have a meltdown and this is all going to end with me in the Hospital Wing."

The arse snickers delightedly at this. "Honestly, Sirius, I need time out. You know how badly I deal with life!"

"What, Stefanie! This is supposed to be a time for… celebration! Apparently, not only do I like you but you like me too! Isn't this a good thing?"

"Yes, good but also like, massively brain-melting. What happens now?" I sound completely panicked, and Sirius will not stop finding this absolutely hilarious.

"Well, I can think of a few things we could do…"

"NO!" He bursts out laughing, completely unashamedly mocking my terror. Horrible boy (lovely boy). "Me, Marley and Lana use this as our sacred space! No…. funny business up here. Or anywhere right now, OK? I think we both need to take some time, reflect and think just what it is this... means. Neither of us are the most rational of people - I think we need to stop and consider what we want from… this."

I gesture between us and am stupidly pleased that there even is a 'this', there is an 'us' - Sirius and I are basically an 'us'!

I think I want to give this a go - date. And he seems enthusiastic. But I need to consult, I am not emotionally mature enough to find out the guy I fancy returns my feelings _and_ decide where to go from there all in one evening.

I quickly pack up the last of the equipment and head towards the stairs, all while Sirius watches smugly on. He follows me, closely, down the stairs.

"I'll take all this back, you go back to Gryff. Wake up Marley and analyze all of this to death," He grins, knowing he is exactly right about what it is I intend to do. "Find me tomorrow, when you're ready to do that celebrating."

I smack him on the arm - a hard arm-slap, not a light one! "You are such a fool."

"You love it."

"I don't."

"I dunno, Harts, I've heard otherwise…"

"Yeah, on the grapevine?"

"Can you believe - Fenwick, of all people, figured this out way before we did…."

We look at each other one last time and burst out laughing.

Perfect Wiggenwelds Brewed Count: 1

True Rumors Fenwick Has Ever Spread Count: 1

Deadly Plants I am Currently Cultivating Count: 1  
Sirius Blacks who _Like_ Me Count: 1

* * *

A/N: Well, would ya look at that. I don't think Stef is the passive type, now she has figured out she likes Sirius... Well, she's gotta act on it!

Pleeeeassee let me know what you think! This is a big old step! Would love to know what you think.

Elle xoxo


	27. Chapter 27

I walk into breakfast, late - just arriving in time for the last of the bacon - to see James and Remus glaring at me. Enough to put a girl off her bacon sarnie. What have I done? I thought this was what James and Rems wanted, that this was why they has been acting weird towards Gideon and so intent on me not confusing Sirius. I thought that explained what they hadn't wanted me to talk to him post-Ball-meltdown, because it had partly been triggered by me and by Sirius' conflict about his feelings for me (! I still feel all ! every time I think about the fact that, yes, he does actually have _feelings_ for me!) So why are they glowering as if I had just killed their pet puppy?

"Happy now, Stef?" James asks bitterly, as I take a seat next to him.

Remus scoffs and rolls his eyes, "You are so inconsiderate, Steffi."

I am immensely confused by this meanness and am just tossing up between throwing a hissy fit and crying, when suddenly they both crack massive grins.

"Yeah, how dare you deprive us of our sleep! You must have known he would come straight back to our dorm and wake us all up!"

Remus chuckles, still mock-glaring at me, "For goodness sake, Stef, how did you think we were going to get a single second of sleep with that idiot blaring on?"

"'She likes me, guys! Steffi actually likes me!'" James imitates his best friend and I can't help cracking up too. After all, he was the one of accusing _me_ of running back to the dorm to dissect everything with Marls. Which as a matter of fact, I did not do - I already know where she stands on the situation (go for it!). I will fill her in via Communication Parchment later, to spare myself another fifteen minutes of squealing.

"I mean, can you blame the guy? I think anyone would be shouting it from the rooftops if they had a shot with Stef Hartmann," I smirk - I am getting very good at it, you see, being pals with all these genetically-gifted-at-smirking Blacks.

The boys laugh. "So, he's still gotta work for it, huh?" James asks.

"Well, duh. I am a smart, sensible girl - do smart, sensible girls just go rushing headlong into God knows what with Sirius Black, Hogwarts' most infamous heartbreaker?"

Remus smiles, sympathetically. I was sort-of-joking but of course, he picks up on the fact that I really am mildly terrified that I will just be another of his discarded-in-a-week bimbos. "You know, I haven't ever seen Sirius like this about someone."

"Yeah, Stef. Normally, he has never even had a single conversation with the girls he goes for. You know, it is more based on… other things. But he has let you into his life in a way that he never normally does, with anyone outside of us."

Yeah, I know all of that. But still, it is a little nerve-wracking. I don't want to _rush_ this; just because we are friends, and we know each other, doesn't mean we can dive right in. Just because I _want_ to dive, doesn't mean I should. I think we ought to doggy paddle for a bit. As much as Sirius has let me in, there is still a Hell of a lot that I don't know. And the same goes for him, he still has a lot of my past to learn. I mean, he only found out this year that my dad wasn't alive - and that isn't even a secret.

And, speak of the Devil… Look who has just come bounding into the Hall. He spots me and beams over, waving stupidly enthusiastically. I have to actually bite my lip to stop from grinning like a fool. James and Rems show no such restraint and both burst out laughing as Sirius struts over. He plonks himself on to the bench opposite, wide grin.

"Good morning, Steffi - and isn't is _just_ a great morning? How did you sleep?"

"Better than these mugs, I hear. Turns out it wasn't _me_ who scampered back to their dorm to gossip."

He smiles, almost looking proud of himself. "Mate, I nearly had a breakdown after realizing that my _actual_ breakdown at the Ball was because of you. So I am understandably chuffed to hear that all that stressing and, as you put it, emotional volatility wasn't totally in vain."

"We are also pleased to hear it - I can only imagine what 'volatility' would have occurred if these feelings weren't mutual."

"Well, hold on now, Pads, Moons. Let's not count our chickens yet- Stef was just saying how she is going to make you work for this, Pads."

Sirius smirks, "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," I return his forehand-smirk with an ace of my own. "I decided just doggy paddling for the moment - no diving."

"Oh man, and I was about to go cannon-balling right in."

"I know, hence the doggy paddle rule."

"Well, I'll have you know that I am _superb_ at doggy paddle." His smirk gets even smirkier and smugger than I even believed was humanely possible. Again, needing a reminder of why I am so into this git… (Just joking. I bloody love it).

"Because you might think you want to dive in but are you really sure? For all you know, I come with a lot of baggage. At the very least, I come with an unruly Devil's Snare - have you seen Devilio recently? He is a _beast_. Do you really think you can handle my Devil's Snare, Sirius? Do you?"

I don't know if I have ever seen a man try harder to keep a straight face than Sirius Black in that moment. Attempting to sound cool and controlled, he says, "Oh, I think I can handle it."

Ha, the boy doesn't have a _clue_.

And I mean, above all of the concern for my emotional well-being and ensuring that both Sirius and I are ready and able to handle a relationship… well, doggy paddling will be _fun_. It will be fun to let myself flirt with him, know he likes me, enjoy all that inappropriately-close whispering. And that getting-to-know you time is integral to a good relationship, isn't it? Both Sirius and I can be a little all-over-the-place. A slow journey into this whole thing would be best for us both.

I have Herbo first thing, so I wrap up my sarnie in a napkin and get up, shooting all of the boys a triumphant grin. "Adieu, my friends. Until later."

As I waltz off I hear James say, laughter in his voice, "Pads, you have met your match."

Oh, he sure has.

* * *

Look, I am already in a Sirius-Haze, I am not going to be able to concentrate on a single thing Kettles says today. I might as well write Marley…

 _Dearest, darling-est, Marley-est…_

 **Oh Godric, are you about to give me the scoop on your late-night rendez-vous? Please tell me you did not disrespect our sacred Astronomy Tower sanctuary?**

 _No disrespecting occurred, you will be pleased to hear._

 **Wait, no disrespecting even once you had left the sacred tower? Come on, Stef!**

 _He's gotta earn it, you know._

 **Stef, details right now please.**

 _So, it all came out that he does like me (!) and the whole MacMillan/Diana thing was to get my attention, or make me jealous or whatever. Basically, it was a reaction to me dating Gid._

 **Stef, I am in the middle of Charms trying so hard not to actually scream right now. Oh my sweet Salazar.**

 _See, this always confuses me - do non-Slyths say 'sweet Salazar' too?_

 **What…? You are such a nutter, how do you think of such things in these times?**

 _But…_

 **Yeah, of course. We don't just say our own House Founder. They are all considered great wizards. Now for the love of Rowena (see), please continue with the story.**

 _See, that was very interesting for me. Thank you, Marley. So, I told him that I liked him too. And… I guess the point we are it is that we like each other but we ought to take care to move slowly and get to know each other properly and ensure that we both really want this._

 **Very sensible of you, Stef. I think that is a good plan - it addresses our two main concerns. You know, his lothario ways and his rough past. It gives him a chance to fully let you into his life and hopefully you will be convinced that he is serious about you. And vice versa, I guess. Because it's not like you have ever seriously liked someone either, Stef. I mean, poor Gideon…**

 _Hey, I am no commitment-phobe!_

 **Really? You run scared of the slightest responsibility…**

 _Only because DZ + responsibility = chaos._

 **You need to give this a chance too, Stef. Take it seriously.**

 _I promise I will take Sirius seriously._

 **Haha. Now be a good girl and listen to Kettles.**

* * *

Me? A commitment-phobe? Psh. Psh, psh, psh. What a load of codswallop. Just because, yes, the thought of, like, a _boyfriend_ mildly terrifies me, does not make me a bona fide commitment-hater. It only mildly terrifies me - most things _majorly_ terrify me. So actually, I think I do pretty well on the commitment front.

It is just that I know what I am like and what a crazy place my brain is. I barely understand it myself - how can I expect someone else to get a good enough grasp to want to spend a whole bunch of time with me? Also, as I say, lots going on up here and many Disasters to deal with. Can I handle someone else's Disasters and Dramas too? Because you have to, if you commit to someone. It needs serious consideration, and I intend to do just that as Sirius and I hang out.

* * *

Oops, maybe I should commit myself more to concentrating in Herbology.

I may or may not have just spilled a bottle of enhanced pesticide everywhere, creating a highly-toxic puddle in the middle of the Greenhouse.

Disaster Count: 1.

* * *

Things I Really Don't Appreciate:

-Being called a commitment-phobe  
-Burning a hole in my bag after dropping it into the toxic-pesticide-spill and having to carry all my books  
-The amount of eye-contact Mulciber is making with me in the Library

* * *

I am _not_ going over there. I want as little to do with that Muggle-born torturer as humanly possible.

Well, now. Him coming over here really ruins my whole standoffish resolve. Really puts a downer on it.

"Hartmann?"

"What do you want?"

"Christ, I was only going to ask if you had spoken to Crouch yet. No need for the attitude…"

"Does it really concern you? And you are one to talk about unnecessary attitudes."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means, Mulciber, that your attitude towards Muggle-borns is the _most_ unnecessary attitude of all time."

Challenging a Slytherin on his elitist, Blood-Hate views is probably one of my more Disaster-prone ideas. I have already taken part in one Library Battle against Fenwick - I really want to cement my rep here and now?

He looks seething, a very contemptuous glare is currently being thrown my way. "Hypocritical bitch. You sit there and judge me, while hanging out with Narcissa soon-to-be-Malfoy and Rabastan _Lestrange_."

"All you need to know is that I show kindness to people who deserve it or people who, at the very least, aren't known attackers of Muggle-Borns. And trust me, Rabastan has been held up to the same standards I judge you by. And he fell short."

With that I grab my things (still bag-less) and stalk out of the Library, leaving Mulicber to fume.

* * *

"Hello, Lily, Emmeline and Doc. I am crashing your study session because I got into another fight in the Library?"

"A fight?"

" _Another_ fight?"

"Yes, Doc. I've moved on from hexing Fenwick to provoking Slytherins."

He shakes his head at me, mock-disapprovingly with a smile playing at his lips. Dare I say, I even see a hint of pride on his face?

I would crack open my book, honestly I would - it isn't as though I am actively looking for excuses not to revise, of _course_ not! But I notice that Em Vance is smirking at me - yes, _smirking_! So many smirky smirkers in this castle, even those you would least expect….

"Yes, Em?"

"Saw you and Sirius looking… chummy this morning at breakfast."

"Chummy?"

"Well, more than chummy, to be specific."

Can you believe the rumor mill is already going? I literally only just found out myself that I like the bloke and already the whole school is watching us. Even more reason for doggy paddling.

Lily is grinning madly at me, "Oh my, Steffi, are we about to start double-dating?"

Bloody bint. She is giving me an infuriating smile, just _knowing_ how much I am internally dying of embarrassment now. Caradoc is crowing away too, the fool. I punch him swiftly in the side and his smile turns to a frown.

"Hey now, Harts, we're all just excited for you," He catches my disbelieving look. "Everyone else has seen this coming from miles off. You two were the only idiots for whom this is a surprise! Marls has been yapping my bloody ear off since term started, basically."

Lily sees fit to interject at this point, "Yeah, James nearly wet himself when I told him you and Sirius had teamed up to bully me into forgiving him."

"It is adorable," Em gushes, despite _definitely_ not having seen this coming considering her accusations that I liked Remus. "You two are so well-matched! He needs a feisty girl to stand up to him, so he doesn't just walk all over her. And you need… well, you need someone who can cope with all your insanity."

"Yeah," Doc muses. "It is good that you're both a little crazy."

"Excuse me!" This is bloody outrageous! "I come over here to _work_ and I am accosted about my love life and then accused of being insane. Disgraceful behavior from all of you."

They all laugh at me, once again demonstrating a complete lack of respect for me, their _friend_. Who has helped all of them, at various points. Really. Just an utter lack of gratitude! (The fact that everyone seems so positive about the idea of me and Sirius is very lovely indeed. One of my fears, silly though it is, was that, well. We all sort of laugh at the idiots who date Sirius - do they really think it is going to work out? But no one is laughing at me; they all think it _is_ going to work out).

"So, what is going on exactly?" Lily asks. "Has he officially asked you out? I wasn't entirely kidding about the double-date thing."

All I say is that we are taking time; that we have established that our feelings are more-than-friendly but obviously neither of us are the most together people in the world, as has already been observed. So we will take some time to establish just how this thing is gonna go.

Now _everyone_ is bloody smirking at me.

"You'll be inseparable within a month," Lily delivers her verdict.

Hmph.

* * *

You know what is just great about Sirius? I can just be my terrible self and know that he won't judge me. For example, we decided to get dinner in the Kitchens in order to avoid prying eyes and instead of ordering a normal meal, I can unashamedly admit that I just ordered one massive portion of tiramisu. I mean, he laughed at me sure. But then, inspired by me, ordered himself a dinner of sticky toffee pudding. A match made in heaven, really.

"It is just so ridiculous that it has taken us both so long to figure this out. I was thinking about it in Charms, because Flits is boring as all Hell. Honestly. And I suppose James and I first really noticed you in 5th Year - clever old Remus and Pete were smart enough to be friends with you from day one. But in 5th Year you took all that rap for us, spent a lot of time doing dets with us and you were great. Even then you were smart and funny and, I don't know, you just seem to be able to handle anything. But then and in 6th Year, I was so all-over the place. I had so much going on with my bloody family, I never really paid attention to you or how well we had gotten on. Even though we were friends, I never stopped to look at things closer. That would have been… too much for me, the way I was then."

It is really remarkably nice to lay out on the counter of your favorite place on Earth, eating delicious dessert and listening to a beautiful boy tell you how great you are. I could get used to this life.

"And this year, well, everything has been better for me. I am away from my family, not just living with them, but I have worked my way through a lot of that anger. And I finally noticed… how you have been here all along. I worried about Remus and James being Prefects, being good - that they would have changed. And they have… well, Prongs has. But not necessarily in a bad way. And I realized I had you too, that the Marauders weren't the only people in my life."

"Well, I don't really have any excuse - no family issues - for why I didn't cotton on…"

"Might have been because I was a complete arsehole last year?"

"Yeah, but you had family issues." I grin.

He laughs and mock-threatens, "If I hear the phrase 'family issues' one more time..:"

"We have always gotten along. That easy, laid-back thing, like I am with all you guys but I suppose it has always been… charged with something else too, between us. Then again, don't you just have chemistry with everyone?"

Sirius looks more earnest now as he turns to gaze at me, "Honestly, Steffi, I am taking this slow. I appreciate there is a lot we need to go through - you still have no idea about everything… This could all change, I know, and so I don't want to jump straight in being a soppy twat. Plus, I know what you're like. You won't believe me and think I'm just trying to charm you but… Seriously, I like dating because I like having company all the time, hence my worry about Prongs and Moons this year. But I always felt a little, well, odd because I never had the feelings James or Worms or Moony described when they talked about girls. I _do_ have those feelings about you."

It is a little hard to breathe upon hearing that. He sounds so… genuine. He has a point because I never expected that I would believe him, if he said nice things to me. But it was always so obvious that Sirius wasn't invested in the girls he dated; they were pretty, they wanted him and he wanted someone so there you go. I never realized it before, but his thing about wanting company makes sense. He doesn't have any friends outside the boys, but always having a girlfriend meant he always had someone to hang out with him when his only three friends were busy. For someone with such a lonely, hard childhood, I can understand why you wouldn't want to be alone very much.

I said it once before, that I don't think he ever broke hearts on purpose. I don't think he ever deliberately made girls feel like they meant more to him than they did - it is just his natural chemistry, charm, whatever. So I actually don't think he would tell me these things unless, miracle of all miracles, he actually means it.

"I know what you mean. Lana is, or was, always madly in love with some guy or another and I could never really empathise because… well, I just never really fancied people. When Gideon showed an interest, he seemed so perfect on paper and I was so flattered that he liked me at all - I liked being liked. But all the time I was comparing the feelings I had around him, with what happened when I hung out with you."

Sirius looks almost surprised to hear this, intrigued. "And?"

"Well…" I decide to be honest and reveal my analogy. "With him, there was a sparkler. With you, there is the Blackheath fireworks display."

Sirius grins, proud. "I have no clue what a Blackheath is, but I know a fireworks display is a whole lot better than one measly sparkler."

I nod and smile at him. It is surprising, how easy this is. He expected me to doubt him, _I_ expected me to doubt him. Yet, I have always prided myself on, despite all my chaos, being able to see things quite clearly. Now I have finally turned this clarity on myself, instead of other people's situations… this does make sense. We still have a lot to share with one another, but even that in itself is almost a sign of compatibility, that we both have these histories. I am not worried one bit that he will be... bothered by what happened to my family. Similarly, I have no doubts that I will be able to accept and understand as well as one possibly can, what has occurred in his life.

But tonight is not the time for that.

"Pudding swap?" He asks through his mouthful, proffering the half-eaten bowl towards me.

Oh yeah, this match _definitely_ makes sense.

* * *

A/N: Thanks so much for all the reviews on the last chapter - can't tell you how great it is to get feedback, especially on such a big turning point in the story!

Thanks for being great and wonderful!

Elle xoxo


	28. Chapter 28

"I've got something for you!" Cissy trills at me as I walk into the Hall. Yes, that's right - cool, calm, unflappable Narcissa Black just _trilled_ at me. What is going on here?

She is waving an envelope at me - thick, expensive, cream paper with my name swirled across the front in gorgeous cursive. I take it, giving her a wary look and she just grins at me in response. This is honestly the most animated I have ever seen the girl - normally a giggle or a slight smile is the strongest positive emotion she displays. Boredom, frustration, vitriol, superiority - those Cissy can do. But grins and delight? Very odd.

Oh. Hm. Well this is… Bugger. I mean, why can't the Universe just let me be? Why can't I just have a nice thing, with no obstacles for once? Because this is an invite to Cissy's engagement party. Which her cousin, the wonderful-but-complicated boy who likes me, will _not_ be invited to. The rest of his reviled family will be there though! What fun, what joy... Sirius is going to go absolutely nuts when he hears about this. I consider telling Cissy about it all, just for a moment. I mean, she teased me about us a lot; she seemed to know he likes me. Yet somehow I just feel it will be different if I tell her things are _actually_ happening. I really hope that being with Sirius doesn't mean I have to give up being friends with Cissy, but it could well end up that way.

For the moment, I just thank her, remark on how beautiful the invite is and say I will RSVP as soon as possible.

"Stef, there is no excuse! You can take a weekend off revising, mocks will be over then anyway. And Dumbledore has already granted permission for all the students I have invited…"

I grin weakly. God, this is _awkward_ even by my terrible life standards. I have never applied for a weekend off; older students can apply to have a weekend free, for family events, trips and so on. People rarely tend to use that privilege though, we all love being at Hogwarts far too much. I think it is basically only those elite Purebloods who use the system - they always have various ridiculous Balls to go to, an attempt to be paired-off with another suitably snotty brat. In fact, those families probably created the whole idea, seeing as they make up most of the school board.

Aw man, I am not looking forward to this conversation with Sirius. One for the Disaster Count, right off the bat.

* * *

Oh, bloody bugger it. I have just noticed where the party is, Sirius is definitely going to murder me before he lets me go to this thing. Grimmauld Place. His ex-home, the place where he grew up and was treated like dirt. It must be a house filled with the most awful of memories… If I had lived the life he has, I wouldn't ever want anyone to see where it had all happened.

* * *

Oops, guess who is showing her Hufflepuff ways once more and finding Petey instead of her soon-to-be-very-angry-more-than-friend? Why, yes, it is me - Steffi Hartmann, coward extraordinaire. Look, whatever. I will tell him when I see him, I am just not going to actively seek him out _right now_. Pete, on the other hand, is right here in the Common Room as soon as I walk in (with the plan of heading straight to my dorm to avoid Sirius).

"Pete! Where have you been hiding away!"

He grins up at me, "Hello, Steffi Hartmann - or is it Steffi Black yet?"

I smack him round the head as I plonk myself down next to him, but can't help flashing him a wide beam too.

"I was meaning to hunt you down, Stef, see how you were coping under the bright lights of Sirius Black's attention…"

"I am coping surprisingly well. I have even amazed myself with how rational I am being about this; we are taking things slow but… Actually, this does make sense, I think."

Peter seems happy to hear this, "Yeah, it really does. I'm glad you are finally using those keen skills of observation on your own feelings for once!"

"Hey!" Heading the right way for another smack at this rate. "If it wasn't for my complete and utter ignorance of my own feelings, I probably wouldn't have match-made so many others. Including you and Dora! I hope that is all still going well."

He nods vociferously. They have definitely become inseparable, fast, but it is good and sweet. I am especially thankful for Dora when I hear what Pete says next. "Yeah. I mean… Stef? I feel stupid saying this but hanging out with Dora a lot has been a good way to avoid the guys. I feel like maybe if I try and hang out with them at the moment, I could be a bit… rejected."

"What?"

"Not on purpose! No, I know they wouldn't do that but, you know. James has Lily, and now Sirius has you. Remus is a super-genius who is going to graduate top of the year and probably beat the record for number of hours spent in the Library ever. I suppose I never really got the lion's share of attention anyway, and now it just seems like everyone is more distracted than ever."

I feel horrible for him; as I have said, Pete _is_ the more overshadowed Marauder. He isn't as stupidly brilliant as the other three - but then, who is? They are unfairly smart. And he is cute, but he just lacks the swagger. Which really is a good thing but I suppose at this time in our lives, the guys with the swagger get the attention. I think Pete will be the winner later in life, or at the very least he will eventually stop feeling so second best. Because he really isn't, he is just as good as the other three boys. He just needs to learn that. Self-confidence comes to people at different times, my mum always says. Some people are born with it, for some it comes at school, for others at work… But I think that right now, Pete can only see the places where he falls short. And having best friends like James, Sirius and Remus it is easy to compare yourself, but impossible to measure up.

Before I can really express any of this, Pete seems to have decided to drop the subject and move on. "Anyway, I actually have a message for you from Dora. She wondered if you wanted to get coffee with her in Hogsmeade this weekend… Wait, here you go. She wrote a note."

It just has the name of a coffee shop, a time and a smiley face. Aw, that is sweet. Dora becoming better friends with me (then maybe also Marley and Lils) could bring the group together a bit more too, I suggest. Pete shrugs and smiles at my effort to reassure him.

"It is just getting to real-life time and people are trying to concentrate on all this grown-up stuff," I tell him. "But your friendship - honestly, it isn't going to fade after so many years. No matter what silly girls come along or what careers people do. Especially not in a time like this when people need their friends so much."

"You are so very wise, Steffi. How is that someone with so much knowledge to offer can cause so much chaos in this world?" He laughs at my frown.

"Great at giving advice, rubbish at taking it."

"Yeah, that pretty much sums you up, DZ… OW!"

One day people are going to stop underestimating my violent nature.

* * *

Oh boy, oh boy. Here we bloody go. After Pete went off to class, I stayed in the Common Room to work on writing up the Potions report. Also, I did feel bad about hiding out in my dorm. It's like Marls said, I need to give this a proper go as well. If there is an issue that needs discussing then I can't just put it off. Sure enough, James and Sirius walk in about half an hour after Petey left me.

"Alright, Harts," James waves at me as he lays out on one of the sofas. Sirius smiles at me from his armchair. God, he is so bloody good-looking. I mean, really it is not fair at all. Oof, that _smile_ , damn - I have to work hard not to get all dribble-y again. But I cannot let myself get distracted by his handsomeness, as hard as that may be.

"Sirius, you got a free?"

He nods and James cackles, "Got something planned for him, Stef?"

I roll my eyes but head off towards the boys' dorm - it is just the most convenient place to talk really. Plus, who knows? I may need to distract him from murdering me and having beds in the vicinity might be helpful for that.

He follows me into the room. He is able to read me better than James it seems - he can tell I just need to talk. "What is up, Stef?"

I sit on the edge of his bed and take a deep breath. Actually, I decide it is probably easier for me to just hand over the invite, instead of bumbling on and explaining the situation badly. He takes it from me, obviously no idea what it is. I examine his expression as his eyes flick over the card but it remains unreadable. He sits down heavily next to me and reads the words aloud.

" _Stefanie Hartmann,  
Cygnus and Druella Black, Abraxas and Calista Malfoy cordially invite you to celebrate the engagement of Narcissa and Lucius on the 6th December, 1977._"

I don't know if he has seen yet, that it is at…

"Grimmauld Place."

There we go. He turns to look at me, a deep frown line in his forehead, and he lets the card fall to the floor. "I wonder why they are having it there… The Manor is much bigger but - it's in Wiltshire, actually. Maybe you know it?"

"Huh?" I am a little thrown by his train of thought.

"Maybe they are renovating at the Manor. And Cygnus and Druella's… well, that place is even more grim that Grimmauld and that really is quite an achievement."

I don't really know what to say. He seems very unfocused. I try and regain his attention, because this is pretty important. "It says gifts not required, but really they are, aren't they? What do you think the likelihood of me being murdered is, if I give Lucius a pack of opened Dungbombs?"

I really ought to come up with some other way of breaking awkward silences other than terrible jokes. Because this method really very rarely works.

"I can't believe Narcissa even got you invited… Perhaps it was Lucius, because he knew there would be no better form of torture than an evening with all my relatives. I'm almost expecting an invite of my own, it really would be the worst retribution for humiliating them so."

He sounds bitter and sad and I feel terrible for even bringing it up, making him think about that place and these people again. But I know he would much rather I told him straight away.

"In all seriousness, you should help me prepare. For starters, none of my clothes are nearly posh enough for this. And how do you make small talk with these people?"

Sirius suddenly focusses up. His eyes have narrowed now, gazing at me with suspicion. "You are not actually considering _going_ , are you Stef?"

I try very hard not to look like a puppy that just got caught chewing up a pair of slippers but I don't think I succeed in my endeavour. "Sirius… I think I _have_ to-"

"You really bloody don't."

"You didn't see how...happy Cissy was today. I have never seen her like that. I am her friend, for now. I may disapprove of all of it, but isn't it good for her to have one face there that… isn't like the rest of them?"

Sirius throws himself back on the bed, laying flat out, and huffs out a very frustrated sigh. "I don't know why you have taken on this task, as if it is your personal burden, to prove to dick Slytherins that there are good people in this world."

"But they _should_ know that! If they have experienced some good, a friendship that goes beyond the prejudices… well, I don't have any illusions that my friendship will change anyone's minds but I just think the memory of it might stay with them. That Cissy will remember that I came to her engagement party even though she knows I despise everyone else there. That I went because the most important thing was that she was happy and enthusiastic, not my principles. That her emotions, our friendship was more important."

I don't know if that made any sense. At the end of the day, what matters to me more than anything is the actions of individuals. I don't know if it means as much to other people, but I can only hope it does.

From his spot laid back on the bed, Sirius holds out his hand towards me. I take it and he pulls me backwards to lay next to him. His voice is gruff when he speaks, "I think you are crazy for doing what you do. But I… admire it too, in a lot of ways. You are just so _good_ , Steffi. If anyone can make an impression on them, it is you."

"Look, at the end of the day, this is me getting involved with your family. And I know nothing about them, or that part of your life. So if you don't want me to do this, please tell me and I won't. I want this," I gesture between us. "to work; I want to give this a fighting chance."

"But so do I. And I don't want to stop you doing something that you want to do. I don't want you to change. Yeah, you are different from me but… I like that."

Yeah, OK, so my heart might just be a melted puddle of mush from here on in because that was the most adorable thing I have ever heard. I shift slightly onto my side, so I am leaning into him more. Sirius' arm is under my neck, supporting it. As I shift, I feel his hand curl more around my shoulder, holding me against him. This is bloody nice. I rest my arm on his chest.

"I do want to go. I am nervous, I am very scared but I just feel like it is the right thing to do."

"Yes, and I know you won't be hurt. You aren't in danger going to this thing and that is the only real, rational argument I can have against this."

"Not really. Emotional arguments are perfectly valid too. Just saying that you don't want me in a room with your awful parents is totally reasonable, Sirius. I won't think you are overreacting."

He contemplates this for a while and I shamelessly use his pensiveness to snuggle up closer, so I am lying with my head on his chest. I could probably happily just stay here forever, just moving with his breathing and snoozing the hours away.

Eventually, Sirius starts to talk again. "This was part of the deal, wasn't it? The whole moving-slow thing was a chance for us to get to know each other properly, to air all our laundry and see if we still feel the same way. Well, here is your chance. To see where I come from, what I actually am - no matter how far I run, the people you'll meet next week are who I genetically and unavoidably _am_."

I know there is no point in voicing all of the obvious objections to this statement.

"I will try to tell you about it myself too, what it was like for me growing up. But a lot of it is hard to comprehend, when you come from the place you do. I think going there will help. It may disgust you, it may make you realize that you don't want anything to do with me. I hope it won't and I doubt it would. But, yeah, I think this does give us that fighting chance you were talking about. Because you are right - this can only work if we go into this with our eyes open."

This is a Big Deal. I know it is. After all, I may not know his whole past but everyone knows how tight-lipped he is about it, _that_ is no secret. That he is allowing me, although I would honestly have been fine if he had asked me not to go, into his childhood home… I think that is a really, really big deal and it really touches me that he doing this, for me.

I am not sure I can properly express the gratitude and the warmth I feel towards him right now. So I just turn my head slightly, just enough to kiss him. Briefly, lightly. But enough to show him how much this means to me.

My head is back on his chest before I can even register his expression. But his arms wrap around me to hug me properly, and his lips are against my hair. And...

I feel… so happy.

* * *

I think I may be strutting, just a little. Walking around on the verge of breaking into a tap dance. A little too much of a spring in my step, you know? Embarrassingly pleased with myself, for having got the attention of the biggest catch in the school and I am even managing to navigate the stormy waters of this blossoming relationship with something akin to… I don't know, maturity and rationality? Neither of which is usually my strong point.

Like, I am _handling_ this situation. Go me, go Steffi.

* * *

Whilst I jauntily strolled through the castle, I saw Lana. And, completely on autopilot, grinned massively and stupidly at her because it is Lana and… I forgot we aren't talking, or whatever. But she smiled back and then we both simultaneously seemed to remember how we were supposed to be ignoring one another and dropped the grins.

It is soooo stupid that we are fighting. If anyone should be here to witness the miracle that is me actually coping with Boy Stuff, it is Lana. Plus, the rumors are already starting to fly and I want to talk about this with Lans myself. I don't want her to only know what is going on in my life courtesy of the Fenwick Times.

* * *

"Marley, can we try and make Lana be our friend again please?"

"Yeah, life without her loudness is very boring. I can't remember the last time we were bitching about someone and they heard and gave us a disdainful look."

"Mhm, we have too good a grasp on the concept of 'indoor voices'."

"I miss Lans complete inability to whisper and the horrifically embarrassing situations that arose."

It is difficult because we really do think she should end things with Rabastan - the longer it goes on, the more likely things are to end badly. But, as we suspected, telling her that just made her dig her heels in harder. I think really though, she is just being stubborn. Soon, surely, she will see sense and chuck him. But now we've said our piece, we can't continue to criticize him - because then she'll just keep on trying to prove a point. It would have been so much easier if she had just been mad at us for a couple of weeks, then broken up with him and we could reunite. Trying to get our friendship back on track, even though the issue that divided us still hasn't been resolved is going to be hard.

I am hoping that my Boy Gossip will be so exciting that it eclipses our disagreement. If any news is big enough, got enough shock-factor, it is this. No matter how pissed Lana is, she will want to be involved with this saga.

* * *

When Marls and I return from the Library, Fate has gifted us with a prime opportunity for some reconciliation which we grab on to with both hands. Lana is sat in her bed, reading a magazine. I exchange a glance with Marley and bound over, getting into Lan's bed next to her. She looks up to find herself sandwiched between myself and Marls, both grinning at her.

"Hey, Lana Banana," I sing-song at her. "Reading anything good?"

She stares at me with a decidedly unamused look on her face. But I am practiced enough in the ways of Detection to see a glint of laughter in her eyes.

"Stefanie, you can't just hop into bed with me and act like everything is fine."

I pout, jokingly, "But, Lans, I am bored of fighting now. Screw it, we have said our piece and at the end of the day, it is up to you. I want _you_ back in my life - he doesn't have to bear any influence on us three and our friendship."

Marley nods and snuggles up against Lana, "We miss you, Lana. I have had to deal with all of Steffi's madness alone - and, my Godric, has there been a lot of crazy lately."

I lean around Lana to glare at traitorous McKinnon. But I can see Lans' interest has been piqued.

"Look, you guys. I like him a lot and if I hear _one_ criticism, _one_ snarky comment, then I am going back to ignoring you and making you put up with Stef's nuttiness alone."

Marley gasps in mock-terror, "No! Lana, please! I swear, not a bad word shall fall from these lips."

"I honestly have no idea why I fight to be friends with you two when all you do is bully me… I promise too, Lans, not to be critical or whatever. But, equally, I don't really want to hear about you and him. I still don't like it, I still think it would be better if you ended things sooner rather than later."

She wrinkles up her nose at me and may have been about to retort but Marls steps in with a not-so-witty comment at my expense. "Yeah, listen to Stef. You see, she is a bit of a relationship expert these days…"

Lana cackles, "Tell me everything, _now_."

We settle down as I start to regale them with the Saga of Sirius and Stef. Lans is back in good spirits.I think the story is doomed to be accompanied by a soundtrack of giggling and snorting. Oh well, Lana's friendship is worthy of this sacrifice, this pain, the mocking I am about to endure….

* * *

A/N: Woo, new chapter! Hope you enjoy, please do let me know!

Sorry if updates/review replies are slowing down a little, work is busyyyy.

Elle xox


	29. Chapter 29

"Hey, Dora!" Cue my enthusiastic waving to the girl sitting alone at the Ravenclaw table.

We met last Saturday, as arranged, for a coffee and had a very pleasant time. Although she is very quiet and reserved, totally unlike me - the most talkative and over-the-top person - Dora does have a witty sharp sense of humor. And spending time with her is addictive as crack cocaine for people like Petey and I. Like I said, he craves attention - not in an attention-whore way, just in the way that someone often overlooked likes to be noticed. And I love to tell my stories of Disasters and rant and ramble - so I think anyone who listens to me is wonderful. It is no wonder that we both find Dora's totally focussed, undivided attention so glorious.

I told her a lot about the Sirius situation, and we compared notes on getting into relationships with Marauders. Although Pete and Sirius are so different, I suppose the attention thing is quite similar. People have noticed that Pete is now joined to the hip with Dora Crouch; one of the most well-known guys in school with the quietest, kookiest girl. People have been chatting quite a lot. And it isn't as if Pete is totally without his admirers, girls who would love to date a Marauder. I think some noses are out of joint that such an oddball has snagged herself a catch.

But Dora is so cool. Obviously it is like water off a duck's back to her. I like to think I will handle any inevitable whisperings just as coolly. And I probably will - as if I am not used to people talking about me… You don't just accidentally cause the roof of the Owlery to cave in without the whole school gossiping about you for weeks. The whisperings of a certain deranged Ravenclaw Bitch Queen might bother me a little. But only a little. After all, _I_ have Sirius Black. What has that cow got?

Anyway, today Dora and I both have later starts so we agreed to meet up and have a leisurely breakfast. She had told me about a few basic Occlumency/meditation exercises that I could try out, and see how I get on with them.

She waves me over to her spot - bless! She has already loaded up a plate with bacon and buttered toast! What a wonderful human being. (God, I am so easy. Give me a rasher of bacon and I am putty in your hands).

"Morning, Stef. I hope I got you enough bacon." There is literally a meaty mountain on this plate, I am in Heaven. "And, here, I wrote out the exercises for you. Nice and simple, step-by-step but just let me know if anything needs clarifying."

She hands me a plain black notebook, not dissimilar to my Book of Lists. "I was thinking, this way I can add more exercises as you progress. If you want to, that is."

I nod, and flip the book open. True to her word, everything seems laid out very simply. I mean, it really does just seem like meditation at this point. Clearing your mind and all that jazz. I would dive into this whole Occlumency thing without a doubt, if it wasn't for who had bought me to Dora in the first place. Of course, it seems like my original thought has been proved - she is just a nice person, a natural teacher and nurturer. The Slyths must have approached her about teaching them and she just agreed. I just don't want them to find out I started Occlumency on their recommendation; I don't want them to think we are in any way connected, or that I owe them.

"I will give these a go, Dora, thanks!"

She smiles around a mouthful of fruit salad, natch, "No problem. Just let me know if you want any new exercises. You'll probably be needing some calming down once Jane Fenwick gets wind of how serious you and Black are getting!"

See, everyone knows what a psycho that girl is. Oh, God. I am so not looking forward to her finding out about us. Better memorize these exercises….

* * *

I have decided that instead of listening to Professor Donahue rabbit on about whatever vitally important Defensive Spell he is discussing today, I am going to pester Remus about Pete. He shouldn't be feeling left out; I mean, I think it is primarily in his own head, his own damning self-comparisons with the others. But they should do their bit to help him realize that he is good enough and that their friendship will obviously always be unaffected by girls and jobs and petty fights.

Remus doesn't seem too surprised by what I say. "Yes, I had noticed he wasn't around all that much. At first I thought he was just caught up with Dora but lately I had started to wonder if he was avoiding us. I didn't know it was because he felt left out though."

Of course, Sirius and James are so self-secure (almost too much so) that they don't pick up on these things as much. Remus agrees to subtly cheer Pete up, make sure Sirius and James don't neglect everything else in the world whilst trying to pin down me and Lils. Peter would be mortified to think I had told anyone about this, or if Remus directly spoke to him.

"Rems, do you ever feel left out?" I wonder, I mean it happens a lot with girls. It can be very hard to be friends with two girls who are particularly close - they give off an exclusive vibe. It has taken me, Lans and Marls so long to work out the balance between us. We still struggle, obviously. I wonder if James and Sirius can have a similar effect.

Remus shrugs, "Not really. Almost the opposite, in fact. I had always felt like a bit of an outsider. I thought I would always consider myself as such. But because of the guys, I don't anymore. I feel like a part of something, an equal part too."

"Then why doesn't Petey feel equal?"

He ponders this for a moment. I suppose there is no easy answer, it probably comes back down to that issue of self-confidence. Remus _has_ always been different - he is a werewolf, for God's sake. He has always been aware of this, always known that he (in general opinion) isn't as good as everyone else. Although his confidence isn't high, he is at least confident, aware and secure in who he is. Petey, on the other hand, just probably is still in that totally normal teenage phase of not knowing where you stand or how you fit into the world. Most people don't, but the other three Marauders do. So perhaps that is hard.

I explain this train of thought to Remus, excluding my musings on _his_ situation. He seems to agree.

"We are unusually sure of ourselves," he chuckles. "I suppose going through hardships is, although awful, pretty character-building. Which explains why, for example, Sirius is always so much… himself. But, I mean, you are also very 'secure in yourself', Stef. Why is that?"

I suppose you could claim _my_ past. But, to be honest, whilst it is an intrinsic part of myself, actually it often feels like what it is - something that happened to people I never met. It is a horror far-removed and in the distant past. Other times it cuts me to the bone, that my flesh and blood experienced such things.

"I think it was growing up just with my mum. It is a bit weird to only have one parent, a lot of people were a bit judgemental of my mum. Even though the circumstance was so beyond control. I guess they thought she should have remarried, given me a dad. But she is so weird and proud of it, that I have just never felt self-conscious of being the way I am."

Remus smiles; he loves my scatty mum too - he is a regular fixture at our dinner table during the holidays. My mum is a decent cook, surprisingly. Despite the scrapes she gets into whilst doing the cooking, she has picked up a lot of recipes and a knack for spices from her world travels with Dad.

"Yes, I agree. Your mum is probably the best role model for self-confidence. Pete should hang out with her more!"

I laugh, thinking about how overwhelmed Petey gets any time he tries to interact with Mum. She can be baffling to those unused to her ways.

Of course, Remus can't help himself and eventually slyly asks, "So, how are things going with you and Mr. Black anyway?"

As _if_ Sirius doesn't report every little detail back to these old maids every single evening. "Good. Surprisingly good, to be quite honest. I am not freaking out too badly - I am working very hard on believing everything he says to me and giving this a shot. And he is being… totally reasonable. More than I ever expected."

"Hm? Reasonable?"

"You know, about the whole party thing?"

Rems looks very bemused so I explain to him about Narcissa's party and how Sirius has said I can go. "Obviously, he isn't _happy_ about it. But I don't think he is too upset at all."

"Wait, you have been invited to a party at Grimmauld Place with all of his family and Sirius said, yes fine you can go?"

I nod, "We talked about it. It is a chance for me to… understand better where he comes from and what his life has been like."

"Bloody Hell, Stef."

"I know. It is a big deal. I didn't really know what to say when he said I should go."

"It is a _very_ big deal. None of us have ever seen where he grew up. He… really, he barely talks about his family; even James only knows a few details, a few stories about things that have happened. This is really, very big, Stef. He must be even more serious than I thought about this."

"He said in order to give this a fighting chance, we both needed to go in with our eyes open. I guess this is the best way of opening my eyes. I think I can handle it."

Remus still looks surprised by the news. I _do_ understand what a huge deal this is. I can't imagine how hard it must be to let such deeply entrenched barriers down but I like to think he feels secure that I won't judge him. I think he trusts that I am a fair person, and that I care for him a lot. Where he comes from won't affect how I see him.

I totally understand the desire to keep your secrets to yourself. My family history is nowhere near as recent or as personal as his. But I have never been open about it because I don't want people to look at me, and that be the first thing they think of. Oh, Steffi, from the broken home. Steffi, from the war-torn family. That Stef, with the asylum seeker father. I don't want the thought of Grindelwald and Stef Hartmann to go hand-in-hand for my Hogwarts peers. People already think of Sirius as a poor orphan, a runaway, a victim - he can't help that. But the less specific, less detailed their knowledge, then the shallower that image of him runs. They can't call to mind a specific horrific story about his family whenever they see him. And that is good - general sadness is preferable to him knowing that everyone who looks at him is thinking about the time… I don't know, his cousin Bella hexed him or something.

People can't help but judge, to associate you with the hearsay that surrounds you. So, if they simply don't know, then they can't judge.

* * *

Now, Slughorn, I of all people know how fascinating the Draught of Living Death is. It isn't me you have to convince! Stop directing your lesson at me, trying to distract me from staring in a dreamy daze at Sirius, and attempt to engage the other morons in this class. The other, non-Potions-appreciating morons. And leave me, and my stare-y ways be.

Sirius is gazing blankly at Sluggers, clearly not understanding a word the man is saying. Just because Lily and I are so brilliant at Potions, doesn't mean everyone is, Horace. He has been in a good mood, even since our discussion and the decision that I would go to Cissy's party. He has been mildly more subdued, but hey, even Sirius Black couldn't keep up the ridiculously hyper level of happiness he had been displaying up until that point. He still seems happy, you know, to be hanging out with me. To be allowed to do all his silly whispering. Which is absolutely nutso and crazy but I am just not going to complain.

Anyhow, it seems Slugs is wrapping things up which brings my Sirius-Stare-athon to an end. The victim of my intense gazing scrawls down the homework then, turning to look at me, gives me a pleading look and gestures at his page of notes which is basically just a parchment full of question marks.

"Ms. Hartmann, if you would care to join me for a moment?" Oh, Horace, you just want me all to yourself! The rest of the class is filing out as he calls to me.

Sirius grabs his bag, kisses me lightly on the head and walks out, "See you in the Library? I swear to God, Stef, if you leave me alone with this…" He shakes his scrawled notes at me.

"Don't worry, I will save you from the scary-wary Potions!" I flash the idiot a grin before swanning up to my most favorite Prof. "Hi, Professor! How can I help?"

The only instant when a teacher calls to see me after class and I _know_ it isn't because I am in trouble. Unless he took offence at my Sirius-Stare-athon. Sluggers can get a bit jealous. I think the whole Kettleburn Tea Sessions/Dartmoor Publicity Stunt rattled him a little. As long as McG is teaching me, he never has to worry about being my least beloved prof.

"I just wished to congratulate you on your Wiggenweld brew. Now, I am pretty sure I can tell who the success of the Potion can be attributed to within your group…"

I smile, but throw Sirius a bone. "Sirius was surprisingly helpful - he even took notes at one point."

"Well," Slughorn's turn to smirk a little, beneath his moustache. "You have managed to do what many others before you have failed at - teaching Mr. Black a little decorum!"

"Not likely," That snort was very unladylike but how else is one supposed to react to a sentence with both 'Sirius' and 'decorum' in it?

"Anyway, it isn't as if I needed further proof of your aptitude for the Defense sector but this Potion really was outstanding. And I suddenly remembered that a former student of mine, Dave Rygalski, was the deputy head of the Department a few years ago. He works in the private sector now, but I sent him an owl about you. And… here you go! His contact details - he said you should get in touch and he can give you a few tips about the application process."

"Oh my God. Thank you so much, Slugs! I mean, Slughorn, that is - _Professor_ Slughorn. Thank you! This is so helpful, thanks so much!"

He grins genially at me - what a sweetheart! This guy he is referring me to must have been in charge of hiring back when he worked in the department - what better insight could I have? The way people are talking about this, and the help I am getting… I _think_ I have the job kind of in the bag? Which is _nuts_. That of all the people in this school, it is me - the Walking Disaster Zone - that has a cushy job all lined up post-graduation.

The world is a crazy, crazy place.

* * *

Hehehe.

Heheheehehe.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Suckers. They both fell for it. The oldest trick in the book. Who would have thought it'd work? Telling both Sirius and Lily to meet me for a study session, without the other knowing… I truly am a genius. These two need to face up to the fact that they are _both_ very much in James' life, so it would be much easier if they could just get on. Lily needs to realize that Sirius isn't the root of all evil, the corrupting influence on her boyfriend. And Sirius needs to see past the Little Miss Perfect routine that Lily put on for all those years. You would think, if they both love James so much, they would just trust his opinion of the other and automatically like each other. Unfortunately, things aren't that simple.

So, I guess it is up to me!

* * *

"Hello, friends," Bright and cheery and ignoring their pointed looks. "How are we getting on?"

Neither replies, very rudely. Sirius rolls his eyes at me as I take a seat and smile sweetly at him. Come on now, pal, gotta drop that attitude if you want to get Lil's approval.

"Sorry, I'm late. Sirius, Slughorn just wanted to tell me our Wiggenweld was definitely an O - he said it was perfect!" See, Lily, Sirius is an intelligent bloke - he gets good grades. Just droppin' those good traits into the convo oh-so-casually.

"Right. Well, come on, Stef. That credit goes to you really."

"Oh, but I told Slugs about your note-taking-dutifulness. He was very impressed," I shoot Sirius a little grin, which he can't help but return.

Lily is busy, burying her nose into her Astronomy textbook - the pretense under which I lured her to the Library. I slip in another little reference to Sirius' academic abilities, for Lil's benefit.

"So, shall we get on with that Potions you asked me to help with? You seemed to keen to get working on it!"

He shoots me a highly unimpressed look at this point, probably very aware of my master plan to force some friendship. Nevertheless he hauls out his notes and I push mine over to him so we can start a comparison. His page really is just a collection of question marks and scribbled out words. I try to explain the concept as simply as possible but, to be honest, I still don't really get why I am so good at Potions - it just clicks. So it is hard for me to _teach_ others, I find.

However, all my attempts were in vain anyway. When I look up, to gauge if Sirius has taken in any of my garbling, I find he is engaged in a Steffi-Stare-athon himself. Well, well, well.

"Sirius," I sigh with mock-severity, desperately trying to hide my smugness. "Did you listen to a single word I just said?"

He grins, "Yeah, you were saying how this Potion forms the basis for that Muggle fairy story - Sleeping Beauty. And how I should always be able to remember the antidote for this Draught because it is the Wiggenweld."

Ugh, he is evidently way better at multi-tasking than I am.

Anyway, I have done my best to promote Sirius' academic side to Lily, now to showcase her not-stick-up-the-arse ways to Sirius.

"So, uh, Lils, you actually up for any studying today or are you going to try and turn this into yet _another_ Book Thief session?" Might just be laying it on a little thick, judging from Sirius and Lily's unimpressed looks but oh well.

"I thought we needed to finish off charting the month?"

"Yes, but this is also quality Lils-and-Steffi catch-up time! How is _your_ life, Lily darling? Tell me everything!"

Lily snorts, "Not such quality time when you bring your boyfriend along."

"Eh, my something-more-than-a-friend. And anyway, I feel like this dynamic worked well before!"

At this, and the memory of Sirius in that Bubble Head Charm no doubt, they both laugh. Conveniently forgetting, however, that it _did_ work seeing as James and Lily now seem well on-track. So, yeah, _Lily_ \- no mocking, please.

"No, Stef, I really need to work. I can't make the next Astro lesson."

"What? Why?"

She is suspiciously silent. Lily Evans would never miss a lesson unless it was completely vital; in fact, I don't recall her ever being absent. Especially not for a practical lesson, that you can't catch up on so easily…

"You aren't skipping to go on date with James, are you?" Sirius asks, jokingly disapproving. Lily rolls her eyes - of course not. Education before fornication - I am with you on that, girl!

Although, what else could possibly drag her away from Astrology, I do not know. It isn't as though we have a late Prefect meeting tonight, although that has clashed with Astro before. No… I can't think of a thing unless…

"Lily, do you have a detention?"

Oh-ho! Busted! The girl has gone redder than the Gryffindor Common Room on Cup Final day. Oh, man, I don't even have to try here. If there is one way to gain Sirius Black's approval…. Sure enough, his little ears have pricked up and he is regarding Lils' rouge visage with some interest.

"It isn't a big deal, alright?!" She says in quite a big-dealy way.

I smirk, "James has changed you, Lily-kins." That will teach her to make double-date jokes!

She growls at this comment and shakes her head, "Look, I just saw some idiot 7th Years picking on some younger kids and lost it a bit, OK? They were being arseholes and I may have hexed instead of giving a det."

Impressive. That is what I have found hardest about being a Prefect - we always have to take the moral route. My instinct when I hear some sketchy Slyths have been hurting people, or sneaking off to meet dodgy strangers would be to confront them. Then probably get involved in a corridor skirmish (I don't confine my brawls to the Library). But nowadays I have to see McG. Which is probably better for all of us - in fact, _especially_ for me considering how likely I am to accidentally hex myself instead of the Slyth I am trying to teach a lesson to.

But, you know, that's _me_ not Lily Evans.

"Cripes. Which prof caught you doing that?"

"Vector," We all pull a face. He is always soft on Slytherins. "But he only gave me the one det. Typical of him to pick a night that clashes with Astro. Can you actually pay attention for once, Stef, so I can catch up?"

Bloody Hell, it is difficult enough to stay awake during Astronomy even with Lils to chat to. Left alone I think it will be an extended naptime. Might have to forget those star charts, Evans.

I ignore her plea for academic help, "So who exactly was it that got on the wrong side of Lily Evans?"

"Mulciber, Nott and Snape." She says the names very neutrally, icily. But… I mean, as I have said, I have no idea what really happened there but she definitely has some sort of history with Snape. And well, Mulciber, I know what sort of a guy he is. No wonder Lily hexed them. They were probably… They must have deserved it.

Sirius has also picked up on the names, "Snape? What was that prick doing, Evans?"

For some reason, this makes her roll her eyes, "Shove off, Sirius."

"Look, he didn't hurt you, did he? Because Prongs will flip if he did. And he will be even angrier if you don't _tell_ him."

"He didn't attack me! He was picking on some Thirdies. Well, Mulciber and Nott were - he was just hanging around like a bad smell…" She sounds bitter.

Sirius shrugs, "Well, the guy is a twat. I'm sure he deserved whatever you threw at him."

"No, _Black_ , no it does not mean he deserves to be treated badly!"

"Calm the Hell down, Evans! You're the one who hexed him!"

Lily looks disdainful again, "Just because someone has does something bad, doesn't give everyone else a free pass to go around hurting them. _Steffi_ thinks that too. I messed up this one time but I am going to apologize."

Sirius looks over at me - I do not know why Lily is dragging my name into this. Heck, I do not even know why this has suddenly got all heated.

"I know," He sighs. His temper burns out quite quickly, I find. He is a sulker, but his proper anger has a short life. "And I think that too, now. I get it, Lily, and you know I don't-"

She cuts him off, "Yeah, no. Sorry. I am just annoyed with myself for losing my temper. It just gives them even more power, doesn't it? To see that they have gotten to you."

For a moment the pair share a look. Not a smile or anything…. warm. But an understanding, I think. I have seen similarities between them before, the way they carry their burdens - the elitist Pureblood family and the Muggleborn genius. I may not have sparked any friendships here but I think the two are going to leave here with a little more respect for the other.

And me? I am leaving here with a burning desire to know just what exactly went on between Lily and Severus Snape…

* * *

You know, how sometimes you just feel so good? Everything is going your way - you've made up with your best friend, you have an awesome job lined up, the hottest guy in school likes you and even your going to his childhood home to party with his estranged family hasn't affected the situation. All pretty damn good things. Isn't it funny how that feeling can never last? I think there is some universal rule that goes, 'well, you've had your five minutes of blissful happiness' and sends along a Fenwick to ruin it all.

We had another dinner date, you see. Another weird and nightmarish experience where she accosted me and sat with me while I tried to enjoy the simplest of pleasures - Shepherd's Pie. I think it must just be a confrontational meal. Shepherd's Pie brings out everyone's brash side.

"Well, well, well, Hartmann." Honestly, you are a cow but you aren't exactly a Bond villain, please stop talking like one. "I thought things were going pretty well for you last time we spoke but it looks like life is even better for you now!"

I just give her what I hope is a withering glare but is probably more like a mournful cower.

"You've traded up!" She exclaims, practically leering with me. She literally looks like a lion about to pounce. Wah.

I shrug, "Yeah, life is OK right now." I mean, I don't know. She won't go away if I ignore her, I have learnt that from experience.

She smiles sweetly (AKA she smiles poisonously, disguised with sugar-coating). "Perhaps you ought to thank me for that? I mean, would you ever have realized you liked Sirius if Maria hadn't started going after him?"

I shake my head at her, what is this girl's problem? She is just incapable of allowing anyone else on this planet to have even a scrap of happiness just because she happened to be born with a black hole where her heart should be.

"Sure, it started off as an attempt to keep him away from you. We couldn't have Steffi Hartmann bagging the biggest catch in Hogwarts, could we? But now, well, I kind of like you and Black together."

"Are you _seriously_ saying you set MacMillan after Sirius just to try and stop him from liking me? You are so deranged."

Fenwick laughs nastily, "It was a task she was very willing to undertake. And, she did turn his head."

"Yeah, only because he wanted to make me jealous."

"Ooh! And there is that infamous arrogance once again!"

I try not to rise to it, or let if affect me. It is just hard when they chime so true with my own thoughts. It _does_ seem absurd that Sirius Black would be trying to get my attention, to make _me_ jealous. Especially with girls like Diana Cress or Maria MacMillan. But everything I have experienced with him so far just screams that it is true. And he wouldn't just straight up lie to me. It is a war between what my head is telling me and what Sirius is telling me. I have to believe him. Remember that everything between us so far, the way everything has been - it _has_ made sense and it has felt right.

With this in mind, I resolutely ignore Fenwick and scoop a few more peas onto my plate. Gotta get that 5-a-day. Fenwick seems put out for a moment, not to have gotten a rise from me with the old favorite, but of course she has another trick up her sleeve.

"I suppose Maria isn't really the victim here, is she? The one who really got fucked over by yours and Black's smug little love affair was Gideon Prewett, wasn't it? I mean, any girl who hangs out with Sirius knows she is just an ex waiting to happen but for some reason, Prewett really seemed to like you. I think he actually wanted things to work. And look at the poor guy now. Tossed aside for Black, who will have discarded you by the new year."

Unfortunately, Fenwick really does have a knack for seeking out that weak spot. She knows just where to hit you, to make you really stop and think. And of course, I still feel horrific about Gideon. That the poor bloke ended things with me, because I had been awful and neglectful and he still was lovely enough to encourage me to go for it with Sirius. In fact, Gid was the trigger. The whole reason I ever even realized I liked Sirius was because Gideon was big enough to say it straight up. I owe him so much and he has been nothing but wonderful to me. And I really did just toss him aside.

Stupidly, I must have let it show on my face that she had hit a nerve because now Jane Fenwick is truly on the attack. "Typical Hartmann. Completely screw over a lovely guy because, oh! _Of course_ , the hottest guy in the school is after you! And, _naturally_ , you're gonna be the one to change him. With _you_ , it is gonna last forever. This relationship with Sirius Black is going to be so successful it is worth chucking aside Gideon Prewett and everything you could have had with him."

Shut up. Ugh, shut _up_. How can she possibly know, so clearly, where every one of my insecurities about this situation lies? How can her attacks be so accurate and on-target every single time?! I said it myself, I don't want to be that girl who 'changes' a guy. But somehow this thing with Sirius does appear to be different from what he has had with other girls. And this isn't just my own arrogance talking - lots of people have said it! I need to remember that. It was worth taking a shot here. I had to.

Oh, God. I just never want to look back and think, Jane Fenwick was right. I never want to be sitting old and alone and think - you could have had a good, kind husband by your side. But no, you threw that prospect away on the off-chance that a miracle had occurred and the gorgeous wildcard was in love with you.

"You are a Disaster. You can't even get through breakfast without some fucking incident, you really think you can make a relationship work? With Sirius _Black_? Please. Such a fuck-up, Hartmann."

Such a fuck-up.

Disaster Count: 326, 785, 001. Probably. Who cares? I've given up counting now.

* * *

A/N: Hey! I promise to be better with review replies on this chapter. I have failed miserably with the past couple of chapters but clean slate! Any comments are appreciated and will be acknowledged, I promise!

Next one will be the engagement party!

Elle xox


	30. Chapter 30

"You ready to party?" His voice is very dry and expression completely unamused. The past couple of days have been odd. I have been stupidly down about Fenwick's comments and, with my trip to Grimmauld Place fast approaching, Sirius hasn't been in the greatest of moods either.

I grimace back, "Can't bloody wait."

"Still sure going is the right thing to do?"

I can't help but sigh. I sort of wish I didn't have to now but I saw Cissy yesterday and she was actually, literally like glowing with happiness and excitement. I have never seen her so animated before; planning this wedding seems to be the most incredible thing of her life. Which I guess is usually understandable but, I mean, she's marrying _Malfoy_. Anyway, I tell Sirius this and he pulls a face.

"Yeah, no. I get it. You do need to go. For this weird dumb friendship." He tries to joke, "Come on, Stef. Now you have me, you shouldn't even need other friends. What can they give you that I can't?"

I smile lightly at this but… I have just been in such a funk since Fenwick that I don't think I have properly laughed once since our conversation. Of course, Sirius has noticed.

"What's up? If you're nervous about being with all those people… Well, first of all, I understand completely. And second, you _do not_ have to go. You and Narcissa are friends and she would understand."

I fidget for a moment. I am a little reluctant to tell him about the whole Jane Fenwick thing because of several reasons, to be honest. I know he will just reassure me, that of course he wants things to work out between us as much as I do. And furthermore, that they will work out. That I _am_ different and his feelings about me are different. But, slightly more embarrassingly, I don't want to sound needy. I don't want to go crying to my not-quite-boyfriend about how I'm not as pretty as his ex's and how much of a silly klutz I am. I don't want to seem high-maintenance, like I need constant reassurance.

"Wait, Steffi, it isn't because of something I've done, is it?" Oops, seems like my silence freaked him out a bit. Hm, perhaps I don't have to worry about seeming needy… Looks like we both need a lot of reassurance.

"No, idiot, not at all. If _you_ do something wrong, trust me, you _will_ hear about it. No, it's… Well, it is bloody Fenwick."

Sirius chuckles, relaxing now he knows he doesn't have to feel guilty. "Were you victim to another of her vicious Stunners?"

He laughed a very mean amount when I told him how she knocked me out during rounds that time. Terrible almost-boyfriend.

I very briefly summarize things: the whole Prewett guilt, the MacMillan distraction, the inevitability of our break-up and… just what a Disaster Zone I really am. Because that was something that really hit me. The way I cope with everyone knowing how accident-prone I am is by making it a joke. But I suppose it does bother me a little, that everything seems to fall down around me. A lot of my catastrophes are funny but also a pain in the arse. And being known as Disaster Zone isn't great. God, I don't want to mess up when things really matter. And if I get a job in the Department of Defense then what I do _will_ really matter. Lives could be in my silly hands.

And, as much as it seems bleh to admit, this relationship does matter. And I don't want to Hartmann it up.

Sirius is shaking his head at me. Here come the reassurances….. "First of all, Prewett is fine with this. You know he is. He has spoken to me at practice as well - in fact, we are flying better than ever. Thankfully. Because I really couldn't hack another Bludger to the head. He even said himself that you weren't a bad person."

"I _know_ but I still feel bad. I should never have dated him when I knew I didn't really like him."

"So many girls have done so much worse."

I shrug. I will just feel guilty about it; I can't help it but I can make sure it doesn't get in the way of me and Sirius.

"You know, Steffi, I know you _think_ you're a Disaster Zone and, sure, you do mess up spectacularly sometimes but… I think you over-exaggerate it in your head. And people like Fenwick don't help your self-perception. You should never be at the point where you are feeling bad about yourself because of these so-called Disasters. I mean, despite any of your mess-ups, you are still a really… capable and intelligent girl. And everyone knows _that_ too."

I could sit here and listen to him say nice things to me forever. Because that is really nice to hear. I can't just believe it, not straight away. I have a whole notebook filled with Disaster Counts that speak to the contrary of what he has said. All the same, it is nice to hear. However, I have a Trying-On Date scheduled with Lana and Marley. It is only a few hours until my Portkey and I still have no idea what to wear. So the girls have offered up some of their outfits to their pal in desperate need.

Sirius wishes me luck as I head up to the dorm, and I can see real concern in his eyes. It suddenly strikes me again, that I will be seeing his family - who _he_ hasn't spoken to in well over a year. A Big Deal.

I really can't mess this up.

* * *

Roped Dumbledore into my Hufflepuff ways and asked him to let the Portkey drop me at Hyde Park Corner. I gave him some nonsense about Muggle nostalgia and wanting to experience the simple joys of public transport, which he seemed to lap up. (Such a Wizard. Any Muggle can tell you there are _no_ joys of public transport). Surely he understood really though, that I just need a little time to freak out before I get to Grimmauld Place. Being transported directly to their front door step would be an absolute nightmare.

This way I can spend a few minutes remembering how to breathe in the pleasant surroundings of the park before getting the Tube. According to Sirius, the place is only a short walk from Russell Square. I made sure to check on the map too, though. I would not put it past him to have given me directions to his local cinema instead.

So, time to go. Ugh, Portkeys really are almost as bad as Apparating. I mean, I can _breathe_ but I still feel nauseous. It isn't that much of a win. And another reason I definitely wouldn't want to pitch up on the Black doorstep… I doubt greeting Walburga Black by vomiting everywhere would go down too well….

* * *

The stroll around the park _has_ helped but I really need to be going, unless I want to be super late. Which, obviously, I don't. However, I really feel like a few more peaceful park moments would do me good. Argh.

Then again, the stress of being late would probably completely undo any park peacefulness so I should go, I suppose. Go to my _doom_.

I survived a Devil's Snare - surely I can get through this?

* * *

 **List Of Things That Could Potentially, Probably Go Wrong Composed by Stefanie Hartmann, 6th December 1977, Piccadilly Line Between Hyde Park Corner And Russell Square.**

\- The aforementioned post-Portkey-potential-puking  
\- Name Confusion. I read that book of genealogy but still, I could definitely end up calling Bellatrix, Andromeda. Which would definitely result in a swift Cruciatus-ing  
\- Choking. There are just so many choking hazards in this world for a DZ: food, drink, my own breath  
\- Falling down. Sirius said this house was like five stories or something. TOO MANY STAIRS.  
\- Eating too much from nerves/natural greed and getting sick. Also lots of vomiting hazards in this world  
\- Admitting that I am sort-of-dating their estranged relative Sirius and am related to known Blood Equality advocates  
\- Having to talk to Mulciber/Lestrange/Regulus  
\- There being no beef-based dishes at the party  
\- There being no food at all?  
\- Injuring a family pet. I have no idea if the Blacks have a pet but if they do, what is the betting _I_ tread on it?

* * *

I only stopped writing the bloody list because I had to get off the train. I am still composing it in my head as I walk. It is never-ending. The list of Terrible Things that could happen this evening.

* * *

I just caught my bloody heel in the pavement. Fuck. I _think_ it's OK, it hasn't come off at the very least. Oooh bugger, I did turn my ankle though and it reeeally hurts. Once I'm inside I guess I can do a quick pain-relief Charm but right now too many Muggles are staring at me.

Because I did just fall flat on my face in the middle of the pavement, after all.

* * *

I mean, depressing is what it is above all else. It hasn't been so bad for me, so far. I've just drunk some champagne and eaten some canapes and watched with interest. It is sort of fascinating for me, to see how the other half lives. To me, it all seems a bit like a Jane Austen novel. The plotting scheming parents with their ideas about their child's lives, everyone on the lookout for their best possible match. I can see all the social climbers, but I don't see any Elizabeth's looking to break rank. Although she didn't in the end, really. She still married a posh twat, she was just a bit sarky before she went through with it.

What is saddest of all is seeing Cissy in this environment. She looks so happy and… pleased with herself. She is arm-in-arm with that creep and she is pleased about it. It is just a confirmation of that truth I try to avoid: although she isn't actively involved in Blood Hate, her life is lead in tacit compliance with it. She isn't ignorant and she is still choosing to remain a part of this world, marrying a man who definitely promotes those awful beliefs.

Guess it's time for another glass of champagne then…..

* * *

My God, this string quartet is boring.

If I was as rich as the Blacks or the Malfoys, I would hire Fleetwood Mac to play at my engagement party. Or my one and only, Ziggy Stardust himself. Now _that_ would be cool. And just get him to play Moonage Daydream on repeat. Ha. Yeah.

* * *

I'm an alligaaaatah, I'm a MamaPapaCominForYoooouuuu.

I'm a space invader… I'll be a rock 'n' rollin' bitch for youuuu. Keep ya mouth shut!

Actually screw hiring David. I do a pretty good Bowie impression myself. I'll just dress up Ziggy-style and rock my own future-hypothetical engagement party.

* * *

I don't whether conversations with Lucius Malfoy are improved or worsened by being a little tipsy.

Advantage: I don't really care about whatever stupid, condescending thing he is saying so much  
Disadvantage: The likelihood of me saying something outrageous/nonsensical increases by quite a lot

"Oh, Steffi, thanks so much again for coming tonight! I am so pleased to have you here! And I know it can't be easy for you, this isn't exactly… your natural environment."

I shrug, "It's fine, Cissy. It's nice to see you so happy."

"Really, Narcissa, it isn't as if you asked her to walk into a cage of starved lions. The way you're going on about it… Coming to a sophisticated party with refined people isn't exactly the most trying of tasks. If anything, Stefanie, we are doing you a favor and expanding your horizons a little." That drawling tone just makes me wanna slap the guy even at the best of times. Get a little alcohol in me and surround me with racist weirdos and the punching-urge increases by quite a way.

"Uh, judging by these musical choices - _you_ are the one who needs some horizon expanding. Where's Stevie Nicks at?"

Lucius gives me a very particular Malfoy-look, which is a cold glare that simultaneously conveys disgust, confusion and pity. I think it is a look he reserves almost solely for me.

I whip out my smirk, improved from months of training and learning under the smirk master himself - Sirius Black.

Ha, yeah. Shove off, Malfoy. You got nothing on this, smirker.

* * *

Ugh, yeah and of course the stupid Slytherin boys would be here. Mulciber is glowering at me from the vol-au-vent table. Please, Mr. Mulciber, would you kindly move your skulking to a more convenient location? You are blocking my access to the stilton puffs. Look, glare all you want but things are gonna get ugly if I don't get my snacks.

Oh, God. And Lestrange is here. Chatting away to his brother. Man, I just wish Lana could see him in this setting. Does she really want to be the Narcissa to his Malfoy? I know she would just say he isn't like Malfoy. But his ease in this situation, talking with such awful people, really is just as bad. He _will_ end up like Malfoy.

Ugh, he's caught my eye and wandered over.

"Hey."

"Hi."

Well, this is the most awkward silence of my whole, very awkward, life.

If I just keep cramming canapes into my mouth then I have a legitimate excuse not to talk and the onus is on him….. Canapes in Mouth Count: 5.

"So, I am glad you and Lana are friends again but I hear you still aren't thrilled about our relationship..?"

"What is the point in continuing to go over this, Rabastan? You know entirely where I stand, so does Lana. What she does is her business. I want nothing to do with you, really. I know you can be decent, but what you do isn't enough. Especially when my best friend's life is so closely linked to yours. She knows I don't want to hear anything about your relationship. Please, let's not."

He shrugs, more weary than angry. I think me liking him was like a proof, confirmation, to his inner-self that he is an OK person. And now I have taken away that approval. Now he can't labor under any delusions that, just because he isn't 100% totally into the whole Muggle torture thing, he is a good person. Unless he actively takes a stand, unless he can completely ensure Lana's safety, then he is not a good person. Not in my books.

It is getting so hard for me to tell black from white. Or rather, which shades of grey are acceptable and which aren't. What is this cut off point where I decide I can't be friends with a Slytherin? When am I going to have to have this conversation with Cissy too? Will it just be implicit in our graduating from Hogwarts, or will my hand be forced earlier than that? Ugh, I hate this situation, this war.

(Un)fortunately, at this moment, Regulus glides over. Like literally. It will never cease to amaze me how fluidly these Pure Bloods move, like figure skaters. Nutso. Anyway, although these eases the tension of the one-on-one convo with Rab, this now means I have to interact with my sort-of-boyfriend's dastardly brother.

"Hey, Hartmann. Cool you could make it!" Disconcertingly, he actually sounds like he means that. "I know Cissy must be thrilled."

"Yeah, only reason I came really. I know how jazzed she has been about organizing all of this."

Regulus actually smiles at me, "Yep. It always amazes me how hyped up the girls get about the weddings. To me, every conversation about place settings sounds the same yet they manage to be as enthusiastic as ever. Even by the thirty-fourth wedding of the year."

"Well," Rab shrugs. "I don't think my brother had to put up with too many place-settings conversations."

"Right, of course Bella didn't lower herself to such girl nonsense."

Yeah, because she has more important issues to concern herself with. Like inflicting unimaginable pain on innocent people - I am _not_ brave enough to say out loud.

"I've never been to a wedding." Is the banal statement I do manage to make. Although, it seems less stupid when Rab and Regulus turn to me with the most stunned expressions. "I guess you guys have to sit through a lot of high-society ceremonies, right? Well, my family is tiny so not much marrying going on. As long as I have been alive I have been the next in line for a wedding. And, well, you both know how disastrous I am, so no one has been holding out hope."

At this, Regulus smirks slightly. Oh no, let's not bring him up. _Please_. This is not a conversation I want to be having. Like, _at all_.

"Now, now, Steffi. Don't be so hard on yourself. I hear your love life isn't all Disasters… Well, to me it seems like a nightmare but I feel most of the Hogwarts population would disagree. I have been dying to know though - you seem so sensible, how is it that even _you_ managed to get bewitched? This is just further evidence for my case that he uses Love Potions."

Rabastan excuses himself from the conversation to talk to Cygnus Black, and probably partly to avoid the topic of relationships which has become so awkward between us. Suddenly I actually miss his presence.

"Um. No, not Love Potions. He is bribing me with copious amounts of tiramisu though. A desperate attempt to keep MacMillan off his back."

Regulus laughs aloud. "The oddest thing about this match is, I bet our parents wouldn't even disapprove of it too much. I never thought I would see the day my brother dated someone our mother could even _potentially_ like."

What is this madman going on… OH GOD. HE IS BECKONING HER OVER. _Walburga Black_. The notoriously cutting, picky, rude, haughty Walburga. To meet me - the almost-girlfriend of the son she heartlessly burnt off of her family tree.

"Mother," It is odd how Regulus automatically loses the easy friendly attitude he displayed around me and Rab. He pecks her stiffly on the cheek, whilst she just gazes dead at me. Probably slowly killing my soul with that death ray stare. "I have to go and offer my congratulations to Lucius once more and I know it would be rude of me to leave a young lady alone at a function. May I present Stefanie Hartmann, a peer of Narcissa's from Hogwarts."

As he leaves us, with an infuriating smirk, the interrogation begins. "But not a Slytherin, surely. Or I would know of you."

"No, that's right. I am in Gryffindor. The House Prefect this year." Honestly, Steffi, you do _not_ need to impress this woman.

"7th Year?"

"Yes."

"You must know my other son."

Oh, boy, do I know your other son. And, boy, can I not wait to get to know him even better… NO, not the time or place for such thoughts, Stefanie. "Yes, I do know him. We are good friends, actually. Yes, we are… He is… We are Potions partners and we recently brewed an Outstanding Wiggenweld Potion!"

See, that wasn't even on my List of Potential Disasters and yet, here we are - with me babbling to Sirius' mum about Wiggenwelds. She actually isn't looking at me like the raving insane woman I am, instead her cool, neutral gaze has not altered one jot.

Suddenly, she does shift. And her brows crumples a little as she considers something. "Are you related to Kathrin and Franz Hartmann, by any chance?"

Bloody Hell. From one Top Detective to another, speedy work, Berga. "Yes, I am. They were my grandparents. Tobias was my father."

"Married a Muggle." That…. that dismissive tone strongly makes me want to punch something, preferably her. Her and her stupid bored look. What the Hell is wrong with smiling once in a while? You aren't better than me because of your blood, or because you are so _fucking_ cool. Get excited about something for once, and maybe you wouldn't be such a bitter, horrible person.

"Yes, he did. Lydia Warren, Lydia Hartmann now. And she is by far the best human I have ever had the fortune to meet. Including all of the… remarkable people in this room that I met today. My father was very lucky to marry such a vibrant and loving woman. I know he thought so. And I am grateful every day that I was raised by, that I was so strongly influenced by her and her warmth and her kindness. I know everyone was not so lucky."

I don't really know why I said all of that, why I provoked her. I suppose I just wanted to see that oh-so-cool mask slip for a moment. They all bloody wear it - that condescending, can't-be-ruffled look. Just to add to their whole fake superiority routine.

And it worked. Her eyebrows actually raise and she sighs the tiniest of surprised breaths from her nose. "Well, you are fiery, aren't you? Sharp. I imagine my son likes you."

"Yeah," Belligerent tone still firmly in place. "He does."

She regards me quietly for a second. "He has a complete lack of regard, of respect, for other people. I gave him everything I could - and now you can see for yourself what a life my husband provided for him. Or could have provided if he hadn't wanted to play the rebel and the martyr. We are all born into a certain life, with certain expectations. It is our duty to bow our heads and to live up to those expectations. What about all of this is really so objectionable? Some people just crave being 'morally superior'. They love to look down, they love to feel so blameless. Before you come at me with that tone, Miss Hartmann, look at the life he rejected with his ingratitude. I bet your mother would have loved to have provided her daughter with a life like this. Sirius was a spoiled brat, who chucked all of this out of his pram just to say I told you so and just so he could be the righteous one. I just want you to think about that."

And with that… tirade, she sweeps away from me. Not going to lie, I am left a little shell-shocked. I mean, people always said how intimidating she was. But that was something else. Holy Hell. And for a moment, I can see why Sirius was a little worried that seeing all of this would change my mind. It isn't just seeing the life he is from, knowing that he is the blood-and-flesh of these people. Being in the same room as people that I know have most probably murdered, is fucking horrible. Knowing that they are related to my almost… to my Sirius, is even harder. The whole time I have been here I have felt like, well, like the way they describe the effect of a Dementor. I am a relentlessly cheery person, and this whole time I have felt this shadow on me. And it has grown with every second in this house. And the churning pit in my stomach has grown infinitely deeper. So, I leave the weird sort of ballroom because the atmosphere, the toxic air in there, has gotten too much. I can understand why experiencing all this could maybe put a person off of Sirius; I have a better idea of the shit he has gone through. He has sixteen years worth of this shadow in him. Being around him won't always be a barrel of laughs.

But most of all, he must have known his family was going to say things like that. I muse over Walburga's words as I start to climb a staircase. I have no idea where I am headed but away from everyone else seems like a great starting point. I don't believe her for a single second. I mean, yes, what she said has some truth to it. In her mind, she and Orion probably believed that what they were offering their son was all a person could ever want. And, of course, it would have been nice if mum and I had a little more money. Things have not always been easy, finance-wise. But we use discount coupons, we sew up our own clothes, we always squeeze out the very last of the toothpaste. But I would rather live my life knowing I have to make everything stretch as far as possible and be as loved as I am, than to live in excess and live here.

I suppose you could construe Sirius' actions as that of a spoiled prince. Throwing his toys out of his pram because he didn't think mummy and daddy treated him fairly. I guess a lot of people would say, suck it up - for a life like this, you suck it up. But he didn't reject it because he wanted to feel good about himself, so he could say 'I told you so'. Sirius left this world because he felt he had to. Because he knew what was right, and he knew he could not be a part of a family that condoned hurting people who were different from them. Or who categorizes certain groups of people as lower, less worthy of living. He left because he was punished for having these views and for daring to stand up and speak them aloud. He was neglected and manipulated and hurt for being right. He did not go because he wanted to be a martyr and be patted on the back.

As I gaze at the ugly, blackened, frayed burn mark above his intricately embroidered name, _Sirius Black_ , I know without a doubt that he could not have done this to himself unless he really had to.

* * *

Um. OK. I take it all bloody back. No more Sirius-Defence-Team here. Pfft. His mother can say what she likes, I won't be sticking up for this _prick._

I MEAN, WHAT IS THIS? I leave that awful tapestry room because the sight of that burnt tree makes me feel like sobbing and, hey, end up in Sirius' room.

WHERE THE WALLS ARE PLASTERED WITH PAGE 3 GIRLS. _Sirius!_ Honestly. Outrage - this is what is what I feel right now. He better not expect me to ever simper and strike stupid poses like that. Setting us back by about a hundred million years, pictures like this - and the men who buy them!

Oh, who am I kidding? I can't help but laugh at his decor. Such a massive 'fuck you' to Walburga and Orion. Just Gryffindor, motorbikes and Muggle pin-ups everywhere. And lots of pictures of the Marauders, from pre-6th Year of course. I suddenly realize that I took a few of these. They are taken with a disposable - I bring a few to school each year. And Sirius had been so fascinated by it that I sent a couple over to him when I got them developed. I had tried to pull one of the vapid blondes from the wall to confront him with and found they had a Permanent Sticking Charm on. Sure enough, so do these pictures. But, seeing as they aren't magical moving pictures, surely I can…. Aha! Yep, _Gemino_. Now I have copies of the disposables. I reckon he'd like to have these. And maybe when I am home for Christmas, I'll find a few more of the boys.

Anyway, I bid farewell to Blondie and Barbie and head back downstairs. After the conversation with Walburga and seeing the tapestry room, I feel like going back to the Castle I seek out Cissy to say goodbye. She seems so pleased that I came, I don't regret it. Oddly, Regulus also comes over to say bye. As he does, I awkwardly make eye contact with his mother. We both look away but… I just don't want her to have the last word, childishly.

So I stalk over to her, as I leave Cissy and Malfoy and Regulus. And, perhaps somewhat foolishly, I hiss, "You can say what you want to make yourself feel better but you and I both know he isn't the one who craves feeling superior. We both know he would never have left this family, never have humiliated you like that unless he really had to. Unless you broke him down so badly, your own son. So you can blame him, you can tell everyone what a spoiled and ungrateful brat he is. But I know the truth and so do you - and most importantly of all, _he_ knows."

And I turn away and I glide off, before the bitch has a chance to say a word. Pretty impressive, might I say.

Or, it _would_ have been impressive - had my heel not finally given out and sent me sprawling arse over tit in the hallway as I _attempted_ to glide away.

Classic Steffi.

Disaster Count: phenomenal.

* * *

A/N: sooooo sorry I have been updating so slowly! Could be another gap until the next chapter - having a little writer's block. Just on this chapter though - the story will get completed!

xoxox


	31. Chapter 31

It was a bit too late to tell Sirius about the party by the time I got back to Hogwarts. Also, I am a bit too Hufflepuff-y. So I had plenty of time to envision just how it was going to go down - the sulking, the pouting, maybe some yelling? Somehow, I didn't think the polaroids I had collected were going to be of much consolation once he heard about my slanging match with his mum.

What I did _not_ envision was… well… _this_. Laughter. Lots and lots of laughter. Even chuckling, dare I say it. "You had a go… at _my_ mum? Bloody Hell, right when I think I finally understand just how insane you are, you go and do something even more nuts. You took on Walburga Black!"

"Yeah, and then fell flat on my face…" I point out. This just makes him laugh harder. "Hey, watch it with the mocking! I was defending your honor!"

Sirius quiets down a little, " _What_ honor, Steffi? And, it isn't mocking. I love that you stood up to my mother. I love the mental image of her face after being told what for by a stranger. _No one_ does that."

"You did. When you lived there."

"Ha, but I bet I didn't do it as brazenly as you."

Ah, indeed. "Yes, Sirius. I _saw_ your subtle, teenage rebellion."

He stares at me somewhat quizzically so I gently (haha) remind him of the existence of Blondie and Barbie, his clothes-phobic friends. At this he snickers, "Yeah, my dad _flipped_ when he saw that. Prongs bought me the mags."

"Of course, he _would_ ," Accompanied by a strong eye-roll. Sirius chuckles again.

"You aren't really mad, right?"

"Obviously not! Of course, I get why you did it. I am just trying to lighten the mood."

He swings an arm round me and pulls me in to kiss my cheek. "I don't need the mood lightened. Surprisingly. I thought this would be harder than it is, letting you in. But you have reacted in the most perfect way and… Obviously, this is hard. That you have been interacting with my family, who I haven't spoken to in years. But actually, I'm OK."

I think about the burnt- up tapestry, about the way his mother said 'Muggle', about how she called him spoiled, ungrateful. "Well, I dunno how OK I am, Sirius. So you don't _have_ to be fine."

He looks down at me and I feel him shrug, "But, really, I _am_ OK."

I can't put it into words any more, how grateful I am that he is letting me in, that he is coping and that we might actually have a shot here. So I turn to face him and finally, _finally_ kiss him.

I mean, just a closed-mouth-on-mouth very demure affair - you know what a classy gal I am.

But Sirius, being Sirius, just gazes at me as I pull away from him after my three-second display of affection and… pulls my face back against his.

And, my bloody Lord. I mean, I know he has had a lot of practice. And I really haven't so maybe it _wasn't_ actually an amazing kiss, but all my other kisses have just been rubbish. Somehow though, I _don't_ think that's the case. This…. Oh, wow, _this_ was… mind-boggling.

Which is quite an unsexy way of describing such a sexy thing. _Mind-boggling_ , really, Stef? That is how you are choosing to describe your first kiss with Sirius Black - heart throb, Adonis, Cassanova? Are you really gonna stick with that adjective?

We break apart, minds truly boggled, lips and tongues fully worked-out, and Sirius grins at me. A sweet smile which, you know, just whisks up my scrambled egg brains a little more.

"Now I'm _more_ than OK. Stef… how are you?"

I must have been looking a little glazed over and scrambled eggy.

"I am….. mind-boggled." OK, so I _am_ sticking with that then.

Aaand, we're back to the laughter. (And I couldn't be happier).

Disaster Count: 3  
Mind-Boggling Kisses Count: 1  
Smug Grins that Refuse to Leave Your Face Count: 1.

* * *

"Em, it isn't that you look like a 90 year-old widow who owns one too many cats, and is the sort of person you automatically avoid at the bus stop…."

"I am waiting for the 'but' with bated breath, Stefanie."

"Buuuut… you _do_ look like an _80_ year-old widow with one too many cats and a penchant for nutty, bus-stop ranting."

Em glares at me. But she has to be expressive because her face is the only part of skin showing from the shroud that is her dress. Lengths, upon lengths of black material. Tulle, lace, velvet, cotton, satin. Somehow all of them feature in this monstrosity.

She sighs, "I cannot wear this to the Yule Ball."

Well, that is a given. I shake my head at poor Em, who may actually be close to drowning in all that material surrounding her. Gotta get her out of that health hazard immediately.

"Why don't you borrow something from me? I mean, I am no fashionista - but at least it won't be anything as garish as Lana's offering, or crazy sexy as Marley's. Or we could ask Lils? But I think this one would suit you!"

I wore it to my mum's 40th, so no one here would recognise it. I was planning to wear it myself but.. a friend in need and all. Plus, I've been eyeing up one of Lana's more understated dresses so it really is no skin off of my nose.

Em manages to free herself from the Black Death, as the haberdashery posing as a dress will now be known, and slips on my proposed choice.

"Emmeline, you will knock the socks off of your lucky date."

She looks fab. The pale grey-blue suits almost matches her eyes and looks wonderful against her blonde hair. Plus, it is a simple slip dress that just suits her way more than the ruffles and fuss of the dress her mum sent over.

"So, who is the lucky fella, actually?" I have been so wrapped up in my own romantic developments, I have neglected my mates' somewhat.

"Well, Fabian as it happens - hopefully I have more luck with Prewett boys than you do!"

Har-dee-har. I poke her in the ribs jokingly. "That is sweet - he is a lovely guy. You two are pretty well-suited, being major book nerds and all."

Em grins and pulls her sweater and jeans back on, before starting to tidy away the dress carnage.

"I suppose you took my advice then, with forgetting about Remus?"

She shrugs, concentrating on her tidying. "Yeah, you were right. He doesn't date. It is a shame - if I had a list of ideal qualities in a guy, I just feel he has them all."

It really _is_ a shame, but I know he would never openly return Emmeline's feelings. He would never feel he could pursue a relationship. Which really breaks my heart. And the whole conversation just reminds me that I have not only been ignoring my lady friends and their romantic goings-on, but my guy pals too. When was the last time I properly spoke with Remus?

"And, you never liked him did you? It was always Sirius for you." Em suddenly smirks at me. "You just didn't want me to try anything on with him and get really hurt, did you?"

I shrug and smile back, "It isn't you - it's just the way he is."

I am pleased to see her return my smile. Our dorm has become a lot closer this year, more cohesive. As Marley, Lana and I have had our ups-and-downs, and as Lily has integrated more with the boys, I suppose it is natural. I am so glad now, that I did make things up with Em back at the start of term and that we can have this time together now. I must make sure I don't get too swept up in this Sirius business and forget my friends. They are, and always will be, my favourite part of my life.

So I give Emmeline a big hug, which she returns a little surprised by my affection, and head off to find the most lovable werewolf I know.

* * *

"HEY! Remus, hey!" I spot him just as I am coming out of the Castle; he seems to be heading towards the pumpkin patch. He turns at the sound of my squawk/yell and waves, waiting for me to catch him up.

"Hey, Stef," I wonder if he is off somewhere, he seems a little flustered by seeing me. God knows what the boys would be up to with the school crop of pumpkins… I eye the vegetables suspiciously.

"Good I saw you - we haven't had any best pal time, just me and you, in ages!"

Remus stops looking so distracted and grins at this, "No, we haven't. You have been a little… preoccupied lately, which is perfectly understandable."

I roll my eyes at his leery grin. "If you're busy then it can wait. But if not…"

Remus nudges my shoulder and walks on, "No, it can wait. Let's grab a spot by that oak. I'll cast a Warming Charm."

"What were you up to?"

"Just going to meet the boys but they'll have more fun without me anyway."

We sit ourselves down on the grass, Remus chivalrously laying his scarf out for us to perch on. I lay out some quick ground rules for our catch-up as he casts the spell; basically, I put the whole Sirius-thing off limits. I want this time to be for me and Remus, not his mates. I still remember what Petey said about being left out and I am keen not to go on about Sirius too much. A) I've never been that boy-obsessed girl and B) Pete and Remus had me first, you know. James has said it - those two were smart enough to be my friend from day one. I should honour that.

Instead, we chat about his plans for the Ball - a 6th Year Ravenclaw he has no intention of falling in love with and won't be expecting to date him. He fills me in on the Quidditch match I missed on Sunday; it seems as if the Huffles are well out of the running for the Cup already.

"Aw, I feel slightly bad for them. After all, they are my true House, my soul House."

Remus chuckles, "Unashamed love of food - check, but love of hard-work? Not sure you tick all of the boxes, Stef."

Prat. I stick my tongue out at him and am about to retort when I hear something. My hearing is always more finely attuned when in the vicinity of the Forest. I mean, just because Remus is out here with me, doesn't mean there aren't other dangerous creatures roaming in there.

"What was that?" Scurrying a little closer to my big (ish), strong (ish) man friend.

Remus sighs, "Probably a _rat_ or something. I am _sure_ it will go away."

He sounds a little annoyed so I shuffle back away from him and try not to have any more girly freak-outs about woodland life. I change the topic to one of my favourite themes instead.

"So…. Christmas! Not long now - has your mum started food prep already? I bet she has."

Remus confirms my theory, his mum being one of the most over-the-top, super prepared, anxious people I know. She always has a million contingencies and back-up dishes for every meal which always results in both his family and mine living off leftovers for the entire month of January. He starts describing the planned menu to me and it promises to be as delicious as ever…

But… it is a little hard to concentrate on the food (shocking, coming from me, I know) and to avoid those aforementioned woodland freak-outs when there is 100% SOMETHING IN THE BUSHES RIGHT BEHIND REMUS.

* * *

OK so this has got to be one of the weirdest things that has happened to me at Hogwarts. Ever. And that really is saying something.

So it had been clear that Remus was going off to some plot when I caught up with him and, although he has not confirmed it, this _must_ be something to do with it.

I mean, why else would a massive black mutt be wandering around the Forbidden Forest? Centaurs - yes, Red Caps - yes, Hinkypunks - sure. But dogs? Cute little doggies? No, I am pretty sure they don't inhabit the Forest. Students would have cottoned on by now. Unless, of course, one particularly mischievous group of students cottoned on and decided to keep the pup a secret for themselves. Which doesn't seem too far beyond the realm of possibility.

Anyway, this dog came bounding out of the trees and gave _me_ a heart-attack. However, and this was the giveaway, Remus just seem disapproving. Which made me think he knows this dog, and he is disapproving of his dimwit mates who have let me in on the secret and who are letting their hush-hush pet wander about in the grounds so freely. Remus' lack of surprise made the whole thing pretty obvious but he refused to properly explain. It is a very sweet dog - very lively and playful and affectionate. Despite Remus' attempts to shoo-it back to wherever James, Sirius and Pete are hiding out, it has stayed with us. It has lay down next to me, leaning against me quite peacefully as we chat on.

"Anyway, back to Christmas…" Remus still glaring at the poor dog. "Are you sure mum and I can't convince you girls to stay for the day itself? Dad is getting a fancy Flymo lawnmower from mum - and I know how hilarious you and Lydia find a Lyall Lupin DIY Display."

I chuckle at the thought of Remus' overly-earnest dad and how sweetly he tries to explain everything to my mum, under the very mistaken impression that she would ever attempt any household work. "Hmm, as tempting as that is, you know we Warren girls have our own traditions. Grandma is expecting us, with a mountain of leftovers from yours of course."

Remus doesn't look convinced at all by this picture so I try to explain to him. It is _nice_ \- we like having this time, just the four of us. Christmas has been - in my living memory, for the past 15 years - it has been me, mum, aunty and grandma. We watch those terrible Christmas movies and eat loads and, as of the past few years, all drink a lot of wine. Christmas is all about tradition, and that is ours.

"Mum is always convinced holidays are 'hard' for you."

"Dad and Uncle Jacob died at Easter, not Christmas."

"Yeah, that's what I told her."

"Ooh, tell her to make that German gingerbread again too."

Remus nods in agreement and the conversation turns to exactly what dishes Mrs. Lupin will be cooking up. Well, for a while anyway. Before Remus' Marauder-streak shines through and he takes it upon himself to break the one and only ground rule set by his beloved best pal.

"So, seeing as Sirius wasn't actually there, I'm not really going against your request. How was Narcissa's engagement party?"

"Very tricksy of you, Remus, but technically correct."

The dog, who I had been absent-mindedly stroking and has sort of forgotten about, yapped out a bark. I roll my eyes at Remus, who is now grinning at the dog. "Wanna have another attempt at sending it back to wherever the other boys are hiding out?"

Remus shakes his head, laughing at the dog who has circled around a little before sitting back down between the two of us. I carry on petting the pup as I tell Remus of my horrible, awkward, calamitous interactions with the elite of our society. Of course, the story makes him laugh just as much as Sirius.

"To be fair though, aren't your family European wizarding aristocracy or something? Maybe Walburga approves of the match."

I scoff at this, although Regulus seemed to hint the same thing at Cissy's party. Yes, the Hartmann's were prominent in the mainland Euro-wizarding society - or so I hear. But I have no connection to that. I am the only living Hartmann left. And most of all, we are infamous Muggle-lovers. I know my grandfather always advocated Muggle-rights and coexistence - hence Grindelwald targeting him. Walburga knows that too. Luckily, most kids don't have a particularly keen interest in ancient German wizarding families, and my past remains unknown.

All I say to Remus is, "Perhaps - probably liked me a lot less after my rant. And after I pulled down an expensive-looking vase during my literal fall from grace."

He laughs at this. "Not looking forward to marrying into that family then?"

I cuff him round the head for the remark but can't help chuckling too. "My mum maybe nuttier than squirrel poo. I may only have a tiny handful of surviving relatives but… _She_ was awful." Remus knows who I am referring to. "I didn't even meet Orion. But, honestly, now I don't even know how he managed to stay there for so long without going completely insane. I mean, he should be _actually_ bipolar after living in that place - I wouldn't blame him."

Remus shifts slightly and sighs. "Yeah, well. It was all very hard. I have no idea, really, and I am one of his closest mates. And Stef, you didn't really know him when it was all at its worst. But you are right - he coped with it all a million times better than most people ever could. Even if things got a little sticky sometimes."

I can tell from his tone of voice that this is the end of the topic. Which I don't mind, seeing as I was the one who banned Sirius-talk in the first place. But this has reminded me of my old Mystery List. I know a lot more about Sirius now than I used to, but there are still a lot of gaps in my intel. It reminds me that this isn't a done-deal. I like him a lot, I certainly liked kissing him a lot too and plan on doing that a lot more in the future. But I still don't want to, or rather _can't,_ rush into this.

"I'm going to hit the Library, Remus." Work hard, play hard, you know? I wrote a quick note to Slugger's contact last night and the motivation to get this job is still hanging around so I want to capitalise on it while it lasts.

As I get up, Remus goes to join me. I wonder if the dog will be able to find the boys in the Forest. I can't quite tell if it is a domestic breed or some sort of… I don't know, wild wood dog. Either way, it watches us walk off, tail wagging slowly. When Remus turns back, quickly glancing at it, the dog barks sharply once and Remus responds with yet another shoo. It seems to finally work and it bolts off into the Forest.

"Sorry about that."

"I've just learnt by now, not to ask."

Remus rolls his eyes, "A wise life philosophy, Steffi. Sometimes wish I'd thought of that…"

* * *

As ever, Marley and Lana are beginning their Ball outfit prep a week in advance - they _always_ look stunning so why they need so long is utterly beyond me. I have been allowed to borrow a dress of Lans' - deep, deep maroon - and that is all I need. I will be relying on the handiwork of these two, so hair and makeup test-runs aren't necessary. Thank God.

"Lana, you really can't pull off gold - it looks funny with your hair. Try… Ooh! This navy one."

"Marley, I am not a sequinned kind of girl."

"Yeah, but I don't get that - I mean, you love OTT."

Lana shrugs and takes the dress out of Marley's hands to pull it on. Marlene McKinnon is not only immensely school-smart but, damn, does she know her fashion. Lana does look awesome. I tell her this, round a large mouthful of biscuit. We have been tucking into snacks and Marley's booze stash while we try-on. Marely's Secret Wine Stash is unbelievably well-hidden; Lana and I have never uncovered its location. Yes, it is completely unfair that out best friend doesn't trust us not to dip into her supply and drink it all in the first week of term. But it is also totally justified.

"That is the one, Lans."

"You are truly a genius, McKinnon. Why did I ever doubt you?"

Marley smirks and sits down next to me in her chosen dress - a champagne-y affair. "Stef, put on your dress and then we can all get drunk while looking fancy."

Lana cheers her approval and pulls out the dress for me. It probably is best to put it on now. A try-on sesh with these guys is always unavoidable and I definitely would have struggled with the halter neck after a few more glasses of wine… Only I could die by dress, let's be honest.

So, all suited and booted we begin the classic wine-and-bitch session that every girl knows so well. The targets of our particular talk tonight being Roddy Johnson - Marley's obnoxious ex, Dorcas Meadowes - because she is going to look more fabulous than all of us combined, Fenwick - because she is the Anti-Christ and Severus Snape - because he keeps attempting to knock my cauldron over in Potions (he can't handle the threat to his slimy Potions crown).

Eventually we run out of steam on the bitching front, and settle into a contented silence, all snuggled up together. (By this point, Marley has had her usual moment of enlightenment - it tends to come about 4 glasses in - and pulled us all from out dresses. "What the Hell are we doing?! Steffi is going to have us covered head-to-toe in Sav Blanc in seconds and oh God! We'll never get these wrinkles out!"). There is perhaps nothing better than being cuddled up in your PJs with your best friends and feelings slightly, oh-so-slightly wine drunk.

"It is lovely, isn't it? How chilled out we can all be, about going to the Ball. I mean, for the first time ever, we all have boyfriends! No date-stress!"

Ugh, well, yeah, but _your_ boyfriend is Slytherin soon-to-be-Death-Eater so I don't know how 'lovely' that is.

Marley catches my disgruntled stare and quickly makes a joke, "Now, hold up Lana. _We_ have boyfriends - Steffi has a we're-taking-it-slow-more-than-friend."

"Shit."

"What, Stef? I was just teasing, I-"

"Maaaarley! Lanaaaa! What if he is going with _Dorcas_? What if I am just a massive idiot? Oh Godric, of _course_ I am a massive idiot - everyone knows that!"

They look at me as if I am deranged, proving my last point nicely. "Who is Dorcas going with?"

"SIRIUS."

A very confused silence.

"HE HASN'T FUCKING ASKED ME. HOW DID I NOT REALISE? He hasn't _actually_ asked me to the Ball. I don't have a date! I have this weird almost-relationship but no bloody date!"

They both crack up, like the terrible, unsympathetic friends they are. I am seriously considering bringing back my plan of giving them up. Life was simpler then.

"Yeah, Doc never asks me. Because he is my boyfriend."

"Rab didn't ask me either, Stef."

"But Sirius _isn't_ my boyfriend - you just said so yourself!"

I can practically _hear_ Marley's eyes rolling at this. But this is exactly the sort of thing I feel he could mess up on - he isn't used to commitment like Doc is. Caradoc knows he is taking his girl to the Ball. But neither Sirius nor I know if I am his girl or not. This is the sort of thing a couple doesn't need to discuss - but we definitely do.

Uh-oh. I have a plan. And my plans are usually pretty bad. I mean, they are bad at the best of times but after a few glasses of wine, they are… generally catastrophic. "So… assertion! That is the key. Dorcas Meadowes can back the fuck off…. I mean, _communication_ , you know? That is what is vital… so…. let me just grab…."

Lana sighs, "I hate it when she starts muttering to herself. The longer she mutters, the higher the chance that the resulting plan is going to severely injure at least one of us."

I turn around and brandish my weapons of communication at them. "Ladies, let's go."

"... Aaand then the plan involves a broom and the possibility of _death_ becomes an inevitability."

"For that, Lana, I am choosing you as my companion."

Marley cackles (probably partly out of relief). "Ah, what a shame! But, Stef is right, only room for two on a broom, Lana! Better hold on tight…"

From the look on Lans' face, if we survive the broom ride, my death is an inevitability anyway….

* * *

OK, so I didn't really factor this into my amazing plan. The whole 'communication' part of my assertive plot is… proving to be a little difficult.

"Oh my God, Steffi, hurry the _fuck_ up."

Yeah, I am starting to understand Lana's opposition to the plan now. First of all, it is bloody freezing hovering here on the broom outside the boys' dorm window (or, just out of sight of the boys' window). Secondly, it did take a good ten minutes to fly these few metres because we are both too tipsy to properly operate a broom. Thirdly, at the rate I am going, we will be here until the break of day.

You see, the whole idea of writing a message to Sirius on his window was all well and good. Until Lana pointed out that I was going to have to write it backwards. Pretty tricky. For a sober person, and especially for a drunk person but _imagine_ how hard it is for a drunk Stefanie Hartmann.

Luckily the boys are already asleep (losers) so I can take my time writing without time pressure from them. However, there is a lot of time pressure from the onset of frostbite which I'm pretty sure is occurring. Lana is looking down at the ground, seemingly judging whether she would survive the seven storey drop. That is how desperate the situation is up here.

"Oh, bloody Hell. That'll do, won't it Lana?"

"Yes, yes, it's fine. Now chuck something at the window and wake the twat up so he can read it and we can go."

"OK, but I wanna fly away before he sees us. I am not looking my best right now."

"Oh, for crying out loud, Stefanie!" And with that, Lana hurls the lipstick I used to write my message at the window. Unfortunately, her anger at me translated into a rather forceful _hurl_ and resulted in a small hole underneath my message.

"Fuck! Lana! Now it looks like a _threat_. Go to the Ball with me or I'll lob objects at you while you sleep!"

The boys are coming to but I am so busy telling off Lana, we don't manage to turn the broom around until it's too la-

"sirus wiil u go bal wi me ste ha."

"What the Hell does that mean? Who is attacking us?"

"Slytherins? I mean it is aimed at Sirius? I _think.._."

Oh fuck. I thought it was at least _legible_. Ooh bloody Hell, I really messed this up. Clearly, notes are not my thing. First I accidentally flirted with Ty via anonymous chocolate, now I have threatened my almost-boyfriend with lipstick notes and missiles.

"Stefanie Hartmann," Speaking of my almost-boyfriend. At least he had the sense to figure out that 'ste ha' plus lipstick, equals his nutty crush.

"You are a goddamned idiot," He is leaning out of the window and yelling laughingly into the darkness, unable to see us (in all our pyjama'd, drunken glory). "Of course I'm going the Ball with you… if I can survive dating you, that is."

I can't help but laugh loudly at this, giving away our location. Lana quickly steers us away from the scene of the crime, avoiding any further damage. "Stef, you are an absolute nutter. I love you and that _was_ funny but please can we never do it again?"

"Agreed."

Bottles of Wine Consumed by Dorm 7a: 3.5  
Windows Broken: 1  
Lipsticks Lost: 1  
Disaster Count: 9

* * *

A/N: Things are a little quiter at work, so hopefully the next chapter will be up within a week? It is going to be the Ball itself, so should be fun!

Please let me know what you're thinking :)

Elle xo


	32. Chapter 32

I really don't know how she does it. I mean, _how_ did Fenwick hear about the lipstick/window incident? Who knows her methods…? All I know is that a rumour is flying that I somehow threatened Sirius into going to the Ball with me. I suppose to a lot of people it explains the whole situation - me blackmailing Sirius Black makes far more sense than the idea of him actually liking me. Oh well, _I_ know he likes me, despite my drunken escapades, and that is all that matters.

I am so excited about the Ball that I don't even mind Lily roping me into the set-up. The Yule Ball is generally organised by a committee of volunteers - giving do-gooders who missed out on Prefect spots the chance to get involved in school life. However, things aren't looking up to the Lily Evans Standard so she is getting involved. Apparently with _my_ 'help'. I mean, did she not hear about the broken window? There is going to be a lot of glassware at this dance AKA a lot of room for Disaster.

On my way to the Great Hall I bump into James, who has also been dragged into the Emergency Task Force (Lils' words, not mine). He seems pretty content to help out though - evidently things are going well between the two of them. I have heard the words 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' being bandied around, so that is a great sign.

"...So, yeah, she is going to come to mine on Boxing Day. I reckon she might as well just stay until New Year. That way she avoids her sister and she'd be coming back for my party anyway."

"What party?!"

"Oh, Merlin. I _told_ Pads to invite you. He's bloody useless- don't know what we see in him, Stef."

Apparently James is having a 'party' - with air quotations. He is only inviting the Marauders, plus our dorm and few other familiar faces, such as Doc and maybe the Prewetts. "So no going crazy and hurling stuff around, Stefanie! My parents don't want any broken windows!"

"I can't believe I'm getting all the rap for that - it was Lana!"

James laughs, "Such drunken debauchery - we loved it."

I bet they bloody did...

* * *

Honestly, for someone so smart, Lily Evans can be awfully silly sometimes. Why put the Number One DZ of Hogwarts on such a precarious ladder? Granted, I won't injure any others, but I could break my own spine, which doesn't sound too great. Apparently, being the Muggle she is, Lily doesn't believe it is possible to achieve the look she wants by levitating the garlands up to the chandeliers. Apparently, she has a 'hand-crafted' look in mind. Well, I don't have a wheelchair-bound look in mind so I am delegating this task to Melissa…

"Hey, Lils! Need a hand with the table cloths?"

She raises an eyebrow and me and my lack of being-on-a-ladder before wordlessly handing me the other corner of the silvery cloth.

"Now, come on, Lily! You didn't really expect me to risk life and limb - _literally_ \- did you? I have a hot date with Sirius Black tonight!"

She laughs, "Yeah, I heard you conned him into going with you."

"Well, judging by how he treated his last dance date, I wouldn't surprised if he hadn't had any other offers. He probably just had to settle for me - the only nutter who would still go with him."

"Oh no," Lils chuckles. "I think there was still some fierce competition for the coveted date. Well, not that it was any competition in _his_ mind. Things seem to be going well with you two."

I love it when people say that, when people show support for me and Sirius. Especially when it's the people closest to us. It makes me think we are doing the right thing, that so many people think we are well-suited and that this is a good idea.

"I'm still trying to take it a little slowly, you know? This is a big deal and I mean, I've never even been in a relationship before. But you and James? I heard you were spending the holidays with the family!"

Lily actually blushes a little at this, which is absolutely adorable. She basically repeats what James said to me - about it being convenient for the party and helping to avoid her sister. I know Lils doesn't get on great with her, which always strikes me as odd. I suppose I am just a typical only child. My mum felt a little like an older sister, but I always wished slightly for a sibling - especially a sister.

"I just don't like spending my holidays at home any more; I love my parents but they have to work most of the time. And I have no friends where I live so, it just seemed like an ideal solution."

"Yeah, I'm lucky Remus lives so close by. And Lana is in London, which is so easy to get to. God… can you imagine if someone had told you in First Year that you would be meeting James Potter's family, as his beloved girlfriend?"

Lily snorts, "If someone had told me that _last_ year I would still have laughed in their face. I keep trying to look back on it all and pinpoint where and why things changed. I suppose _he_ started to change after the start of 6th Year… And then I started to notice that this year. It's hard to get over all that stuff, isn't it?"

6th Year… Bloody 6th Year. What happened? Obviously Lily thinks I know, she expects that Sirius and I have discussed it. Which we haven't. Will it be embarrassing if I just straight-up ask?

"I mean, especially for you probably! I guess James actually comes out of the whole awful thing quite well, but Sirius… Well, you absolutely can't blame him, right? It was horrible but he _had_ just left his family and everything."

OK, I think I've kind of gone too far into this odd conversation to now be like…. um what are you actually talking about? Shit. "Uh… yeah. Of course, I… think it was horrible but…"

Lily nods at my stumbling words - I will just have to stick with this plan of basically just mumbling nonsense. "You were never friends with Snape either. By that point I hated him, so… And by the time I actually found out about the whole incident - like, a month or so ago? Well, by then I definitely hated him. Even so, to put someone's life in danger like that, to actually risk them getting _killed_ … That is awful."

Oh God. I am starting to very much regret this whole pretend-I-know-what-she's-talking-about thing. I mean, these plans _always_ end badly - who did I think I was kidding? This seems... serious. Of course, people have been telling me for ages now that things with Sirius had been bad back then. But I suppose we have sort of been tackling things chronologically; I'm not even up to speed with the whole background of this all, all the family shit… Let alone these 'horrible' consequences that stem from it.

Lily jabbers on, oblivious of my discomfort, "And, poor Remus! Imagine if James hadn't found out… As if he doesn't have enough unnecessary guilt as it is."

Wait, Lily _knows_? God, her and James really have gotten close. Of course, she is Remus' friend too - why shouldn't she know? But still. And that means that this incident, whatever it is, involved Remus and he didn't tell me about it either. Oh, man, Sirius. What did you do? Snape, plus wolfed-up Remus does not sound like a good combination.

It is all a bit much to take in and I feel like I haven't even taken in the half of it, seeing as I am still immensely confused. I quickly excuse myself from Lils and busy myself with decorating one of the miniature fir trees James has distributed around the Hall.

I have no right to be angry with Sirius for not telling me about whatever this thing is. And I _don't_ feel angry. Embarrassingly, what I feel is more… hurt, I guess. That James has so quickly confided in Lily. She seems to know everything about the boys - secrets that Remus hasn't told me himself in seven years of friendship. Those two have overcome a far bigger rift than has ever existed between myself and Sirius, and they have become close so quickly. Should we be moving faster? Are we taking it too slow? This makes me wonder. Then again, I suppose the skeletons in James' closet aren't as bad as Sirius'. After all, Lily said that James came out of this mysterious incident looking like a pretty good guy. So that might explain his chattiness on the subject.

Whatever, you know? I have decided I need to take things slower here. I am _not_ a sharer, so I completely understand others who feel the same way. I know Sirius has a lot of crap, way more than most. He can share that at his own pace. I have many flaws, but I appreciate people's need for privacy at the very least.

See? Nothing like a cathartic tree decorating session to clear the mind. I _love_ Christmas.

* * *

 _Dear Steffi,_

 _It was great to hear from you and give good old Sluggers my regards! He was a great teacher - an oddball, but still!_

 _It sounds like you are pretty well-qualified for the position - or at least you will be once you, you know, get your qualifications. And I know Slughorn wouldn't have put us in touch unless he thought you were going to do great things._

 _In the longer answers on the application, just be honest. That is most important - don't over-egg your achievements in case you get caught out in an interview! To be honest, most stuff will be decided via interview, so don't sweat this section too much! The practical workshop is pretty important too, but you seem very competent in your Potion making already._

 _Best of luck, Steffi, and don't hesitate to write me again!_

 _Look forward to working with you….._

 _Regards,_

 _Dave Rygalski._

* * *

 **Reasons tonight is going to be the most killer, incredible, brilliant night EVER:**

-I look smoking hot. Lana and Marls outdid themselves on the hair and makeup front - I look positively _sultry_.  
-Lans and Marley also look insane. We make _quite_ the gang.  
-SIRIUS BLACK IS MY DATE. And tonight I look halfway worthy of him. Hottest pair in the Hall, hands down (sorry McG and Dumbles).  
-I have a secure and fulfilling career basically in the bag; not only can I have fun tonight , but I can have fun for the rest of my life because I am a responsible young woman who has secured her future employment!  
-Sirius Black. My. Date.  
-Roast beef is the main course tonight. And Yule Log for afters? YES PLEASE.

* * *

Everyone is having so much fun. Em and Fabian absolutely tearing up the dance floor with some seriously impressive moves (of course those two nerds would be like ballroom experts), Marley and Doc are having a hilarious competition of who can get the drunkest on our special punch à la Marauder (AKA the 7th Year punch bowl spiked with a little Firewhiskey, which only lets you refill with the password 'Raunchy Remus'). Lily and James have been sweet and adorable all night, chatting away with Petey and Dora. I am loving that, especially because if Lils and Dora hit it off I think that would bring the whole gang together nicely. No one left out - just the way I like it!

And I am having a pretty good time also. I mean, we are providing Emmeline and Fabian with a little competition as far as the moving and shaking goes. I, of course, have no natural grace but Sirius endured hours of ballroom lessons as an over-privileged Pure-Blood kid so together we are OK. And he was ever so patient whilst I stuffed my face with a ridiculous amount of beef and horseradish sauce (literally put nothing else on my plate. What would be the point?). It has been a little… stilted at times. You know, I still have the 6th Year thing playing on my mind and I guess he has the whole 'I met his family and got a glimpse into his deep, dark, awful childhood' thing playing on his mind. We are both still a little in processing-mode, I think. The Ball is good to help with that though; we are still having so much fun, it proves that this thing is good.

And you _know_ things are definitely good when even Fenwick can't bring you down. She swanned up to me, about to make some smarmy, bitchy little comment but before she could even speak, Sirius just muttered at her, "Oh, piss off, Fenwick."

HA. Haha! Yeah, _piss off, Fenwick_. I think my shit-eating grin is at Cheshire Cat levels, to be honest. Normally Fenwick never makes the mistake of being mean to me in front of other people, even though everyone definitely knows what a psycho she is. Perhaps she was planning to go down the route of faux-nicety but Sirius stopped her.

"Oh, hi, Jane!" I am smirky smirking ridiculously. "I would love to chat but I'm just hanging out with my friends right now, all my many friends… What are you doing over here? Don't you want to be with _your_ friends too?"

I don't even have to point out the obvious - 'what friends', we all know no one really likes her. MacMillan is a hanger-on at best. Fenwick glares at me, and all of my lovely friends glare right back at her. I am starting to realise that objectively judging our lives against one another, I have it _way_ better. So she slinks off back to… I don't even know. Muttering angrily to herself probably. The Life of Jane Fenwick: Angry Muttering and Deranged Yelling.

* * *

Obviously Rabastan hasn't been hanging out with us all, which is the only awkward part of the evening. Lana keeps popping back and forth between the two groups - ours and the Death Eater brigade. She looks so uncomfortable when she is over with them (Mulciber, Nott, Snape, Black The Bad, and their respective ladies). It makes me seem like a bad friend but I am sort of glad to see her finally looking uncomfortable. I mean, of course I want her to enjoy her last Yule Ball at Hogwarts but if she is finally realising what a bad crowd her boyfriend runs with… Well, that can only be a good thing to my mind.

Oh. Bugger. Unfortunately, my staring at Lana has caught the attention of the Slyth gang and as she heads back over… Yep. Great. Regulus is coming along as well, it would seem. Come on! I clearly wasn't gawping at you, pal. Thankfully his brother is off with James somewhere. But even so, I break off from the group to meet Lana and Regulus halfway.

Lana smiles awkwardly at me and sort of shrugs, completely leaving me in the lurch to head back over to the group. So it's just me and Regulus standing uncomfortably at the side of the dance floor. Well, I am uncomfortable at the very least. As ever, Regulus seems laid-back and breezy. Which is something I would never expect of a member of the Black clan.

"Hello, Stefanie! We meet again!"

"Well, duh. You walked over to me?"

"And you to me!" he chuckles jovially. "It's good to see you hanging out with Dora."

He gestures back at where she is stood with Peter and Emmeline. I shrug, "Yeah, she is a really nice girl."

"I have to say, Mother enjoyed your presence at Cissy's party greatly." I snort at this obviously sarcastic comment but Regulus hastens to assure me that he is being deadly serious. "Honestly! OK, the broken vase that you took out with your tumble she didn't love so much… But she enjoys a good sparring match. In fact, if she has missed my brother at all, I guarantee it is because he was the only person who provided her with any good opposition."

Ugh, that disgusts me. Both that Walburga obviously does not miss her son, her own child! And that their relationship was only ever based on slanging matches. I don't think I have ever yelled at my mum! And she has very rarely raised her voice to me, at least not since I was a really little kid. What's even worse is the casual way Regulus jokes about the relationship between his mother and brother.

He sighs sadly at my refusal to respond to his joke. "I certainly enjoyed your presence anyway. You are witty and enjoyable company… usually. And, I know you get frustrated with us sometimes, but it really is such a gift not to see things as black-and-white as some of your more pigheaded Housemates."

I roll my eyes, "See, it's when you say things like that, that I think - maybe it _isn't_ such a gift."

Of course, I am expecting a response to this but Regulus doesn't say a thing. The switch has been thrown again - like how I saw him go from easy-going teen, to stiff, obedient son when Walburga came over at the party. As I spoke just now, his expression just went… still. Totally blank and a little scared, almost.

"Do _not_ talk to her. Ever again. You should never have spoken to her in the first place and, from now on, you never come near her again."

 _Fuck_. Of course I would turn to Yule Ball into a family reunion gone wrong.

"The first time you've spoken to me in a year, Sir! And what charming words they are…" Regulus is using his familiar smooth language, but in this new forced, uncomfortable tone they sound wrong.

Sirius just glares, clearly furious, and pulls on my arm gently but insistently. Regulus notices this and snorts, his tense expression breaking into a more angry, or rather, annoyed one. "Oh, come on! I'm not… Bloody Hell, Sirius! She isn't in mortal danger, having a simple conversation with me! You _know_ that… Merlin."

He sounds… well, like the younger brother he is, when he says that. Sulky and resentful. Sirius appears to be beyond words and just sort of snarls at Regulus, walking off and subsequently pulling me along.

We don't return to the group. Which makes sense, I guess. Sirius probably needs to blow off some steam before we head back. I don't know whether it is better, or worse, in this situation to reassure him that although Regulus is a creepy slimeball, he has never acted even remotely threatening towards me. Sirius might not want to hear me defending his brother right now - he would probably prefer to just rant about him.

"For fuck's sake, Stefanie. Fuck. What the _Hell_ are you doing? I'm here, laying everything out open for you! And what am I getting in return? _Nothing_. You were the one going on about giving this a fighting chance, about honesty and taking it slow. I am doing everything you wanted - and I have never, ever opened up to anyone about all this before. To be honest, it feels like you are just throwing that all back in my face."

" _What?_ " I thought he was pissed at Reg, not me!

He rolls his eyes at my surprised squeak. "Oh, here we go again! Sweet, ditzy little Stef, didn't know what she was doing! Didn't know it would upset me!"

"I… I seriously didn't! I'm still not entirely sure why you're so mad."

"Because I am making an effort, I am making myself really bloody vulnerable to you! And you just… aren't giving me anything."

Aren't I? I am being very accepting of everything in his past, I am really trying my best to be calm and rational about this relationship - although I am terrible at that usually. When I point this out, it doesn't seem to matter to him.

"Are you really accepting though? Because I think if you listened to what I had told you, what you had seen of my family, then you would _not_ be hanging out, chatting at school dances. You wouldn't be going to parties with them."

" _You_ said that was fine! I asked you so many times if it was OK, and you said it was. And I was hardly being all buddy-buddy with Regulus. He just walked over to me - we exchanged about two sentences."

"Fine, so when are you going to start opening up to me? If you are totally cool with everything about my family, when can I hear about yours? For fuck's sake, I know nothing about your dad. And apparently your uncle is dead too? They died together? What is that about - that is _definitely_ a big thing and-"

I cut him off, starting to feel a little anger bubbling in my chest, "How do you know even that? Did Remus tell you, because he has _no_ right-"

"No," Now the cutting off thing has become a little pattern. "I heard it. Remember your cosy chat with Remus by the Forest? Well, there are some things I _haven't_ told you. Luckily, I suppose, considering how withholding _you've_ been. Us boys are Animagi."

"What the Hell? That dog was you? All three of you are… And you never told me?"

He shrugs. "Nope. Why lay all my cards out on the table, when I'm getting nothing from you? I won't be made to look like an idiot here. Why reveal all my deep, dark secrets only for you to turn around and change your mind? You have to give me something in return, Stef. How am I supposed to trust you?"

"And how am _I_ supposed to trust you, Sirius? When you admit to eavesdropping on my private conversations?" The implication of him being the dog has just set in. But I don't think I really said that much - about my family or Sirius.

I just… don't know what to do. My anger is fizzling out - wait, _no_ , it isn't. He is an Animagus and he didn't tell me? He is breaking the law, in a _big_ way, and he didn't tell me? That is insane - to even do that in the first place… He could end up in Azkaban for crying out loud.

But I suppose I can see his side too. I was stupid to think that people didn't know I was hiding things. I always think I'm getting away with it; that it is OK that I keep things from my friends because… I like to think it isn't relevant to the rest of my life. But of course it is. I can see how everyone else's lives are affected by their families - if I was brutally honest with myself I would see that I am too.

But I resent being _forced_ into talking about it. I resent someone eavesdropping on my conversations. I resent people thinking they 'get' the situation, or applying their own experiences to mine. Sirius _had_ to tell me what was up with his family because, well, the whole thing is still going on! He, on the other hand, is just making me drag up ancient history. He hasn't even had the courtesy to tell me things that happened a year ago, and expects me to bring up things that happened to me aged three, or Hell! Before I was even born!

Oh, my anger so hasn't fizzled out….

In the silence, we have both obviously been contemplating the whole situation. And I can see his annoyance still simmering on too. This isn't going to end quietly. What is about school dances that always ends with Sirius having a slanging match with his date?

"So, while we're having this little heart-to-heart, just putting it all out there," I hate the horrible sarcasm of my voice, but I just can't help it. "I think there are _several_ things you haven't told me. What about this whole 6th Year thing? You know with Snape, and Remus? As you're so into this whole honesty thing, how about we discuss _that_?"

I'm bluffing, I guess. I don't really know what went on but Sirius pales horribly at my words. I feel a brief twinge of guilt but, as is the way during a nasty fight, I brush it aside in favour of going in for the kill. "Seeing as you are so keen on making me talk about horrible things that I would rather leave in the past, why don't you lead by example?"

He looks angry, and sad, and a little scared. "Fine, you know what - _fine_. I will, because I'm not a coward. My life has been a bit shit, my family is fucked-up and sometimes, so am I. But I can take that, I can accept it. And yeah, maybe you should take a leaf out of my book."

And… he explains it all. Factually, almost robotically. A short, scary synopsis of how he nearly killed someone. Well, worse actually. How he nearly caused Remus to kill someone. How he nearly made his sweet, scared, lonely werewolf best friend murder another guy. And why? Because he was a bit pissed off with his family? Because Snape is a little bit of a creep? That's… Well, it's not good enough.

* * *

I don't like to admit this. But I just sort of walked away after he finished his monotonous explanation. I know, that's awful. What could I have said at that point? What more could we possibly have exchanged? After months of revealing ourselves, millimetre by millimetre, to suddenly have everything out on the table in a matter of minute was terrifying. I murmured something about taking time, absorbing. Then I left.

I always thought I understood why Sirius was so reluctant and wary to share things with people. But I didn't, not fully. Not until now.

The thing is, I still don't want this to end - is that insane? So I probably shouldn't have just walked off like that. I don't hate Sirius, or think him cruel or evil. I can see his point of view… I have empathy. I suppose my difficulty is with the sheer seriousness of it. What could have happened...

This is all up to me now. I have always known that I have a tendency to bury my head in the sand. I avoid my own problems and the world's too. Life in our magical community is… not good. I can barely handle reading _The Prophet_ , let alone seeing the effects of that regime in the outside world on our small world of Hogwarts. On the people closest to me.

I need to stop being a coward, stop running away. We are at war, my family has known some horrible times, I can be difficult and guarded. I need to… not change, exactly. But I need to take off the blinkers.

And if I can come to terms with the world, then I think Sirius will be able to forgive me and we can carry on with this. After all, this time was supposed to be used to figure this all out, our good and our bad - isn't that exactly what our fight was? My note-sending sometimes ends in disaster (see Ty thinking I was a secret admirer) but this time I think it is the best course of action. I'll write him and try to express what is going on in my head (always quite a task) and hopefully he'll have started to calm down too and we can figure this out.

I've been crouched, hiding out, in the corner of the Greenhouse with the most stable relationship in my life AKA Devilio. But it is time to concentrate on the actual human relationships in my life, head to my dorm and get composing a heartfelt note of explanation.

"It's crazy how quickly the tables turn, isn't it?"

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? _Seriously_? God, the Spirit of Merlin, Jesus, Ganesha, whoever it is up there, blighting my life with Jane Fenwick's presence - please stop.

"I cannot begin to express how little I am in the mood for this, Fenwick."

"I knew, _I knew_ ," Ugh, she is actually crowing at me. "That you would get your comeuppance, finally! After years of swanning around here, not giving two shits about what people think of you - at last, you're humiliated. You aimed too high and now everyone has witnessed this delusional attempt to snare Sirius Black coming crashing down around you."

OK, this girl is demented. Seriously, why does she want to see me hurt so badly? Also, no offence, Fenwick, but things aren't that bad. We had a fight but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure things will be alright… I hate to disappoint, but I really do. For once, I feel confident in myself and I think if I can be a little better, if I can work a little on being less cowardly then we will be OK.

"I think you've lost… well, several things to be honest, Fenwick. First of all, the plot. You are utterly mental. But secondly, your hold over me. See, you've been wrong all along. Making me worry about being arrogant, about being delusional… it never quite sat with me and that worried me all the more - after all, ignorance of your own self is a cornerstone of big-headedness. But now I see. I'm not arrogant. I'm a _coward_!"

OK, so maybe that triumphant tone didn't exactly match my words there. But it is just so reassuring to be able to say, hey, yeah, _that_ is my fault. That is what I need to improve on! By knowing what I am, I also know what I'm not. And I am _not_ an arrogant bitch or a victim of Fenwick!

She is glaring at me in quite an unimpressed manner; I suppose because that victorious speech was only said in my head. In reality, I've just been standing here grinning dopily. But I can't be bothered with Fenwick any more, and I won't give her power by spending any more time in her presence. So I go to swan out of the Greenhouse, which of course, as a massive control freak who is rapidly losing her control, she hates.

"I can't believe you are so insane as to think that he will take you back!"

"What do you even mean? 'Take me back'! We aren't even together yet, we're just working on it. Jesus! No, no! I am not talking to you any more!"

And with that I slam the door, muffling Fenwick's yells. "Godric, you are so dimwitted! You are a destructive, rude, insane, gro- ARGH! HELP, OH- AARRGHH!"

Oh God, it has finally happened. Kettles' plan has finally come together and Devillio is claiming his first life.

Turning around to see Jane Fenwick on the Greenhouse floor, engulfed in the tendril's of a Devil's Snare and slowly beings absorbed into the centre of the plant is an image that truly brings mixed emotions. I mean, this is a toughie. Obviously, I am totally against murder. But then again, Fenwick…. (Ooh, maybe Sirius and I are actually the most compatible couple ever. Both a little little lax on the moral/murder front. We could be the new Bonnie and Clyde).

Ugh, fine. I guess I really ought to…. There we go! Come on now, Janie. Just needed a vigorous _Lumos_ up in there. Really, there is no need to be crying quite that much. I'm sure he didn't _break_ your leg, maybe just badly bruised it. Oh, and _there_ we go. Sending up bloody flares and bringing the teachers running...

Oh well, I suppose this solves my boy dramas. It will be very difficult to conduct _any_ kind of relationship with Sirius if I get expelled….

* * *

 _Dear Sirius,_

 _Perhaps I shouldn't have been so freaked out by what you told me. I mean, after what happened tonight, I know how easy it is to come so close to murdering a fellow student._

 _(Devillio got ahold of Fenwick. She survived. Thanks to me, and also much to my chagrin)._

 _Sorry, as ever I am choosing an inappropriate time to joke around, aren't I?_

 _But in all seriousness, we have both messed up here. And hopefully, that will be our saving grace - the we both made mistakes._

 _I can't lie to you, the Snape thing is difficult to digest. But after having experienced what I have of your family and so on, I can…_ begin _to understand? I am still trying to wrap my head around it - you know, what could have been… That someone could have died. That Remus could have lived his life with that - I think that's the worst part, your disregard for him. But, yes, I can understand that you were lost and lashing out._

 _I think we did right in taking it slow - even if it has ended up like this, with too many secrets. But I wouldn't have had any comprehension of the Snape thing if you had just straight-up told me._

 _However, the Animagus thing? I mean, that had_ nothing _to do with your family, and it is a big thing. It's about our friends, about you and… I don't know. I guess I am just pissed off about that one._

 _The main thing is that I don't think you are a bad person. At all. This hasn't changed how I feel (maybe that makes me crazy but, hey, does my being crazy really surprise anyone?). And I just needed you to know that because I know the way I walked away probably made things seems worse than they are._

 _So, here is my Stefanie Hartmann Plan of Action and Awareness:_

 _\- These upcoming holidays will be used for me to come to terms with my latest discoveries about you (Attempted Murder and Illegal Animagus). I want to be able to resume things between us, and if we do then I can't be weird about this stuff. I have to accept it and if I can't, then I shouldn't be with you._

 _\- I will also use this time to prepare myself to share with you any, and all, information I have been withholding (Family Dramas, Deaths and Disasters)._

 _\- I'll generally stop being so cowardly about, you know, the world. My attempt at immersing myself in the outside world and informing myself has been a little lacklustre, I guess. I will do better! And hopefully that will also help with the whole understanding your family thing._

 _Basically, you messed up a lot. But mainly in the past and I think I can come to terms with that. I messed up in the here-and-now by not being open with you about my past. And from here on, we both need to just get a little better at this whole communication thing (I hear it's key for this sort of thing)._

 _Although the Animagus thing is a Big Deal. And me not telling you about my family is a Big Deal. And the Snape thing is a Big Deal. I don't think this fight is, overall. We knew this would happen going in - that's why we took it slow. Because we are both stubborn, slightly messy, reckless, defensive people. It's why we work so well and it's why we were inevitably going to fight. And will fight again. But hey, what fun would this be without a few sparring matches?_

 _I hope you feel similarly about this. I'll be working hard on my Plan, and report back to you in due course._

 _Yours,_

 _Steffi._

 _P.S. if I am expelled, avenge me by giving Fenwick constant Hell, OK?  
P.P.S. Stay away from Greenhouse Six until Devillio is fully restrained/eliminated  
P.P.P.S. if possible, could you appeal to the Powers That Be not to totally eliminate or destroy my baby. I worked hard on him. I would do it myself, but I am packing my things. They _may _have sent me home a week early, you know - because of the whole endangering-Fenwick's-life thing. Please tell me you got severely punished for your murder-thing too, or else I'll be proper annoyed. I know it seems unlikely, but I wasn't_ trying _to kill her. God, even written down it hardly looks convincing.  
Anyway, Merry Christmas, Sirius. I'll see you for New Year's._

* * *

A/N: Sorry for slow updates, but I promise the story is being written. Just slowly, little by little. I have it all planned out, I swear!

Elle xoxo


	33. Letters I

**Steffi to Steffi:**

 _Dear Steffi,_

 _Steffi here! As you embark on this plan of Self Awareness and Action, I thought I would provide you (me) with a summary of Who You Are. The good, the bad and the indifferent._

 _GOOD: you are fair and inclusive - you like people and you want them to like you and you want them all to be happy. You don't judge books by their covers - everyone gets a fair shot with you, but if they blow it then that's it._

 _BAD: you are guarded. As much as you like people, you have difficulty letting them in. You've never even discussed your family with Lana and Marley. That is definitely weird. You have every intention of telling people and then you think, oh why cause drama? It's not even relevant to my life, or who I am. But it is, because you can see how family affects everyone else's life. And you are kidding yourself if you think people don't notice that you don't share this aspect of your life with them._

 _GOOD: Yay, back to the nice bit, Steffi! You are funny and impulsive and positive. You do cheer people up, you make people smile a lot and laugh. I think you tend to believe this is your primary role in life, or the gang. Which may be true, but that doesn't mean you can't ever be sad. Allow yourself that sometimes, Steffi, you can still be the sunshine of the group even if you get a little rain-cloudy every now and then. I'm telling you that, Stef to Stef._

 _BAD: Boo, hiss. In your attempt to be positive-outlook, sunshine Stef, you put on rose-tinted blinkers and ignore the fact that the world is a Big, Bad Place. Which was OK for these first few years of your life. But now you're about to be a part of that world and leave the safety blanket of Hogwarts behind. So start getting to grips with what is going on, seriously. Also, it is impossible to deny that the outside world is already affecting people we know. And your lack of knowledge of what's going on, can lead to a lack of empathy for people affected by it._

 _GOOD: You are smart (enough to graduate and get a job, but not to realise, aged 17, that sticking knives in toasters is Bad). You are loving, supportive, self-assured, fun-loving, carefree and passionate. You are a good person._

 _Always remember that, Stef, you really are. And you were right - well done! Knowing what you are, positive and negative, helps you know what you're not. Remember this letter from your beloved Stef, and people like Fenwick will never get you down again._

 _Big love,_

 _Stef._

 **Sirius to Steffi:**

 _Hi, Stef,_

 _First of all… What the_ fuck _. Seriously, what the Hell? They sent you home because of a plant that your demented Professor gave you… As a_ class project. _At least they aren't taking it any further than that. Bloody ridiculous. Just because Fenwick's dad has sway with the board, I reckon, that you even got suspended. I hope your mum isn't pissed off? You don't need any more agg about this._

 _As far as… me and you are concerned, yeah, I think we can't call it quits yet. I have to tell you, my natural instinct is to bolt at the first hurdle. I'm not patient and I give up easily (seeing as we are 'recognising our flaws' and all that bullshit). I had to take some time and remind myself just how great you are for me. And that I am not the easiest person in the world to deal with._

 _About the Snape thing… There is nothing more for me to say. You know what went on. I was angry and lashing out and wanting other people to feel as shit and as hurt as me. Not Remus though, never him. I didn't consider that for one second - which I know is terrible. All throughout 6th Year, Stef I swear, that incident… haunted me, really. It's why I was never aware of you, why I drifted through that year. Just, I don't even know. I knew I had to get a grip on what I had been through but I barely knew where to start. I've only just gotten there, really, and I'm still nowhere near perfect._

 _I do hope you can understand._

 _Equally, when you are ready to talk about whatever it is you've been hiding, I'll be there. But Stef, I am not going to continue trying to make this relationship work if you don't tell me. I don't enter a relationship with you, not knowing the whole story. You know mine now, every bit of it._

 _I'll leave you be this Christmas break to sort out your head. I still need to sort mine a bit too. But, like I say, I remember how great you are and… the many ways in which you are good for me, I guess._

 _Until New Year._

 _Sirius_

 _P.S. Not telling you about the Animagus thing was shit. Because it's really fucking cool - I turn into a_ dog _. Can't believe I didn't share that with you - seriously sorry. Although I suppose I never asked - you're not a bloody cat person, are you?_

* * *

 **Remus to Steffi:**

 _Stef,_

 _DId Sirius write you? We all told him not to be a twat and remember that no one else is as well-equipped to deal with his shit as you. Even James got a little stern with his beloved husband, a real rarity._

 _Anyway, you can catch me up next week. Mum says come over sometime in the afternoon. Whenever is fine. And then the feeding frenzy can begin. (Apparently, I won't actually be able to access my bed for a while as my room is being used for food storage. I told you I wasn't exaggerating about how cold it is!)_

 _I bet your mum is loving having her delinquent daughter home early - she must be very proud of your antics! But we've missed you the past few days. You will be delighted to hear that Lana deemed your early absence Mourning-worthy. No one has been able to cope with her Mourning as well and as patiently as you._

 _Looking forward to seeing you soon!_

 _Remus._

 **Steffi to Remus:**

 _Remus,_

 _I think your sternness worked a treat - he wrote me a very fair letter. I am taking this Christmas holiday to do some insightful, self-reflection. Which will be more effective than my post-Lana-argument improvements, I swear. This has all made it very clear to me, what exactly I need to work on._

 _Ahh, I cannot wait to eat. And to see you, of course. But eating takes priority - I won't lie to you, pal._

 _Oh yeah, my mum threw a Suspension Shindig for the two of us yesterday. It mainly just involved a lot of groovy dancing to Bowie and Fleetwood, The Police and…. Again, I can't lie, The BeeGees. The tunes are catchy, OK? (Also, I'm pretty sure my mum got me_ Parallel Lines _for Christmas so be prepared for that to be all that gets played at James'. He does have a record player, right?)_

 _Poor old Lans, I will write her immediately and do my best consoling. She's such a good friend. I hope you were all suitably depressed by my suspension though. A schoolwide Mourning would have been excellent. I suppose you were too busy celebrating Fenwick's Near Death Experience, right? Has a statue been erected in my honour? Steffi Hartmann - Bitch Slayer._

 _It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?_

 _Until next week, my friend._

 _SH._

* * *

 **Steffi to James:**

 _James,_

 _Tell me you have a record player at your place? And tell me I can be in charge of the music._

 _(Notice how the last part was not a question)._

 _Also, I hope you like Blondie._

 _Love,_

 _Steffi Hartmann - Bitch Slayer._

* * *

 **Marley to Steffi:**

 _Stefanie._

 _Come back. Now. Please._

 _I don't care that there are only two days until the end of term. I do not care that you are suspended. (You are officially the coolest, most hardcore person I know. I love you beyond belief. Fenwick keeps walking around with a really OTT limp and it is incredible)._

 _TWO DAYS. Two days that I may not survive._

 _Because Lana is insane. She is an insane person._

 _By the way, you would love the sight of Rabastan Lestrange trying to get to grips with Mourning._

 _Oh, I miss you, Stef. I miss being able to palm Lana's crazy off on you. I miss bitching about people with you. I miss being able to tease you about Sirius. (For the love of God, do not tell me you two have broken up over that stupid fight at the Ball. I know what you two drama queens are like, but honestly, if Doc and I got all wobbly any time we had a spat…. Look, fights are a part of it. Don't Hartmann this)._

 _All my love,_

 _Marley._

 **Lana to Steffi:**

 _STEFFI I AM DEEP IN MOURNING STOP_

 _NO ONE BUT YOU CAN RESCUE ME FROM THIS DESPERATE STATE I MISS YOU AND I AM INCENSED BY THE INJUSTICE OF YOUR SUSPENSION STOP_

 _EVEN WHEN I SAW FENWICK TRYING SO HARD TO FAKE A LIMP THAT SHE ENDED UP FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS I COULD NOT EVEN RAISE A PROPER SMILE OK I DID LAUGH BUT NOT AS LOUD AS I WOULD HAVE DONE IF YOU WERE THERE STOP_

 _PLEASE COME TO MY HOUSE BEFORE JAMES' COME BY TRAIN AND WE WILL SIDE-LONG APP YOU TO HIS WITH US AND WE CAN PICK OUTFITS TOGETHER AND ALSO MY MUM MISSES YOU TOO STOP_

 _LOVE LANA STOP_

 **Steffi to Lana and Marley:**

 _Lans, Marls,_

 _First of all, why did you write that like a telegram, Lana? You literally handwrote it and sent it by owl. You really are losing it without me._

 _And yes, I would love to come to yours before New Year's. A) Because Mrs. Diggory is the best. She is a dream (as is your brother - let's hope I catch a glimpse of him exiting the bathroom, clad only in a veeery skimpy towel again!). And B) Because I will need Severe Calming Down before I see Sirius again._

 _I am so heartbroken, truly bereft , not to be seeing this faux limp. Bitch, better watch out though. When I'm back at Hogwarts, I could give her a real limp. Something to really cry about._

 _(By the way, please refer to me as Steffi Hartmann - Bitch Slayer from now on)._

 _Love and kisses,  
SH - BS_

* * *

 **James to Steffi:**

 _Bitch Slayer,_

 _Yes, we have a record player. I have no idea who Blondie is but as long as I can get my groove on to it, then it's OK by me!_

 _But now, I must undertake a solemn task. How to properly congratulate you for bringing about the most incredible, rule-breaking, coolest event of the year? We Marauders feel shamed by your brilliance and accept this for what is - a challenge to be bolder and better next term. We will do you proud, Bitch Slayer, and be more mischievous than ever!_

 _You are an inspiration._

 _Also, please write Sirius back soon. Send it to my house - we're leaving Hogs tomorrow. He had us all proof-read his letter before he sent it. He cares, Harts. Sirius doesn't care about an awful lot anymore, but he does when it comes to you. Sometimes that might express itself with him getting angry with you, I guess, but it comes from a good place._

 _Can't wait to see you at New Year's!_

 _James Potter - Dragon Tamer._

 **Steffi to James:**

 _They can't be made up claims! I really am a Bitch Slayer!_

 _BS._

 _P.S. I am composing my response to Rover now._

 **James to Steffi:**

 _You don't know my life story._

 _JP-DT._

 _P.S. Great. Also, calling him Fido pisses him off even more than Rover… Not that I am encouraging anything but…._

* * *

 **Steffi to Sirius:**

 _Dear Sirius,_

 _Thanks for your letter. I agreed with it totally. I think I will be ready to get all my stuff out in the open too when we get back from the break. I don't think this thing between us should be over yet, I think there's a lot of life in it yet._

 _Definitely yes to the space thing too. It's just over a week until New Year's - I probably won't write you again. Christmas is a busy time. And it will be easier for me to sort out just what I need to share with you. I try not to think about my family history too much, so I need to take some time for myself as well to get to grips with it._

 _I've been calling myself Steffi Hartmann - Bitch Slayer. But perhaps it should be Steffi Hartmann - Ostrich. On account of all the burying my head in the sand._

 _I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with James._

 _Miss you, Fido._

 _From the Scientific-Miracle-the-Ostrich-Human-Hybrid you know as,  
Steffi_

 _P.S. Dogs all the way! We had a cat once but it always scratched me and it moved in with our neighbours who also fed it. Hmph. Maybe that's another issue to add to my list - Fear of Rejection, caused by Marmalade the Cat. The more I look into my home life, the more damage I find. Let's not even get started on the time my mum accidentally made my birthday breakfast with eggs that had gone off….. God knows what damage that did. It probably explains a lot about me, really._

 _Dogs have never betrayed me/emotionally damaged me though, so you're in the clear. Woof woof!_

* * *

A/N: Yaayyy. The next chapter will be Stef and her fab family at Christmas, which should be fun.

Thanks so much to reviewers - getting nice feedback kick-starts me so much. I wrote the vast majority of this chapter today, after getting a lovely review. Such good motivation, thanks!

xoxo Elle


	34. Chapter 33

I don't know why she does this every year. I mean, really I don't understand the thinking behind _any_ of my mum's actions but this one is particularly baffling. She runs around like a headless chicken, every Christmas Eve, searching for something in our madhouse that she could pass off as a gift for the Lupins. There are several flaws in this logic… First of all, I don't mean a _Christmas_ gift. We've bought those. This is like a hosting gift - you know, flowers, wine etc. Secondly, the Lupins are amazed every year that we even manage to get them an Xmas gift, or remember where their house is, or that any of us even survived the year. They have a good and realistic understanding of our collective capabilities, you see. Anyway, every year we pitch up late and with an odd, seemingly random object. As my mum rushes about trying to find this year's weird offering, Aunt Carole and I just sit, all ready to go, on the sofa. Ignoring mum's squawks for help.

* * *

By the time we set off, we are already 40 minutes late. And what did my mother manage to scrape together in that 40 minutes? Was it worth it? Oh breathless anticipation! She grabbed some old wine bottles _out of the bin_ and is attempting to stuff some previously used candles in the neck, to make an 'artsy decoration'. This is a frightening glimpse into my future. Carole has that look on her face that tells me the first glass of prosecco Lyall hands her is going to disappear in nanoseconds.

* * *

As is tradition, Hope accepts my mum's bizarre gift of wine bottle and half-mushed candle with unbelievable graciousness. I see where Remus gets his patience from. His mother is a saint. And Lyall is the perfect gent - always looking out for his Warren ladies. He tends to pop over every month or so to both ours and Carole's, just to see if there are any odd jobs need doing. Fixing a shelf, or mowing the lawn. Although mum and Carole are both probably capable of doing these things themselves (well, mum maybe not. But she could definitely ring a handyman who, unlike her, wouldn't destroy the house), I think Lyall's anxiousness about their survival amuses them. Of course, dealing with Remus, he knows how hard families can be. I think it makes him very sad to think of these sisters who lost their husbands so early.

But the best thing about Hope Lupin? The food! Oh! The food… Mountains upon mountains, every year. She also frets about us, although not as obviously as her husband. Christmas is her futile attempt to feed us for the whole year. Her leftovers don't stretch quite that far, but we usually still have enough for Easter Sunday lunch. Remus shows me his room and he was _not_ joking. Every surface is covered in clingfilmed plates, platters and bowls. We can just about squeeze through the mountains of dishes to where Remus' bed has, thankfully, been cleared.

"So, tell me about all the parties in my honour, celebrating my incredible feat!"

Remus chuckles, "Everyone is definitely on your side here. Fenwick made such a big deal, even though she was totally fine after her Hospital Wing trip. They even cured her bruises - there wasn't a mark on her! And she kept making these over-the-top comments in every class, and every time one of us walked by. You know, about how lax the school rules are, and bandying about the phrase 'attempted murder' far too much."

Ho ho ho, Remus rarely gets pissed off with people - he is one of the worst people to bitch with. But when he does get riled, boy, can he rant.

"Everyone is so, so sick of her. People are actually starting to turn against you a little, you know."

" _What?!"_

"Annoyed you didn't finish her off for good." He grins wryly at me.

Ahh, I will be the Reigning Queen of Hogwarts when I get back. Beloved by all. Steffi Hartmann - Bitch Slayer, Vanquisher of Ugly Trolls, Devil's Snare Whisperer.

"Do you know what happened to Devilio?"

"Steffi, it is really rather deranged that you still refer to it by its nickname despite everything."

"He is the true hero of this story. It's him who grabbed Fenwick - he was there for me when I needed help the most!"

Poor Remus can only shake his head in bemusement at such madness, "Sirius spoke to Kettleburn, Flitwick and Dumbledore. The plant's been relocated to somewhere in the deepest, darkest depths of the Forest. I hope Sirius found out where, exactly, considering the amount of time that lot spends racing around in there."

I can feel Remus gazing at me as he says this, very unsubtly trying to gauge my reaction to this. I wonder if he is worried. Worried that I asked why they became Animagi, or why he isn't one too. For all I know, Sirius already told him I know. Although, given all our recent discussions about secrets and when/when not to share them, I doubt he would have.

"I thought about getting Sirius a nice collar for Christmas. Red leather, a nice shiny bone tag - 'Fido'. Or one of those plastic toys you fill with treats, then the dog goes nutty trying to get to them? I went shopping with mum though, and she would have been confused if I'd gone to the pet shop. Unnecessary questions."

Remus smiles, glad that I am obviously fine with the Animagus thing but maybe still wondering where I stand with him. Or if anything has even changed between us at all. I still feel bad about just coming out and saying it to him - I know you're a werewolf. It feels like… forcing the secret out. It takes away any of his choice in the matter and it is hard for it not to sound like an accusation, although I really don't mean it to be. It sounds like you're saying, I already know but _you_ didn't tell me. I think that is how Remus, being the sensitive and lovely guy he is, would see it. I think he feels a little guilty for not telling me. But I am the last person to judge him for keeping a part of himself secret from me.

"Remus, I need to start being more open with people. As much as we'd all like it, family shit isn't really private. You all must know I've kept that part of me cut off from you all and that's not right."

Remus shifts slightly next to me, "Well, I know about your dad and uncle... the car crash."

"Yeah, you have some insight into my family already. So I thought you would be a good test-run, so to speak."

I'm just very matter-of-fact. I explain how my father came to be in the UK. That my grandad had opposed Grindelwald and been captured. How my grandma and dad had lived, hidden away. And how she had disappeared one day and so my father had left. He was probably in one of the last waves of escapees. At that point, most objectors had either been captured or killed.

"I never told anyone because it all seems so removed from me. All of it happened to people I have never even met. I thought… Well, I thought two things. First, that it didn't affect who I am, therefore no one needed to know about it. I realise, I suppose now, that everyone is affected by what's happened in their family. Me included. And even so, it isn't good to hide any part of yourself from the people who matter. Secondly-"

Remus interrupts me, "You know, right? About me?"

Ugh. Here it comes. "Yes, I figured it out in Third Year… Or around then anyway."

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything."

"That thing about not hiding parts of yourself, Remus… That wasn't aimed at you."

He smiles, "I know."

"You don't have to be sorry. I totally get it. Look, it didn't change my opinion of you or our friendship whatsoever so…"

"That's what I liked so much. Of all my best friends, I knew you definitely just liked me for me. There was no trace of pity, or sympathy. You were just my friend."

I laugh, it makes me sad that Remus would even think like that, but what a fool! "Remus, really? Sirius and James are idiots - they would never just be someone's friend out of pity. They are plenty mean enough to ditch someone they don't want to befriend! Come on!"

He can't help but laugh at this too. And I am reassured. There was no burden or tension between us before but instantly, everything is just lighter. It isn't exactly as if a weight has been lifted - more like before I was clenching a muscle without even thinking. This is the relief of relaxation.

* * *

The rest of the evening passes very pleasantly. Hope and Lyall destroy us all in charades. Remus somehow failed to inherit their talent and we manage to do even worse than the fatal combination of my tipsy Aunty and crazy mother. Luckily, our forfeit is just running down to the cornershop to pick up a few more bottles of wine. (Carole and Hope are letting their hair down tonight - something I feel Carole will probably deeply regret when we get up at 7am tomorrow to head to gran's).

I ate record amounts, really. Even Remus was impressed, snapping a few pictures to prove my incredible feat. I just feel very relaxed - amazingly, sharing my history has been a good things for me. It makes me feel more at ease. I suppose I probably should have realised that the expression 'a problem shared is a problem halved' doesn't come from nowhere. It is especially nice that Remus knows I know his shit too. I think I want to remain as detached from it all as I always have been, though. He appreciates my lack of involvement, so to speak. The reason he never confided in me in the first place was because he liked the 'purity', I guess, of our friendship. So I want to respect that.

I feel a whole lot less inclined to respect him after I open his gift though….

A self-help book on 'letting love in' and a bag of dog treats. Hi-lar-i-ous. (He did also get me the biography of the infamous Head of the Department of Defence during the 20s/30s and a massive bag of rhubarb and custard sweets. So. He remains in my good books for now).

Lyall loved our gift - a load of vegetable plants so he can start work on that veg patch at last. And for Hope a bunch of relaxing bath products because, hey, being a werewolf's mum has gotta be pretty stressful.

As we head off, all three of us girls already feeling a little worse for the wine-wear, Remus checks I'm still going to James'.

"Yeah, but I'm going to Lana's for the day on New Year's Eve. Then we'll all Apparate down."

Remus nods. "Good. Don't worry about it, by the way. He'll be fine."

His smile is reassuring, and in my heart I think Sirius will be calm too. It seems like we are OK, or at least we will be once I go over my stuff, show him I am willing to be open too. But, realistically, I know I'm still going to be in a complete tizzy about seeing him again. It's so weird, how logically you can know completely that something is going to be fine, but your body still insists on going into panic mode. Lana and Marley are going to have to be in full-on Meltdown Prevention Mode that day.

Remus chuckles at this, "Well, we might be preventing some breakdowns on our end too."

Um…. Remus…. _Might?_ Emotionally volatile, bipolar Black? Yeah, pal, I am pretty sure breakdowns are _guaranteed._

* * *

Car Conversations Between the Warren Sisters and a very Exasperated SH:

LW: "Oooh, you could always ask Granny for help with your boy troubles! I reckon she used to be a real heartbreaker"

CW: "Yeah, I bet she dated a few bad boys in her time."

SH: "Ew. And Sirius isn't a… I can't believe these words are exiting my mouth but, 'bad boy'."

LW: "Some boys from the wrong side of the tracks."

CW: "Some good for nothin' fellas."

SH: "Mum, Carole, this isn't a musical set in the 50s, enough with the bad boy chat."

CW: "From what your mum told me, he does seem to be from a bit of a odd family though… I mean, not odd like us. Bad-Odd."

SH: "I'm not sure _we_ fully qualify as Good-Odd. In fact, I don't really know if that is a thing at all."

LW: "And I know those Marauder boys play lots of tricks but luring people into dangerous traps isn't exactly… a friendly thing to do. Definitely Bad-Odd."

SH: "Well, yes, that is just the understatement of the century, Mum."

Honestly. I tried to explain the whole situation to mum when I got back. I mean, of course I had to. You can't really tell someone that your deadly plant nearly killed your arch-nemesis without a little background context. Even for me. That's a story where just 'being a Disaster Zone' doesn't really cover it.

I totally get that mum is a little wary of Sirius. I didn't really keep her informed throughout the situation. You know, on account of me being ridiculously slow on the uptake and then not really believing this could possibly be actually happening to me. All she has heard up until now is of his Marauder antics and occasionally of his family (although usually, his opposition to them). I think she is reassured by the fact that Remus is such good friends with him, and that she knows we have always gotten along. It's not like I've come home and said I'm dating Rabastan Lestrange…. (I tried to bet Marls ten Galleons that Lans wouldn't tell her family, Marley just retorted that she would bet her life savings and her _actual_ life that Lana hadn't told them).

She agrees that I should try to open up to him and accept what he has opened up to me about. I guess my mum knows something about tangling with guys from messy, Wizarding families. She knows how hard it is to be with someone who has been through a lot of hardship - and she knows the risk and the struggles can definitely be worth it. I think she was surprised to hear that I don't really talk about our family a lot. In fact, she was downright offended at first.

"But Remus knows me - I can't believe you don't talk to your friends about me!"

"No, Mum - wrong end of the stick. I talk about you - too much, in actual fact. It's just the whole… Grindelwald-related parts that I tend to avoid."

"Considering all the guidance and help and fashion advice I give you! OK, so I can't clean and I've never been exactly organised - and yes, you've inherited both those traits. Other than that, I have been a _wonderful_ mother - and you hide away all knowledge of me at school!"

"You can add inability-to-listen-to-a-word-your-daughter-says to that list of negatives as well."

"Not to mention all the washing and feeding and singing and reading…"

"Mum, I talk about you so much, Fenwick made up a rumour about you."

"Ooh, really? What was it?"

"Oh, _now_ she listens!"

"Eh, I heard you before but I was on a roll."

You see, my mum will never fuss or scold or lecture. She never seems outwardly that concerned for my well-being at all, hiding it all underneath rambles and nonsense (who would have thought rambles and nonsense would be genetic?). But I know her, and she knows I understand her. She is worried about me getting my feelings hurt, but is aware (and pleased) that I am going through the phases of teenage-girl-dom. Liking boys, having these crises are all normal. I suppose it is the backdrop of war that makes things all a little darker. The knowledge of just what his family is doing, although he isn't a part of it. The knowledge of what was done to our family last time this happened. It isn't a factor in a relationship, per se. It is just a shadow that creeps along the edges of a normal teen drama.

I'm not sure if my mum fully gets all that, but I think she is starting to realise how serious the situation in our world, or rather my world, is. Obviously, I have barely even begun to accept or comprehend it myself, so of course she wouldn't know. Despite her joking around, she can see why I would be reluctant to talk about my family. Now she can recognise it too - the patterns between things I tell her now, and things my father said about his childhood.

But, Carole is turning onto my Granny's street now…. And if there is one thing this house is good for, it's cheering you up!

* * *

Five Ridiculous Things That Have Happened Within The FIrst Two Hours Of Xmas At Granny's:

1\. Gran inviting her mailman to _Christmas Dinner_ because she wants to set him up with Carole. Or mum. Or me. Hell, Gran doesn't seem fussy.  
2\. Carole drinking four Snowballs in quick succession and quickly putting herself out of the running for Stan the Postman's heart. (Daddy Cool came on the radio and she decided to show off her aerobics class routine. I don't think she was even that tipsy, she just honestly thought it would be a good idea).  
3\. Mum attempting to reheat Hope's beef stew and setting Gran's kitchen sort of on fire and causing mass chaos and manic screaming.  
4\. Me forgetting I am a trained witch who can do magic and joining in with the manic screaming.  
5\. Me remembering I can do magic and saving the day but also forgetting that Stan is a Muggle who doesn't even know magic is real causing more manic screaming. (This time from Stan who had refrained from such activities in a manly fashion during the Great Fire of Five Minutes Ago).

* * *

Stan has been calmed down now and actually seems very enthused by the idea of a magical society existing alongside his. (I leave out the whole Muggle-torturing regime part. The guy nearly shat himself over an _Aguamenti_ , I think the description of the Cruciatus alone would finish him off). He is less calm about the discovery of Owl mail. He is incensed by the lack of job positions for postal workers. He asks me if they have a Wizarding Union, which has got to be the oddest first question about the magical world that a Muggle has ever posed.

Luckily, Mum bought the cold cuts from Hope's roast too, along with more dessert than even I could handle. And there is episodes of The Two Ronnies on telly, so we are all very content. Stan is endlessly amused by me performing the simplest magic, making me feel like such an accomplished sorceress (that is until my mum tells him about the time I accidentally Charmed Lily Evans, who sat in front of me in First Year, instead of my intended feather. Flitters had to move quickly to undo my first ever _Wingardium_ attempt). We spend a lot of time discussing where we could get matching coats like the ones Showaddywaddy were wearing on Top of The Pops. Aunty drinks many more Snowballs and sherries, as does Granny. Mum and I are more partial to the red wine. Poor Stan is barman all evening. I tell him we have those in the Wizarding world, so he would never be left totally jobless.

* * *

We spend a couple more days at Gran's house, with Stan popping over intermittently. It is a lot of fun and we manage to make a fair dent in our Lupin leftovers. Gran finds some pictures from Mum and Carole's weddings, which are lovely. Gran and Carole try to teach us how to make a chocolate roulade - it turns out Stan is even worse at baking than me and mum. We have a wonderful time.

And soon we head back home. And I start to pack. To go to Lana's. To go to James'. To see Sirius again.

Come on now, Hartmann. You can do this. In the words of the great Showaddywaddy, You Got What It Takes.

Gulp.

* * *

A/N: hey, let me know what your think! bit filler-y but Sirius in the next chapter soooo... :)))

also I messed up last chapter - _Parallel Lines_ by Blondie was released in 1978 and I forget we're still in 77... uh oh. Maybe Debbie Harris was actually a witch and released the album in magical world first hmmm.

Elle xox


	35. Chapter 34

"MUUUUM"

"STEEEF"

" _Mum?_ "

"Steffi?"

"Lydia Warren Hartmann!"

"Stefanie Maria Hartmann!"

We live in a two-up-two-down terraced house. How have we lost each other? I need to leave in five minutes if I want to make it to the station and catch my train to Lana's. I have to say bye to mum before I leave though, especially as she's let me borrow a dress of hers. She apparently wore it out to a fancy dinner with dad when they went travelling around Italy but never ended up wearing it again. Ah! Here she is… Coming out of the cupboard under our stairs?

"Sorry, love, I was just in the basement."

"Wait, we have a _basement?_ "

Mum looks at me strangely, "Yes, Stef… For the entire twenty-five-plus years I have lived here there has been a basement."

"Holy hell. _Really_?"

"Yes! Honestly… Wait, so where have you been storing stuff when I tell you to put it away?"

"The attic!"

Silence. ".. The attic?"

"Oh, mum," My turn to look at her strangely. "Tell me you knew we have an attic."

"You know, this finally explains why we have to buy new Christmas decorations every year…"

"Makes a lot more sense than our house being a hotspot for tinsel-hungry gnomes."

"Well, that's my task for the day then!" Mum kisses me on the head as I scoot out the door. "Gather up the decorations from the attic and basement and get sorting!"

"Sounds like fun!"

She chuckles, "Yeah, bet you wish you weren't going to a party with all your friends now! Have a wonderful time, love! Oh, and Stef? Make up with this boy. It seems like he does like you a lot - and that makes me like _him_. Just bring him over in the summer, and I can pass my final judgement then! But you'll regret not making the effort with him if you don't go for it now."

Maybe the wisest thing my mum has ever said to me. Look, if even the woman who didn't know we had an attic can see that Sirius and I are meant to be, then who am I, the girl who didn't know we had a basement, not to go for it?!

* * *

A couple of hours later and I am in Golders Green, sprawled on Lana's bed next to Marley. Marls is complaining about Doc's un-heartfelt gift (Socks. Genuinely, the fool got his girlfriend socks for Christmas). Lana is already starting to put her hair together for tonight, despite the hours of time we have until the party starts.

"They aren't even nice! They're so _thin_ , not even insulated!"

"I honestly don't think I can stand any more sock chat, Marls, sorry."

She huffs. "Well, did you and Sirius exchange gifts?"

"Not yet. I got him something. I'll give it to him at James'. After, you know, The Chat."

Lana and Marls both shudder sympathetically. I have reassured them that Sirius and I seem to be on good-terms. As they pointed out, his mood can change rapidly - he ain't called Bipolar Black for nothin'. But I think James, Petey and Remus will ensure he approaches me, and this relationship-thing, with a fair mind. I trust them to prep him for our reunion accordingly.

"So, he's come clean about all the skeletons in his closet…" I nod in confirmation to Lana. "And now it's your turn?"

"Basically, yeah. I mean, I'm sure you guys know there are things about my dad's family that I don't really talk about. And thanks for never hating me for that, because you could have done. It was silly of me not to talk to you guys."

I also told them the whole Hartmann Family Saga. I feel so stupid now - now this is a whole big thing. If I had only just told everyone when it naturally came up, as family shit is wont to do. Because now I am finally doing it, I am realising it is easier than I ever thought it would be. I was right, in the sense that a lot of the things that happened aren't so immediate to me. It isn't so painful to talk about. Funnily enough, the least dark, or dramatic, part of the story - that my dad and uncle died in a car crash on the way to the shops, almost painfully mundane in comparison to a opposing a racist regime - is the hardest part to recount. But that's because it is the freshest, and the closest to me, Stef Hartmann sitting here telling the story.

The girls seemed to get that whole point of view, about it 'not being relevant' although they pointed out what I now know - that everyone is affected by their family.

"I get upset just thinking about _could_ have happened to my family if things had turned out differently…"

Lana is talking about the other events that were happening in Europe at that time, I guess. It's true, though. When I think of how much she is who she is because of her heritage… It was so dumb of me to deny mine, when talking about it and sharing it is so much easier and just… better.

"And, on that note of talking and sharing…" Marley turns to raise an eyebrow at Lana. I join in with this eyebrow activity. Lans pouts moodily, unimpressed by eyebrow acrobatics.

"No, I haven't told my family."

Marley and I roll our eyes at each other with rueful grins - of course not.

She starts to get a little defensive upon seeing our expressions, "I am not breaking up with him! He is so nice to me, and good for me! I just have had sooo much drama with you guys, I can't go through that all again with my family too!"

Oy with the dramatics, Ilana! "Oh, come on! We just told you we didn't agree with your relationship, it was hardly drama. And in honour of our non-dramaticness, I am going to let your comment about him being 'good for you' slide!"

Lana glares at me, but shuts up. Marley just shakes her head, at both of us presumably. It is also in this interest - the pursuit of non-dramatics - that I have neglected to mention to the girls just what Sirius' skeletons in the closet are. Of course, they know about the family and the unstable temperament. But the whole luring-Snape-to-his-death thing I left out. Partly because that is Sirius' secret. Partly because it implicates Remus. But also partly because I think Lana would point out that such a thing is easily on par with Rabastan's actions. Or worse, even.

* * *

We're only running about 40 minutes behind schedule, which I think is pretty good. Despite Lana starting her hair preparations hours in advance, it still isn't quite enough. Both her and Marley have opted for jumpsuits which looks very glam and make me regret my retro choice somewhat. I mean, I don't think I could pull off the whole jumpsuit look anyway. And mum's dress is lovely. Navy blue, embellished all over with small beads which catch the light, a nice wide neckline. And thankfully, it isn't one of those 50s dresses with the massive poofy skirts. I just worry I'm giving off a bit of an 'Alice in Wonderland' vibe with the blue dress and blonde hair combo. If I could just make mine all big and voluminous like Marls and Lana. But, alas! It just never sticks with my locks. Hmph.

The girls have glammed my face up a bit anyway. Nice eye makeup, the likes of which I could never achieve alone. And lipstick that will 'make SIrius Black unable to resist kissing me', according to Lana. So all in all, not bad.

Of course, all their effort nearly goes to waste as Marley and I land with a whirl in James' driveway. As I retch by the bushes, Marley holds my hair back and instructs me to pout my lips if I am sick, to try and avoid ruining the lipstick.

Thankfully, I am not. And as Lana arrives, I have already composed myself. She still eyes me critically before we head in. "Tuck your hair behind your ears - here I have some pins to hold it in place. It shows off the neckline better."

What would I do without my stylists?

The front door is open with a sign, barely legible in James' scrawl, that seems to read, 'Come on in for fun party times!". But it could also say, 'Comb nifo paffis!". Maybe the sign is actually written in perfect handwriting but in Welsh? Either way, we do head on in and are immediately greeted by Emmeline, the Prewetts, Pete and Dora. Looks like the hallway is the place to be!

We exchange the usual greetings, Christmas wishes and compliments. Dora and Pete look cute, even if he does look like he has come down with a bug or something. I swear that boy is almost as prone to spending time in the Hospital Wing as Remus. I think I detect a hint of something-something between Fabian and Emmeline… Which I will keep a Top Detective eye on! Gideon is, as ever, lovely - hugging me not too curtly and not too long, and wishing me a happy new year. I realise I don't regret that things between us ended, which is something of a relief. I suddenly wonder if anyone even knows about my fight with Sirius. After all, it took place away from the Ball and was shortly eclipsed by Fenwick and Devilio (He's always saving my skin!). Which is something _everyone_ knows about - and congratulates me on. A part of me feels a little mean, being praised for hospitalising someone. But most of me just feels smug.

Carols are blasting from a room further in the house and Marley is looking meaningfully at me, just stopping short of pointing and yelling 'talk to Sirius'. Before she can get to that point, I suggest that us three girls should go and greet the host too.

Aaand there he is.

He's just chatting to Remus, he seems in a good mood. He is chuckling at something Remus has said and takes a sip of his drink. He looks good, of course, wearing a sort of rusty red shirt tucked into his jeans. I try not to repeat my drooling-staring incident of the Halloween Ball and just walk up to James instead.

"James! Happy New Year!" I give him a big hug which he returns heartily. Marls, Lana and I clubbed together for a bottle of probably terrible champagne to give as a hosting gift. James, naturally, immediately pops it open and grabs some plastic glasses for us all.

"To Steffi Hartmann, Bitch Slayer!" he yells, after handing out the glasses. Everyone laughs and repeats his toast. I don't look over, but I am pretty sure I hear Sirius' voice join in.

I go through the whole compliments/greeting and so on routine with James and Lily too. I think Marley and Lana are doing the process with Sirius and Remus. Clearing the path for me, I suppose…

"Hi, Remus. Happy New Year, Sirius." My voice isn't too shaky, which is a good sign.

Sirius smiles, a small but warm smile. "Happy New Year, Stef."

"Should I..?" Remus gestures away. I shake my head.

"No, we'll head off, I think. Is that OK?"

Sirius nods and leads the way. I forgot this is his house too. We end up in a sort of den, down the hallway from the main living room where the party is.

"Did you have a nice holiday? Hopefully someone let you know they relocated that plant to the Forest. Thought you'd want that."

OK so it is a little awkward, but what else could it be? We just need to get into the nitty-gritty and if things are going to be fine, they'll be fine.

"Yeah, it was good. Really nice to just be with mum, aunty and granny - I suppose Fenwick did me a favour really, giving me a longer Christmas holiday! Yeah, thanks so much for that. I guess… I don't know, I worked pretty hard on growing him and it just seemed like a waste." I shrug. Sirius chuckles, ever a good indication. But I can't dance around the subject forever.

As with all the other times I have now told this story, it wasn't as hard as I had believed it would be. Yes, it was more difficult than telling Lana, Marley or Remus. But not impossible, and something I should have done earlier. I suppose i am sort of conscious of the fact that my family are the victims - it is a stark contrast to his background.

It is when I begin to talk about my reasons for keeping this part of me hidden that I think we become more in sync. It wasn't just the relevance. It was that fear of being stuck with my family's story. That fear that 'Grindelwald' and 'Steffi' would go hand-in-hand for the population of Hogwarts. The sympathy, the pity, the endless connection between me and war and… everything. Especially given what is happening now. I know Sirius relates to that because he couldn't hide his story and he _did_ get stuck with those labels. He is still burdened with who his family are and his relationship with them. He always will be.

When I finish my whole spiel and finally manage to look him in the face, I know everything is OK. It was probably that last bit that really convinced him, I suppose. He knows what he has to go through, he knows I know it too. It must be understandable to him, of all people, why I would want to avoid those labels.

"I suppose Hogwarts does find a way of giving everyone a reputation."

"I'd rather be a Disaster Zone than a Charity Case."

"I guess I've never been anything but the Black Sheep. I don't even know what my alternative would be."

I shrug. "You're not just a Black Sheep. You're a Marauder, Heartthrob, Class Clown… Most people don't pigeonhole you, Sirius. And anyone who knows you at all, knows your family are the least important aspect of you."

He smiles at this, a proper smile. "For a Disaster Zone, you always manage to say the right thing, you know?"

And, hey, it looks like Lana was right about the lipstick…

* * *

A few reunion kisses later, and a little more chatting, and we rejoin the party. But not before Sirius lets me in on a little scheme he's been running in the Potter household ever since he arrived here.

"Oh my God… That's…"

"Horrific, right?" Sirius grins languidly, chuckling at my reaction-

"Shit." That is the ugliest photo I've ever seen. Especially of James, who usually looks so cool and collected. "He looks…"

"Like this photo was taken at the exact moment he shit his pants?"

I can't help but laugh at this. The snap of James that Sirius is holding up is spectacularly bad. He is grimacing uncomfortably and his whole face just looks… warped. Eyes in different directions, impressively flared nostrils. And, Christ, it looks as if he's dribbling a little.

"I've been replacing photos throughout the house with this ever since I got here. I have about 500 backup copies. James' parents never notice, or at least, if they do they never say anything. I think they find it hilarious too."

"Who wouldn't? He looks awful. Where did you even get this?"

"Funnily enough, Lily took it, or at least this was in the background of a picture she took of Emmeline. I think her being the photographer has added insult to injury over the past few years. She does the same thing as you, sends out copies of the disposables she's taken over the year. James tried to get ahold of every copy of this. But he never got mine."

This does bring back a vague recollection of James writing me in the summer between 4th and 5th Year. He. very sneakily, hadn't drawn my attention to the specific photo. Instead he had requested my entire collection of pictures and then returned them seemingly intact. Or so I had thought at the time. Obviously, it must have been missing this Lily Leibowitz classic.

However, this year, Sirius is stepping it up a notch with his long-running teasing. "Of course, I'm glad we took this time to talk in private mostly because it's nice to have made up with you. But also, it provides me with the perfect cover story."

It makes sense. Otherwise, James would have questioned why Sirius had left the main party for so long. And he had to carry out this task at the party, or else he never would have had such unfettered access to James' bedroom. Because that is where this plan takes place. And I swear, Sirius could never have come up with something that so perfectly reinforces my decision to be with him, even if he had tried.

You see, he has had the picture printed out on a set of bed linens, on a canvas, a mug, a keyring and a set of curtains - all the options available at the big photo developing place in town. James' room is going to be _covered_.

I am dating an _evil genius_. FInally, I've met my match!

* * *

I'm glad we got The Chat out of the way first thing. It means we can both enjoy the rest of the party tension-free. And it is a great party - James sure knows how to host. Everyone is dancing, no one hangs at the side of the makeshift dance-floor, formed by a wall of sofas. Everyone drinks just a little too much of Peter's very pungent spiced wine. Everyone has an absolute blast. I particularly have fun dancing with Lily and Dora - my plan to pull Dora into our girl gang working without me having to try.

Spurred on by happiness (and the wine), I promise to Dora, "My New Year's resolution is to try Occlumency properly! Will you help me?"

She laughs and nods, "For the safety of the student population, I think I'd better say yes! Last time it was only Fenwick, but who knows who could be next!"

Cheeky, but very true. I might get her to teach me to dance too, because she whips out some mean moves when Van Morrison starts playing.

And, of course, the cherry on the top of my perfect-night-sundae….

"SIRIUS BLACK; YOU PIECE OF SHIT. YOU ABSOLUTE SHIT!"

James howl of rage cuts through the mellow mood of the party winding down. As soon as he had headed upstairs to fetch his keys and lock up the outside gates, Sirius and I had exchanged the smuggest grins.

He comes charging downstairs trying not to grin and waving the mug at his best friend, my boyfriend, who is shaking with laughter. Upon seeing the offensive item, Remus and Peter start chuckling too - obviously aware of the long-running prank.

Poor James seems almost lost for words, just glaring and waving and huffing angrily. Upon catching sight of my knowing smirk, he shakes his head and finally stops fighting back the laughter.

"Of course you'd be in on it, Stef - why did I ever encourage this hellish coupling?" He gestures between us and we exchange proud smiles.

Sorry, James, but I think you're stuck with it. I think we're in this for good.

* * *

A/N: Let me know what you think - reviews make me v happy (and make me write a ton faster!).

Elle xoxo


	36. Chapter 35

What a way to start the new term… a meeting with McGonagall! At first I thought it was to do with the whole Fenwick thing, but it turned out everyone has one scheduled. So it is probably about careers which, and I never thought I'd be saying this, is something I actually feel quite confident about.

Although Fenwick doesn't seem like she'll be the focus of this meeting, I figure I am still on probation, so to speak, regarding the whole issue. With this in mind, I ensure I am fully prepared and in the right mindframe to have a serious career conversation. I've gotta impress the lady who's going to be writing my reference, you know?

* * *

 **Things I am using to Impress McG:**

-My mostly filled-out application for for the Defence job  
-My written up report for the Herbology credit, detailing my method, results and evaluation (What went well: successfully cultivating a health Devil's Snare. Even better if: it hadn't attacked a fellow pupil).  
-A letter from Dave Rygalski, my inside contact at the DoD, with some tips on filling out the longer answers on the application  
-A pair of glasses that I borrowed from Emmeline that I hope will make me look smarter and more responsible to McG.

* * *

"Come in, Ms Hartmann!"

"Thanks, McG. Glad we have a chance to talk about my career - I have lots of paperwork to go through!"

McGonagall gazes up as I head over to her desk. She looks suspicious… which is fair enough, to be honest. She gestures to the seat across from her. Unfortunately, whilst these glasses offer many positives (the appearance of smartness, giving my eyes a little extra pizazz etc) the downside is some seriously wonky depth perception. The illusion of intellect is probably cancelled out by me missing the chair and landing flat on my bum…. Right then, glasses _off_.

"Sorry."

McGonagall rolls her eyes, which really I feel teachers probably ought to refrain from doing. Then again, if I taught me, my eyes would be like a Ferris wheel just constantly rolling all over the place. I can't blame her. However, even though the glasses were a bust the paper work seems to have done the trick.

"All in all," She places the papers back on her desk and gazes at me with a touch less severity than usual. "This looks like it has the potential to be a very successful application."

I try to keep my whooping and cheering strictly internal, but I fear one fist-pump may have escaped.

"I would go over your responses with Professors Slughorn and Kettleburn as well. Your report seems very comprehensive and ready for submission. And please don't let him talk you into any other extra projects, for all our sakes!"

My gosh, I think McG just cracked a joke with me! I'm going to have to get out of here sharpish or I am going to be whooping and /or cheering for sure! Ha, McGonagall loves her students misadventures, she thrives on it! The lovely, brilliant woman.

As I leave someone else heads in straight after me and sitting outside waiting for their appointment is none other than Lovely Lily Evans. I settle myself down in the seat next to her for a quick catch-up.

"Prepared as ever, Lily! What are you, half an hour early?"

She sticks her tongue out at me, "Only twenty minutes!"

I laugh and tell her about my preparation and how impressed McGonagall was. Lils is also very pleased with my hard-work - I bet her and McG crack jokes together all the time. Although maybe not today because Lily is looking a little shifty at the mention of McGonagall today. It turns out Lily is having something of an existential crisis. She has no idea what she wants to do, post-Hogwarts.

"..And everyone else is so sorted! You with your Defence job and I know so many people wanting to be Aurors… But I just don't think that's for me. I have the academic knowledge, but let's be honest, there's no way I am daring enough. So much of it must come down to instinct, being able to follow your gut and go off book. I can't even play a game of Book Thief without stressing."

"Not everyone has to be an Auror. It's much better that you know what your strengths and weaknesses, rather than just do it because everyone else is and end up being rubbish." Not sure if that is the comfort Lily is looking for, but it's all I can really offer.

She nods, "Yeah, it's just I don't know what I want to do instead. I feel as though… I'm Head Girl and, well, everything and I feel like everyone expects me to have it all figured out."

Yeah… See I've never been under that pressure. As a Disaster Zone, most people are impressed when I get from my bed to the Great Hall for breakfast without incident. No one ever really expects me to be looking too far ahead of the next meal, really. I imagine it's very different for Lily. Plus, the burden she hasn't even mentioned. I'm sure a lot of people expect Lily to take on an anti-Death Eater role when she leaves school. That in itself is a lot of pressure and a decision not to be taken lightly, although I'm sure Lily is smart enough to know that.

"If I were you, I would just tell McGonagall all of this. I mean, I wanted to do something completely different until she suggested this whole Defence thing to me. She helps kids every year, I bet she'll have a better idea of what's out there for you."

This advice seems to work better and Lily looks very heartened. We all know that McG can right any wrong, without her we know this school would fall apart really. To while away the rest of the time until Lily has a career conjured up for her, she fills me in on spending the holidays with James. It sound as though it was good - _really_ good. James, it seems, spent a lot of the holidays talking about his desired career as an Auror. Which might have been what sparked Lil's panic, but I think it reassured her even further about their relationship. It's like what I said, about Lily bringing out that almost responsible side of James. The guy is a natural-born leader. Yes, at school that talented has been used primarily for leading pranks. But he is an intelligent, compassionate and engaged guy, of course he wants to turn that talent to helping others. Especially having seen some of the impact of the beliefs these people hold, on his own best friend.

Lily mentions how determined Sirius also seemed about pursuing a job in the Auror Department. Apparently, he was telling her how he and James were really going to pull their socks up this term. As much as they love mischief, they are both so fiercely committed to getting on to the Auror Programme. Lily said she really admired his resolve.

I had almost forgotten that not only did Lily spend the Christmas break with James, but with Sirius too. I'm glad she had a chance to get to know him a little better. The pair of them haven't interacted much up until this point, and they're obviously going to spend a lot of time together for as long as Lily and James are together. I also didn't factor Lily into mine and Sirius' reunion. I had entirely credited his open attitude towards me and the relationship to the boys. But I have a sneaking suspicion the guys weren't the only ones rooting for me.

McG is probably wrapping things up with the guy ahead of Lily, so she starts to get her things together. Before I head off, I make sure to give her a big hug. She returns the embrace warmly, smiling as I leave. It may have started out as a Top Detective mission but, you know, along the way Lily has turned out to be a pretty good friend. I'm really glad she's happy with James.

* * *

 **How'd the meeting with Minnie go?**

 _Hiiii Sirius! Good, thanks - she was_ impressed _by me. Cracked a joke about Kettles and everything. The application is looking promising. How was yours?_

 **Wahey, nice one! A joke from Minnie is a rare and precious thing. Well done. Yeah, good. She didn't say anything new, I already know what I've got to do. The Auror Programme doesn't just look at your grades, but your actual scores. So it's all well and good getting Os, I need to get a** _ **high**_ **O.**

 _Oh, I'm sure you will, smarty pants. You get top grades without even trying. With a little actual effort, you'll probably get 100% in everything. And yes, that is bitterness you detect in my tone!_

 **Can't help being a genius, gorgeous God of a man! Actually, my Potions could be better. I only got an E at OWL. Might need some help. I can offer a few things in return….**

 _Ooh, like cheesecake? Because really I am only interested in cheesecake._

 **Ridiculous. Now pay attention to Kettles - he might be instructing you on how to cultivate a plant that could bring down Snivellus!**

 _So witty. I think I preferred life when we weren't talking._

 **Meanie.**

 _I'm joshing, you big girl's blouse!_

 **Steffi Hartmann, Bitch Slayer and Heart Breaker.**

 _You know it._

* * *

I get cornered by Kettleburn at the end of the lesson - an inevitability, I suppose. He is apologising profusely for the whole 'Devil's Snare Debacle', as he puts it. Not sure an attack on a student can really just be passed off as a 'debacle', but whatever. I am also pretty certain I note a fair amount of pride in his tone too…. But I'm not totally sure though because my extreme hunger is making it incredibly hard to concentrate on anything but the prospect of food. In fact, my fixation upon feeding this insane hunger that I basically sprint to the Great Hall before realising I had arranged to meet Petey for lunch in the Kitchens. Truly, is there anything more heartbreaking than seeing the lunch spread in the Hall and having to turn away?

"So sorry I'm late! Kettleburn." I don't feel I have to say any more. And, indeed, it seems Pete was smart enough to anticipate this, or at the very least anticipate that I would not be on time. He has already had the elves conjure up a spread of sandwiches and has made a start. He nods at me and swallows the mouthful of sandwich, gesturing for me to hop up onto the counter next to him.

"I'm glad we're having a little catch-up. I feel like this Christmas holidays was so…. _big_." I somehow manage to get that out without choking to death on whichever flavour sandwich it is I have grabbed from the pile. But it is a sentiment that I truly mean - there were so many revelations over the break, it is almost a relief to be back at school.

Peter shrugs noncommittally. I suppose he spent most of his time with Dora, which must have been drama-free so maybe he didn't feel the impact so much. It was just me, attracting (/causing) all the craziness, as usual. Although he still looks a little under the weather, which isn't great.

"Yeah, I have been feeling a little… run-down, I guess." Petey seems fairly chipper, completely engrossed in his food which suggests that he is himself. But there are deep circles under his eyes and his complexion is a little peely-wally. And, of course, he has taken himself out of the group a little of late. I don't know whether it is to spend more time with Dora, or because of what he has said before about feeling a little sidelined anyway. I suppose it's a chicken-or-egg situation really.

I'm unsure of whether to bring the issue back up again. That time we soke was the only time Pete had ever voiced those concerns to me before, about his self-confidence and about how he felt overshadowed. Personally, I really do think it is just one of the normal wobbles that every overly-hormonal adolescent has. The usual ups-and-downs and little jealousies of teenage friendship. Peter Pettigrew is a Marauder, everyone knows that! It is where he belongs, and I'm sure he'll remember that again soon enough.

Before I can make up my mind fully about pursuing the topic, Pete begins to talk about my upcoming Occlumency lessons with Dora. He is delighted I'm taking her up on her offer. "She is really so calming and soothing. I really think you'll enjoy it, Steffi, learning a bit about your own mind! You're such a madhouse, if anyone needs it…"

I flick the remainder of my crusts in a very well-aimed shot at his head. "It's not that bad!"

He laughs, picking the food debris out of his hair. "Seriously, Stef, I've seen that deranged notebook you carry around… See! What is this? 'Things I am using to impress McG'... What?"

"It helps me… keep track! OK, so there are a lot of rambling thoughts in my head - my Lists mean I don't have to keep so much up there. All my Disaster Counts and To-Do Lists in one, organised place." I'm sure there is an old adage about ladies who protest too much...

He just chuckles knowingly and reiterates that Dora is about to save my frazzled noodle with her lessons.

"OK, OK, I believe you! Dora is a miracle worker and the best thing since sliced bread," I can't help but laugh at his undying admiration for the girl. "But there are some things she can't do - make sure you're keeping your vitamin C levels up! The way you're looking at the moment, you'll be spending nearly as much time as Remus in the Hospital Wing."

Pete stiffens for a moment before remembering I know now. (Or rather, they know that I know. Honestly, they are so unsubtle! How did they ever truly believe they had concealed something from me, the greatest Detective to have ever lived?)

"Ooh, yeah. Forgot that drama of the Christmas hols - God, you really did have a lot going on!"

I nod - tell me about it!

"I think Moons is relieved you know. He was always worrying and debating whether or not to tell you - especially in the early days. When we found out, he thought you should know too but… Well, you get it."

"Definitely. I never expected him to tell me. It's not something he should have felt he _had_ to. That's not what friendship is about."

Pete nods heartily. "Yeah, a large part of it was that he liked having such a close friendship that had nothing to do with that part of him. A lot of the Marauders revolves around him and his condition… It has to, y'know?"

It is nice to be able to talk about this with Pete because I would never feel comfortable discussing these ins-and-outs with Remus himself. I decided to continue our friendship as it is - how he wants it. But it is intriguing for me to hear how the boys adapted to his condition and supported him and almost co-opted it. Their midnight, moonlit escapades and Animagi forms have now become something almost removed from his lycanthropy. Of course, the base reason they're doing it is to support their friend. But now it has equally become another of their japes and misdemeanours, a part of their normal group activity. I muse aloud, wondering if their obsession with pranking and having as much fun as possible, regardless of the rules,was also a reaction to Remus' condition. I suppose it is another chicken-egg idea.

Peter agrees, "Of course we had been up to no good since the start of Hogwarts, but it started in earnest in Third or Fourth Year. And peaked in Sixth, obviously. Maybe it was a little to do with letting Remus have the sort of fun he had never had never been able to have before."

My heart breaks for how lonely his childhood must have been. He moved to my area around nine years old always attending my Aunt Carole's school, but before that I think the Lupins moved a lot. Even now, during the holidays, Lyall and Remus drive off for a few days each month to somewhere remote. It confused me for years - these seemingly spontaneous camping trips which Hope would tell me of, when I knocked at theirs. I would wonder why Remus hadn't mentioned it so I would have known not to come over. Then I began to link it with his equally unexplainable illnesses at school. One of the first clues.

"But also," Petey continues. "The pranks aren't just for Remus and when they are, it is more a subconscious thing. But I think all of us have always been aware how much Sirius needs our messing around. Perhaps less so now, and even less now he has you too." I'm not sure if this is Pete's lack of self-confidence manifesting again so I ignore the comment. "I guess we all love mischief and attention but, yeah, it was also an outlet for Sirius and Remus too, although I never really realised it at the time."

I don't really want to talk about the Snape Incident, or this creeping idea that Pete is somehow second best to either me or Lily. So I revert to what I know best - terrible humour.

"Hm, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised there are no more cheese sarnies left, eh, _Wormtail_?"

Pete grins and shrugs in an almost proud manner. "Does this somewhat explain that time the others made me eat a humongous block of cheddar as a Truth or Dare forfeit?"

"Oh my God! It _so_ does! I never understood why that was so funny!" Happy to go along with my subject change, Pete and I spend the rest of lunch reminiscing on jokes that make so much more sense now I get the whole Animagus thing. God bless, Peter Pettigrew. And bless the cheesecake he has just laughingly ordered us!

* * *

 **SOS (w W)**

 _Marls?_

 **Yes. SOS. Save Our Souls (with Wine).**

 _I thought I was the weird one in this group. Aren't you supposed to be the brains?_

 **Get wine and meet me at the Lake in 15.**

 _TOO COLD._

 **HEATING CHARMS. We're witches, when are you going to finally remember that, Stef?**

 _Ha. Oh yeah. See you in 15._

* * *

Maybe Marley had a really stressful meeting with McGonagall? Although I doubt it because she wants to be an Auror and, let's be honest, she is like their dream candidate. And I can guarantee that Kettleburn didn't corner _her_ and talk her ear of for hours. It is highly unlikely that Marlene McKinnon suffered any Disasters in her lessons today. So what is this dire need for wine? (Not that I am complaining, really. Never complain about being a drinking buddy).

"Lana is driving me _craaaazy!_ "

Well, I wasn't expecting that…. See what I mean about the balance of friendships being hard? No wonder Petey finds it hard. Me, Marls and Lana are only a trio - there are four Marauders! Although Lana has been grating on my nerves too, I do feel uncomfortable chatting too much behind her back.

"This whole Rabastan thing is insane, even for her! Sorry, I can see you feel awkward, Stef… But I have so many more lessons with her than you do. I suppose she doesn't mention him too much but he walks her to each class. And today at lunch, she sat with him! At the far end of the Slyth table, away from the more poisonous Snakes but still!"

That gives me a start - sitting with the Slytherins? Oh, Lana….

"I just don't know what we can do, Marley. We have said our pieces and we knew even then that it would just make Lana more determined to make things work with him. The more we try to dissuade her, the more committed she'll be."

Marley swigs a large gulp of wine before shoving the bottle at me aggressively. She snorts and flops back onto the grass. "I know. It's just driving me bonkers. The girl has no idea what a healthy romantic relationship is. I know we're only 18, but still this is naive beyond belief."

All I can do is shrug. I feel my place is even more reduced now. I can't, I simply cannot, lecture Lana on her dating choices when I'm with Sirius Black. I mean, _I_ know the situations are worlds apart but she won't. It will totally add to her stubbornness. It probably already has, without me even saying anything. Just the mere fact that I am dating him.

Marls sighs and takes the wine again. "I might have to say something. I won't involve you. But I also have Charms with her, and I sit right across from the pair of the in Potions. It is so infuriating."

"Do you think they'll end things thought, when we graduate? Before, I was so certain but now…"

"That's what I'm most worried about. Especially with so many of her friends wanting to be Aurors, like me. And you in Defense. The issue is going to be harder to ignore the further this year goes on."

I am spared from having to think up a response to this horrible thought, but unfortunately my 'saviour' is McGonagall storming towards us.

"GIRLS. _What_ are you doing?"

Ooh shit!

"It's after curfew!" Marley hisses. Well, duh, Marlene. The Pinot Grigio is more of an issue, really. Luckily I have the foresight to hurl the bottle into the Lake as McG reaches us. You're welcome, Mr Giant Squid.

"What was that, Ms Hartmann?"

"I'm learning to skip stones. Sorry, we'll finish up stone-skipping sessions before curfew next time."

McG stares disbelievingly at the ripples caused by my massive over-arm lob. "Detention on Thursday, both of you."

And with that cheerful declaration, we are frogmarched back to the Tower. As McGonagall stalks off and we clamber into the Common Room I am surprised to see Miss Goody Two Shoes McKinnon grinning.

"What?"

"Well, you'd better hope I don't tell Sirius you're going around giving guys free drinks, you slag!"

I splutter at this accusation, "The Giant Squid does not count as a love rival. I think even Sirius could see that."

"Oi! Who's this love rival, Stef? Which little punk am I gonna have to be teaching a lesson to, eh?"

"Well, Sirius, how good are you at Bubble Head Charms…"

* * *

A/N: Sort of a catch-up chapter to get back into a new term. Sorry this chapter was a little light on Sirius, but there are a lot of characters I have to juggle in this fic! We'll get some more Sirius later.

Reviews mean sooo much to me, I love them! Big thanks to everyone who takes the time to write something.

Elle xoxo


	37. Chapter 36

"James, for Christ's sake! Stop aiming at my head! This is going to go _exactly_ as terribly as I predicted!"

James does not heed my warning and continues to lob the Quaffle at my poor, defenceless noggin. And my ever caring boyfriend just laughs, of course, catching the ball as it mercifully flies past my head. I don't know why I agreed to this obviously life-threatening plan. I can only just stay upright on a broom, let alone catch or throw anything from this airborne position. James and Sirius may be able to chat casually as they zoom around the pitch, lobbing Quaffles between them. But I am handling the whole multi-tasking thing far less well.

"Very offended by the lack of sympathy here, Sirius!" Unfortunately for me, the fool just shrugs and grins smugly at me before chucking the Quaffle towards me. Thankfully for the sake of our relationship, he is gentler than James and I actually manage to catch it. And now, the ball is in my court! (Bada-boom!) Watch out, Potter, a healthy dose of karma is heading your way…

"Stefanie!" James glares at me, rubbing the back of his head ruefully. Sirius laughs loudly and swoops down to grab the ball from the ground. Cue my dance of triumph! "Fine! I'll play nice from now on, Harts."

Brute force is the only thing these fools respond to. Gotta be cruel to be kind(/to get what you want). As our mindless throw-and-catch is resumed at a much gentler pace, conversation turns to the New and Improved James and Sirius. Although they are both prepared to put in the work to become Aurors, it seems neither is exactly relishing the prospect.

"It's alright for you, Prongs," Sirius moans. "You've been a little Goody Two Shoes all year, Mr Head Boy. Whereas I've been on top Marauding form. I don't know how I am going to reform myself so quickly."

Both James and I snort at this melodrama. James curves the Quaffle back to Sirius and responds, "Hardly top Marauding form, pal. You spent most of the year pining after Hartmann!"

Cue more triumphant dancing. Sirius shakes his head and goes to refute James but to no avail. "Now, now, Sirius! There's no shame in it. Who wouldn't be pining after this?"

I attempt to toss my hair over my shoulder in an alluring manner, which naturally results in me almost falling to my death. To Sirius' credit, he doesn't laugh _too_ much and does also fly quickly to my side to prevent any death-falling. What a keeper (pardon the pun).

Despite the comic relief of my near death experience, both the boys are however still very pouty about the prospect of a prank-free year. Or rather, the work that they will be doing in lieu of plotting and generally making a nuisance of themselves. Up until now, they really have been the bare-minimum sorts. A few notes in class, reading through the textbook before an exam. But now they know they are really going to have to get the highest marks possible if they want to make it on to the Auror programme. I'm not worried for them. After all, they have been coasting so far and still managed to get Os. Put a little effort in, and they probably won't even drop a single mark.

"It's 'cause we're up against nerds - like Steffi's friends!"

"Excuse me, James! What do you mean by that!"

"You know, Marley, Doc… Gideon…." Now it's James' turn for a near death experience. Wisely, once he has regained his balance and thrown a few death glares our way, James decides to fly over to the stands and take a seat. We follow suit.

"Anyway, it's only right that you should work hard for this. I don't want lazy, half-arsed idiots being the only thing standing between me and Voldemort."

"Yeah?" Sirius grins at me, a now familiar hand at the small of my back. "Well, think how feel knowing that, should we get injured in the field, the only thing between us and death is a potion brewed by a DZ."

HA. Funny…. I poke him viciously in the thigh. Being my boyfriend does not exclude you from my fondness for physical violence. No, sir! And I see you, Potter, snickering away. A cuff round the head for you too.

Secretly, I am pretty pleased about this new, unwanted work ethic. If the boys are spending a lot of time revising, then I won't be distracted by their pranks. And hopefully I can get in on their study sessions and attempt to absorb some of their crazy knowledge. Without, of course, giving them any hint that I admire their crazy knowledge. I maybe a DZ, but even I know not to inflate these egos any further….

* * *

 _Dear Jane Fenwick,_

 _I don't know whether to feel saddened or gladdened by your decision to duck into toilets or doorways or wheel around in the middle of the corridor and march in the other direction every time you see me. You see, my life is a lot more enjoyable without you in it. As previously realised, when you compare our situations, mine comes out on top by a long way. You know, not to rub it in or anything, but with the great friends, the cushy job lined up, the amazing family and, oh yeah, my boyfriend Sirius Black._

 _However, that stupid part of me that cannot let things go and cannot stop caring, feels that maybe I should apologise to you for almost breaking every bone in your body with my murder plant. You don't deserve it. But I like to feel good about myself. And I like to take the moral high ground. Great views from up there._

 _The fact of it is, you might not be actively spreading shit about me but every time you sprint away from me so bloody obviously, it causes a wave of whispers. Your OTT reaction makes people think I am perpetually victimising you. WHICH SUCKS._

 _Grow a pair already, Jane, my old chum, my sparring partner. Talk to me. I can recommend you an Occlumency teacher if you really need. Help you sort out that obviously deranged brain of yours._

 _Yours sincerely,_

 _Steffi Hartmann, Bitch Slayer & Murder Plant Owner_

* * *

"Entering a new environment can be very scary. Don't feel embarrassed if you find yourself feeling wary and unsure in this unfamiliar territory."

"I think I ventured to this dark place once, long ago…" Sirius puts on a haunted, old voice as we enter the Library. I don't want to over exaggerate but, from the look on her face, I think Pince just had a minor cardiac arrest. She's not to be blamed though, the sight of Sirius in the Library weighed down with textbooks, parchment and, gasp! Quills! would give anyone a fright.

Although Sirius _has_ been in the Library before, I'm not sure he has ever stayed here for more than half an hour. But today is a Saturday! So he has three free hours until Quidditch practice and what better way to spend that time than on Transfiguration theory!

Credit where it is due, thus far there has been minimal pouting (credit where it is also due, that was largely by me waking him up with bacon sandwiches from the Great Hall and kisses). I refuse to keep motivating him with physical affection and/or food though - it is vitally important that one learns how to concentrate on the task at hand for extended periods of time!

Man, who was I kidding?

 _Me_? Concentrate for long periods of time? Psh! This is the girl that took five years to read The Hobbit. My mum wisely suggested that perhaps I shouldn't bother with the other Tolkien books. Joke's on her though, because I just finished the third chapter of the Fellowship of the Ring - in just eighteen months!

Anyway, we've been here an hour and already I am looking for anything to take my mind off of this godawful Transfig. The only problem is, I am having to use all of my carefully, Detective-honed skills of subtlety to do this. Because if Sirius cottons on that I am bored, it is game over and I will swiftly be convinced to abandon my textbooks in favour of either food or a make-out sesh. Or both. Oooooh.

NO! STEFFI. You _need_ these grades to get that job, now head _down_ and focus.

"Hi, Steffi, do you have a moment to-"

"EMILY! Hi! How are you? Sit down, let's chat!"

My insane enthusiasm to see Emily Greengrass _may_ have slightly revealed my boredom. Might have to hone those subtlety skills a little more… Nevertheless, she seems thrilled by my greeting and takes a seat, eyeing Sirius a little warily though, it must be said.

"What's up, Em?" She hasn't got her usual panicked expression on, so I presume this is more of a chinwag session than a crisis alert. I notice Sirius try to smile in a friendly manner at my young pal but this just seems to cause her eyes to narrow even further. "It's OK, he won't bite, I promise!"

Emily looks back to me, "Oh, right. Yeah, I just wanted to ask if you were coming to Slug Club on Wednesday? You've missed the last few and I…"

"Oh yeah, I'll be there! Don't you worry. I just had rounds the last few times. How's it been? For the love of God, don't tell me I've missed any good canapes…"

"Actually…" Emily laughs. "Last week it was all desserts!"

I truly appreciate the awe in her voice as she said this. She truly is a girl after my own heart. "Oh, Em! Ya killin' me!"

Sirius makes sort 'psh' noise under his breath, so I wheel around to glare accusingly at him. "Don't deny you would kill for a spread of mini pastries!"

He just rolls his eyes at this and shrugs. "Not if it meant having to endure an evening with bloody Slughorn."

"Oh my God, Sirius. Are you _upset_ that you aren't invited to these things?" Oh, this is too good! Even Sirius-struck Emily can't help but snicker at his put-out expression.

"No! I just mean, come on! It's just a networking, arse-licking… Whatever!"

Fantastic, this really is brilliant. "Aww, diddums! I could ask Sluggers to invite you next time, he would do anything for me!"

Sirius simply responds by flicking his wand and sending my quill flying just out of my reach.

" _Accio quill_. Very immature, Sirius. Honestly, it's no problem for me to just ask!"

Death glare from Sirius, giggles from Emily. Evidently deciding he can no longer put up with my antics, Sirius turns to my little protégé instead. "So, last I heard you were struggling with Charms. How's it going?"

Emily looks horrified to be directly addressed by Sirius. I nudge her ankle under the table with my foot, prompting her. "Um, OK."

"Isn't Ty helping you out a bit?"

Moment of incomprehension. "Oh yeah, _Ty_. I keep forgetting about your nickname for him, Stef. I couldn't for the life of me think who you meant then. Yes, he's been a great help. I haven't really been to Dora."

"No? Well, she's going to be far too busy teaching me Occlumency anyway!"

"Yes, it just didn't really work out."

Sirius smiles (I sense some determination to make Emily realise he is trying to be friendly, which sort of has the opposite effect of making him seem even more menacing). "Well, it's probably better getting taught by someone in your own year anyway. More useful."

I smirk, "Yeah, like me teaching Sirius about Potions. To help him achieve his dream of one day being invited to Slug Club!"

Emily laughs again and, with something akin to resignation, Sirius just sighs. I think he is taking Em's laughter as a victory. Which it seems it is - she stays and studies at our table awhile before heading off to class.

As she leaves I turn to Sirius, "Cute."

"Huh?"

"That you wanted her to like you."

"Shut up," he swats at me softly, stroking my hair more than batting me away. "More like cute that all these little ones look up to you so much."

"Yeah, I guess it is."

Disaster Count:... 0?

* * *

See, I always forget I'm a witch. I forget I can do heating charms, and get something from the other side of the room without leaving my bed. I forget that I can hex someone, instead of falling back on my old friend, physical violence.

But this time I am considering my witchcraft as a possibility. How else, after all, do you explain my dumb letter to Fenwick coming true? It was only a joke! Why, oh why, have you bestowed this upon me, mysterious-magical-other-worldly forces? Probably to show me the meaning of being careful what we wish for. Or some other bullshit.

Or this is divine retribution for me daring to have scrawled Disaster Count: 0 in my book earlier. Either way, whoever is up there - screw you!

"Hi, Fenwick." Look, she is waiting outside Transfig and, in a weird twist of events, I too am early for class. We're the only people in the hallway, I really can't just ignore her. Despite what I wrote my own letter, I'm not really sure I want to talk. I suppose there is just always going to be this stupid part of me that can't let go, who wants to smooth things over. Even though mine and Fenwick's relationship being about as smooth as anaglypta wallpaper. Obviously I don't want us to be friends, but I want us to be able to walk past each other with the same frosty air as before. You know, back in the good old days. I'm sick of her scurrying away from me like some poor, mousy victim.

"Look, quit it with the 'poor little me' act, OK? I'm sorry you got hurt, obviously I didn't plan that to happen. But I guess it stopped you messing with me so, you know, I'll take that as a silver lining. I like this whole you-pretending-I-don't-exist thing, but let's have a little less of the wounded looks and playing the victim. I've done nothing to deserve it."

Wow. Go gurl. (Yes, you are allowed to 'go gurl' yourself). It is probably a little worrying how much confidence I have gained from nearly killing a fellow pupil but I needed a little boost when it came to dealing with Fenwick, so I'll take whatever help I can get.

Fenwick also looks surprised by my stern words but instead of responding with some of her own, as per usual, she just shrugs. "Fine by me."

"Oh, great. Thanks." I hadn't been expecting that, to be honest. I was more expecting things to go the route that ends with me unconscious in the corridor. Well. This is definitely preferable. But… a little awkward. I hope someone else turns up to class too…. Me, Fenwick and Minnie doesn't sound like an ideal combination, by any standards.

Disaster Count: Like, a half Disaster? I don't know. This one is really a first.

* * *

So in this crazy world which we now apparently inhabit, Fenwick and I can have a rational, albeit brief, conversation and sort out our issues. Lana and Marley, on the other hand, are having slanging matches outside Charms classrooms. Huh.

And it is this latter occurrence which has prompted the return of HuffleStef. Yes, instead of spending time with either of my currently-not-speaking best friends, I am instead cowering in the Great Hall with Lily and Em. They are kindly not mentioning my current cowering/cowardice and are pretending I just have a sudden urge to be a conscientious Astronomy student (a barefaced lie, as Lily well knows). I saw Marley hanging around after she had finished eating, to see if I would walk with her back to Gryf for a bitch sesh. Of course, Lans was sat at the Slytherin table. But I let Marls go on without me, pretending to be involved in Emmeline and Lily's studying. I'm totally with Marley on this Rabastan issue, but I still feel uncomfortable with visibly taking sides. Bitching about Lana, furthering the rift… just seems wrong.

To be fair, judging from the notes Lily has handed me to revise from, I probably _should_ consider becoming a dedicated Astronomy student. How have I managed to miss so much? I really do object to these late nights lessons. I mean, sure that's the only time we can actually observe the skies. But also, how can I be expected to pay any attention at that ungodly hour? Even Sinistra can't stay awake.

Luckily for me, the radiant Lily Evans defies even fatigue to take meticulous notes and generously share them with her less alert friends.

Surprisingly, Lily and Emmeline's revision sessions aren't as intense and scary as I had anticipated. Well, for starters and best of all, there are the leftovers from dinner to tide me over. And, whilst conveniently avoiding any topics pertaining to my less-than-perfect friendships, Lils and Emmeline are still up for a bit of gossip.

"It was atrocious – honestly, if I had a spot like that, I would stay in the dorm all day."

"Oh, as if, Lily! You would never dare miss lessons, not even with a pimple the size of Mount Vesuvius."

Lily shrugs, picking at a slice of Bakewell. "I would seriously consider it."

Emmeline just laughs and shakes her head. I quiz her gently about Fabian. It seems they've been on a few dates but aren't really rushing into things. What with exams and end of school, it just doesn't seem like the right time to be fussing about starting a relationship, says Em. I admire her rationality and level-headedness. Although, when I say this she laughs and points out the time she totally flipped out at me about my alleged Marauders slaggery. "Basically the least level-headed thing ever!"

I laugh with her, but still, I wish I had her clarity. If Dora asks me to make an inspiration board for Occlumency, I will put Emmeline square in the centre. I mean, I doubt Occlumency lessons are going to include that many inspiration boards, but it is good to be ahead of the game.

"Hey, how are things with you and Narcissa?" Lily enquires. It is a good question. I have sort of been avoiding my Slytherin pal since Sirius and I became a proper thing. I think it must weird her out a little. The fact that she has sort of avoided me too confirms this. I explain this to the girls, who nod understandingly.

"But I feel what with it being our last term here, and out last chance to be friends, I should probably catch up with her, you know?"

Emmeline continues to nod, but Lily looks a little warier. "I suppose…"

"What, Lily? Do you think that's a bad idea?"

She shrugs, "I think sometimes it can be damaging to hold on to these sorts of friendships. If you know everything will be over in a few months' time, that you'll be irreparably separated by, well, your different life choices, isn't it better to just let things fade like they have?"

Again, that note of personal experience in her voice. I feel like we are close enough for me to ask about it now, so I go for it. And the whole Snape mystery gets a little clearer.

He and Lily had known each other before Hogwarts; he had been a comfort to her, when her magic had inexplicably begun to manifest. But over time here at school, he had obviously begun to follow a different path. And Lily couldn't tolerate that.

"I let our friendship go too far. I only really let go after he called me a Mudblood, when he humiliated me after I stood up for him. I let it get to the point where he was really able to hurt me. And I wish I hadn't, Stef, I wish I hadn't allowed him to have that power over me."

Lily seems above it all now, talking about him with a mixture of contempt and pity. But it does make me sad. And the way Em is looking at her friend makes me think there were some hard times because of Snape. Yet I don't really feel their situation relates to mine and Cissy's, although I don't mention that to Lily.

"The worst thing was, was how he tried to explain away everything by saying he liked you. As if that excused his behaviour. If anything, it makes the whole thing worse!" Emmeline shakes her head, irritated even by the memory of the bloke. He did always seem a little creepy to me – I imagine it mustn't be terribly fun being the object of his affections.

Lily just sighs and carries on with her note-taking, "Oh well, at least it's all water under the bridge now."

* * *

Well, I was right. Occlumency doesn't involve much inspiration board crafting….

It's more like having your brain repeatedly punched, leaving you with the dullest and most annoying headache you could ever imagine. I thought this shit was all about keeping calm and finding peace of mine but, Godric, I feel more agitated than ever. (OK, maybe not quite as bad as the time I accidentally asked Gideon out. Or the time I fell through the stairs and landed on Davey Gudgeon. Or… Well, you get the idea!)

"Sorry about all that, Steffi. But my Legilimens attacks are supposed to represent your own unwanted thoughts and anxieties. If you can fight off my attacks, then you will have no problem controlling your own thoughts. Then you'll be able to be calmer, and think things through a little easier."

Yeah, yeah, Dora. That does make sense but _still_. I've taken some of Lana's anti-hangover Potion because my head is _thumping_ right now. I won't be able to sleep unless this eases off.

Thank the heavens Dora is just going through basics with me – I can't even fathom what you would have to go through to be a proper Occlumens. She explained to me what the skill is really about, which is keeping other people's magic out of your head and not letting them control or influence your thoughts. I guess it would be a good skill for people like Sirius, who as Aurors and the such like will probably come into more hostile contact with the Dark Arts. Perhaps they'll learn it too. But for me, that's not so vital. Dora just thinks I should practice a little, because the basic premise of the whole thing is keeping emotions in check and making your mind blank and still.

Seems a little counter-productive so far. But in Dora I trust. And, the biggest plus? Late night sessions let me avoid a certain, tension-filled dorm room. I couldn't help but notice as I took the Potion from Lans' bedside table that all her photos with Marley are gone. God, I hope they work things out soon….

* * *

A/N: Woah, sorry for the lack of updates! I've moved flat, so life's been a little hectic! But, I think my schedule is looking a little clearer now so finger's crossed for more writing time!

Reviews loved and appreciated as ever! xoxox


	38. Chapter 37

I always scoffed at mum for being so into all those old war documentaries. You know, all those fuddy-duddy old shows about World War I treaties and negotiations and the such like. They bore me to death but for some reason my scatty old mum can't get enough of watching old men talking about battalions and air strikes. As ever, wise old Lydia was right and I totally should have been paying attention. I, Steffi Hartmann, am about to engage in a war council, a peace talk. I am aiming to leave this summit with an agreement that satisfies all parties involved. All dumb, bloody parties.

That's right. I am reclaiming my Gryff pride and knocking Lana and Marley's heads together once and for all.

"Can you do it while we're all at Quidditch practice please, Stef love? Because I think you might be about to trigger nuclear war in the tower."

"Sirius, you actually read that pamphlet I gave you?"

"Yes, Moons. And please never say the word pamphlet again. Honestly, just when I think you can't be any more of a boffin."

Speaking of allout war, I sense one on the horizon here. Remus' theory about magical involvement in the creation of nuclear weapons and his overwhelming paranoia about impending war has been the subject of much ridicule. James and Sirius find all our leaflets and lessons about mutually assured destruction and so on very funny indeed. I haven't confided in Sirius just yet that mum and I do occasionally practise drills in our kitchen too.

"Look, boys, Lana's lessons finish at three and Marley hasn't got practice until five, right? So I'm going to pounce then. I've packed Lily and Em off to the Kitchens to avoid any fallout, so why don't you join them?"

James and Peter certainly seem cheered by this prospect, and even Remus' doomsday gloom is undercut by the promise of snacks. Sirius grimaces at me as they troop out of the Common Room, giving me a peck on the cheek for luck. I contemplate smiling back reassuringly, but to be honest I am pretty worried about how this is going to go down… Might be time to write in a pre-emptive Disaster Count.

* * *

 **Pre-Emptive Disaster Prophecies:**

-Lana commits an actual murder (me/Marley - both bad options but, sorry Marls, that's one bullet I would not take for you)  
\- Marley commits a murder (Lana is the more likely option but I'm not ruling anything out)  
\- I commit a murder? It nearly happened last term, so definitely a possibility  
\- A nuclear attack (preferable to options 1-3, probably)  
\- Jane Fenwick, in her newly annointed position as acceptable human, mediates and prevents some sort of triple homicide.

OK, maybe that last one was a _little_ unrealistic…

* * *

In order to keep Disasters to an absolute minimum, I have compiled the key points that I wish to convey in the Astronomy Tower Peace Treaty of '78. Surprisingly - and hear me out on this crazy idea - but I do think the way to avoid a complete meltdown (and/or anyone being thrown from the Tower) is for _me_ to do most of the talking. Radical, I know. But Marley and Lana have been _so_ at loggerheads these past weeks, I really think I have the best shot at calming things down. We all know how stubborn Lana is - she won't be in the most flexible of mindsets once she realises this is most definitely an intervention. Marley, however, usually so rational and fairly patient… Well, I have been through an uncomfortable amount of Lana-related ranting lately. My only real hope is A) that they shut up long enough to hear me out and that B) The Astronomy Tower rekindles old memories of friendship. Because those feelings seem scarce at the moment.

Wish me luck….

* * *

Well. You know what they say - every cloud has a silver lining. And, in a way, this one has many. For starters, all three parties involved in this highly dangerous talk have escaped unharmed. That is a major victory! Not an achievement to be sniffed at! But the rest of the outcome… it's not so simple.

"I mean, it sounds like it was fairly successful," Sirius is stretched out on the sofa, half-listening to me and half-flicking through today's _Prophet_. "Marley was alright, you know, at practice so I assumed that a Third World War was not oncoming."

I mean, he is right to a certain extent. Lana and Marley are on OK terms now - or at least, we'll see how it goes. They left the scene of our peace treaty with good intentions. I think neither of them want things to be awkward. None of us ever want to be cross or in a sulk with the others; we definitely don't want our friendship to end. None of us are particularly aggressive people, or good at holding grudges (not even Lana - despite her histrionics, they are always short-lived tantrums at least).

"Yeah, I suppose."

Sirius looks away from the paper, sensing perhaps that he may have to dig deep and find some 'boyfriend listening skills' here. "What's up, Steffi?"

I shrug, "You are right. Lana agreed to tone things down a bit with Rab. In the sense that she will hang out with us and the other girls a bit more, and she won't sit with the Slytherins. I think she realised that was a step too far."

"And Marley is going to try and be more patient. Or so she said at practice."

"Yep, if we're more available then hopefully Lana won't spend so much time with him." But I don't know how long this will continue, this uneasy peace. It is clear Lans isn't backing down about her relationship - and I totally saw her giving me meaningful glances, as _if_ my boyfriend is comparable to hers! That is going to wear on Marley's nerves, for sure. Hopefully, as long as they both put in the effort to hold back, we'll be OK. God knows what will happen after we leave Hogwarts. But that is a bridge to be crossed far in the future.

"Anyway, if there's one thing to take your mind off all of this…"

"Dinner?"

Sirius grins and heaves himself off the sofa. Oh, I have picked well!

* * *

I TOLD HIM.

We all told him a million times - he was so clearly poorly! Silly old Pete.

I mean, he's going to be fine. But I would rather he didn't put me through a cardiac arrest for no reason, you know?

It isn't good for a gal's ticker to have people running around yelling about Peter 'collapsing'; and being 'rushed' to the 'Hospital Wing'. Having James Potter literally throw his body across the portrait hole threshold, screaming about Pete and comas and brain damage is kind of fucking terrifying.

To clarify: he is _not_ in a coma, or in danger of being brain damaged. He did collapse, but luckily he was with Dora when it happened and she was able to get him down to Pomfrey straight away. Unfortunately, all James heard was a report from an overeager 3rd Year who saw Petey being stretched through the hallways. Apparently, Pete and Dora had just been chilling out when he sort of just crumpled, in her words. He had been complaining of a headache, she said. Sirius had heard him moaning about migraines too. Remus reckons it's stress. I hope that's all it is; I wonder if I should bring up the thing he has said to me before, but I feel that is his issue to resolve. I hope that feeling a little on the sidelines wouldn't affect Peter to this extent. I had hoped that having Dora and so on would help him feel a little more secure in himself. Once he's better, I'll have a little chat and catch-up with him.

"How's he doing, Pomf? Give it to us straight - is he going to make it?"

Poor Madam Pomfrey; an unfortunate by-product of Remus' illness (other than the devastating effects on _his_ life, of course) is that she has to put up with a lot of James' theatrics. She is, like the rest of us, used to his shit.

She tuts as she rearranges Pete's blanket, "He is absolutely fine, Mr Potter. There are no head injuries, internal or external, as far as I can see. I'll administer him some elixirs to boost his vitamins and he'll check in with me regularly."

James nods, seriously, not noticing our stifled giggles at his behaviour, "Yes indeed, and he'll check in with me too. I won't have this - not my friends, not on my watch!"

"Well," Pomfrey surveys James. "If things carry on, I may refer him to Mungo's. But I would think it is simply final year stress and I trust he'll make a good recovery."

I saw James flinch slightly at the mention of a proper hospital but he seemed reassured enough by Pomfrey's diagnosis. Luckily for her.

He and Remus seem most upset by Peter's illness. Not that the other boys, or us girls, weren't (additionally, there's nothing like a Hospital Wing trip to bring friends together. Lana and Marley are discussing Pete's condition very seriously and closely). Dora is very silent, but I suppose that's understandable. I imagine that's how someone as calm as Dora expresses worry and sadness. I tried to talk to her and comfort her a little, but she didn't really respond. After she had explained what happened, she fell silent. We were supposed to meet and do some Occlumency but I said we should postpone. Dora didn't reply but I think it's for the best; she didn't seem up for teaching anyone. I hope she's OK on her own this evening.

Silly old Pete! I always have a soft-spot for him, as my fellow most Disastrous friend, but I hope he doesn't start inching towards taking my title as Disaster Zone. Very few of us are physically equipped to bear the Disaster Crown. I mean, I barely am and I have 17 years of top-notch experience.

* * *

The Awakening of Peter Pettigrew: A short play by Steffi Hartmann

Steffi: PETER.  
Peter: Steffi…? What're you…? Where…?  
S: YEAH. The _Hospital Wing,_ bozo! That's where you are!  
P: Shit. What happened?  
S: What do you _think_ happened?  
P: I got tricked by a rat trap, ate poisonous cheese and had to be hospitalised?  
S: Pete.  
P: Sirius attacked me in a jealous rage over our friendship?  
S: _Peter_.  
P: … I didn't check out what was going on, with my general illness and all that. Now I'm here.  
S: And who told you to take care of yourself? We _all_ did! Please, Pete.  
P: Yeah, I'm sorry.  
S: Petey, we were all so worried.  
P: This term's been a lot for me, you know. I think my body's just been ground down a bit, with all the stress.  
S: But… you know. It's just the stress of school, right? I worry, sometimes, about what you said. You're not at the fringes of anyone's life. I would hope you wouldn't need something like this happening to prove it, but we were all here. Instantly. You _matter_ so much, Pete.  
P:... *slight sniffs*  
S: Petey? *very tactfully ignoring said sniffs*  
P:... Yep. Thanks.

Hugs all round.

End of play.

Much applause.

* * *

With Pete back, safe in our loving arms, and hopefully reassured by our conversation and the gang's reaction to his illness; with Lana and Marley at a (temporary/hopefully permanent) truce, my attention turns to the other little… niggle in my life. Because other than these hiccups, my life is pretty sweet.

But Narcissa. Narcissa Black. Cousin of my boyfriend, Sirius - you may have heard me mention him on occasion? They don't speak much, or ever really. Big ol' family disputes and things beyond my control. Also a pal of mine who I have been avoiding like the plague. Because I am a coward and a fool.

I have to talk to Cissy at some point. I know what I am like - I can't just let a friendship fizzle and die! I am Steffi Hartmann, she of the Bleeding Heart and Endless Affection! Plus, Narcissa sent me a note, asking for a Kaffeeklatsch so I have an opportunity to chat presented on a plate (or in a mug, hehe). It is silly, really, because she probably knows about Sirius and I already - the Hogwarts rumour mill works ridiculously efficiently. I don't know if it will affect our friendship but she might not like it, she might find it impossible to deal with. Then again, she has always seen me being close with him and other...offensive types. So maybe she'll be fine with it?

Guess the only way to find out is to talk it through. _Man_ , I ought to be getting good at these Big Conversations by now. Ha. Imagine.

* * *

Lovely Caradoc also has a free period and sits with me in the Great Hall before Cissy arrives. I don't tell him I'm nervous about seeing her, or even that I am waiting to meet a Slyth for coffee. The lovely soul just sense that I'm a bit anxious and offers to wait out with me. Saying he has nothing better to do - as if! The boy is insanely busy, what with NEWTS and Quidditch and generally being a perfect human.

"Thanks for smoothing the cracks with Marls and Lana," Doc sighs and I suspect he has been bearing the brunt of Marley's bitching about Ms. Diggory whilst I attempted to remain neutral. "I'll do my best to keep her relatively calm, try and keep the peace."

"You are a saint, dear Doc."

He smiles with mock sincerity, "I really am, aren't I? Although, keeping Marlene calm right now seems like a hell of a task, even for a saint."

I chuckle. It does seem as if Lans and Marley have switched roles - Lana is pretty calm, albeit stubborn. Marls, on the other hand, has been pretty het up. About most things, but I guess most of it stemmed from Lana and Rab. Hopefully she'll be a little more chilled now. For all our sakes, but mostly Caradoc's from the sound of it!

I'm about to try and reassure him that she should be a little easier to be around now when a figure glides up to us slowly. How come some girls get to glide, whilst some girl-elephant hybrids like me have to resort to stomps and stamps?

"Hi, Stef."

"Hey, Narcissa. Take a seat!"

Caradoc glances between us and smiles at Cissy, "Well, I'll see you later, Steffi. Bye, guys!"

Cissy smiles placidly back as Doc leaves us and slides into his now unoccupied place. "It's been awhile. Been distracted by something… or someone?"

I laugh. She seems fine with it. Obviously she knows about my new relationship and is comfortable enough to joke around as if it were anyone, not her estranged cousin. "Well, I suppose I have had a few other things on my mind recently."

"Steffi Hartmann!" Cissy chuckles, and I remember how nice it is to see the usually serious girl so light and carefree. "I always looked down on the bimbos silly enough to fall for my lothario of a cousin… and now you're one of them!"

I reach across the table to smack her arm gently but there is no animosity, from either of us! It is nice, and easy.

"But," she continues. "I'm going to say - I called it! When I saw you two in the Library, I knew I saw more than friendship!"

I'll give her that one. Plus, she's passing the plate of pastries over so I'm inclined to agree with anything coming out of her mouth. And the afternoon is a pleasant one - we catch up on our Christmas holidays and how exactly I am coping with being a 'girlfriend' and just how stressful the oncoming threat of NEWTs are. It is a normal conversation between two friends.

Except it's not quite. It isn't normal or easy all the time. Sure, the surface-level stuff is fine but every time she mentions Lucius, I know that I wince. I can't engage with that conversation and of course, naturally, wedding talk makes up a lot of Cissy's conversation right now. I mean, I can't comprehend committing to one person at this age, being a wife, but I truly can't understand making that promise and spending your whole life with Lucius Malfoy. It makes it difficult between us when I can't show the appropriate enthusiasm for her wedding, something I should be excited for. And now Cissy knows for sure where my loyalties lie - not that it was in doubt before. As we talked, the thought crossed my mind as I'm sure it did hers too: what would be the point in inviting me to the ceremony if I was still with Sirius? I wouldn't go, I couldn't go to a Black family event. It would be tantamount to betrayal now, it really would.

We say goodbye after an hour or so and I am glad to have seen her. I think both our smiles are genuine and our hug is warm. Yet I can't get rid of this creeping discomfort. Especially as I head back to the dorm, back to Sirius and his embrace and his laugh.

I don't think our relationship has changed anything with Cissy, not at all. But it has brought into sharp, unavoidable focus what I have pushed away for so long. Reality is coming and I know where I stand in this fight - this war. Sooner or later, I'm going to have to make choices. Will it hurt less if I make those decisions now?

* * *

 **A/N:** Sorry! Basically there is no excuse/reason. Chapters will come when they come and I'm super sorry for all delays I am the woooOOorst. But I love anyone/everyone who reads this and Steffi and I really wanna finish her story

Elle xoxoxo


	39. Chapter 38

I truly can't believe it; I am actually dating a petulant three year old. Actually, that's unfair - I used to babysit the Thompson's toddler in the summer and she was better behaved than Sirius Black. And she had better table manners to boot; you've not lived until you've seen Sirius tackle spaghetti bolognese. But I digress, today's particular sulk is not to do with McGonagall banning the Elves from serving him spaghetti dishes (digression on digression: I totally agreed with her on this one, to this day we still find forgotten flecks of sauce in the Great Hall). No, today's sulk is even more juvenile. Poor wittle Siri is sore because I'm going to a Slug Club meeting today and he isn't invited.

"Honestly, I thought now you had the girl of your dreams, you'd be over this whole Bipolar Black thing," I just about manage to stretch my leg over to where he's flopped out on the sofa and poke him in the side.

He bats away my foot and sighs sarcastically, "This is who I am Stef, take me or leave me."

"Well, in that case…" I make to get up and leave and Sirius chuckles languidly. "Do you actually, really care about Slug Club though? Because it really isn't that great. The food is on point, but we really are just a bunch of nerds networking and talking about Potions - you'd hate it."

Sirius huffs and sits up, making room for me on the sofa, "Yeah but it's just insulting that I haven't even been asked; if he wants big names, they don't come much bigger than 'Black'."

"Yeah, but I'm not sure that's big in a _good_ way. More like big as in it's a name that inspires fear and terror way."

Suddenly, I am seized by an incredible idea. Truly, a magnificent and wonderful idea. I may have beaten my own, very high standard of genius and creativity with this one. If this works out (and, to be fair, even if it doesn't) this plot will well and truly end any sulks about Slug Club, distract us all from the crushing amounts of work and pressure we are under and be a fun hijink (is that the singular of 'hijinks'?) to discuss for years to come.

Before Sirius can respond to the besmirching of his family name, or rather completely agree with my besmirching of his family name, I cut in with the plan, "Sirius, I want you to refer to me as Steffi Hartmann, generous and genius Angel of my Life from now on. I have a plan to make your dreams come true…"

Sirius glances warily at me - sensible boy, considering my, you know, entire existence. However, I feel like this plot could be different. Maybe. Probably not but, hey, everyone's lives would be a lot duller without my mishaps - it's time to just embrace them!

"Quit it with the look, Black! Do you want a peek inside the hallowed Slug Club or not?"

And with a simply shrug of resignation, Sirius has been roped into an afternoon of the most delightful fun! Well, fun for me, Marley and Lils. I think Sirius spent every second of it seriously doubting our entire relationship. But it was _so_ worth it!

* * *

 **How to Masterfully Disguise Your Boyfriend and Sneak Him Into A Potions-Centric Supper Club**

-Employ the expertise of two of your best friends to successfully carry out said plot (and so as to ensure the survival of said boyfriend)  
-Start where it will hurt him the most - the hair!  
-Then tackle the rest of the moneymaker - nose, lips, cheekbones  
-Pause to enjoy the hilarity of the moment  
-Clothes! Stuffed strategically to mask his sleek physique.  
-Et voila!

* * *

"Why, Mark Foreman, I barely recognised you!"

Sirius, aka Mark, grunts at me, "Do I even want to look in a mirror?"

"Probably not," Marley sputters.

"So much easier than Polyjuice potion!" Lily is clearly pleased with her handiwork - as she well should be. I, of course, took more of a supervisory role. I know Sirius so well now it was easy to direct them to Transfigure him into the very worst version of himself!

"You are so _not_ a blonde," I smirk, earning myself a classic Black glower. "Hey! You wanted to experience Slug Club for yourself. I'm just trying to help you achieve your dreams, baby!"

"I still don't fully get how this works."

Oh, sweet, ignorant Marley. You'd think she'd have figured my brain out by this point. _Obviously,_ I am going to bring 'Mark' along to Slug Club, sans explanation naturally. I am confident that Sluggers will avoid asking after him for as long as possible, so as not to come across as forgetful or as having neglected anyone potentially important. And, hahaha, once he does start asking questions, Sirius is going to have to improvise and it's gonna be so funny!

"So, it's half a plan to get me into Slug Club and half a plan to see me squirm," See, now _he_ gets my brain!

"Exactly! And best of all, it doesn't matter how it all turns out because Sluggers will never know it was you under all of… this."

"I am _not_ looking in a mirror. And, Evans, promise me you have the magical capability to undo all of this…."

I snort, " She'd better! Or I am sooooo dumping your arse!"

* * *

Well, luck seems to be on our side for starters as Slughorn hasn't put out name places; I didn't tell Sirius about that potential hiccup, in case he got cold feet! Unsurprisingly, Sirius sticks close by me, immediately sliding into the seat next to me. As if this day could get any better, Slugger has laid on an Indian feast - one of my faves! Oh, pranking and samosas, what a combination!

Seeing as we are over halfway through the year, we all know each other fairly well and everyone just starts chatting away. Slug Club purely exists as a sort of way of Sluggers keeping close to all of us, maintaining his relationship with us. There isn't really any education purpose, or structure. I suppose it is nice to talk to other students, people I wouldn't normally meet but who have a common interest. From the look on his face, Sirius is less enthused about this mingling; it seems Slug Club is not living up to all his hopes and dreams... Shock!

Aha! Slughorn has spotted 'Mark', I see that confusion flickering over his face. I can practically see him rifling through his mental rolodex of noteworthy students. Ain't gonna find nothing there, pal… But I don't want to ruin the fun too quickly, so I step in.

"Professor," I flash my most charming of smiles and, of course, it does the trick. Full-beam focus on the star student. "My job interview is only a week or so away, do you have any tips? I'm just worried I might freeze in the situation."

OK, so it's part distraction technique and part genuine cry for help. Obviously, I've never had a job interview before. I suppose I _did_ interview for my summer job at the local grocery store. But I know Bob, the owner, from down the road and I'm pretty sure I was a panic hire (considering the amount of boxes I drop vs. the amount I stack, I probably cost him more to hire than is worth it).

Sluggers clearly relishes the opportunity to share his wisdom, "As long as you know your stuff - and Stefanie, I am sure you do - you will do wonderfully! I trust my contact has filled you in on the history of the department, and just what it is they do. As much research as you can do is the most important thing. I have every faith in you, Steffi."

Well, that is much appreciated. Now, business out of the way - and onto the fun!

I glance over at Sirius, who has managed to move slightly out of his frozen-to-his-seat-in-terror stand in order to grab some pakora. He spots my look and an expression of wariness, rightly, crosses his face.

"So, professor, big turnout today! I guess everyone is feeling refreshed after the Christmas break."

Sluggers looks around the room and smiles genially, "Why, yes! There is a rather full house. I always expect levels to fluctuate over the year, as people have different workloads. It is good to see so many of you this week."

Time to turn the screws… "It has been so lovely meeting so many interesting people!"

I see Sirius' head whip up.

"You know, you really have an eye for… characters!" I nod towards Raymond Velasquez, an infamously flamboyant and eccentric Hufflepuff.

Slughorn chuckles and nods. "Oh yes, people from such interesting places and stock pass through this school. It is such a pleasure of mine to gather them together like this!"

"Ah yes," I bite back a smirk. "And then there's those of us with less distinguished backgrounds but it is so nice to know that my interest in Potions is recognised."

I can see Sirius, out of the corner of my eye, roll his eyes at my sucking up. Hehehe, well, he wanted to get the true flavour of Slug Club, didn't he?

Once again, Slughorn smiles widely at me (boy, am I gaining those brownie points today). "Speaking of this turnout, who is our new friend? I don't believe I've seen him before and he seemed to come in with you."

I grin then cover my smile quickly with a look of faux concern, "To be perfectly honest, professor, I'm not sure who he is. I just found him moping outside in the corridor and he asked if I was going in, then… well, he just sort of followed me."

Sluggers smiles sympathetically, "Yes, you may be surprised to hear, that is not unusual."

Oh, my. Have I truly hit the jackpot?

"Many people are, understandably, saddened not to be able to experience the delights of our little club and try to come along anyway. We must be sympathetic to their plight - it is only natural after all! Let me handle this, I have a way of letting them down gently."

Brilliant! Ha! It never would have occurred to me that this, randomers sneaking into SC, actually does happen - even better!

Sirius looks pretty much ready for the ground to swallow him as Slughorn approaches him. Yep, I'm pretty sure he just accidentally put his elbow in the mango chutney. Bahaha - Sluggers offers him a napkin to clean himself up as he sits down! This is too much.

* * *

 **An Excruciating Conversation Between Horace Slughorn and Sirius Black, 15th February, 1978**

 _HS:_ Now, young man, you are unfamiliar face around these parts! **  
** **SB:** _…_ _  
_ _HS:_ Ho! No need to look so nervous - I understand. **  
** **SB:** ... Thank you? _  
_ _HS:_ It must be hard. **  
** **SB:** I… um… suppose? _  
_ _HS:_ It's tough, to be on the outside looking in. **  
** **SB:** Oh, _Jesus._ _  
_ _HS:_ But there is no need to despair! **  
** **SB:** I'm not despairing! Who said I was despairing? _  
__HS:_ Paranoia is a logical step too. I did fear this when I was founding this little club, that some may find it too hard not being included. **  
** **SB:** Well, honestly, it's not that hard for me. I don't really care. _  
_ _HS:_ Ah, a brave young soul.  
*STEFFI HARTMANN, from afar, snickers* _  
_ _HS:_ I must say, just because you haven't captured my keen eye with a talent for Potions that is not to say you don't have talent! **  
** **SB:** Yeah! I know _that.  
_ _HS:_ Perhaps you show a particular aptitude for Arithmancy?  
*cue further snickering from _SH*_ _  
_ _HS:_ Don't look so downtrodden, friend! Times of difficulty often lead to times of triumph. **  
** **SB:** Oh Merlin.  
SH: Yes, perhaps you can take this… crippling loneliness and isolation and feelings of inferiority and turn them into something productive? _  
_ _HS:_ Yes, Steffi is really one of our brightest. Listen to her words of wisdom.  
*BIG glare from **SB** *  
SH: Perhaps, just maybe, you could create your own club? **  
** **SB:** For what? Amateur Potions Gang? _  
_ _HS:_ Capital idea, Mark! As I said, this has happened before. Why not gather up your pals and share in your mutual disappointment?  
 **SB:** Oh. My. God.  
SH: I promise you, Mark, it gets better.

* * *

"Has Sirius forgiven you for dragging him to Slug Club yet? So disappointed that of all the ones to miss, I choose this one! Lily told me Sirius looked so uncomfortable. I really can't say it enough - he really has met his match…"

I shrug and grin, "Well, it really is his own fault! He _asked_ to come, and he didn't have to go along with it. To be honest, I don't really know why he did."

"Because he luuuurves you," Remus' turn to grin. I smack him on the shoulder. It's good to have a chance to catch up with Remus - never thought I would be grateful for Prefect Rounds. But any opportunity to not be studying feels like a beautiful paradise oasis. I feel like that's more of the reason Sirius went along with our stupidity at Slug Club; we're all going a little stir crazy. And there's not really time for any pranks or parties, so messing with Sluggers is about as wild as we get.

"You know what's so strange, seeing him and James working so hard."

Remus nods, "I can't believe they're finally knuckling down - James actually asked me how to properly revise the other day. I never thought I'd see the day!"

The amount _everyone_ is working is, well, super intimidating. The whole year has their goals in mind, the finish line isn't far off and no one wants to get left behind. Sometimes I worry I'm not doing enough; Marley tried to reassure me that I am prepped. I know what I'm doing, the path is clear. My only concern is if that doesn't work out - what's my plan B?

"Well, no one really has a backup, do they? I mean, what would Sirius and James do if they don't get on the Auror programme?"

I snort, "There's no way they won't."

Remus laughs and nods. I wonder if it's a difficult situation for him, considering how difficult it is for him to find a job. His plan is further study which I do think suits him - he is such an academic. It's a shame though, that the _choice_ wasn't there. He deliberately isn't doing anything related to werewolf studies; I think the plan is something incredibly nerdy to do with defensive counter-spells.

"Who do we think will crack first? Exam madness?"

This is a favourite pastime of mine, asking various people who they think is mentally weakest. Hm, when I put it like that, it does sound a little sociopathic… But Remus seems game - birds of a feather!

"Coralie Hayworth in Ravenclaw always seems of a _particularly_ nervous disposition. Remember when James and Peter played Exploding Snap in the back of Charms and she fainted?"

That _was_ hilarious. Everyone always says poor old Coralie, she really does seem headed for a stint in the Hospital Wing. Although I don't know why I think I'm in a position to talk - knowing my disastrous nature, I'll be in the bed right next to her.

"You know, Marley has seemed a little anxious."

Now that takes me by surprise - has she? I suppose that may be why the whole Lana-Situation flared up so much? If Marley is feeling a bit stressed out about exams and getting onto the Auror Programme, then she could be taking it out on Lana. Or getting more affected by it all than usual. After all, Lan's loverboy is exactly the type Marls will be chasing after in her new job. Which she'll definitely be getting, despite any stressing.

"Ah, Remus you wise old owl, you've done it again." Heh, sometimes I think I would be a terrible friend if it wasn't for this guy.

You know what? It has been a little while since Agent Hartmann had any assignments, and if it's for the Good of Friendship, what harm could it do?

Operation Cheer Up Chums is a go!

* * *

A/N: I have the remaining chapters of this fic roughly outlined and I would looove to finish it one day. But basically, things will get done whenever! So sorry for the insane delays between chapters :( But all your lovely, lovely reviews absolutely give me life, thanks so much!  
And sorry this is a boring filler one. I have actually started the next one, which is more juicy. But, tbh, still could be ages before it's finished.

Elle xoxoxoxo


	40. Chapter 39

OK, Operation Hogsmeade (Sub-Operation of Operation Cheer Up Chums!). I know this is supposed to be fun. I suppose Hogsmeade trips during final year are intended to be one of those study-free oases. However, if you have friends who have only recently stopped their out-and-out warfare and who may or may not be suffering from Serious Study Stress, then Hogsmeade is considerably less oasis-like. Damn my friends and their oasis-draining ways.

"Hey, Lana! Over here!" I wave wildly at my pal and definitely accidentally clock little Jimmy Renfrew over the noggin. "Sorry!"

Lana rolls her eyes at my inadvertent violence and heads over. Luckily there is not a Rabastan in sight, which makes things easier. "Hey, Stef. Marley coming too?"

Well, that was said in more of a hopeful than hostile way. So - an optimistic start. Optimism, that is my key word for the day. I am kind of mostly relying on the power of wishful thinking to make this a success. Aaand here comes Trouble Part Two.

"Hey, girls!" Marley is looking downright sunny - maybe this will work out? "I am in dire need of some new hair products - whatever I'm using at the moment is not working. Scotland in February is maybe the least humid place on the planet and I'm still managing to look like _this_."

Marls gestures to her, predictably, perfect locks and Lana and I exchange a glance. But a nice one, not a bitchy look. Like normal times. I feel like doing a little dance but that might tip them off to how bloody hard I'm working to make this work.

"Well, I want some of that tooth-whitening paste because I am drinking silly amounts of coffee in an attempt to deal with revision."

"Oh yah yah yah," I drawl, imitating their girl talk as we set off to the carriages. "And I have just been _dying_ to try that new moisturiser Diana was simply _extolling_ the virtues of!"

Simultaneous smacks from both my best friends signal that we are back on track, baby!

* * *

 **A List of Potential Back-Up Careers for Marlene McKinnon, as Compiled by Ilana Diggory and Stefanie Hartmann**

\- Quidditch superstar

\- Supermodel

\- Therapist on account of all her good advice-ing

\- Professional consumer of crumpets

\- Teacher

\- Ballet Dancer

\- Unicorn

* * *

"I like professional crumpet eater," Marley remarks around a mouthful of - you guessed it - crumpet. "If only!"

Lana pokes half-heartedly at the scone on her plate before catching my hungry glance and swiping it onto my plate. "Steffi could be a professional eater. Period. No further clarification needed."

I mull over this, "Wouldn't eat brain. Mum tried out a brain curry recipe once. Couldn't bring myself to even try it."

Lans and Marley look justifiably horrified. " _Your_ mum made brain curry… Thank Merlin you didn't touch it."

"Steffi, you probably wouldn't be here with us today if you had."

I nod feelingly. "Like the time I tried her kangaroo steaks. That was touch and go."

I'm pretty sure I see Marley retch slightly. Ha.

"So, changing the subject before someone is physically ill, I have a little proposition…" Lana grins that devilish smile that I have missed oh-so much! I see Marley's retch face soften into a smile and I know she is thinking the same thing.

Lans explains how her cousin from New York visited before Christmas and was telling her all about their traditions, at Ilvermorny, and one in particular caught her interest. "Tailgate parties!"

"Tail-a-what-what?" Marley wrinkles up her nose.

The concept is explained to us and, let me say, me likey! Apparently, before big Quidditch games those crazy ol' Yanks cook a load of food (um, yes please!) and drink a load of booze. I mean, what more could you want? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy Quidditch. But boy, would I enjoy it a whole lot more if I had consumed copious amounts of alcohol and eaten an entire cow beforehand.

"So, Lana, what I am taking from that highly informative lesson, is that _we_ should host our own tailgate party before the big finale next week?"

Lana smirks and Marls, ever sensible, shakes her head in despair. I forge onwards, "I take it these things usually happen outside, right? But we can't hold a party out in the open… _Dingly Dell!_ "

Lana and I yell this simultaneously. Between Gryff House we can cobble together enough protective spells to shield ourselves from snooping eyes. And what better way to celebrate the final match of our Hogwarts lives?!

* * *

 **Tailgate Checklist:**

\- Silly amounts of food CHECK

\- Ridiculous amounts of booze CHECK

-Outrageous amounts of Gryff coloured decor CHECK

\- Insane amount of friends, all crammed into the Dell CHECK

* * *

"You wanna know, approximately, how many times a day I regret committing to you, boyfriend and girlfriend?" Sirius is barely comprehensible around a mouthful of burger.

I smirk, knowing the answer because, obviously, I am a fuckin' dream come true.

"Absolutely _zero_ ," His reply is crystal clear once he finally swallows. "You are a genius."

I can't lie, the Dell looks phenomenal. Lana, Marley and I decked out the entire area in scarlet and gold streamers, floating down from the trees. I even managed to hang a few banners between the branches and I only bruised one knee and knocked one wrist.

"Oi, Pads!" James' dulcet tones suddenly reach us. "Last burger, alright?"

Sirius rolls his eyes but edges away from the food table slightly. I, of course, scoop another helping of potato salad onto my plate and grab another chicken skewer.

"At least you guys can drink at the victory party!" I'm also taunting my poor boyfriend with a big old cup of Firewhiskey and cola, which is of course a banned substance for all players.

"James has that mad look in his eye. This is such forced fun for him."

I shrug, "The rest of you guys seem fairly chilled though."

Sirius shifts, "Yeah…"

"Aw, you nervous, honey bun?" I jokingly squidge his cheeks which leads to the immediate batting away of my caring, loving hands.

"Of course we're nervous! This is our last chance to bring glory to the Gryffindor name! However, this is a lovely distraction from the nerves," Sirius pecks me on the lips in thanks.

"Those Ravenclaws aren't gonna know what's hit 'em," I am such a good Quidditch Wife, such a natural!

Sirius mimes swinging a bat, "Literally."

At this point we are cruelly torn apart by one overprotective BFF/Captain. "James, do not turn this into a team talk!"

I am just yelling this at their retreating backs because James is actually dragging Sirius away from me and towards Gideon who is essentially cowering by the tree where I assume James placed him. Boy, I never appreciated how scary that guy can be when he is so tenaciously focussed on sports. Luckily, it seems he hasn't managed to capture Marley who is huddled in conversation with Lily. I pour myself another cuppa something-something and head over.

"Drink, Marls? Oh, wait! You're staying sober right, so I guess I'll just have to…."

Marley grimaces at me as I sit down and very smugly slurp at my drink. Now I think about it, through my drunken haze, she does look quite nervous. I suppose if she has been stressed about exams and jobs and then Quidditch on top of all that… Man, I get anxious just about all the silly To-Do lists and secret missions I set myself. I can't imagine trying to do everything Marley does. She is truly a Superwoman.

In an attempt to convince her of this, I drape myself over her in a big hug. "You know you are going to smash it today, right? Because you are an invincible goddess."

Marls smiles and returns my hug. "Yeah, to be honest, I'm just going to try and enjoy it. Quidditch is my happy place in amongst all the school stress. So I don't want my last match to be a bundle of nerves and stuff."

"You know the best way to calm down…?" Lily tips her cup towards Marls - a girl after my own heart!

Marley shakes her head but laughs. She still looks a bit upset though, so maybe a change of topic is in order.

"Lils, how has James been? He is man bloody possessed today!" Smooth Operator Steffi here.

Lily glances over at her boyfriend, who is currently gesturing wildly at Sirius and Gideon who both look a little overwhelmed. But as she explains, things are very well between them. The timing has really been in their favour. I agree with her, that they really wouldn't have worked at any other time. Final year of school has really seen him knuckle down; Lily would never have been able to see the smart and brilliant side of him without the pressure of real life bearing down on him. And in many ways, 7th Year has seen Lils loosen up somewhat. She's always had the academia down pat, but realised it was her last chance at fun and youth. I suppose an impending war can do that to you too.

"I'm so happy with how hard working James has been. And it's been so great having him around, actually. I worried he would be a distraction but he's been so supportive."

Cuuuuute! I can feel myself grinning from ear-to-ear in that way that says "oooooh my god, you two are adorable!" (A grin I have gotten very used to since Sirius and I got together). Marls laughs and rolls her eyes.

"Wish he'd give Doc some tips!"

That's surprising. Caradoc is, like, The Perfect Man. Before I met Sirius, I never had a crush on Doc exactly but I just always thought he was the model of what a boyfriend should be. I would have thought he would have been brilliant at being supportive.

Lil seems taken aback too. "He's annoying you?"

Marley shrugs. Apparently she just feels he's being a bit dismissive of her stress and worries about exams. She sees it as a slight - that he will fly through his exams easily so doesn't care if it's hard for her. I can see his point more clearly, I think. I have a tendency to dismiss Marls' stress too - after all I barely noticed it. And that's only because both of us have such complete and utter faith in her. We know her worrying is in vain.

I explain this. "Hmm," Marley seems unconvinced.

Before I can try to persuade her, James is back again to steal yet another pal. "HALF AN HOUR TIL KICK-OFF. Team, get to those changing rooms _now_."

Despite James' best efforts, I manage to steal one last good luck kiss with Sirius before they are whisked away. Lana, Lily and I watch as the team hurry off to their inevitable victory.

"So, half an hour…?"

We all look to the punchbowl of booze and back at each other.

"Oh, easy."

* * *

 **Complete List of the Very Few Things That Remember Through My Firewhiskey Haze:**

\- Marley scoring a completely brilliant goal/try/hoop-throw?  
\- Gideon Prewett knocking a Ravenclaw chaser off his broom completely  
\- Lily's drunken attempt to start a Gryffindor cheer but failing to think of words that rhyme with "Gryff"  
\- Trying to be subtle about my retching behind the seating stands  
-Sirius swooping over the stands and knocking McG's hat off  
-McG literally not caring one bit and potentially not even noticing as she's yelling Lily's half-formed chant so loudly  
\- Making the hell out with my Quidditch champion boyfriend when the final whistle is blown.  
\- Having one of the best days of my whole life.

Disaster Count: Zero. Nothing. Zilch.

* * *

"Hey, Dora!"

Dora smiles and waves me into the empty classroom. Another day, another Occlumency lesson. I don't regret starting this, but I can't really say I've noticed any difference to the clarity of my mind. Although, to be fair, my messed-up brain is one hell of challenge. These lessons are so hard, as well. Seriously! I have hydrated like mad today in an attempt to stave off the horrific headaches that I've been plagued with after every other session. I suppose I just need to try a bit harder; it is difficult to remember Dora's techniques when I'm actually getting stressed out. And it is a difficult thing to quantify, you know, how calm you're feeling. Especially during exam time.

After a quick catch up (Yes, Pete and Dora are still loved-up; Yes, Sirius and I are still loved-up; Quidditch was fun; Exams are scary; My job interview is soon), we settle on the desks to begin the lesson.

"Open up your mind, Steffi." Dora explains in her soothing voice. "Your head is overcrowded with so many thoughts; it has become claustrophobic and busy. You need to widen your horizons, be open. Let your thoughts flow freely, in and out."

I mean, I'm trying. But I don't really know what I'm doing. I am laid out across the table, trying to let my body sink into the wood; to float through the floor. I'm letting down the barriers. I am pushing the lists and the counts and the tallies outwards, out into the stratosphere. I try to visualise the thoughts flying away into the cosmos, just like Dora taught me. And I know something must be working, this can't all be futile or made-up because I _can_ feel it. It is like my mind is elastic, stretching outwards and widening. But it hurts, there is always pain creeping in at the edges. Probably it's good, it means this is working.

Dora's voice, guiding me through it, feels farther away. Maybe I'm just falling asleep. I try to concentrate harder and really push. Push the boundaries of my mind further and wider. I want this to work, Dora wants this to work. I want my mind to be stronger and clearer and faster. The war is coming and bad things are out there. I need to be a strong, a fortress.

But it _hurts_. It hurts more, the further I push and now I want to go back. That's far enough. Tomorrow I can try again but today the pain is becoming searing and I know I've done well enough but now I don't know which way is back and

Suddenly, darkness.

* * *

 **A/N:** Less filler-y and not tooooo long of a gap! Hope you're enjoying it!

xoxoxo


End file.
